Chapter 5: Kindness Returns
"Well, Rainbow Dash, you should be excited." spoke Hopeful Cure.
"Why? I've been in a hospital for two nights and a day now, and today will be the second day. The only good part is that I have my two favorite mares right here with me." Rainbow's voice was back to its previous cockiness, no longer weak, and she had next to all of her strength back. The only things hindering her were her crippled wing and eye.
"But that's just it, Dashie," Twilight started, before she was cut off.
"Did you just call me Dashie?"
"Yeah! I figured since you call me Twi all the time, I should have a nickname for you. Anyway, today we finally get to go home."
"Finally! I can't wait to find Spike and give him a big hug! It's been forever since I've seen him!" Said Scootaloo excitedly. "Umm, not that... that's a cool thing to do or anything..."
Rainbow grinned at her daughter, still trying to look cool even though they were family now.
"I'm sure Rainbow is excited too, Scoots." Twilight said.
"Oh, so she gets a nickname too?" Rainbow said, half-laughing. "Don't get me wrong, I'm as excited as the next pony to live and sleep in a library and everything, but it's just... it's your home Twilight, and I don't wanna screw up any of your egghead stuff or over say my welcome."
"Oh, shut it Rainbow. You were always welcome there, even before all this, especially since you always come over to read Daring Do books. My home is your home, and it will always be that way. Of course, that goes for you too, Scoots." Twilight smiled warmly at the two Pegasi.
"But, you're going to need to get in the habit of using the door, and not just because of that wing." Twilight continued, bringing back memories of the constant break-ins and crashes into the Golden Oaks Library, carried out by none other than the cyan Pegasus in front of her. Twilight gave an accusing glare, and Rainbow responded with an innocent smile that soon had them all laughing.
"Which reminds me, you could have closed my window on the way out you know." Twilight said, still laughing. Rainbow, however, immediately stopped when she heard this, and her face flushed at being caught, a nervous smile crossing her face.
"I, uh, have no idea what you're talking about." Rainbow said like she was actually trying to cover it up.
"Oh, I'm sure the charming Dashie can figure it out," teased Hopeful Cure. Twilight felt the slightest hint of anger at this statement, though she was unsure why. Rainbow Dash spoke up before the doctor could continue.
"Okay, first of all, only Twilight can call me Dashie. No one else. It's just weird when you do it. Second, you are not my type, if you know what I mean." Rainbow said calmly.
"She likes mares." Twilight whispered loudly across the room at the doctor. Rainbow's calm tone faded immediately.
"Yes, thank you Twilight, because I'm sure that he didn't get it." Everyone in the room except Rainbow started laughing again. She wore an annoyed expression on her face, which faded to a slight smile after a few seconds.
"Well, uh, I recommend that you change the bandages at least once every two days. Contact us right away if the pain in your eye returns. Good luck you two!" Hopeful said as he left the room.
Twilight wrapped a wing around Rainbow, helping her get off the hospital bed and on her hooves. A chill went down her spine as Twilight playfully extended her wing to make it touch Rainbow's opposite wing. Twilight let out a soft giggle when she saw Rainbow blush again.
Meanwhile
"I still can't believe she didn't let us in!" Rarity said disgustedly.
"I still can't believe Rainbow Dash is defending her! Even after what Twilight said to all of us that day... what was it again, Pinkie? I done forgot..." Applejack said coyly.
"*Ahem.* I don't need all this pressure, and I don't need you! I never want to see you again!" Pinkie said, copying Twilight's voice perfectly.
"Umm... have you maybe, just possibly considered... that she was having a bad day?" Fluttershy said in her normal, soft voice. The other three looked at her, but quickly looked away when they remembered how she had stared all three of them down a day and a half ago.
"I mean, Twilight would never say something like that and mean it. Maybe she was stressed from all the new responsibilities she had. Being a princess probably isn't an easy thing."
"She seemed like she meant it to me." said Rarity.
"Hold up a minute Rarity. Maybe Fluttershy has a point. I mean, we never even asked her for an explanation. This wouldn't be the first time we stubbornly misjudged her and shut her out." Applejack said.
"Did you see the way she cried after you said those things to her, Applejack? I think she might have been trying to apologize." said Fluttershy.
