Chapter 128 - Reimburse
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. Most of the clouds had been cleared or moved to adjacent regions that were scheduled for rain. Well, probably scheduled for rain anyway. Rainbow Dash might have given up on the whole ‘reading requests’ thing a little bit and just moved the clouds about at random. So far, nopony seemed to have noticed the difference.
But they were going to notice this.
Rainbow Dash did a final airborne pass, gleefully rubbing her hooves together as she oversaw the fruits of her labor. She’d skimmed a few clouds off of the top of each ‘order’ she had pushed around today. Not enough to really be missed, but just enough for what she had planned.
A large, puffy, and friendly-looking white cloud was positioned directly above Golden Oaks Library.
“Rainbow Dash?” A familiar voice called from below.
Right on time.
“Oh, hey, Twi!” Rainbow Dash called down with a wide grin. “What do you think?”
Twilight trotted out the front door, trying to get a better look at the spherical cloud. “Uh, it’s pretty, I guess? But, What’s it doing here?” She had a disheveled look about her, as though she’d been up all night.
“It’s a funny thing about clouds,” Rainbow Dash mused. “They're all white and puffy, right? But when we’re moving ‘em we gotta be real careful, cause how we feel can make the cloud feel too. It’s funny, right? Feeling clouds?”
“I, I guess?” Twilight looked confused, perhaps being this tired made her slower than usual. However, soon enough comprehension dawned on her and she switched over to her lecturing face. “I’ve read about this before. A pegasi’s emotional state can influence the properties of the clouds they come into contact with. It’s sometimes used to produce the desired weather conditions, but it is considered unreliable because it is hard to alter your mood at will. You can’t just decide to feel sad whenever you need to make a rain cloud for example.”
“Uh, yeah, all that. I was totally gonna say that, for sure.” Dash scratched the back of her head. She’d gone to school for this stuff and she still barely knew what Twilight was talking about. Still, the gist of it matched up to what she remembered. “Like I said, clouds are funny things.”
“That’s great, Rainbow Dash, but I’m really busy right now. Can we do… whatever this is… some other time? I’ve got bigger concerns than clouds at the moment, I’m sorry.” Twilight turned around to head back inside.
Rainbow Dash zipped past her and then up towards the cloud. “Come on, Twi. We’re almost done!” Hovering beside the puffy whiteness, she pressed a hoof against it. Almost immediately, the color of the patch she touched changed to a dark gray, which quickly spread through the rest of the cloud.
A rumbling sound started up and within moments, the happy puffy cloud had turned into a huge thundercloud, swollen with moisture and crackling with righteous thunder. There was no other cloud so ready to burst in the history of Ponyville, and it was positioned directly above Twilight’s tree library home.
With a clap of thunder, rain started pouring down, soaking Twilight along with everything within twenty feet of the library.
Twilight stared wide-eyed at the transformation. “That’s incredible! How are you doing that so easily? Did you figure out how to separate the weather manipulation component from the emotional trigger? We should study that! Stay right there. I’ll go get my electrodes and--”
“What? No!” Rainbow Dash dragged her hooves down her face. “How is this not obvious? I’m mad at you!”
Already halfway back to the door, Twilight turned around to face Rainbow Dash again. She slicked back her soaking wet bangs, revealing a confused look on her face. “Mad at me? Is this about that request for cloudless nights on Fridays? It’s for stargazing and astronomy studies. Did you know Luna has been moving the--”
“No!” Rainbow Dash snapped. “Gah, this is all AJ’s fault!”
“Applejack?” Twilight looked even more lost than before. “”How did she get into this?”
“I knew I should have just bucked you in the face immediately, now it’s all weird cause it’s been like two days already.” She ignored the sudden step back and concerned look on Twilight’s face. “She was all ‘Golly, Dash, Ah dunna thinka ya oughta be hastay, ey?’, so I slept on it. I was still mad in the morning, but not so mad that I wanted to actually hurt you, so, so, well this!” She pointed back up at the stormcloud and its relentless downpour.
Twilight relaxed a little upon hearing Dash had apparently given up on the whole face bucking plan. “Oh, good. Well, not good, but, uh, thank you. Look for what it’s worth, I think it makes a good practical demonstration of your feelings. Much better than hitting me. I can’t stress that enough… Now, what are you mad about?”
“Trixie! I heard what you did to her and… and well,” She looked back up at the thundercloud and stared at it as though she was trying to remember just what her plan was. “I guess I thought I’d feel better.”
“Do you?” Twilight asked while blinking against the rain as she tried to look up at Rainbow Dash. “You don’t look like you feel better.”
Dash shook her head violently. “No! But, I’m sure I will any second now. It'll definitely kick in once you’re cold and miserable.”
Twilight rolled her eyes and turned around. “Okay, have fun. I’m going back inside. Where it’s warm and dry.”
“Hey!” Rainbow Dash darted down to fly alongside Twilight as she trotted towards toward the door. “Come on, Twi, you’re ruining it! I worked hard on this!”
“I’m sorry,” Twilight said while stepping over the threshold, leaving the rain, “but it’s not my fault your big revenge plan is foiled by foliage. I know I went a little too far, but my mind hasn’t changed. I’m sorry I accused her without any solid evidence, however I am almost sure she was involved with that spellbook somehow. Now if you don’t mind, I’m in the middle of an intense investigation to prove it. No thunder cloud is going to keep me from bringing this book thief to justice.”
