• Published 14th Feb 2014
  • 5,504 Views, 154 Comments

The Stoning Of The Heretic - UniqueSKD



A Changeling is sentenced to death by stoning for uttering the name of the alicorn who defeated Queen Chrysalis. His execution doesn't QUITE go as intended, though...

  • ...
13
 154
 5,504

No Stoning Until I Say So!

The Stoning Of The Heretic

By UniqueSKD

(Here's a fun game for you all to play - How many times does the word 'Changeling' pop up throughout the story?)

Never speak of the Canterlot invasion. Never speak of the failure of that invasion. And NEVER speak the name of that accursed princess who was responsible for our defeat. Any Changeling who disobeys this law shall be condemned to death.

That was the rule that Chrysalis had set in motion immediately after the Changelings had returned to their hive, battered, limping, and exhausted from the events that had transpired during the event that they were forbidden to speak of. Their Queen had made it very clear to them that should any one of them ever speak of that event-that-must-not-be-spoken-of, they would pay dearly for doing so.

Not that any Changeling would even want to talk about it anyway, too hungry or hurt to even want to try and think about the event-that-must-not-be-spoken-of. You'd think it was easy for them to not bring up the subject in the Hive, right?

Not for Shadow Mist, however.

And look where his big mouth had gotten him. Here he was, right outside the entrance into the Changeling Hive, standing on a little wooden platform, his holey legs locked in chains attached to a large boulder, preventing him from flying or running away from his fate. Before his large blue eyes, a massive crowd of Changelings - the drones he served with, had been friends with, and one or two he even had a one-night-stand with - had gathered, each of them with a wicked, cruel smile on their faces.

Especially the ones he had one-night-stands with.

Each one looked his way, holding stones and rocks of various sizes in their magical grasps. They looked eager for something to happen, and Shadow Mist knew exactly what that something was. They just couldn't do it yet until...

Oh, speak of the Devil. Literally.

Queen Chrysalis emerged from out of the entrance of the Hive, followed by several other Changelings dressed in armor, her royal guard, and immediately the crowd focused their attention on her, throwing their gaping legs high into the air as they cheered and whistled in unison. Queen Chrysalis bowed and waved to her subjects with a wicked smile, even catching a bouquet of roses some random Changeling threw her. Queen Chrysalis caught them with her magic, and blew an imaginary kiss to someling in the crowd. Shadow Mist saw a Changeling towards the back of the group look like he had a heart attack and faint on the spot, falling backwards and knocking over a few other Changelings as well.

Queen Chrysalis stepped up onto the wooden platform where Shadow Mist was, and two of her guards stood by the sides of him, perhaps there to see that he did nothing to try and escape. Not that he would even have been able to. Heck, he couldn't even change himself - his horn had broken during the event-that-must-not-be...

Oh to hell with it, he was going to die anyway.

His horn had broken during the failed invasion of Canterlot, when a powerful love-induced blast of magic sent him and his platoon flying across the land along with their Queen. His fellow Changelings of his platoon were lucky to land in soft mud. He had the misfortune of hitting a very hard tree head-on, snapping his horn in two.

Queen Chrysalis raised a hoof high in the air, and the crowd's excitement steadily calmed, as the mass of Changeling's awaited to hear what their beloved ruler had to say. They held their projectiles firmly in their magical grasps, as they patiently waited for their Queen's speech to begin and end as soon as possible.

Queen Chrysalis's green eyes scanned her audience carefully, before with a flash of green light from her unusual horn a paper scroll appeared in front of her, which unraveled itself to display its contents to the Queen. Clearing her throat, and laying her bouquet of flowers down on the floor, Chrysalis spoke, aloud and clearly for all her subjects to hear.

"Drone #117, aka, Shadow Mist," she stated, reading the identification from the scroll.

There was silence for about a minute. The Changeling's in the crowd looked to one another in confusion and impatience. Chrysalis glared over at Shadow Mist, who returned the look with one of puzzlement. He turned to one of the guards by his side and nudged him, getting his attention. The guard leaned close so Shadow Mist could speak to him.

"Why is she looking at me like that?", the Changeling questioned.

"When she says your ID and name, you're supposed to say 'Yes'," replied the guard.

"Oh," Shadow Mist said. "Should I say it now?"

The guard nodded. "Preferably, so we can get a move on with things."

Shadow Mist thanked him and turned back to Chrysalis. "Er..Yes?"

