Day One: Master of Disaster
It was Diamond Tiara’s first night of being under Discord’s care, most of which had been spent with the two of them sitting on opposite couches in the living room, with Diamond giving Discord the stink-eye. Discord was constantly snapping his talons which caused several of Filthy Rich’s self-portraits to depict him in some sort of dumb outfit.
Eventually, Discord noticed the scowl Diamond was showing off and spoke up.
“Well that’s not a happy face. What’s the matter? Don’t trust me?” Discord sneered.
Diamond didn’t say anything, but continued giving Discord the same look of suspiciousness.
“…Riiiight, dumb question. Say, shouldn’t you be taking a bath right about now?” Discord asked.
Diamond got up from the couch.
“Yeah. But I’m telling you right now, don’t try anything funny. I only have to put up with you for two days, so just stay out of my way, and we won’t have a problem.” Diamond growled.
Discord chuckled again, and put up his paw.
“Whatever you say, oh lord of the spoiled and bratty.” Discord said giving a mock bow.
“I’M NOT A BRAT!” Diamond yelled.
Discord suddenly appeared behind the little filly and gave her mane a noogie.
“Not a brat? Bwahahaha!...kid, that’s like the brat’s motto.” Discord laughed.
Diamond still had that death glare on her face, but her cheeks were puffed out and red in a way that looked rather adorable.
“Oh whatever! I’m taking my shower now! Don’t bother me!” She shouted before heading to the bathroom.
Once Diamond was out of earshot, Discord plopped himself back on the couch and let out an exhausted sigh.
“Uggh, great. Fluttershy didn’t tell me she was one of THOSE foals. Pfft. Kids these days. Don’t know how to respect their elders. She seriously needs to learn her place.” Discord grumbled to himself.
Just then, a lightbulb appeared above Discord’s head, and a mischievous smile grew onto his face.
“Learn her place…hehehehehehe. Methinks I have an idea.” Discord chuckled, removing the lightbulb from above his head, and swallowing it whole, which caused light to come from his eyes, nostrils, and ears for a few seconds.
Discord got up and teleported next to the bathroom door, which had an intense amount of steam coming out from under it, and the sounds of Diamond cursing Discord’s name under her breath could be heard from inside. Discord snickered at the sound of the filly’s frustration, and snapped his talons. The sound of running water stopped, and the steam ceased.
“What the-“ Diamond had been cut off mid-sentence by the sound of another running liquid, which was followed by her own screaming. Discord did his best to contain a laugh, holding his paw in front of his mouth to hold it in.
And then, absolute silence for a full 10 seconds…
…Which was then broken when the door flew open, revealing a very angry Diamond Tiara, covered head to hoof in melted cheese.
“Care to explain?!” She yelled.
Discord shrugged his shoulders.
“What? I haven’t done anything.” Discord lied, wearing quite the obvious smirk.
“Really?! Then why was my shower head spewing out CHEESE?!” Diamond screamed.
“Hey, what you rich types choose to bathe in is none of my business.” Discord said.
Diamond realized it was pretty much pointless trying to get the truth out of him, and just retreated back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
Upon witnessing the filly’s reaction, Discord couldn’t hold it in anymore and started laughing like crazy.
“Bwahahahaha! Been trollin’ ponies like a boss for a thousand years, and still goin’ strong! Sometimes I just kill myself!” Discord howled.
Once Discord got done with his laughing fit, an overwhelming feeling came over him…sleepiness.
He let out a huge yawn, made his way to Filthy Rich’s bedroom.
“I’ll admit that was pretty funny, but dealing with HER for a whole two days? Something tells me this isn’t worth even half of what Filthy's paying...hehehe. Filthy.” Discord said to himself.
Though, those thoughts ceased when he arrived in the bedroom, and saw Filthy’s bed.
To say the least, the thing was gigantic. The mattress was so huge, it looked like it could hold an Ursa Major, but at the same time, it looked astoundingly fluffy and comfortable.
Discord nodded his head in approval. After being encased in stone for so long, everything looked more comfortable than that. Heck, he’d take sleeping on a bed of nails over staying in the same position for a thousand years and being a public restroom for the birds any day. But he wasn’t quite used to THIS type of luxury.
In other words, Fluttershy’s couch had nothing on this.
“I spoke too soon. Totally worth it.” Discord said, throwing himself onto the bed, and prepared to sleep.
Discord snapped his fingers, and one of the pillows was engulfed in brightness, and now in its place, was a pink, overly furry pony, with its tongue hanging out.
Discord laid his head on top of it, which caused the pony to squeak. It started squirming and wriggling to try and get itself out from under Discord’s head.