Dash hovered outside the door, trying to ignore the rain beating down on her as she glared down at Twilight. “Oh, yeah? Well, well , I bet if I leave it here you’ll be sorry!”
“If I am, I’ll let you know.” Twilight shut the door.
The Ponyville Town Hall.
Apparently, seeing the mayor wasn’t as simple as merely walking in and demanding to speak to her. No, of course not. Trixie should have expected she would be detained immediately for daring to do so.
Okay, technically a waiting room was not a jail cell. At least they brought you water and bread in jail. No, a waiting room was all the boredom, uncomfortable furniture, unsavory fellow inmates, and outdated reading material, without the fun of a metal cup to rattle along the bars.
Trixie absentmindedly took a bite from one of the sweet apples Applejack had given her to sustain her through these trials. Well, maybe not specifically for that purpose, but she was very insistent that Trixie had earned them after returning Apple Bloom. The filly had been in a much better mood than before. After all, that was the deal, even though Trixie had no idea why they were apparently friends now.
It was all good, though; Trixie liked apples and Apples. They had a straightforward, rustic quality that Trixie could appreciate. Even more so than other fruits and earth ponies.
“I-I’m sure everything will be fine.”
In the seat next to her sat her unshakable pillar of support. For all her assurances, Fluttershy had the kind of poise and cool that really made Trixie look at ease by comparison. It wasn’t any wonder, considering that Fluttershy took to conflict like a duck to tartar sauce.
Trixie pulled Fluttershy against her with a flourish. “Of course it will. Trixie will even keep the yelling down to a minimum, just for you. There’s nothing to worry about.”
Their eyes met for a long, uncertain moment before Fluttershy finally nodded. “Okay, but… maybe you should have brought Rainbow Dash? I… I don’t think I can…Uhm... I’m sorry.”
“Dashie would just share Trixie’s jail cell. We need your non-threatening presence.” Trixie wished she had something more reassuring to say, but the truth was she too would have felt a whole lot better if Rainbow Dash was with them. Unfortunately, her office was empty when they swung by on the way here, though they did spot a large thundercloud being moved through the sky. It seemed a safe bet to assume Dash was far too busy with managing that.
“The mayor will see you now,” a dull-colored mare said, motioning towards the ominously looming door at the far end of the waiting room. “Alone. Quietly.”
Trixie narrowed her eyes at the impudent clerk. “Who are you to presume to tell The Great and Powerful Trixie in what manner she is to approach or conduct herself. Trixie will do as she pleases!” She turned to grab Fluttershy, but one look at those big, worried eyes of hers and the flash of indignant anger in Trixie crumbled into concern. Maybe she shouldn’t be dragging her into more trouble than was necessary. “You, uh, hold down the fort here. Like we planned! Yes. Trixie will talk to the mayor one on one.”
“But, I, uhm, Weren’t we going to…Mpf?” Fluttershy meekly protested till Trixie gently silenced her with a hoof against her lips.
“Shh.” Trixie would have given the world to hush Fluttershy in a slightly different way, but she didn’t want to break her again. “You secure the perimeter,” she turned back to glare at the clerk as she finished with extra emphasis, “Like. We. Planned.”
The clerk rolled her eyes in defeat and slinked off to whence she came.
Triumphant, Trixie made her way to the door, taking one last look back at Fluttershy. She looked like a lost puppy. Flashing her a reassuring smile, Trixie said, “Trixie will be right back.” Then, she pushed through the door.
The sight that greeted her had Trixie feeling as though she’d stepped back through time. The office was eerily quiet and shadowy, the shades were drawn. A large desk featured prominently in the middle of the room, behind which an older pony flipped through papers with a casual disinterest.
In front of the desk was a stool, presumably meant for Trixie to sit on, providing a stark contrast with the large, comfy chair the mayor was settled into. It did not escape Trixie’s notice that the seat of the chair was higher than that of the stool, meaning a seated visitor would always be looking up at the mayor. An obviously transparent intimidation tactic.
All of these things might have made an ordinary pony break their stride. However, no normal ponies had ever attended regular after school magic classes in the profoundly creepy office of Professor Silence. Trixie knew she had to strike quickly. If she didn't establish dominance, then it was likely her next few nights would be in a jail cell.
Without slowing down, Trixie trotted past the stool towards the desk. Once there, she reared up and placed her front hooves on the edge of the desk, raising herself up higher. With a smirk, she stared down at the surprised face of the mayor. “You’ve waited long, but at last you have the privilege of meeting The Great and Powerful Trixie in person. Rejoice!”
“Ahhh,” Mayor Mare flinched back and held her head in her hooves with a pained grimace, “Shhh. Shhh. Didn’t Miss Sugarplum tell you to be quiet? Oh, my head.”
Trixie blinked. “Are you drunk?” Any atmosphere of intimidation the room might have held was quickly deflating.
“What?” Mayor Mare said, flabbergasted. “No!”
“Fine fine, not now obviously.” Trixie rolled her eyes. Cranky ponies were such sticklers for detail. “Now you’re just hungover.”