"Well, I think she was just trying to rub it in our faces." said Rarity. "Don't forget what she said about Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom."
A fresh expression of anger crossed Applejack's face.
"Oh I remember alright."
"*Ahem.* Big Macintosh is a silent nobody and Apple Bloom is a talkative brat!" Pinkie impersonated Twilight's voice again.
"Yeah Fluttershy, how do you feel now, knowing what she said about your crush?...... Fluttershy?" Applejack turned to see that Fluttershy was gone.
"I can't believe that Lavender pony ruined my plans again!" Queen Chrysalis hit the red cave wall with her hoof, cracking the wall. She began pacing the cave room.
"I need some way to gain more power. It has clearly waned away since our invasion of Canterlot. I need a new plan. Perhaps, once I gain enough power, I could enthrall the little Twilight Sparkle. That kind of magic at my disposal would be grand! But... I would not be able to control it. Perhaps I will just kill her when I capture her. That way, she will no longer interfere with my plans!"
A Changeling quickly ran into the cave room, bowing before the Queen, and delivering his message.
"My Queen, I proudly report that we have captured the annoying Unicorn! She no longer risks blowing our cover."
"Excellent. Bring her here. I wish to extract what knowledge I can before I consume her energy. I have heard she has adept magical ability."
"Yes, right away!" the Changeling ran off, returning a few moments later with another Changeling, and the two were carrying their prize by the forelegs. Her rear legs were scraping against the ground behind her, as she was extremely weak. When they arrived in front if their Queen, they carelessly dropped their cargo, bowed, and ran off again. She was on her front legs, the back ones still flat on the ground.
Queen Chrysalis raised the Unicorn's head by placing a hoof under her chin and lifting.
"This will be so much easier if you do everything I say and answer everything I ask. If you do not cooperate, this will be much harder and more painful for you. Understand?"
No response. Queen Chrysalis asked the first question anyway.
"What do you know about Twilight Sparkle? We have seen you talking to her on several different occasions."
"The Great... and Powerful Trixie... does not consort... with monsters..."
"Your choice." Chrysalis knocked her purple hat off with her hoof, and her horn began glowing a sickening green. She began lowering her horn to the Unicorn's.
The screams of pain and agony would have been heard for miles around, if the Badlands were inhabited by any intelligent creatures.
Twilight magically opened the door, and Scootaloo quickly bolted inside. Twilight still had a wing around Rainbow Dash, helping her walk inside the library. By the time they took three steps, Scootaloo had darted up the stairs.
As the two walked up after her, they saw a certain baby dragon being crushed by a deadly Scootaloo hug.
"I've missed you so much Spike! How've ya been?!"
"Ach... can't... breathe..."
Scootaloo quickly released her death grip, and Spike was left gasping for air. Twilight and Rainbow couldn't help but laugh at the hyper little Pegasus.
"Uh, Twilight? Mind explaining the situation?" Spike asked as he finally regained his breath. "You still haven't told me anything, and all I got was a letter saying you would be at the hospital for a while."
"Well Spike, Rainbow Dash was attacked by Queen Chrysalis."
"Queen Whosawhatnow?"
"Oh, that's right, you've never heard her name. She's the Changeling Queen. You remember, the one who impersonated Cadance?" Twilight explained.
"Oh yeah, I remember! So, uh, how did you survive that? You look pretty beat up Rainbow." Spike decided to be observant.
"It was awesome!" Scootaloo bounced around excitedly. Until now, she was taking in everything the library had to offer, from the massive assortment of books to the pseudo-simple alembic on the table, to Owlicious.
"Twilight saved my sorry flank." Rainbow said hesitantly. "All that magic was pretty impressive, but she must've ran at least four miles with me on her back, and that's not including the distance to the hospital!"
"I don't think it was quite that far Dashie." Twilight said, laughing softly.
"Whoa, Dashie?"Spike's eyes widened at the nickname, and he was clearly struggling not to laugh.
"Long story." Twilight said.
"Oh, I see. You two are..."
"NO." Rainbow said sternly.
"Oh come on, you can't expect me to not think that with that name, and the feather in Twilight's mane, and the way her wing is around you..." Spike continued.
Twilight blushed and reached a hoof up to cover the feather. She also retracted her wing sharply, accidently touching Rainbow's damaged wing. She winced in pain and let out a slight groan as her gaze dropped to the floor.
