Mythical Diadem

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After an advanced teleportation spell goes horribly wrong, Rarity is sent to an alternative Equestria decades and quite possibly hundreds of years into the future. In a world where war, racism and inequality is a part of daily life. A world covered in a layer of thick black smoke, where the industrial revolution has truly taken its toll.

Scared and alone, Rarity must now find a way to get back home before it's too late.

Chapters (2)

Chapter 1 - The City of Smoke · 16th Feb 2014 · 2,204 words
2,204
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Chapter 2 - The Night Slayers · 15th Mar 2014 · 2,913 words
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Comments ( 11 )

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QuilliamPenn

QuilliamPenn #1 · Feb 16th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 1 - The City of Smoke ·

This story.

I really like where it's going

And rainbow dash with the suit and everything is so, awesome

You get a favorite and a like!

Ese Wey

Ese Wey #2 · Feb 16th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 1 - The City of Smoke ·

I'm realy liking this story so far keep 'em chapters coming.

Gleaming

Gleaming #3 · Feb 16th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 1 - The City of Smoke ·

I like the direction of the story so far, a favorite and a like for you!

Arez

Arez #4 · Feb 16th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1 - The City of Smoke ·

This site needs more Rarara stories

Crystal Secret

Crystal Secret #5 · Feb 16th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1 - The City of Smoke ·

3953236 What's rarara?

EpicSPAR

EpicSPAR #6 · Feb 16th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 1 - The City of Smoke ·

This was pretty good, I think I may follow this story. Also, I kinda like your writing style.

Arez

Arez #7 · Feb 18th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1 - The City of Smoke ·

3953288 A name some people use instead of Rarity. Should've probably clarified that first, sorry ^.^

Anyways, you've got an interesting first chapter. Definitely got me hooked!

Ese Wey

Ese Wey #8 · Mar 15th, 2014 · · · Chapter 2 - The Night Slayers ·

Sweet, new capter! Are you still neading the proofreader because i could help.

Bronetheus

Bronetheus #9 · Mar 15th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 2 - The Night Slayers ·

Rarity is my absolute favorite character on Friendship is Magic, and you've been writing her admirably well, especially in her dialogue. If I may pick one minor nit about her, though, it's off-putting how everyone, including her, considers her to be defenseless. Judging by her performance in the changeling battle, her defense of her "diamond" Tom, and her kicking a manticore in the face, I'd say she knows at least the basics of combat, if not more.

Rainbow Dash is my second-favorite, so you definitely have my interest here.

There are some errors throughout both chapters, the most jarring being ending the beginning segments of dialogue with periods. That should only be done when you're not using a 'said' verb. I can go into more detail if you want me to, but I want to end my comment on a positive note, so let me say that Rarity's outfit is fabulous. She goes so well with steampunk, and I'm not sure why. Then again, she makes everything work.