“No, I’m tired! I’ve not had a wink of sleep in weeks. Do you have any idea what I’ve dealt with? The Sunrise Celebration preparation and fall out. Nightmar—I mean, the return of Princess Luna. sleepless apple farmers, whom I am understanding much better now by the way. Abusive griffons. Cranky ursa majors. Honest to goodness dragons roosting nearby and—”
“Minor,” Trixie interjected.
“—What?”
“It was an ursa minor.” It was also just a minor correction, but Trixie figured it had to help her case to point out she couldn’t be accused of bringing a full on ursa major down on the town. “And it didn’t even really do anything… well... except...” Trixie lost steam as her wrecked wagon came to mind.
“I feel as though you may be missing the overall point, Ma’am.” Mayor Mare pushed her glasses a little higher up her nose as she seemed to finally focus on Trixie for the first time since she entered the room.
“There’s no need to blow it out of proportion. Besides, you say all this as if you had to deal with all that, but Trixie is certain you were not even involved in any of that. It is unbecoming of you to take credit for handling the princess, the ursa or the dragon. You should try to be more honest.”
Stuck somewhere between outrage and incredulity, the mayor stared openmouthed at Trixie. After a few soundless false starts, she finally found her voice again. “...I’m sorry. Did you really just? You know what, never mind. No, I am not ‘taking credit’ for the act of ‘dealing with’ those events themselves. I don’t know why I am even explaining myself. Did you think everypony just shrugs this off? I’ve had a near non-stop conga line of ponies in here each time asking about everything from decreased property value to crisis management plans —Have you ever tried planning for the unexpected? It can’t be done!—, and deductible therapy bills. Or, on some rare occasions, hysterical purple ponies demanding I sign a form to turn the library into a fortress and refuse to leave till the early morning!” Mayor Mare stood in her chair and breathed heavily. She looked out of focus again, seemingly suffering some sort flashback.
“Erm, Trixie had nothing to do with any of that.” She cautioned. “Especially that last one.”
“Huh?” She snapped back to reality and slowly sank back into her seat. “Right, yes. Sorry. It’s been a, well, a stressful couple of weeks.”
“Through no fault of Trixie’s. Let’s keep that in mind here.” Trixie urged.
“Yes,” Mayor Mare echoed tiredly. “I mean. Yes. Uhm, why are you here again?”
It dawned on Trixie that not only had she lost her momentum, but she also didn’t have a plan. In hindsight, formulating an approach before she actually went to visit the mayor would have been the sane thing to do. Sure, she’d thought to bring Fluttershy, but moral support didn’t equate to a plan.
It had never crossed her mind to actually prepare for the most important part!
She could feel sweat starting to dampen the fur on her forehead as she tried her best to look more in control than she felt. At least the mayor didn’t seem any more on top of things than she was. “Well, you, uh, you asked for Trixie. Yes! Nurse Redheart told Trixie you asked to be informed when Trixie was well; Trixie is informing you.”
“Oh, yes, of course.” The mayor actually offered up a smile. “That’s good then. Did the ursa injure you? I was never informed how you ended up in the hospital.”
There was an interesting idea. If she claimed the ursa had hurt her, they probably wouldn’t pile any heavy punishment on top of that, would they? “Yes, it was the ursa’s fault.” She was pretty sure that only Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy knew the truth anyway. Besides, it wasn’t really lying. If the ursa minor had never shown up, none of this would have happened. “It was definitely the ursa’s fault.”
“Is that so? I’m glad to see you’ve recovered so well.” Mayor Mare’s eyes held an alert glint that definitely wasn’t there before. She pulled open a drawer and rummaged through it.
Trixie’s ears perked up. She could make out a metallic sound, like cuffs.
After a moment, the mayor reemerged, holding a notebook that she proceeded to flick through. “Now, as I understand it, during the attack your… ‘stage wagon?’ was destroyed. Naturally, I’ve taken this into account already, but I wasn’t aware you were hurt...Mhmm.”
“Trixie, uhm, appreciates that...” There was an uncomfortable lump in Trixie’s throat as she watched the mayor write something down in the notebook. “Don’t forget that Trixie came here.” That was it then. She’d done all she could think of to express any possible mitigating circumstances. She just had to hope that wasn’t only a thing in novels. Why didn’t Trixie remember to steal a book on law while she was breaking in anyway?
“I can see that,” the mayor mumbled while she studied her notes.
Part of Trixie nagged at her to pull a disappearing act. To try and avoid any punishment. But, that wasn’t what she was here for. Taking a shuddering breath, Trixie closed her eyes. If she was going to stay in Ponyville, no stay with Fluttershy and Dashie, then there was only one thing left for her to say. “Trixie will accept whatever you deem appropriate...”
“Well, that makes this easier.” The mayor clapped her notebook shut and the scraping of wood indicated the drawer opened again. “Alright, here are your bits, ma’am.”
A clear, metallic clinking sound hit the tabletop.
Trixie blinked stupidly at the sack of bits and gems between them, glimmering in the faint light of the room. Dumbfounded, Trixie pried her gaze away from the treasure pile, looking Mayor Mare in the eyes. “...Really?”
