No glitter, just rarity the vampire!

by MidnightFMare

Chapter 4: at the movie (or the more you know)

“Welcome fillies, gentlecolts, pegasi, unicorns, mentlegen, ladies, and other beings, this will be the first showing of ‘the pinkie files: a week in the life of the party pony’

First off, safety, make sure all extremities are within the black border on the ground. Now, black box; APPEAR!” 5 pitch black squares grow from the lines, the last sealing the top of the box “Do not panic, this is for your protection; though why you need it I can’t disclose”

“Anyhowdle… this would not be possible without some friends: first, Queen Chrysalis! For extras and of course, the use of her multiplex computer!” the changeling queen stands and bows in the spot light

“Discord! For PR and being his usual chaotic self!” the dragonequis is suddenly on a stage and is crowned by himself with a bouquet of roses, his make-up and dress shimmering in the spot light and bows, fire arrows being shot at him by unknown archers

“Rarity Belle, for costumes, make-up, and disguises, but due to a sudden illness, could not make it”

“Rusty nail for the materials and props, and maintenance on the aforementioned items!” the rust colored stallion bows

“Vinyl Scratch! For showing me how to use all of the technology, sounds, music, audio, visual, comic relief, and consultation!” the light falls on her and she cringes “Get it off me! It burns! My eyes!”

After making sure she is okay I get back in front “Let the movie, begin!” the advertisements start to roll:

A black cat is walking through rain and into a log cabin. In there sits a man, only his silhouette is visible in the fire light; he picks up the cat and starts to pet it, taking his hat off ant turns to look through the screen his green and yellow eyes boring shimmering in the firelight. The picture stops and the words “a black cat studios picture”

A sign appears “Please take all hats off” AJ does and her hair explodes, scaring everypony “Having a bad mane day Applejack?” I ask, barely holding my laughter

“Now what are y’all lookin’ at? Did’ja think ah was bald under mah hat?” she asks, turning around and poking Rainbow in the eye

“%$?!@#&Q!!!” Rainbow starts to grumble like a one-eyed dare devil (Which she is)

I clap my hooves and with a grey poof of smoke; Aj’s hair is back in its usual style and rainbow’s eye is no longer comically dented

“LIGHTS! OFF!” I command, the overhead lights dimming as the movie starts

“Presented and produced in association with:

“The Hodgepodge company ‘Making a more chaotic tomorrow, today’, Hive interactive entertainment ‘Working for your love since the first exile’, Carousel boutique ‘Where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique’ and Bad wolf pictures ‘protecting you from invasions’”

In the back row, a semi-manly scream is heard followed by the sounds of a weeping brit (Mission accomplished)

A deep voice echoes across the theatre “Pinkamena Diane Pie, a being that defies all reason. Doing the physically impossible with ease. Is she a mutated changeling that feeds off the happiness of others, a being born from chaos, unreason, or dreams?

“Let’s start at the beginning shall we?

“Born to the pie family of rock farmers, the oldest of three, Inkamena Roxanne Pie and Blinkamena Brianne Pie. She spent the early years of life rolling rocks down a hill during the wet season, and rolling them up in the dry season, and down again. When she gained her cutie mark, she became as she is now. On that same night, 11 magic stones appeared in her room… shards of a super element.

Her new attitude was not the best for rock farming, so her parents loaded her into an old rock catapult with her valuables, and shot her away. Her awoken powers opened a hole in reality and activated the mystic stones she had. One bonded to her head, turning her hair into a mess of springs stronger than iron yet more elastic than rubber and gained the ability to stow objects in it, even if the resulting mass was greater than her whole body. Four fused to her hooves and twisted them into springs, think about how much that would hurt… feel free to pass out or retch… I can wait… one fused to her very core and unlocked all genetic possibilities, including alicornism, and the powers of an ancient ancestor, the power of a tricorn. Two fused to her forehooves and made the laws of conservation of matter null and void. And a powerful source code stone with two stones of process embedded into her brain and eyes respectively. They activated and she saw the beginning, the end, and everything in between. She saw beyond the dimensional barrier, (and the fourth wall) every possible outcome, worlds not yet born and destroyed, see what should not be seen, and broke her mind.

