Rainbow Dash tossed and turned in her cloud bed. She desperately wanted sleep to fall over her, but all she could think about was the events of the day, playing through her head like a broken record. The only thing stopping her from literally screaming at herself was her adopted daughter, Scootaloo, sleeping in the other room, snoring softly.
Some element of Loyalty I am, letting them treat Twi like that... she thought to herself.
The image of Twilight Sparkle, the smartest and most strong-headed (if a bit unstable) mare she knew, bursting into tears and flying away still hung fresh in her mind. Exactly one week ago, Twilight was transformed into an Alicorn after apparently discovering her destiny or something... Rainbow didn't understand any of that magic egghead stuff. Twilight was far from learning to fly without immediately crashing back down to the ground or into a tree, but today, she flew almost perfectly for the first time. It was clear her emotions played a part in that. Rainbow Dash knew from experience that emotions can easily effect the way a Pegasus flies. Memories of the Best Young Flyer competition ran through her mind, uninvited. She was so nervous that she quickly turned from the best flyer she knew into a train wreck. She botched the first parts of the Sonic Rainboom, and only managed to complete it through the adrenaline of saving Rarity and the Wonderbolts from falling to their untimely demise. Twilight's sorrow made her take off almost as fast as Rainbow regularly did, and she flew at an impressive speed. The feeling of wanting to kick Applejack in the face quickly returned to Rainbow.
How could Applejack even think of saying that to Twilight? How could Rarity and Pinkie Pie agree with her? How could Fluttershy just... just watch without saying anything?...
At this point, Rainbow was feeling a whirlpool of different emotions. She felt sorry for Twilight. She was unbelievably angry at her friends. Most of all, she was worried about the bonds of their friendship slowly weakening.
Rainbow hoped that Twilight made it back to the library safely. Knowing that she still wasn't one of the best flyers out there didn't help her worried thoughts. She quickly dismissed the thought of Twilight Sparkle getting hurt and stranded. After all, she was the best magic user Rainbow knew, aside from Celestia and Luna. Even more so now that she was an Alicorn. Maybe she was even more powerful than them... maybe.
A soft buzzing alerted Rainbow to the tortoise suspended from a propeller across the room. Tank blinked slowly at Rainbow. When she looked over to him, he swiftly withdrew his head back into his shell. Confused, Rainbow reached a hoof to her face and was surprised to find it wet.
She had been crying. A lot.
Rainbow got out of bed and entered the bathroom to look in the mirror. There was a dark line going down each of her eyes, and her polychromatic mane was ruffled beyond belief. Now she understood why Tank hid away. She looked hideous. She slowly slumped back to her bedroom after wiping her eyes once more and quickly fixing her mane. She didn't want to care too much about her appearance, lest she end up like Rarity... she shuddered at the mere thought of such a fate; constantly obsessing over fashion and spending every waking moment trying to start a trend or make a dress.
Rainbow Dash stared at the ceiling, replaying the events of that day over and over, trying to make sense of it. She was glad Scootaloo hadn't seen the fight between the five elements. Near the end of the fight, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle even got involved. Rainbow couldn't believe some of the atrocious things said about her best friend by their other friends... or perhaps former friends.
Another tear rolled down Rainbow's face as she thought of their friendships actually ending. It already almost happened once, when Discord broke loose for the first time and reversed the Elements that each of them stood for. One thing Rainbow Dash knew right now was that, no matter what, at least she would always be Twilight's best friend. She just couldn't believe this was all just because...
Rainbow's concern about Twilight interrupted her own thoughts. In fact, everything Rainbow thought about seemed to involve Twilight in some way these days. Nopony knew it, and she would probably never admit It, but Rainbow cared for Twilight more than any of the others. The only pony above Twilight was Scootaloo.
She would definitely stop by the library first thing in the morning to check on Twilight. It was a shame that the fight was the first time Twilight had talked to any of the Elements (other than Dash herself) in a week. Before today, before that fight, Rarity, Pinkie, Applejack and Fluttershy all avoided Twilight. Whenever they saw her, they would quickly look away, making sure not to make eye contact. If eye contact was already made, they would run. Neither Rainbow nor Twilight could understand why their friends were behaving in such a way at first. They didn't avoid Rainbow, but whenever she asked about Twilight, they would simply stop talking and ignore her for a bit.