The Changeling Queen rolled her eyes, but decided against saying anything and just continued to read on from the scroll. "You have been brought here today before the rest of the Hive, for you have been found guilty of uttering the forbidden name, and as such," her voice raised, filled with anger and fury as she lowered the scroll and turned to stare daggers at the cowering little Changeling, "you have been branded a heretic to your kind!"

Upon hearing the word 'heretic', the crowd exploded into rants and boo'ing and snide comments towards Shadow Mist. Several of the Changelings in the crowd looked ready to throw their rocks at him, but a glare from their Queen stopped them before they could do anything.

Queen Chrysalis raised the scroll up to her face and carried on reading. "Therefore, you must pay for your crime, and the penalty for your crime is punishment by death. Henceforth," she gestured to the crowd, who all showed their stones, save for a few who clumsily dropped theirs and fumbled around on the floor to pick them up, "you shall be stoned to death, and your body paraded around the Hive as an example to others who would dare to repeat your mistakes."

Shadow Mist spoke up. "My Queen, I don't really understand what the problem is really, if I may be honest. I was only feeding off of the love of that pony with the hat and cloak, and all I said to my friend was 'I wonder if this tastes like the Love of Princess Cadence'."

No sooner had he uttered that name did the crowd explode into a rage, shouting obscenities and rude names at the poor Changeling. The guards by his sides cringed, and Queen Chrysalis gave him a look that nearly made him...well, let's just say if he had needed the bathroom before this moment, he didn't need it anymore, now.

"How DARE you say the forbidden name!" the Queen roared. She turned to her subjects while pointing at Shadow Mist. "My beloved servants! Did you not hear this, this, sinful heretic?"

"YES WE HEARD HIM!", the insectoid mass cried in a unified reply. "HE MUST BE STONED! HE MUST BE PUNISHED! JUSTICE! JUSTICE!"

"Heretic!" one of the Changelings at the front of the crowd squeaked. She wore a large grin on her face, and about a dozen rocks were floating in front of her.

Queen Chrysalis noticed her, and took a few steps towards her. "Shrouding Fog, what did I say about having more than one stone? You know the rules - everyling gets ONE stone to throw, and you have more than that!"

Some of the Changelings in the crowd turned to look at the Changeling in question with disapproving expressions. The Changeling's eyes shifted left and right as she answered her Queen. "Er, well, Your Highness, I, er, um, I'm actually, er, holding on to my friend's rocks while they went to the little bug's room. They'll, er, be back in a minute, I promise!"

That seemed to do the trick, as the crowd began murmuring in an approving tone, while Chrysalis just shrugged and turned to go back to the wooden platform. "Okay, whatever."

She assumed her position at the platform and brought up her scroll again. Reading through the writings, she found her place and continued where she left off. "So, as I was saying, you are to be stoned to death, and you body will be paraded throughout the Hive, to serve as an -"

"OW!"

Chrysalis looked up from her scroll and saw Shadow Mist rubbing his head, a rock laying in front of him. A slight bump was present on his head, where something hard had struck him. "Hey, lay off! We haven't started the stoning yet, you idiot!", he shouted to one of the Changelings in the crowd.

Chrysalis lowered her scroll and turned her attention to the gathered Changelings, a strict scolding look on her face. "Okay, who threw that stone just now?", she demanded.

Noling answered. A few Changelings shifted backwards uneasily, one of them carrying more rocks than the rest, minus one.

"Who threw that stone? Come on, confess or we won't have a stoning at all," the Queen warned.

Everyling immediately pointed a holed hoof at the Changeling with lots of rocks. "SHE DID! SHE DID!" they all cried out in unison. Queen Chrysalis looked at her, and the Changeling looked back with a nervous smile. "Did you throw that stone, Shrouding Fog?", Chrysalis asked her.

Shrouding Fog nodded slowly. "Er, yes your Majesty?"

"Why did you?"

"I thought we were starting, Your Highness?"

Queen Chrysalis sighed. "Did you see anyling else throw their rocks at the heretic?"

Shrouding Fog glanced behind herself, looking at the crowd, before turning to face the Queen. "Er...No, Your Highness?"

Queen Chrysalis pointed to someplace behind the Changeling. "Go to the back. You wait your turn like all the rest."

Shrouding Fog hung her head in shame as she pushed her way through the crowd, towards the back of the group as her Queen had instructed.

Queen Chrysalis shook her head. "There's always one, isn't there?" She went to the wooden platform and raised her scroll in front of her again. "Now, where was I up to?"