Discord opened one eye, snapped his fingers, and the pony immediately stopped moving. Its eyes closed, and it started to snore.
“Fluffle Puff is best pillow.” Discord chuckled to himself as he himself drifted off to sleep…
Diamond Tiara got out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her mane, this time completely free of any cheese on her. Even though, she was still pretty miffed.
“The nerve of that jerk! Getting me dirty and then lying to my face! Dad’s SO gonna hear about this when he gets back!” Diamond said to herself, at the same time using another towel to dry herself off.
“And Fluttershy. Her dumb rabbit picked the perfect time to get sick, didn’t he? I could just be doing whatever I please right now because Fluttershy’s too big a wuss to do anything about it, but nooo. I get stuck with the eternal troll instead. Awesome.”
Diamond shook her head and sighed.
“Keep it together Tiara. You only have to put up with Discord for two days. After that, he’ll have no reason to go anywhere near you ever again. You can get through this.” She assured herself.
She was about to head back to her room, when she remembered something she had heard from the newspapers about Discord…
He had this whole, weird ability to mind control ponies or something, also turning them grey. Diamond knew that Discord technically wasn’t supposed to be evil anymore, but after experiencing what Discord had done earlier, she wasn’t taking any chances.
She went into the kitchen for a few minutes, folded herself a tinfoil hat, and slept wearing it that night.
‘I’d like to see you try to get in my head now.’ She smugly thought to herself…
Diamond’s stomach had woken her up the next morning. The loud growl of her hunger had jolted her awake, and upon doing so, was happy to see that her brain had not been turned to jelly from any of Discord’s mind tricks.
“Discord! Discord, where the hay are you?!” Diamond shouted, causing her voice to echo through the empty halls of the mansion.
Diamond checked nearly every room, but couldn’t find her foalsitter anywhere. At this point, she was pretty much starving, so she would need to find him soon, if she was to get breakfast.
She finally managed to find Discord in the pool room, laying down in the hot-tub which had been filled with some sort of boiling hot, black liquid, and had cucumbers over his eyes.
Discord heard the entrance of the filly, and his tongue shot out of his mouth, reached up to his eyes, and slurped both the cucumbers into his maw.
“Morning. I’ll tell you what kid, you’re family sure knows how to live. I could seriously get used to this.” Discord said.
Diamond narrowed her eyes.
“Well don’t. You’re only staying till Monday, then I get to throw your mix-matched butt out of-“ Diamond stopped for a second, noticing the strange smell in the air.
“…Are you…hot-tubbing in…tar?” She asked.
Discord looked at the contents of the hot-tub, with a look of sarcastic realization on his face.
“Huh. I Guess I am.” He said as if it didn’t matter.
Diamond looked very confused for a bit, but shook it off when she was reminded of the growling in her stomach.
“I’m hungry.” Diamond said.
“And this is my problem how?” Discord asked.
Just talking to Discord made Diamond angrier by the second.
“You’re supposed to feed me!” Diamond yelled.
Discord slapped his paw to his forehead.
“Uuuugh. Fine. If it’ll get you to be quiet quicker, I’ll go get breakfast started.” Discord said as he got out of the hot-tub and conjuring a towel to cover his midriff. He then snapped his fingers and disappeared, presumably into the kitchen.
Diamond took a moment to look at the condition of the hot-tub.
“Darn it, we just had that thing cleaned too!” She shouted.
After few minutes of waiting at the table, Discord had gotten a plate of pancakes to Diamond, who looked at it with a little suspicion, and Discord took notice.
“Still don’t trust me huh? Can’t exactly say I blame you.” Discord said with a smirk.
Diamond ignored him and continued to observe the pancakes, still quite paranoid.
“What’d you do to it?” She asked.
Discord rolled his eyes.
“Oh come on now. I would never feed you anything that would make you sick. Can you at least pretend to trust me?” Discord said, giving her a puppy-dog-eyes look.
Diamond still knew Discord wasn’t very trustworthy, but she wouldn’t be able to question it, as she was seriously hungry by now. She picked up a fork, stuck it into the stack, and…
BOOM!
Apparently, the pancakes had blown up the second Diamond stuck her fork into them, because the whole kitchen had been engulfed in smoke, and Diamond’s mane had been blown back and covered in soot. She gave quite the unamused glare to the draconequus.
“…I never said they wouldn't explode.” Discord chuckled.
Diamond didn't find the situation as funny.
“Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep my mane looking pretty?! You try keeping this thing tame with just hair spray; IT DOESN'T WORK!” She yelled, pointing at her soot-coated hair.