"Oh, sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean..."
"It's fine, Twi. It was an accident." Rainbow looked up and smiled at Twilight.
All this time, Scootaloo was still exploring the library, not paying attention to anything that was happening.
"So, anyway, Rainbow's wing was damaged as you can see. Since she can't fly, her and Scootaloo are going to stay here for a while. I hope you don't mind feeding two extra mouths Spike." Twilight said to her #1 assistant.
"Pshh. No problem!" Spike said.
A sudden knock on the door got Twilight's attention away from her friends.
"Oh, I'll get that." She desperately needed this excuse to let the heat in her face die down.
She trotted down the stairs and to the door, quickly opening it.
"Fluttershy? What are you..."
"I can't stand those three anymore! They won't stop going on about how they think you're terrible and I hate it!"
Fluttershy wrapped Twilight in a hug, with both forelegs and wings.
"I know you aren't a bad pony Twilight. I came here to cool off. I don't have the patience to deal with Discord right now."
As Fluttershy released the hug, Twilight was baffled. Fluttershy was still her friend! This was great news! But at the same time, Twilight knew it must have been brutal if Fluttershy didn't have the patience for something. As the two walked upstairs, Rainbow and Spike, who were both in the center of the room, snapped their gaze to the two ponies.
"Fluttershy?" The two said in unison.
"Oh, uh, hi Rainbow. I didn't know you were here."
"Is it a problem if I'm here?!" Rainbow said harshly.
"Oh no no no! It's just I didn't expect to see you here, that's all."
Rainbow went over to Twilight and wrapped her good wing around her.
"Yeah, since I can't fly, Twilight has graciously offered her home to me. She's a good friend like that."
"Okay, it looks like both of you have some explaining to do to each other!" Twilight said.
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It's nice to know Fluttershy is still friends with Twi.
Ok, twi is being impersond by charslis to ruin the elemints, flutters and rd had a o-n-s and where together, now rd and twi are twords eachother, flutters is jelous, and scoots is loxving spike.
3988144 As a fan of Hunter S. Thompson and H.P. Lovecraft, I too enjoy a story with an enigma. It's a hook. I'm just saying you could stand to add in cryptic references to the event, even if it's a throw away. This is confusing in a nonsensical way rather than "I don't have all the pieces" way.
Starting a story in media res is pretty challenging, I'm just trying to offer my suggestions. I've got at least 3 stories fully fleshed out and outlined and nearly fully written in my head. I just can't bring myself to actually put pen to paper as it were and actually write them. So while I may seem harsh or brutally honest its because I want writers to succeed and grow as artists. Maybe then I'd have the spine to actually write my stuff.
So if you want a prereader/eeditor, I'm available and I'd love to help. I really love the concept going here and I want to see it flourish.
3989363 I know, I actually feel kinda bad for writing that. Sorry Trixie.
But... I never said she was dead. Even so, she would have gone down with one helluva fight.
ahh, I never liked her anyway, another good chapter. Its great to see Fluttershy stick up for herself. I wonder if the other 3 will get the hint that they might be wrong.
And neither did you, Twilight
I liked the chapter in general but felt that the for the injurys rainbow had, she might have needed to stay a tad longer
I loved this chapter. I can tell you're improving as you write.
Poor Trixie...:sweetieunsure:
3989363 I refound it.
Great chapter, love it.
Can you feel the love tonight between "dashie" and twi
This mystery doesn't work. My favorite story revolves around mystery and how former friends are treating a character, but it's believable even as it introduces the mystery. The way these characters are portrayed us just not believable. Spurned friends are a real thing, but none of them act like this. There's this malicious quality to all of them that just wouldn't be there except under the most serious of circumstances, and even then, they wouldn't say some of the things they would say here.
With the exception of one chapter, you have them acting like bullies. There's just one dimension to these characters. There's no level-headed Applejack here. Pinkie Pie just seems stupid and happy to be there, which really is a poor way to write her, and Rarity has flat out gone off the deep end. Maliciousness, to a certain degree, is acceptable. It has to be shown at the proper time and at the proper level, but it's okay.