"I think this is kinda unnecessary if you ask me, my Queen," Shadow Mist said, after clearing his throat. "I mean, you're executing me just because I said 'Princess Cadence, after all."

The crowd went up in fury at the mentioning of the forbidden name, and Queen Chrysalis once again stared daggers at the Changeling. "You're just making things worse for yourself!", she angrily yelled, pointing a hoof at him.

"Worse? WORSE?", Shadow Mist shouted back, "I'm about to be killed from being stoned to death by about a thousand Changelings, and then have a pole shoved up my poop-hole and turned into a lollipop, which you'll have paraded around the Hive like some sort of sick trophy! How can I possibly be making things any worse then they are already?"

He began to hysterically dance on the spot, tapping his hooves on the wooden platform he stood upon, his chains clinking as he swayed and jiggled his body around. "Princess Cadence! Princess Cadence! Princess Cadence! Princess Cadence!", he sang merrily, further enraging the crowd, and causing a vein to appear on Chrysalis' forehead as her temper reached boiling point.

"STOP THAT! STOP THAT AT ONCE!", the Queen bellowed, her eyes burning with fire - luckily, one of her guards had a bucket of water on hoof - and she stomped across the platform towards the Changeling, who was still dancing and shouting out that accursed name she hated so much. "I SWEAR, IF YOU SAY 'PRINCESS CADENCE' ONE MORE - OW!"

Shadow Mist stopped hopping around and looked to his Queen, who was rubbing the back of her head, where a rock had just hit her. Picking up the thrown rock from off the floor, Queen Chrysalis whipped her head around and marched right up towards the crowd, more furious then she had ever been in her entire life. And she had been pretty angry before.

"RIGHT! WHO THREW THAT STONE? WHO THREW IT?", she screamed, causing all of the Changelings to flinch and recoil from the booming sound of her furious tone. Several of them shot frightened glances to the Changeling next to them, and others suddenly felt desperate for the little bug's room. "COME ON! OUT WITH IT!"

Immediately, every Changeling pointed a holey hoof towards one Changeling "HE DID, YOUR HIGHNESS! HE DID, HE DID!"

Queen Chrysalis turned her attention to the Changeling they were pointing at, who was trying to push through the crowd. Unfortunately the other Changelings stopped him from doing so, and shoved him back, bringing him face to face with his absolutely-mad ruler. If Changelings had pupils, this one's would be the size of pinpricks right about now. He gulped, and smiled nervously.

"Did you throw that rock at me?", Chrysalis asked the slightly-cowering Changeling, staring him down coldly.

"Er...um...Yes?", the Changeling mumbled.

"Well, why did you?"

"Well, you did say 'Princess Cadence', Your Highness..."

No sooner had the Changeling said that name did the rest of the crowd suddenly launch their rocks at him, pelting him with variable sizes, until he was half-covered in a pile of stone. They were about to throw more before Queen Chrysalis began hopping up and down furiously, her black face turning a bright shade of red. You could have sworn that steam was shooting out of her analogous ears.

"STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!", the Changeling Queen ranted, slamming her hooves down onto the ground. Every Changeling froze and turned their heads to look at their Highness. The rocks at the top of the small pile fell off as the poor Changeling victim rose his head up, dazed and very likely suffering from a brain hemorrhage after being hit with hundreds of rocks.

Queen Chrysalis glared at every one of her subjects, her eyes burning with fury and livid rage. "Now look! Noling, and I mean NOLING, is to throw their rocks at anyling, until I blow into this!". She produced a small whistle from out of nowhere, showing it for all of them to see. "When I blow this whistle, that is when you can stone the heretic. Not before - and I want to make this ABSOLUTELY CLEAR!", she warned, looking over her gathered Changelings again,"- even if he or anyling else DOES say 'Princess Cadence'."

WHACK!

The Queen felt something hard hit the back of her head, and she spun around, her eyes blazing with fury and rage, a thousand curse words ready to come out of her mouth. Those words quickly died in her throat, however, as she saw not one, not ten, but hundreds of rocks being throw her way, and her rage was replaced by a look of surprise and panic as she watched the hailstorm of stone quickly descend upon her.

"SHE SAID THE FORBIDDEN NAME!", cried out some of the Changelings, as they launched their stones at her.

"Oh, for fu-", was all Queen Chrysalis could say before she felt the force of rock crash down upon her.

