• Member Since 22nd May, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 29th, 2019

Crystal Secret

A 15 year old girl with a love of ponies and a passion for writing.


After an advanced teleportation spell goes horribly wrong, Rarity is sent to an alternative Equestria decades and quite possibly hundreds of years into the future. In a world where war, racism and inequality is a part of daily life. A world covered in a layer of thick black smoke, where the industrial revolution has truly taken its toll.

Scared and alone, Rarity must now find a way to get back home before it's too late.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 11 )

This story.

I really like where it's going :rainbowkiss:

And rainbow dash with the suit and everything is so, awesome :rainbowkiss:

You get a favorite and a like! :twilightsmile:

I'm realy liking this story so far keep 'em chapters coming.

I like the direction of the story so far, a favorite and a like for you! :twilightsmile:

This site needs more Rarara stories :raritywink:

This was pretty good, I think I may follow this story. Also, I kinda like your writing style. :twilightsmile:

3953288 A name some people use instead of Rarity. Should've probably clarified that first, sorry ^.^

Anyways, you've got an interesting first chapter. Definitely got me hooked! :raritystarry:

Sweet, new capter! Are you still neading the proofreader because i could help.

Rarity is my absolute favorite character on Friendship is Magic, and you've been writing her admirably well, especially in her dialogue. If I may pick one minor nit about her, though, it's off-putting how everyone, including her, considers her to be defenseless. Judging by her performance in the changeling battle, her defense of her "diamond" Tom, and her kicking a manticore in the face, I'd say she knows at least the basics of combat, if not more.

Rainbow Dash is my second-favorite, so you definitely have my interest here.

There are some errors throughout both chapters, the most jarring being ending the beginning segments of dialogue with periods. That should only be done when you're not using a 'said' verb. I can go into more detail if you want me to, but I want to end my comment on a positive note, so let me say that Rarity's outfit is fabulous. She goes so well with steampunk, and I'm not sure why. Then again, she makes everything work. :duck:

When will chapter three be out?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I’ve so far notice that there’s a lot of plot holes in this story. Hope you can if them in a bit.

Login or register to comment