In Heaven a spirit doth dwell
"Whose heart-strings are a lute";
None sing so wildly well
As the angel Israfel,
And the giddy stars (so legends tell)
Ceasing their hymns, attend the spell
Of his voice, all mute...
If I could dwell
Where Israfel
Hath dwelt, and he where I,
He might not sing so wildly well
A mortal melody,
While a bolder note than this might swell
From my lyre within the sky.
- Edgar Allan Poe, "Israfel"
Octavia Melody has performed for hundreds of audiences across Equestria, and left every one breathless. She has come so far, become one of the most celebrated musicians in the kingdom, and this concert will be her crowning achievement. Tonight, she will play before the Princesses themselves.
This is not her story.
Cover art by the amazing TheAuthorGl1m0.
Thanks to Belligerent Sock for their critique.
Featured by Equestria Daily on February 24th, 2014.
Featured by The Royal Guard on March 20th, 2014.
[img]http://24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png[/img]
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BRILLIANT!!!
I like it!
Think should be thick
3952518
I'm sure I don't know what you are talking about, citizen. That sentence has always contained the word "thick". Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia. Carry on.
Boom. Feelshot.
That really struck a chord. The concept of that one bit of enjoyment, living your dreams through another for one night... I worry, sometimes, about whether that will be something to aspire to.
3957018 I'm glad you enjoyed it. Even if it did getcha right in the feels.
This story has been officially reviewed by the Blunt Reviews Group.
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Dang. This needs to be put on Tvtropes.....
Hmm. I think I've missed something here; I don't get it.
3996718 Ha. Well, feel free to do so if you want to. I purposefully refrain from creating TVtropes pages for my own work, as it feels too much like ficwhoring.
3996740 Hm? Don't get what, exactly?
3996747 All if it, I guess. Obviously she wants to perform, but I can't figure out why she's hiding it, which seems to be the lynch-pin of understanding the motivations at work. It's seems like she's ashamed of it—hiding it from those closest to her—but without knowing why it just doesn't give me any traction.
Aww, I like this story. It's so sad though.
3996867 There is an element of shame to it, yes, but that isn't the extent of it. Summing up the motivation for something like that is a bit difficult, as there are a lot of different emotions that go into it - as someone who has personally felt what Ditzy feels in this story, and as someone who practices writing quite a bit, I still have a hard time putting it into words.
Shame is part of it. Learning that a dream simply isn't meant to be - say, for example, if your cutie mark, a visible indicator of what your life is going to be centered around, doesn't support what you want - is a difficult thing to deal with. Blaming yourself, assuming that you are naturally inadequate, for it is a sort of reflexive action, one that you can't really control, and a natural reaction to shame for a lot of people is to attempt to hide it.
Things only get worse when it's something like this. There are some things that people truly, truly love doing, but no matter how hard they try, they will never be any better than mediocre. I love painting and modeling, for example, but I suck at it, and no amount of practice will make me much better. I simply don't have the knack. The realization of something like that, that you will never, ever be as good as someone else is no matter how hard you try, because they are simply better than you, can be absolutely crushing.
There's more to it, of course; you can come to think of yourself as an idiot who can't let go of a trivial thing, but part of you refuses to accept that it is trivial, so you're constantly struggling with yourself, and so on. There are dozens of little emotions and thoughts that get twisted up in it. In the end, the result is that you can come to hate and ridicule yourself for not being able to give up on such a silly thing.
I suffer from clinical depression, and as someone who deals with this sort of feeling on a day-to-day basis, I can tell you this: telling someone, or even hinting that something like this is eating you up inside, is almost impossible. It hurts to keep it to yourself, but the thought of having your shame and failure exposed to the world hurts more.
I suppose it can be hard to understand such a viewpoint if you've never experienced it yourself, because, even for someone who has experienced it, it's confusing and largely irrational. But that's the core of it, anyway, and I hope I've helped you to understand it a bit more.
3996932 Ahh. That explains a lot. I suffered under chronic depression for my entire life. I'm 37. I started counselling seven years ago. I only started truly recovering about three years ago. Now I know enough that I can't help but analyse other people by reflex—and stories, too.
For about three years, when it was worst, I used to hate going to sleep because when morning came, I had to face the thought of being forced through another whole day I didn't want to exist in. It's as different as every sufferer, I know, but I have a pretty damned good idea what you're talking about.
At the same time, however, I think this is what separates me from the undertones of the story:
Yes, it can, but when I read something like this I automatically look for the reason behind it. Why is it crushing for the character? Her immediate responses are the symptom, while I was looking for the cause. I'm sure you can appreciate that that position puts me somewhat at odds with the story. It's a shame, but such is the way of things.
Given what you have said, however, I am incredibly intrigued by whether you might 'get' the story I have due to go up on EqD in the next few days (I assume. Who can say what their goblins are up to?), Every Mare Needs Her Stallion. If you have the time, I'd absolutely love to hear what you think of it.
Beyond that. I feel for ya, man. If there is ever anything I can do to help you, feel free to ask. I mean that.
-Scott
3997197
Well, like I said, it's crushing because it was important to her. Imagine if Rainbow Dash suddenly had one of her wings crippled, or, worse, simply failed her tryouts for the Wonderbolts. There really isn't much more I can say than that; if you have a dream, and that dream is taken away, it's going to be painful.
I'd be happy to look over it. I gave it a quick glance a few days ago, in fact, and was intrigued by what I saw, but didn't have the time to finish the whole thing. I'm all for a good Rarity story, though.