The weight of the stones knocked her to the floor, and she lay there as more and more stones continued to pile up on top of her. Some Changelings ran up to the pile just to recollect their rocks so they could throw them again, and a couple of Changelings even fought over who owned which rock.

Queen Chrysalis's gaping hoof pushed its way out of the pile, seeming to be calling for assistance, before it gave in and collapsed on the ground. Her guards stood where they were, unsure on what they should be doing right now. She WAS the queen of their race, yes, but...she DID also say the name they weren't allowed to say themselves, so technically she was meant to be punished...right?

Shadow Mist watched with his mouth agape, completely and utterly bewildered at the stupidity of these Changelings as they continued to assault their own ruler with a barrage of stone projectiles. He shook his head in disbelief, and simply sat down on his haunches as he watched his stupid cohorts throw stone after stone after stone onto the pile that covered their Queen, her freed foreleg limp and lifeless on the ground, as a pained muffled groan resonated from the pile of rock.

He turned his head to one of the guards and tapped him on the foreleg, getting his attention. When the guard turned his way, Shadow Mist said to him, "Does this mean I'm free to go now, then?"

Author's Note:

And afterwards, Shadow Mist went to live on a desert island somewhere. The End.

Also, go watch Monty Python Life Of Brian right now. It's funny stuff, man!

Comments ( 151 )

47
( or 46-48 )

Ha, Karma's a b****, ain't it Chryssie?

3944447 Some things never CHANGE, eh?

Yeah, that was bad. I apologize.

You had me laughing my guts out at one-night stand!
Haha, he had a one-night stand with one or two drones!:rainbowlaugh:

Let me guess, the females morph themselves to look like drones so they could stone him like the ones in the movie.
Cause if they did, you nailed it.

Now I wanna see a continuation of this.

Okay, THAT was pretty funny! More like this! :rainbowlaugh::heart::rainbowlaugh:

He began to hysterically dance on the spot, tapping his hooves on the wooden platform he stood upon, his chains clinking as he swayed and jiggled his body around. "Princess Cadence! Princess Cadence! Princess Cadence! Princess Cadence!", he sang merrily, further enraging the crowd, and causing a vein to appear on Chrysalis' forehead as her temper reached boiling point.

LoL! :rainbowlaugh:

Pretty silly and humorous one off about how forbidden words can become contagious. Thanks for then ice light read. Though, I only laughed at a couple points, they were good ones. The whole "Especially the two I had on night stands with" and the Changeling with the dozen rocks.

3944366
Exactly 49 times. 48 if you don't count the one in the question asking how many times it comes up in the story.

Ha, I can't stop laughing now! Somebody do something that will make the laughter stop, PLEASE!

3945333 Here, maybe this will do the trick?

3945371 Oh God, that made the laughter worse! Damn you Family Guy!

3945388 Oops! Well, er...shit, son I don't know what to do. All the stuff on my YouTube channel is hilariously random shit.

drone #117

HALO REFERENCE, if you intended it to be a HALO reference.

3945394 No worries, my kitten Percy Trigs just coughed up a furball into my glass of water. That stopped my laughter...

3945424 Then let's start the laughter back up again, shall we?

Fast-forward to 0:34 on the video. He he he...

3945444 OH GOD! You're killing me with laughter!

3945461 Oh, my good Brony...

I haven't even started yet...XD

How about some jokes?

I have been reading the history of glue - I can't put it down!

Twilight Sparkle moved in next door to me - she's my NEIGH-bor!

How ponies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one - A unicorn!

So my friend says to me, "Why do you always walk in front?", and I said, "I'm sorry, I don't follow you?"

So the villain out of Peter Pan released his first single today - I tell you, that song's got a great HOOK!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause' it saw me coming with a KFC bucket!

When Molestia CAME, I fucking WENT.

And that's all I got right now. XD

3945482 Dude, I'm gonna die laughing! And if you want something funny, you should meet Houdini, our ginger cat...

3945522 (Resists the urge to make a Ginger joke, for fear of being offensive to any ginger-haired Bronies...)

3945557 Houdini is known by a few nicknames; Psycho-cat, Houdini the Holy kitty, Scout-cat, etc. Psycho because he goes berserk at random points, Holy kitty because he followed my sister to church once, and Scout-cat because he'd regularly follow us to the community hall when we were going to Scout meetings.

3945668 Well I am known by five nicknames.

Unique - My MLP OC. This awesome guy.

th00.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2014/045/3/1/my_oc___unique_the_anthro_pegasus_by_uniqueskd-d76f4rs.jpg

Dickhead

That Guy Who Makes Shitty Animations

That Douchebag Who Likes My Little Ponies

and my personal favorite,

That Really Cute Guy Who Bronies Come To Like Cause' He's Pretty Awesome.