“Yes, ma’am.” The notebook received a final few quilmarks then disappeared into the drawer, which promptly shut.
“That,” Trixie swallowed and looked around, expecting some sort of SWAT team to come out of the walls now that her guard was down. When no such teams appeared, she turned back to the mayor. “That’s really it?”
“Yes,” the mayor replied, tilting her head in confusion. “Unless I missed something? Oh, of course, don’t worry about the hospital bill.”
“So…” Trixie went quiet as she struggled to find a diplomatic way of asking what she really wanted to know. She couldn’t find one. When she couldn’t control her nerves any longer she snapped and started just rattling off a list. “No prison time? No stoning, or public shaming? No—”
“Ma’am!” Interrupted the mayor, her eyes wide in shock. “We both know what those two colts did was wrong, but do you really think they deserve something as bad as that!? You said it yourself, ultimately the ursa was at fault here.”
“You can’t be—You’re just messing with Trixie now!” She pointed her hoof at the bag of wealth. “That’s Trixie’s? Trixie is to take it and go home?! What about Trixie lying about defeating an Ursa Major!?”
Scrunching up her face, Mayor Mare took off her glasses and rubbed her temples. “Ma’am, I don’t know how the laws work where you are from, but in Ponyville it is not illegal to tell tall tales. There’d be nopony left. Now, I am very busy. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. In my office, that is. Preferably not within earshot either, but I can’t compel you to comply with that.”
With cautious optimism, Trixie lifted the bag off the table. It was heavy. As heavy as she thought a bag like that should be. Not that she’d ever seen that much wealth put together in her life. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was. Mayor Mare had her sign a receipt, and that was it.
The implications were slowly hitting her as she trotted out of the office and back into the waiting room. Only Fluttershy was there, still looking every bit as nervous as before.
And then, Trixie woke up.
That is to say, she woke up to the notion that this was all really happening.
It was real.
Trixie didn’t have to go to jail, or Tartarus, or Saddle Arabia. She wouldn’t have to leave the two ponies that had come to mean the world to her. She could go home with Fluttershy. She didn’t have to be so scared anymore.
Trixie had more bits than she knew what to do with. Finally, she could stop leeching off of Fluttershy’s kindness. She didn’t have to feel so guilty anymore.
“Trixie?” Fluttershy was suddenly standing mere inches away from her, eyes wide with concern. “Trixie, what’s wrong? What happened Are you okay?”
It was only when Trixie saw herself reflected in Fluttershy’s eyes that she understood the worry in the sweet filly’s voice; Tears of relief were streaming down Trixie’s cheeks as she felt so many fears just wash away. Struggling for words, She couldn’t think of any way to express the sheer joy welling up inside her except for one: Trixie leaned in and kissed Fluttershy. “Trixie is not okay.” Her voice cracked pathetically, but she didn’t care, “She’s Great... and Powerful.”
How good it feels to finally be here.
This is where I'm concluding Trixie's Forest Retreat, but a sequel is coming soon.
Trixie has come a long way since that fateful skull fracture in the first act. With this last chapter the last few threads of her original fears and obstacles back then have been severed, putting her in a new and much improved situation. One you could describe as a happy ending.
Of course, we all know there are plot lines still running that could potentially mess that up in the sequel, but here? It's a happy ending, and it always will be. I like that.
Though a sentimental reason like that is nice, it's also pretty convenient to start a 'new' story with new tags and a new tone on the desc page. I struggled with that for a while now as Trixie's situation changed so much from the start that the desc didn't cover the content and couldn't without just spoiling the first half of the story.
I'm also looking forward swapping from a Teen tag to an Mature one. Not because I plan to start writing hardcore clop or anything, but because it sure will feel good to take guess work out of chapters that might be a little too close to a very vaguely defined line. (Or in case I actually want to write some hardcore clop, don't judge me! 
)
Edit: Nevermind, that actually came with more strings than I thought it would. Live and learn. Teen it is. ^^
Thanks for reading folks. 
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Are you for reals!?! You're ending!?! Man, here I was hoping for more along the way. Oh well. It was a nice ending.
7628031
Don't worry. There will be more soon(tm). You cannot keep Trixie down.
I'd want to publish the sequel right away, but that would spoil the ending of this one which would just be rude.
7628048 Okay, I'll wait.
I guess... 
(Better not be lying or I'll send Pinkie Pie hyped up on crack-cocaine to you.)
Eh, this feels less like an ending and more like the story just stopped from my memory. I don't remember the arc ending here but meh, it's been so long since I read this. I'll keep track for the "sequel" to continue the story though.
Haha, you were dropping hints about ending this story pretty soon, but I though you meant in like... 5 chapters! Not one!
I like the tone of this ending. Not only do we see Trixie finally put some fears to rest, but we see some of how far she's come as a character. Her thoughtfulness towards FS (I'm so proud) was great. Her mind thoughts towards the Apples as well! (I hope the Applebloom thing doesn't come back to bite too hard. I think it's sweet that they can finally get along). To top it off, we see another great evolution. RD has started to find her loyalties in conflict and she is trying to approach expressing her anger without inflicting concussions. We should be more proud of her. I look forward to seeing how she goes about with further expression. I would also love to see how that rift translates into the relationships with the rest of the Mane six... Where we seem to be missing an awful lot of Pinkie Pie.