Ha. Thanks. But I'm okay. I'm twenty-two, and was formally diagnosed with dysthymia, which regularly becomes full-blown depression, as well as Asperger syndrome about four years ago. I'm mostly stable now, though, as I'm on a strict regimen of medication which has helped immensely. I do appreciate the offer, though, and I'm happy to extend the same one to you.
As a side note, my own personal experiences with the subject of this story had nothing to do with music. I just love music as a whole, and its emotional power can't be denied, so it was kind of perfect for this.
Man, I can't even tell you how much I can relate to this. I love doing a lot of things, drawing and writing mostly, but I don't seem to have the skill to ever be better than "okay". Great work, you really captured the feeling of the piece.
Simple, yet effective. Picking Ditzy as the character to convey the story was kinda odd, I felt, but I suppose there is no reason why it couldn't be her. Just a knee-jerk reaction, I suppose. Funnily enough, I didn't really find this story sad per se. Ditzy seems to understand herself and how she acts, and at that point, she's done everything she can. She can move on with her life while knowing why she feels the things she feels, and that, to a person as optimistic as I imagine Ditzy to be, is enough to be happy about the good things in life.
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This story worked for me on so many levels. I may not have cried, but I came very close.
You brilliant fool...
4109904 Very glad to hear you enjoyed it.
3952536
1984 reference ftw.
4147544 One of my favorite novels, that. You get brownie points for catching it.
4147594
I fell in love with it when I did a pre-read for it for my AP English IV class. It was one of only two books that I read for that class, that I actually still own my copies of (the other one being The Poisonwood Bible, which is still my favorite novel of all time).
4147626 I never read The Poisonwood Bible, and 1984 wasn't actually on our curriculum. Our teacher did have a copy of it on the bookshelf, though, so I read it on my own time. Great book.
The books I loved from those classes were To Kill A Mockingbird, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Next, and The Tempest (though that one is technically a play).
I just about cried. This is not really what I was expecting going into this, it was much better. And you can count me as another one who understands exactly why Ditzy does what she does here.
4150671 Thank you very much. I'm quite glad you enjoyed it.
I thought it was just OK. I can understand why people feel like reminiscing from time to time, but I don't ever understand people who know the problem and do nothing about it. But judging from the comments, there seems to be a musician reason thing that I miss out on. Just wanted to give my two cents, being a non music person.
The whole 'this experience is beautiful beyond what writing can possibly convey' thing was completely lost on me'
This is really good, and comes from a very real place. Because of that, it also hurts a lot... heh.
I've recently been put in a position to read and judge poetry & prose submissions for a very small not-related-to-pony thing, and I could really see this idea coming through. There are people who are incredibly passionate and dedicated... and yet who have a lot of difficulties in conquering even basic mechanical issues. I really want to believe that anyone, given enough effort and willingness to accept criticism, can learn to make something wonderful... But even in my own experience I've often been put in the position of watching someone else excel in a field that I love but have no talent in and that can be a really difficult experience to deal with.
Perhaps even worse, I've seen on more than one occasion a fantastic artist who wishes to be a writer (and vice versa). And they're not able to duplicate their success in the other field, and struggle and become disheartened and eventually pull back from creative works in general, for at least a time. And that's really a loss for everyone, I think. There's something to be said for pursuing your passion... but there's also something to be said for recognizing your skills and trying to utilize those to the best of your ability, as much as that can sometimes feel like 'settling'.
4161021 It's not music, specifically. That was simply the example I chose.
The meat of the story is about someone who wants to be an artist realizing that they simply aren't good enough, and how much it sucks to have to face up to that.
Question....WHY not just call this story "Derpy/Ditzy goes to the Opera to listen to Octavia play?"
I mean why say this story is about
enjoyment of finer music instead of misleading the reader in saying that this story ISN'T about Octavia despite the description ? 
I mean it was an interesting story showing a unique rare side to the mailmare, but why mislead potential readers with something like that in the description instead of just simply saying that Derpy/Ditzy enjoys classical music ?
It would make things a bit easier for the readers, right ?
Still, nice work and emotional one as well. Keep up the good work.
Fantastic! I wish I'd read this sooner
That was an interesting and exceptionally well-written story, I really enjoyed it
As for the problem that it centers on, I think that an aspiring artist shouldn't be discouraged about not being the best of the best. Probably it's easier said than done, and (as a person with no big artistic talents) I symphatize with them, but could you imagine a world where, for example, all the pianists would not play for any public because they felt inferior to Beethoven's talent? That would be a sad world, I think. Just because one could never "play for royalty" does not mean that he should hide away:) There is a high possibility that someone would like his work, even if he doesn't believe it himself (there were poets who threw their poems into the trash can, then someone retrieved them, and they became loved and appreciated when published). It is like with our actions when we want to change the world - it is the small deeds that really count, when we put love and passion into them:) I have a feeling that Derpy from your story could do just that, if only by playing to her family and friends. She says herself that she isn't that bad, so why not give it a try?:)
Well, that's enough of my mumbling, your story just made me reflect on it, and I love when a story does that to me
Hey, I wrote a review for this fic. In case you are interested, it can be found here.
Overall, I found it interesting, but I think that much of it feels like just going through the paces. Still, the great themes and some beautiful passages help bring the story up a notch.
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... I can't even begin to describe how amazing this is. I love Derpy, she's my favorite character, because I feel like I connect to her on a few levels. This is one of them. Wanting to be something better than I am. I love it, it speaks to me.. This is a fantastic story. Beautiful. Eleven muffins out of ten.
~SoDF
I found this to be both emotional and enjoyable. Being someone who loves music, but has trouble playing/creating it myself, this really hit home for me. Thank you.