I particularly like the last one a lot. For obvious reasons.

Though very rarely do I get that one. XD

3945934 I like those. My nicknames are;

Clearshot, (Cause of my last name and my love of shooting games.)

Midge Jr (Cause my dad is Midge, which is short for midget. He was the smallest in his class. Ironic thing is I'm taller than him.)

That eejit. (Cause I'm generally thought of as an eejit.)

That little quiet dipstick. (Cause I didn't really talk to people in school except to make rude retorts when they insulted me.)

That dumbass with his head up his gameboy's rear-end. (Cause I was obsessed with video-games.)

It's weird. I've never seen Life of Brian, but I know exactly the scene you're talking about.

It's that one scene with the priest and the stoning, right?

LOL MONTY PYTHON!

Lifes a piece of shit when you look at it.
Lifes a laugh and the deaths the joke it's true

3945982 Well, we of the UniqueSKD Brony family would rather call you friend', assuming you'd like to join us?

JOIN US!

JOIN US!

LOVE ME!

I mean, JOIN US!

3946080 Always look on the bright side of life!
doo doo! doo doo doo doo doo doo

3946307 Lol. Sure. And I bet the kitten in my arms would like that too.

Truly an underrated classic. That and Yellowbeard.

Also, I am disturbed by the lack of Bigus Dickus...

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy. Now, piss off!

This has a disappointing number of blunts. In all seriousness, I found this quite funny.

3946860 I'd call you a Cheater, but then the Yogscast use TNT to blow shit up when they struggle on a puzzle, and Markiplier uses NoClip when he's stuck on SCP Containment Breach, so I can't blame you. XD

3947288 He has left us a sign! He has left us a shoe! XD

(Here's a fun game for you all to play - How many times does the word 'Changeling' pop up throughout the story?)

Oooh, a drinking game! I love drinking games!

two of my favorite things combined you sir are awesome :raritystarry:

3948840 I'm not awesome. That would be my Followers and Subscribers. I'm just UNIQUE, my friend. XD

'Branded a heretic', '117'... if I didn't know better, I'd say you were a Halo fan, Unique.
Seriously, though, not a bad job. Took one of the most well-known scenes in the history of comedy and (mostly) made it your own.
- Headwind

3949273 What can I say?

On Halo 5, I'm clocking headshots like they be goin' outta style,
Leaving the other team in a big ass pile,
I grab my Magnum and pop a shot in dem noobs,
Record that shit, put it up on YouTube
Plasma Pistol and Battle Rifle - super-combo hit!
I kill them hella fast, so they call me 'Green Shit!'
I'm waiting round' the corner, my Shotgun ready and locked,
You've got a Rocket Launcher, I've plasma nades' in my stock,
Make me a sniper, and I'll hit the long shot scene,
If I get an Assault Rifle, I'm a fuckin' mean machine,
Shoot my load in yo' ass, make a mess you'll never clean,
Or take you out from a distance, you never know where I been

RAISE THE ROOF!

But yes, I like Halo. However, I purely choose the #117 at random, no reference to Halo was intended, but hey I guess it works. XD

Have a Follower!

Comment posted by UniqueSKD deleted Feb 15th, 2014

Oh my... Did you get hit by a party cannon filled with cookie dough to your head?

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
You sir deserve a like and favorite!

I think I counted about 28. :applejackunsure:

No stoning until I say so!

Spark em up, boys!:rainbowlaugh:

Forty-nine instances of "changeling".

Shadow Mist spoke up. "My Queen, I don't really understand what the problem is really, if I may be honest. I was only feeding off of the love of that pony with the hat and cloak, and all I said to my friend was 'I wonder if this tastes like the Love of Princess Cadence'."

Poor Trixie...:pinkiecrazy:

Beautiful, beautiful story! I shed manly te— Wait a minute? This isn't the Awesome Clop-a-thon! I was told this was where the Awesome Stupendous Clop-a-thon would be where clop was implied and everyone ate stale cake! I demand my fugelhorn back!

Forty-eight, not counting the question at the beginning.

3952136 Yeah, well I was told that I'd find true happiness if I sent that Catholic man on the television £10, but we all get screwed in the end, don't we? XD

3950593 Oh, wow your avatar looks awesome.

Login or register to comment