I doubt the Six would take Trixie on their adventures or whatever, but relations are going to have to adjust since now Trixie is not going anywhere. She is an important part of a whole third of the Six's life, and very friendly with half (AJ). Rarity at least has an understanding... But Twilight is pretty firmly in "antagonistic" territory. They're going to have to address that.
I like that the Mayor was pretty practical. I don't even remember why Trixie was so scared of jail time... Besides, if course, almost getting her teeth kicked-in in a dark alley. That was a pretty satisfying moment for sure.
There is a lot I'm looking forward to in the sequel. Trixie still isn't healed yet, but I expect she's going to get more independent. That creates an opportunity to see how her new romances can evolve through real change. I also look forward to seeing her stumble into more close friends and maybe get to see her show off once in a while.
You know what? I'm already dying for the sequel. I know you want to give a little time to let this story really end... So don't let us wait too long!
As usual, this was typed on my phone without proofreading. Please forgive any mistakes and thank you for the chapter!
I came for the Ryona Trixie.... as it appears to have been sold out... I guess I could settle for some clop... But please restock soon!
Well, that was a positive note to end on. Better than what I was expecting.
Sequel yay I can't wait to see it.
space after 'Golly,'
Cap 'ah'.
___________
Cap.
___________
I'm very happy with how this ended. Trixie really deserved to have this ending.
And I'm so excited to see the sequel. And be able to follow it from the beginning. Seriously though, this was a fun ride, and I can't wait to see the next part of the Trixie-Fluttershy-Dash love relationship. Although Twilight needs to get laid. Seriously, what with how she went off the rails like that.
I bet it leads to her doing something a hundred times worse than Lesson Zero. Hopefully we learn more about Trixie's childhood, and she doesn't have anything permanently damaging to her relationship to Flutters and Dashie.
7632014
Thanks, fixed those up.
Yeah, Trixie got what she deserved.
I love Twilight. Even, or maybe especially, when she's going off the rails. She's never actually malicious, but she cracks under pressure so hard that she might as well be sometimes. Who knew that teaching her how to breathe would stabilize her so much?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/6/27/924999__safe_twilight+sparkle_animated_screencap_princess+twilight_party+pooped_spoiler-colon-s05e11_breath_breathing.gif
I can confirm that Trixie's childhood will be explored.
7630216
We're working on it!
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7629789
You and me both.
7628647
Love me some Ryona Trixie. I'll see if we can order in an extra shipment next time. Course, a little variety is the spice of life.
7628429
Apparently, I only have two speed settings: Snail and Fighter Jet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. You make a good point regarding the growth in the characters and the relationships with eachother. ^^
Reading this, you made me realize that perhaps this is another reason that I ended this story here and aimed for a sequel. In this story I always tried to ensure it would be compatible with the show in the sense that nothing in it would ever directly contradict an episode, but if there is a rift like that, it may not hold up to that ideal. Not that that's a bad thing, just a little different. ^^
It's been a while, Trixie's mostly worried because she's prone to paranoia and talks herself into insane scenarios that 'will totally happen'. The bit with nearly losing her teeth didn't help matters, but she was already convinced of her status as a criminal outcast long before that. Perhaps we'll look into that more in the future as we watch the Strong and Independent Trixie stumble into more things to worry about.
Sequel soon(tm)
7628306
This is more of an ending for the longer running arc, not the more recent ones. I see what you mean regarding how it's like it just stopped. It could've been more elegant. In my defense, It's my first time writing an ending to this story.
7628066
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7651034 NOOOOO BABS! DON'T DO IT! It's bad sugar! BAD SUGAR!!! You need to use a straw first. Newbie.
7651034
Yoish! I look forward to it. And yeah, it is funny how much learning how to breath made her much less neurotic XD. And Neurotic Twilight can be pretty interesting XD.
Still great job with this fic ^_^.
7730093
Having finished the story, i'm still marking that guess down as a win.
Anyway, this was a fun read.
constructive criticism:
-The first third could use some revisions. You would know what needed doing if you set to doing it, I imagine. The quality later on is noticeably higher.
-A lot of stuff thoughout the story could stand to be greatly shotened or simply cut out. 300,000+ words is a lot to spend covering just a few weeks. Now, fanfiction is a different beast from original fiction and breaking out the fine toothed comb to go MAXIMUM DETAIL on mundane life is more acceptable, but this story is definitely past the point where if it wasn't fanfic half that wordcount would need to go. As is,
-A few sub plots seem to come out of nowhere and/or feel a little forced. The racism is probably the most flagrant one.
praise:
-TrixiDashShy is an interesting ship I've not seen on the waves before. props for originality.
-I like that even well into the story you haven't had things *just magically work out*. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash feel pretty natural in terms of gradually developing genuine feelings for Trixie while at the same time being just the slightest bit dissatisfied that this wasn't the ending they were hoping for. No one was just immediately in love or instantly ready for a three way(we are going to get there eventually, though, right?). Whenever characters *do* progress forward, it always seems to be because they've made a genuine decision because of reasons that make sense to them, not just followed a script.
