Oh My Goddess, He’s Here to Stay.
Chapter 4: Oh My Goddess, He’s Here to Stay.
As Blueblood wept in the corner, the reception from the rest of the Royal Family was... well, to be honest, even I didn’t expect this. And I’m amazing. They laughed.
They actually laughed.
It started with Cadence. At first, it was just a chuckle. Then, she snorted, in that manner that ponies, typically mares, usually do when they’re trying to suppress real, all-encompassing laughter. Then she made the mistake of looking to Twilight, who was just starting in on the hints of a chortle. They made eye contact, and Cadence grunted, “Don’t look at me!”
Soon after they burst out laughing. I mean rolling on the floor, holding their sides, making the walls shake laughter.
Luna held out the longest. She was just holding back a smirk as Blueblood yelled from the corner, “It’s NOT FUNNY!” She lost it immediately after.
“Oh... oh my... no! You can’t be serious!” Twilight howled. “I just... I can’t! I can’t Celestia-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
“I think Shining Armor’s going to cry!” Cadence choked out between guffaws.
Luna simply leaned against the arm of her throne and cried laughing into the fabric. “Oh, we-we have not laughed so hard in ages! Tis most amusing, Sister!”
Celestia, bless her heart, simply smiled that same, creepy-yet-boner-inducing evil smile that I would soon become addicted to. I swear a guy could fall in love with that kind of hidden wickedness.
Matter of fact, I did, but that’s a different story. One involving alcohol and a whole lot of “NO.”
At that point, Blueblood had crawled his way up to his “Aunt Tia” and started begging. “You can’t let him bear me, Auntie! He’ll make me miserable!”
“Oh, don’t worry, Blueblood. It’s not like he’ll be sleeping in the same room as you. His room is going to be in the servant’s quarters just like all the other maids and butlers,” she “assured” him. Then she thought about it for a moment. Turning to me, she added, “Freude, you are hereby ordered to disregard Rule One Hundred Forty-One as of eight o’clock each evening. At least let him sleep properly.”
I felt a little put out at that, as I had some great ideas for harassing him at night. “Oh, fine. So what time does it kick in in the mornings?”
She smiled at me again. Stars above, that smile. “Six o’clock in the morning.”
I expected the girls to burst out laughing again, but as the statement was followed by silence (Save for Blueblood’s cries of anguish. Delicious.), I turned to see what had quelled the laughter.
The other Princesses were whispering amongst each other, looking rather worried. Finally, Cadence spoke up. “Um, Aunt Tia, you don’t mean... he’s not seriously going to live here, is he?” Twilight and Luna nodded along.
Luna flinched. “Sister, I hate it when you smile like that.”
--------------------
After a nice long debriefing, a re-reading of the things I was not allowed to do, and a proper introduction to the guards relevant to my position (i.e. Shining Armor and everypony posted between my room and Blueblood’s), I was shown to my quarters.
My room itself wasn’t very lavish, by castle standards. But I wasn’t as concerned with the aesthetic quality of the place as I was its practicality. Or, should I say, its potential to become extremely impractical to anypony but me.
I was to start my official position tomorrow morning, as Blueblood was to be given the rest of the day to either enjoy his freedom or mourn it, I wasn’t sure which. Of course, during the tour, Celestia made the “mistake” of telling me that, while I was out each day tending to Blueblood’s needs (which we spent quite a long period of time deliberating), that maids would be attending to my room.
Now, one thing that I think is important to note in regards to my... personal brand of humor. I don’t believe in grossing ponies out. It’s easy, cheap laughs that work on almost everypony. It’s also uncouth and disturbing. So I wasn’t about to leave anything disgusting for the maids to clean or making a mess of my bathroom. After all, they could simply refuse to clean it, and leave me with the mess. That’s no fun at all.
No, I decided to spend the rest of my afternoon “Schadening up the place”, a term coined by my ex-marefriend. Oh yeah, that’s a story. For later.
It starts with the obvious. A tilted painting. An out of place chair. Bed sheets tucked in too hard on one side and slightly off on the other. Which actually makes it easier to sleep, for some reason. But given that I had a whole new, professionally trained audience to tend to, I needed to get creative. Like, for example, moving all of my furniture to the edges of the room, so that I could shift the entire rug exactly 8.5 degrees to the left, leaving it at an angle across the entire room.
Given how many times I’ve done this in hotels, I’ve grown startlingly proficient at it. I can even make the most minimal of noise in the process. Which, given the effort required for an Earth pony to move furniture, is quite a lot anyway. But nopony came to investigate my room. Probably because nopony wanted to deal with me more than they had to.
A good reputation is one that is earned, not embellished.
Now that the rug, paintings, and assortment of decorations had been properly tampered and or shifted, I felt it was my duty to exercise that most basic of etiquettes. Saying hi to your neighbors.
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Like a true gentleman, he annoys the heck out of you.
I SO want to see what happens when this guy and Discord collide.
4344530 the term universe implosion or surreal comes to mind
I was honestly hoping to see more of Schadenfreude interacting with Blueblood. I do feel sorry for anyone who rooms near Bluey... though those rooms might get vacated really quickly so people can avoid getting caught up in Schadenfreude's antics. However, some of the maids might want to pull him aside and say things like, "He really hates it when X happens, but make it look like an accident." or things like that to get back at Blueblood.
4344839 that sounds about right. Blueblood crying his eyes out also comes to mind.
4344924 Oh, believe me, you'll get tons of that in the next chapter.
4344928
BTW, is there a rule that Schadenfreude can't help the Cutie Mark Crusaders try to get their cutie marks???? Because I can totally see him helping them do some stuff that drives everyone else crazy while making sure they don't hurt themselves. Especially if the person being driven crazy is Blueblood
4344896
So much yes!
The Grinches grin, nuff said.
More than you know.
Magnificent BITCH.
Agreed.
Of course.
Schadenfreude has my type of humor. Sadistically playful, maliciously harmless.
And take my reputation of someone to avoid with pride.
Except for those who I like enough to not bother too much.
4345366 Cutie Mark Crusaders Organ Donors, YAY!!
Hmmmm, what about leaving fake piles of poo made of chocolate lying around, and then eating one of them in front of a fooled pony?
Tilting paintings reminds me of the titular protagonist of Jericho, by Crushric. Moving the entire rug, though, brings the prank to a whole new dimension. ;3
There is a lot to love here! I am enjoying reading the backstory to the previous adventures. Though I AM rather curious as to what the next adventure will be! <3
8421516
See the BOFH article "Getting to the Brown, Nutty Heart of the Water Cooler Matter".
As for the bedsheet, I can confirm that it does make sleeping easier.
His neighbours are screwed.
This is going to be so much fun
Rule 142:
Schadenfreude is disallowed from having neighbors.
This ranks as one of my top ten favorite saying to date.
Y'know, we STILL don't have the story about Shaden's ex: we really need that ASAP.