Discord teleported next to Diamond, and patted her head.
“Awww. Did I make wittle Diamond angwy?” Discord asked in baby-talk.
Discord’s smart remarks were really starting to get to Diamond. Even when she is constantly screaming at him, it seems all Discord can do is laugh, and it’s driving her crazy.
He snapped his fingers, and another plate of pancakes appeared in front of Diamond.
“Seriously though, you should probably get to eating. Can’t exactly leave the wittle pwincess with an empty stomach now can we?” Discord said, again with the degrading baby-talk.
“I swear if this explodes, you will face my wrath.” Diamond grumbled. It’s hard for her to see when Discord is being sincere, and when he’s just being a jerk.
‘Urrgh! Why’s he have to be so confusing?!’ Diamond thought to herself, taking a bite out of the pancakes, this time with no explosion.
Discord clasped his hands together and gave a satisfied grin. He teleported to the other side of the room, now wearing a full set of workout gear and holding a water bottle in his lion hand.
“Okaaaay then. If you need me, I'll be on the treadmill in the other room. Oh and do me a favor…” Discord stretched his neck across the room, to the point where his head was right in front of Diamond’s face.
“…Don’t need me.” Discord said before teleporting out of the room.
Diamond managed to just finish her breakfast when the doorbell rang, letting out a loud chime throughout the main hall. Seeing that Discord wasn’t exactly going out of his way to get off the exercise equipment to answer the door, Diamond groaned and got up to get it herself. She opened the door, revealing her friend Silver Spoon drinking a soda.
“Morning Diamond, how’re you-PFFFFFT!” Upon seeing the current state of Diamond’s mane, Silver Spoon had done a huge spit take.
“Wow…uhhhh, sheesh Diamond. I know you’ve had bedhead before, but just…what?” Silver stuttered.
“Don’t ask.” Was Diamond’s only response.
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Good work man! Great chapter to read! A really funny chapter! Looking forward to more! All the best in your writing dude!
I'm new on the site btw. Nice to meet ya! Once again, awesome work dude!
Melted cheese? Harsh, Discord...
Nice chapter with a bit of Looney Toons mixed in.
I wonder what will happen now that Silver is around...
All in all a fine chapter objectively speaking. was expecting DT getting showered with chocolate or some sort of rainbow dye that changed her coat color when she spoke of taking a shower. The cheese thing didn't feel very Discord. Too direct. Also, Discord doesn't lie, he just has a sort of mix between ironic and taking things literal in sense to his humor at time.
All in all, the breakfast act was probably my favorite. Discord is very dismissive and utterly ignorant or a mortal's basic needs and just plain doesn't give them a care unless told to by Flutters or Twi.
Keep up the good work.
3981548 No different from your level of generalization of people who choose to enjoy things you don't.
And you speak of pretentiousness? That's quite the laugh coming from you. How I speak to the author is his business, he certainly doesn't need you to stick your nose in such business.
Your opinion of me won't change how and to whom I type to. I don't have to prove myself to others nor myself, as you appear to find a need to do. You and Me are faceless entities bickering on the internet and you're free to say every name in the book of insults you wish.
Because I'm a keep doing what I do:
oi58.tinypic.com/se7nk4.jpg
being beautiful!
This went well with.
Same song on a loop.
3990924
You're still a prick who attacked me for no reason when I wasn't speaking to you, insulting you or anyone else. Frankly, you can take your oppressively self-aggrandizing attitude and shove it right back up where it came from.
HOWEVER:
I am willing to forgive you this once just for that snapshot of selfie-face Scoots. Damn you.
I so far am enjoying this story... though discord does seem a bit out of character.
(just a bit!) also i don't think Diamond Tiara would swear like she did in this chap.
Ah yes, the good old soda that exists just so you can have a spit take.
This would actually be a great premise for an episode.
Moar!
Faved; this ought to be awesome.
A bit? A BIT? Poor Discord, she's going to tear him apart, and feed the pieces to her goldfish!
I just noticed something...I think that one dislike might be Diamond Tiara.
Come on! bring on the next chapter! it's been MONTHS!!!
4316841 I know. Been on a little bit of writer's block with this story. I'll try and update before the week is over.
Sorry about such a long wait!
4317542
Thanks! And I know what you mean by the writer's block. I haven't written anything in over a month! I need some inspiration so I've been reading.
p.s. I LOVE the way you write about Discord! I can never find the right words to describe his magic.
I pity Diamon if she angers Discord...
OMG that is just totes adorable!
You made me realize something, Sheepcity.
Whenever I make a reference in a fic it'll either be the length of a few choice words or it's plot point without any in-between.