-the way you write Trixie is superb. pretty much every new variation on "The _____ and ______" has put a smile on my face.
-Rarity's freak out was pretty cute too. In fact, in a flagrantly hypocritical contradiction of my earlier call to cut wordcount, I'll say I wish it had be glossed over less. Her comment about not knowing how right she was when talking about Trixie coming between Rainbow and Fluttershy could have been a set up for a good punchline surrounding the fact that a key event in the relationship involved Trixie quite literally inserting herself into a hug between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, then daring RD to kiss her while they were all cuddled up.
-I like that RD and Trixie are true to their canon flaws and act like assholes sometimes(a lot), and don't just become nice for the sake of convenience. Likewise fluttershy with the more understated passive-aggression.
7741951
Yeah, I'd say it's close enough.
Glad to hear.
I must agree on all three points.
It's sort of amusing/painful for me to read through this and watch the evolution. I'd never written anything before, so this entire story is one long, fumbling road as I try to come to grips with how to write fiction, what pacing is, and how English grammar works. That includes learning that not every 'ínteresting' idea needs to be shoehorned into the same story somehow.
I can't claim I've mastered these concepts now, but I at least know they exist.
)
(I occasionally try to go back and fix things, but somehow doing that is much more exhausting than writing it in the first place... Maybe I'm just lazy.
May she sail forever.
I'm glad to hear that. Honestly, the main reason this is so long is that I since this was a multiship I was Immensely paranoid about avoiding 'clopficky' justifications, if you know what I mean. I feel that in the end I still kind of failed at that since, while the wordcount is certainly up there, I failed to actually allow time to progress and ended up with less than a month. Lessons learned.
Heh, thank you. Trixie is just such an adorable little brat.
I love their personalities and their flaws make them so much more fun to write. I can't imagine airbrushing those out without losing who they should be.
Gah. That would have been fantastic. What a missed opportunity.
Thank you for all the feedback. It's always a pleasure to read such wonderfully detailed comments. I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story, I'll be making an effort to keep your points in mind. I can tell you for a fact that a lot of bloat has hit the cuttingroom floor already.
Now to go to bed while the warm fuzzies last.
Finished the story, I love it. Seriously great melodrama and plenty of campy moments. The sleepover act was probably my favorite portion of the story, especially that wonderful, painful yet beautiful ending with RD and Trixie.
As for the actual ending of the story, it could have been one of the best anticlimactic endings ever, I would have loved to cheer at the ending with all my heart if there hadn't been so many plot threads left hanging. I can only hope that some of these will be finished in the sequel.
Finally I have to give one last bit of praise to two things which worked to make this story one of the best I've read in the fandom in terms of overall performance. Detail and subtly. Subtly details like being fed garlic burritos before a big group gathering are the key to this kind of story, and it is pulled off perfectly here.
I can't wait to continue reading the sequel and look forward to following these three on their adventures. XD
Nice creative use of R words for chapter titles. Loved cuddly Dash. I was hoping for Trixie's marem. The little details make the world exist.
Now that's a good cover art!
7802955
Sure is.
It took me almost 2 weeks to get through 128 chapters...
But I needed this. Thank you sir/madame for taking the immense amount of time to write this.
7846496
Thank you Sir for taking the immense amount of time to read this.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
7846762 At least I will be keeping up with the next one as it is updated
7878120
I never said she deserved it, only that it makes SENSE why RD is acting thing this way. That and a few of her actions don't exactly help at times.
7712624
I'm with you on where to call it quits...
7877410
Did Trixie ever ask Rainbow Dash to come after her during her headlong flight into the Everfree? If not, than the fact that that was the SECOND time that Trixie had been brutalized by Rainbow Dash, and that first time (If I recall correctly anyways) had been in the Everfree Forest, (and if I don't recall correctly, than let me just say that it has been a while since I read this...story (which is on par with some of Tatsuro's stories right now in my opinion, and I have no intention of rereading the few chapters I did read to confirm it), than Rainbow Dash has no right to brutalize her a second time. Even if Dash didn't brutalize Trixie back in the Everfree, she still didn't have the right to do it, no matter how overprotective she may or may not be. Trixie didn't hurt or kill Fluttershy, so the most that Dash should've done was insult Trixie and turn her into a sobbing wreck. Besides, that would've been more fun for the audience to read, as Trixie has been on her "high and mighty" pedestal long enough.
7878668
Just to be entirely clear: RD does not have the right to attack Trixie (or anyone.)
RD's in the wrong, but whether her actions are right isn't the point, merely whether they are a thing she would do given the circumstances.
That said, I probably was too heavy-handed in writing the scenes like that, and I completely understand why you and Lunae felt it was too much and called it quits at the time. I'm sorry to have failed you both.
I don't understand the reference to 'Tatsuro's stories', though, as I'm unfamiliar with his stories. Could you elaborate? Just so I can sleep at night without wondering?
7880184
They're a series of stories that try to explore the possibility of "what if this MLP character was raised by this recognizable character from fiction". Some of them work, (like some of the chapters that I read of your story), while some of them are absolutely terrible (like the stopping point for me in your story). However, if it makes you feel better, the ones that are absolutely terrible have terrible premises, whereas your story had a decent enough premise.
