Trixie's Forest Retreat

by crowscrowcrow

Chapter 2 - Rain

Trixie boldly marched into Ponyville with her head held up high and a victorious gleeful smile upon her face while her horn glowed a strong orchid. That same orchid glow surrounded a thick rope leash that held secure a gigantic blue bear while she dragged it through the streets for all to see. “Behold neighsayers! The Great and Powerful Trixie! Has captured the dreaded Ursa Major for your unworthy eyes to gaze upon! Is there any who could claim such a feat? Twilight Sugarcube merely put a baby to sleep, The great and Powerful Trixie has vanquished her foe!”

She laughed loudly while her magic tied the leash around a nearby tree, making the massive creature kneel before her. Her hoof reached up to scratch the strangely transparent blue fur covering the beast’s chin. Trixie turned her head to look upon the gawking ponies all around her. The looks of astonishment made the mare’s chest swell with pride. “Now return Trixie’s belongings to her before Trixie sees fit to— Ew!” A moist dripple of drool landing on her head from the massive Ursa above her, apparently it was enjoying her strokes a bit too much.

She ceased her strokes and rested both hooves on the ground while she shook her head to clear the drool away. “Bring Trixie’s hat immediately, Ponyvillians!” Another drop fell upon her to her dismay, despite having stopped her caressing. She grumbled while moving out from under the Ursa and raised a hoof to make her next demand when more drool landed upon her snout and hooves.

She twisted around as gradually everything got dark and wet. “What in Equestria is going! …on?” Suddenly she felt cold, and her back ached while the sky and ground seemed to have switched places. Rain kept pattering away at her body, and she was just barely able to make out dark ominous clouds through the heavy foliage above her.

Trixie blinked against the rain and raised up a hoof to shield her eyes from the drops that found their way through the canopy. Her other hoof stroked along a rough root to her side as she tried to orientate herself. “T-that's right… Trixie is not in Ponyville.” Her voice wavered as she recalled her current position. Not yet! She quickly corrected herself.

She shivered from the cold while wiggling her soaked self free from the roots and scrambling onto her hooves, looking up at the sky. The clouds were dark, and the rain was heavy, but she could see them clearly enough. 'So it is day then?…?' She looked around the dark forest for a moment, then back up at the sky to check again. 'Really? Could have fooled Trixie.' She concentrated for a moment to summon up an illumination spell and let a gentle light bathe the forest around her.

The old gnarled tree Trixie had already been intimately familiar with, as with the leaf-covered muddy ground for that matter. She let her gaze wander further to take in the brown and dark green bushes with thick thorns and oddly colored but somewhat soft pink mosses on the tree roots. She swallowed a bit at the thought that if she'd actually dodged the tree, she might have run headlong into something worse.

Well that is not important right now, first let's find shelter. Maybe Trixie should backtrack to the edge of the forest first though... Let's see now. If Trixie hit the tree here, then that means Trixie came from… Turning her back to the tree, she lit up a particularly dense and thorny shrub and took a step back,. “What the hay? That can't be right.“ Trixie looked back to the tree and then to the shrub again.If Trixie came from there how did she pass through? She raised a hoof to her chin while she pondered the issue, then struck the ground. “Well it is clearly impossible, so Trixie could not have come from there.” She exchanged a quick nod in agreement with herself, deciding that hitting the tree must have disorientated her a bit. Bushes do not move about after all.

The light of her horn passed along the bush till she found an opening. She smiled at the little victory while trotting through it, keeping the tree she'd slept against to her back. An uneasy feeling came over her as she walked, as though something was not right. Everything looked different but then again it had been quite dark, and she'd come from the opposite direction. It was only natural she did not recognize the way.

A snapping sound to her right made Trixie’s ears stand up straight. She quickly jumped to the left and set her horn aglow, peering into the shadows.

“Show yourself! The Great and Powerful Trixie demands it!” She did her best to keep her nerves steady and appear confident. She thought: Mere foalsplay for a stage pony as Great and Powerful as Trixie.

The following moments, she heard nothing but the pattering of the rain: no footsteps, cracks or even any animal noises. She tilted her head a little at the realization. 'Is a forest always this quiet? Are there no animals here?' While she stood still in the rain, the cold slowly bit harder into her before she finally relented and resumed her course quickly. It was not, much but at least she was warmer while she kept moving.

Though her pace was much slower than when she dashed away from her pursuer, after half an hour of walking with no end in sight, it began to dawn on the greatest equine who ever lived that she really should be out of the forest at this point. The orchid light was much dimmer than before, as it became more and more difficult to keep up her spell, as well as to push herself to move forward.

Suddenly, a monstrous growl tore through the air right behind her! She spun around in fright, redoubling her efforts on igniting her horn to get a good look. If she was lucky, she could scare off the beast with the bright light. However, she saw nothing, so she zigzagged quickly, certain this time it was not her imagination.

The deep growl reached the perked up ears of the now alert unicorn once again. Her pale blue face turned red, and Trixie slapped a hoof against her face as she located the source of the sound. It had been a long time since her last extra hay smoothie.

Comments

[Knight of the Raven]

I like the transition from dream drool to real rain. I liked 'it began to dawn on the greatest equine who ever lived' as well.

Some things can be improved;

'more lands' should be 'more drool landed' in 'She grumbled while moving out from under the ursa and raising a hoof to make her next demand when more lands upon her snout and hooves'

I suggest separating 'Suddenly she felt cold and her back ached while the sky and ground seemed to have switched places while rain kept pattering away at her body just barely able to make out dark ominous clouds through the heavy foliage above her' in two sentences or at least finding a way to no repeat 'while' in the same sentence,

this is more a matter of style than a correction, but I feel 'She shivered from the cold while wiggling her soaked self free from the roots and scrambled onto her hooves, looking up at the sky' could be rephrased, maybe like 'Shivering from the cold, she wiggled herself free from the roots before scrambling onto her legs and looking at the sky'

there's a skipped line between 'quick nod' and 'in agreement' in 'She exchanged a quick nod in agreement with herself, deciding that hitting the tree must have disorientated her a bit. Bushes did not move about after all'

I suggest toning down the lavender unicorn syndrome such as 'the rainbow colored pursuer' (which should incidentally be 'rainbow-colored') replaced with a simpler 'her pursuer' or something along the lines of 'what's-her-name,'

and

I suggest choosing whether to capitalize 'ursa' or not. It's very minor though.

[crowscrowcrow]

4357952

this is more a matter of style than a correction, but I feel 'She shivered from the cold while wiggling her soaked self free from the roots and scrambled onto her hooves, looking up at the sky' could be rephrased, maybe like 'Shivering from the cold, she wiggled herself free from the roots before scrambling onto her legs and looking at the sky'

I have a small question about this if you could clarify something for me.

'Shivering from the cold, she wiggled herself free from the roots before scrambling onto her legs and looking at the sky'
I was under the impression that I could not use a sentence like this because of the 'ing' words messing with the tense of the strong clause.
(Or something like that.)
Was I wrong about that?

[Soft Shell]

These chapters are so short!!!

[HeartfireFirebrand]

5718581
Yeah but I don't mind it means the chapters don't go on forever.

[LucarioFan2066]

It had been a long time since her last extra hay smoothy

1. I don't quite get what this has to do with anything.
2. It's "smoothie".

[crowscrowcrow]

10400936
1. She is hungry. It's been a while since she had food.
2. Oh, dang. It is. Thanks. I'll fix that.