“Most would have died from all of that information, but instead her mind broke into sentient fragments, each a small part of that power, but also embodying a facet of her psyche

“This is the list of confirmed personalities:

Pinkie pie: default

Pinkamena: a foal, represents sadness and lonliness

Pinkamena diane pie: she is murderous, malicious, cold, and calculating; makes food from the corpses of her victims who are assigned a number and drawn at random (according to a rumor) also knows the best way to torture her enemies. Recognizable by her homicidal grin, deflated hair, and sharp pointy killy things in her hooves. Represents… you don’t want to know, trust me on this, you do not want to know

Punkie pie: a behemoth of strength and muscle, takes no prisoners, more than likely to step on you for being in the way. 10 feet tall, dark make-up, spiked hair, spiked steel armor, studded corset and boots, and a collar with a chain attached. Represents anger and hostility

Pagan pie: a very superstitious pony, often wearing a cow skull on her head, a dried leaf skirt, and many necklaces. Represents pinkie sense

Painter pie: artistic, prone to covering herself with paint and throwing herself at walls. Represents creativity

Passion pie: a very emotional mare with a nervous streak when sober… pretty much like fluttershy. Noticeable traits are akin to the aforementioned pegasus. Represents love, passion, obsession, lust, etc.

Peppy pie: need I say more? Recognizable by the soda hat and huge bag of candy

Pervy pie: the… (ahem!) ‘mare of comfortable shoes’ known to wear frilly cloths

Piffle pie: craziness, insanity, randomness, impossibility; identifiable by spinning eyes and huge grin

Persie pie: ability to see the truth in all things; has crystal eyes

Pity pie: sarcasm, constantly condescending tone

Dianne: boredom; discernible by bored or bemused expression, flat hair, grayish in color

“As she descended, she crashed into the one place that would contain her, sugar cube corner… the rest is, as they say, history. How do I know all of this? Who do you think opened the rift?

“Now that you know the history, let’s get to the present”

The screen fades in onto a sleeping pinkie, in a surprisingly orderly room. Her bed tilts downwards as a trapdoor opens, dropping her into a chute Wallace and Grommet style

and the chute drops her into a room filled with books and a sleeping alicorn “WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND CAKEY!!” she yells, rousing the alicorn

“Mmrph… release the guard pony…” she mutters into her pillow, pulling a hanging rope

With a gallop, a fluffy pink pony bounds up the steps with an ax in its mouth. It gasps, drops the ax and runs towards the camera; pinkie presses a knot hole in the wall and is enveloped by light in the background. The fluffy pink pony jumps on the camera mare and starts to lick her “Stop! Bad fluffy pink pony! HELP!!” The screen goes black

The picture returns with pinkie bouncing around, and then she stops in mid-air, turns around, and starts bouncing into an alley wall, with the camera stallion following “Well, when following a pinkie…” the wall gets close and the screen is bathed in a psychedelic rainbow

The ground is yellow and pink plaid and the sky… isn’t there

“How did you get in here?! Nothing besides a pinkie may enter; now begone from new cubic zirconia!!” a huge pink pelted , flaming armor wearing behemoth rumbles, eyes of lava and burning coals

“Punkie pie, I presume” the camera pony extends a hoof

The behemoth shrinks to the usual pinkie “Hey! Why are you still in my head?! I don’t think I made you… did I? No, too many dark colors”

“This is the inside of your head? Where’s the cotton candy clouds and chocolate milk rain? And more importantly, where are the other pinkies?” the camera pony asks, looking around

“Um…hi?” a weak, voice mutters from below the camera. The camera lowers and a small, greyish-pink foal looking scared. The camera pony extends his hoof, flat end up. The foal shuffles closer and nuzzles it, smiling a little

[CUTE OVERLOAD! SHUT DOWN IMMINANT]

In bright red letters the message “Day 3” blinks on and off

“For the past two hours, pinkie has stared at that statue… Honestly, what the heck am I supposed to- (BOOM!) Whoa! What happened?!”

Author's Note:

yes, I did break out a dictionary to make the list