7880216
Ah, thank you for the swift response. My curiousity is sated.
For now.
7882532 Unless she learns a levitation spell on Starlight's level and actually owns up to her "anything you can do I can do better" boast, that's never going to count as a "win".
Hopefully her ego is toned down enough to realize that later.
7878668
Again, I never said that she deserved it, only that it makes sense that RD was this overly protective, especially considering that Trixie's attitude and actions the time didn't exactly help her case in anyway.
Like I said before, Fluttershy is much more emotionally fragile here. This isn't "able to scold the god of chaos without so much as flinching in season six" Fluttershy we're talking about, "season one" a.k.a. "scared of her own shadow and too timid to even speak at times" Fluttershy. And if the flashbacks to their childhood are to be believed, RD was overly protective of her even then.
Again, not saying she deserved it, just saying RD's reaction makes sense.
7882788
That's not turning their own talents against them, that's just cheating to embarrassing them off the stage and back out of her own challenge. If she really wanted to turn their own talents against him she'd actually use RD's Rainbow and have it mimic her stunts while adding a little flair to them via fireworks or something, if she really wanted to do better than Rarity she would've simply used a spell on her own cape to give it more flair or simply made her dress prettier then it already was, but instead she simply assaulted RD with her own rainbow and turn Rarity's hair into a rats nest. Again, that's not besting someone that's just cheating to get back out of your own challenge.
And like I said before, while they could've just left, Trixie said "anything you can do I can do better" she was expected to do just that, but she didn't. And the audience only ate up what happened to RD and AJ, absolutely no one had anything to say or laugh at when Rarity ran away crying. Again, RD can actually back up her boasts on the spot, and she doesn't issue any challenges as she knows she's not capable of owning up to. Sure she's a bragger, but she's a bragger that can actually act on any of her boasts. Bragging outside of your skill range will only get you so far until you're backed into a corner and forced to actually act on those claims, Trixie couldn't act on them so she cheated her way out.
Again, I can understand simply spreading tall tales being part of the act, one of the problems is that she takes that stage attitude and keeps it even after the act is over when it's not needed. Trixie needed to be brought down a peg herself.
7877410
She was being an idiot. As usual.
And I don't care how many doenvotes I get. She was being an idiot. As usual.
7882788
Thank you, if anyone was starting trouble it was Spike, AJ, Rairity and of course Rainbow Dash.
7882534
And I hope it doesn't. Just because Dash can do things doesn't mean she needs to brag all the time.
It gets OBNOXIOUS and makes episodes like Mysterious Mare Do Well and 28 Pranks Later refreshing.
7895084
No, she was being reflexively defensive of her friend who she thought was being bullied. Trixie wasn't doing anything to make her think otherwise.
Spike simply didn't believe Trixie, and while they could've just left, Trixie issued her little challenge and then backed out of if by simply embarrassing them when she couldn't own up to her own boast.
And stop singling out RD like she's just a stupid troublemaker.
The difference is that when RD brags she'll immediately BACK UP her boasting and actually do what she claims she can do.
While I can't argue with 28PL, MMDW was a bad episode. It had a well meaning moral, but that moral fell flat on its face because of its poor execution, making the rest of the Mane five look like hypocrites.
7895118
It was only a bad episode cause Rainbow Dash was the one eating the humble pie. I bet if it was Trixie you'd like it.
And as I said that you conviently ignored, bragging constantly gets obnoxious and fast.
And no, Dash was being an idiot.
7895133
Actually it would fit better, because the difference is that Trixie talks the talk, Rainbow walks the walk. Rainbow would go out of her way to be the hero, Trixie would more than likely just take credit for it.
I’m not so much of an RD fanboy that I believe she can absolutely never be in the wrong or need to be taught a lesson herself. I’ve come to terms with my stance on the episode: I don’t hate it like the majority of the fandom, I just think it could’ve been done differently to help the message flow better.
Looking back on it, I acknowledge that RD was in the wrong,there were points in the episode where lives were at risk and her showboating could’ve been saved for later. And while I understand that she kind of needed to be taken down a peg when lives were in danger, but the mane five were also in the wrong, and the way they conveyed their message was very poor and came off as VERY mean-spirited and hypocritical.
Not mention that Fluttershy didn’t even DO anything in the grand scheme of things aside from said flyby when RD expressed the joy that flying was the one thing she was the best at. So what? RD wasn’t allowed to be proud that she could fly?? That is NOT humbling someone, that’s just pouring salt in the wound.
Also how can they call her out on bragging and saying she should be humble if they showed up at the parade? That and attending their own parade kind of comes off as more hypocritical since the episode practically begins with her enjoying that fact that she has a fan club and the Mane five get on her case about her huge ego while she’s at a gathering of said fans at Sugarcube Corner, which was technically after her heroics. And yet it was ok for Mare Do-Well to attend her own parade under the same circumstances?
They both technically EARNED that praise.
Not to mention that with episodes like Applebuck Season, The Last Roundup, Bats, Sonic Rainboom, and Sweet and Elite under their belts, AJ and Rarity are the last characters I want teaching someone about humbleness.