Maybe a quick fly around town will help me clear my head...I doubt anypony is awake at this time... except maybe Twilight.
Quickly recounting the events of the day one last time, she remembered something. She hadn't done her assignment for the weather team today. Just what was it again? Something about the Everfree forest...
Rainbow was confident that she would remember on the way. Deciding to be efficient, she did a dive directly through the wall and ended up outside her cloud mansion with a single strong flap of her wings. She quickly fixed the newly formed Rainbow Dash-sized hole by simply pulling the clouds back over it. She took in a long breath of the fresh night air, and flew off towards the Everfree forest.
Maybe she would visit Twilight Sparkle first...
Keep going : )
Yes, please do! With an intro like that one simply must read a few more chapters...or all of them
Not bad, but maybe a little too vague? It's hard to tell if there is some actual mystery as to why everyone was acting so horrible to Twilight, or if you've just characterized everyone but Dash that way. Maybe give some hint somewhere if it's the former.
Vague, yes but it's enough to get me interested. Keep going, I'm curious to see where this goes.
My reaction at first was not too shabby it has real potential and it was the sort of thing that ran through my head after magical mystery cure and then I saw this is your first fanfic it's a great start I know a lot of people are saying vague but to be honest why he detailed in a prologue I always find with your first fanfic on a website you have time to think about it more I'll be keeping an eye out for this one
It is looking... okay so far. You have some grammar issues, aren't showing, and I believe I saw redundancy once in here. But what you have here needs to be continued anyway. As is, there isn't much. It would be best to continue.
I'll keep an eye on this.
Solid start IMO, could be a wee bit longer.
I'll say this, you hooked me as soon as I saw the prospect of twidash scootadopt, it's one of my favorite story types.
Keep writing and I'll keep watching
Wow, I woke up to see this staring at me... OMYGOSHOMYGOSHOMYGOSH! I never expected this much positive feedback... I expected everyone constantly pointing out every flaw I had made or something!
I'm seeing you all say that it's vague, which is good... that was the original intention. For that reason, and the fact that the next few chapters will get a bit... off topic, I'm adding the Random tag in. Thanks so much for the feedback!
I'll start work on Chapter 1 right away! Don't expect me to be one of those writers who waits 8 months between chapters... expect it at the end of today or tomorrow! I'll try to make it longer. Thank you all again.
Hmm, not bad at all, and I hope you play this whole "all of Twilight's friends hate Twilight" thing out well. It's hard to pull something like that off well without making everyone OOC, but I'll keep an eye on this and wait to see what you deal out.
And already established Scootadoption? Okie-dokes. Let's see where this'll lead us.
Comedy? Random? Adventure?
Teen, Sex, Gore?
Erm... this looks like a sadfic, or has elements of one. What's with all the tags?
It's good though, I like it.
good start so far. very interested to see how you handle the actions of the girls, since they're at odds with each other. not an easy thing to do without making them totally different people. while out of character actions are ok (so long as there's a well explained reason for it), it's still hard to do. and i see we have scootadoption already in place. hope there's a story for that at some point.
Twidash is a given, I wouldn't have found this if it wasn't one, but Rainbow adopted Scootaloo?! YESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!! Sorry. To me, Twidash Scootadopts are just to die for. Definitely gonna read this today.
Edit: Saw, came, loved. my only complaint, which is pretty small i guess, is that Tank is a tortoise, not a turtle. Now, do, please continue.
please please please continue
Hmmm... it has potential.
Also, Tank is a tortoise.
3950310 sorry about that... I'll fix that right away.
3950325 Alright. I look forward to the continuation of this story.
gonna wait for more chapters on this.
reason:
will put this on my read later list....
Honestly, I don't care if Twilight is rejected. She treats friendship like a test anyways.
Looks good so far, so yes, by all means, please keep going. I want to see what happens next!
And does Dash need any help in bucking Applejack (and then the other 3) squarely in the face? 'Cause I've got a very pissed off OC who's more than willing to lend her a hoof with that.
I like it! It's well written for a first fic, better than my first fic. The flow is a little choppy, but that will get better with practice, for sure.
I hate stories with broken up friendships but I saw TwiDash and then Scootadopt, hence why I read this. I'll definitely give it a shot.
3950704
I see someone has a death wish.
3950704
You better get ready to dieā¦
Solid so far. Looking forward to seeing where this goes.