But this goes far too over the top and ignores how these characters would act just for the sake of the story. There's ONLY maliciousness here except for one or two scenes, and that makes this whole mystery uninteresting. It's forced, and clearly so. The rest of the mane six aren't bullies and they have more common sense than this is making out.
Making a mystery just isn't enough. You have to portray it realistically. Show the regret. Keep their attitudes and actions in line for the characters. Going over the top doesn't create any more tension. It pulls people out of the story. This effect is heightened by the fact that everyone is on Twi's side except for the rest of the mane six. When you have everyone else being reasonable as though she's not at fault at all, and you couple that with the unrealistic, over the top reactions from her friends, it becomes jarring to the reader.
I like the story as a whole, but this whole mystery thing just is not working on any level for me.
3991128
I liked getting an explanation as to why they are angry and I am still liking the story, but I fear I must agree with you.if you look back at the comments I've pretty much been calling OOC since the beginning.
3991347
It would work if only it were toned down and more suited to each character. Truthfully, they're all starting to sound like the same one. Not everyone gets angry and expresses that anger in the same way.
3991355 I've said it once, and I will say it again. They are OOC for a reason... except Pinkie, you got me there. But other than that, I greatly appreciate the feedback. It helps me alot, and I'll try to work on those flaws you pointed out in future chapters. Thank you.
3992369
That depends on what you mean. Characters not acting how they usually do is not OOC in how people traditionally label it as criticism. When they act outside the bounds of the character in the situation that they're in to such a degree that they don't seem like that character...that's what I mean. You can have characters be angry, but they way characters express anger and how they act because of it...I don't feel like you've got that down at all.
I'm not ragging on you because the characters are angry. It's how they act because of it and how they express that anger that I feel isn't satisfying to me. Like I said, one of my favorite stories revolves around this concept. I accepted it fine. If you want to write a story about this, you have to keep in mind that the story rests on the reactions from other people being believable and fitting for the character, because those reactions and how unique they are and how true they are form the basis for the drama and events in the story. It's what makes it stick out.
Even if you don't agree, maybe that's something to keep in mind.
3992643 Again, I appreciate the critisism. It shows me where I still need to improve. Like I said, I will work on these flaws in future chapters.
TwiDash on,
~Ava
3992838
Heh. Sorry if I sound insistent. I do enjoy the TwiDash in this story more than I've enjoyed it in most recent tales. It was just be remiss for me to not mention something that I think is bringing the story down. Thanks for listening, and good luck!
This story interests me.
But here is a thing: Get yourself an editor. Not a speedy editor, but an editor that can point out mistakes in your writing, namely too convoluted plot lines, scenes that lead nowhere and pacing.
The story's pacing did improve over the chapters, but it still suffers from jumping all around with insane speed as well as countless typos and punctuation errors. For that, get yourself a proofreader as well.
Slow down, relax, describe the environment. Most of these chapters could, or rather should be at least twice as long.
I see that you have TadStone's stories fav'd. Take his pacing in count.
~Twi
3993356 I do not trust anypony enough for that. I am very paranoid. But, I appreciate the feedback. Thank you.
...Oh look, 777 views. What a strange number...
3993430
Why? Neither the editor nor the proofreader change nothing without the author's consolidation. The only thing that both of them do is to mark your problems and let you decide on further actions.
The story is in need of editor and proofreader.
~Twi
3993448 So I've been told, but how does one just get an editor/proofreader?
I'm serious. I have no idea how all that works here.
3993503
Join here or here or here and follow instructions. That's probably your best bet.
Or you can always ask a friend for a helping hoof, but in vast majority of cases that doesn't work well, unless you have a professional proofreader or an English major as your friend.
~Twi
I'm loving this more and more. Addicted!
i had read this and thought id set it to email me for updates..but i hadnt..i have now fixed this minor error..and look forward to the next chapters also yay fluttershy!
Let's see, three of Twilight's so-called friends are pissed with her for acting uncharacteristically evil.
Rainbow and Twilight barely survived fighting a bunch of changelings inhabiting a forest right next to Ponyville.
Mother of Celestia, Twilight has some pretty stupid friends doesn't she. Even the crusaders knew something was up, What the Tartarus! So much for FiM.
I do like this story but I really hate those three characters right about now (and where's
?)
Back to the library. Welcome to your new home.