But the biggest problem I have with the episode was the aspect of "show not tell" being ignored in certain parts of the episode."28 Pranks Later" worked better with that reason because of that solitary aspect. We actually SEE them SIT HER DOWN AND TALK WITH HER. And when that fails they have Pinkie confront her one on one. That way it doesn’t feel like they all just jumped in on the plan without thinking of other options.
Yes, she probably wouldn’t listen, but it would’ve been a nice gesture of faith if we saw that her friends trusted her enough to try that first. It’s one of the reasons why I was able to genuinely enjoy "28 Pranks Later" despite having a similar premise. For me, if we had seen the two scenes where they talk it out with her and she didn’t listen in place of the flyby and Sugarcube Corner scenes then it would’ve worked a lot better in my opinion.
And no, she wasn't. She KNOWS Fluttershy better than everyone else and is aware of how emotionally fragile she is. That combined with the paranoia of someone who was acting like a bully being near her would make anyone overly protective.
And here at the end, where the sidewalk goes.
A life she lives with the two she loves and knows.
Now free and happy for days to come.
First, where's the Rum?
What great ending!
This is by far the longest fic I've read(based on chapters).
Shall read the sequel.
7914630
I'm glad you enjoyed! Thank you for dedicating all that time.
Where is that poem from? My attempts to google it led me to the wrong one. Though it did also provide a image that I am glad to be aware of now. ^^
t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSsINdijWBJPZ_fEB_kmntR8q9btbA0GoSnEIsom_q6YElQDa2A
7916165
I made it up actually.
Based it off the ending.
Also "Where the Sidewalk Ends" is one of my favorite book of poems from my childhood.
So I'm glad you enjoyed the cover of it.
Shel Silverstein is a great artist and poet.
7919497
Oh, sorry I didn't realize. Very creative.
7976131
Thank you. And I did manage to write some stuff, the jokes of my Cinch fic. Lacks the meat though, or rather the grass, since dem carnivorous plants are gonna wish they stayed in the pony dimension once the fic is done.
It's sadly an alternate universe story though, since like my author's note says: Cinch would rather piss herself than face anything remotely threatening.
Image saved under "my body is ready twi! <333".
That was a reference to the second speech bubble in this comic and was accompanied with a trollestia, which I now realize the leftover ): sends in the other direction.
Only the best for the Element of Manipulating your friends and them never noticing it and praising you for it.
No, seriously, I'd latch onto a fic where she's given "the reason you're a manipulative bitch" speech, preferably several times, like a brony on Derpy Hooves.
You can bring it back once you hit season six, since apparently the evil brainwasher with an even lamer freudian excuse than Azula actually realizes he's worth a damn.
Must be all this enslavement; you tend to learn the worth of people after years of practice.
In an alternate universe, Rainbow Dash is the most popular writer of all time and everybody laps up her self-inserts.
8040383
I don't even have autocorrect on my phone. Or internet for that matter. I'm pretty much at the stone age when it comes to things I bring out of home.
My best guess is that fimfiction doesn't like copy pasting comments. Of course, if the smileys still don't work in this comment, that proves that guess wrong and leads to the second one: the smileys keep bitching to their union about being overworked, the ungrateful brats.
Twibitch is best Twi.
The show actually made Fluttershy an otaku? Well, I guess it wasn't like I respected her, anyway...
No, Rarity does and Flutterbitch is a very jealous mare.
"My plot armor doesn't work against mundane threats!
"
Someone's been on TVTropes.
8040610
I'm sure that Flintaxe and bearpelt will come in handy one of these days.
You've cracked the code! The smileys work!
The "Scaremaster" Halloween episode, I think.
Did you not see it? It's such a wonderful exploration of FS's character if you dig a little.
I can't leave! Send help!
I usually let a synthetic voice read fics to me because I don't want to stare at the screen (I do that enough already), and this one was like 32 hours long...
After finishing it I decided it was time to share some of these audio files, so I started uploading them to a youtube channel:
[LINK]
Hopefully that's ok, otherwise just say the word and I'll remove it right away!
But really long fics like these seem unlikely to get proper human readings. The robot isn't perfect but you get used to it, and I do my best to fix it's pronunciation mistakes by running fics through a script, plus manual editing sometimes.
It's going to take a while to get this whole thing up lol.
In case anyone catches up with my uploading on youtube, there's a google drive link in the description with the audio files (as of writing not all of them, but more at least).
As for my own opinion on the fic, I enjoyed it a lot! Good mix of drama and cozy. It's a very impressive work.
Although in the final third, I felt Trixie got progressively less sympathetic, and toward the end I was kind of hoping all the little things would come back to bite her harder than they did :P
I have not checked out the sequel yet though. Are you taking a break writing it?
8071480
That is awesome, sure it's okay
I actually used to have a robot do my reading for me once too, but I forgot that was a thing.
Thanks for the feedback, I can see what you mean.
I am taking a bit of a break, but I should get off my rear and get to writing.
Holy crap. I've stayed up all night reading this fic. Worth it.
8343856
I'm glad to hear that, but I sure do hope you don't have anywhere you need to be in the morning though.
8346866
Lol I mostly stay up during school nights. I really don't enjoy sleeping because I wake up basically dead. But seriously, this fic is really amazing.
8441013
Cheer the poor girl on. She'll get what's hers.