• Member Since 3rd Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago


I'm some dude who used to write crackfics and ran /mlp/arties at conventions. Now I'm some dirty hippie who writes horse word dramas. AKA Big Willy, MarineMarksman.


Everybody's favorite steroid's addicted African American travels to Equestia to spread the word of God's holy deodorant and body wash, Old Spice. Will the Mane Six be able to stop him? Or will everypony be forced to deal with his craziness for eternity?

Meanwhile, Spikes life turns into a living hell and Caramel tries to sell diamonds for buckweed.

Chapters (36)
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Comments ( 1581 )

I am detecting so much win in this fic, or that might be the old spice he's wearing.

:Subspecies known as a black man"

LOL, America. What we teach our kids.

I read that title and my reaction was as follows

:twilightoops: OH GOD! *cringe*

now to read it.

Love this idea:pinkiehappy:
Just wait until Old Spice meets Apple Spice:eeyup:

nopony cares about spike :fluttercry:

my reaction still stands minus the cringe.

i laughed for so long and so hard after reading this. thank you. you made my day. :moustache::trollestia:

What the hell did I just read?

This made my day.

Bravo, good sir. :moustache:

This is brilliant. I wonder if that T.V Doctor that used to recommend Old Spice will show up? Or Maybe even ~Fabio~ No I don't know how ~Fabio's~ name came out in italics.


I saw that it was you that wrote this and I have to wonder, before I read...WHAT THE FUCK AM I GETTING INTO?

Win around every corner...

This is...I don't even...It's like Chuck Norris poured his man sweat into a vat of soap,compressed it,melted it,ate it,threw it back up,poured his very essence of amazingness into it,compressed it back,melted it,rubbed his armpits with it,boiled it,poured more man sweat into it,stirred it with a giant Light Saber,compressed it back,melted it,compressed it,washed his ass with it,melted it,poured another bit of his soul into it,then compressed it again.That is the long lost secret of how to make Old Spice.Don't tell anypony...:scootangel:Or I may have to track you down!:ajsmug:


"Alright Sarge... we know how you write ponyfics... so I have an idea for a crossover."
"Speak your mind."
"The Old Spicy Guys go to Equestria and fuck up there shit."
"...that is so horrible... it is ingenious."
"So, fund it?"
"Fund it!"

dude, i like Chuck Norris as much as the next guy but that is just...:pinkiesick::fluttershbad::pinkiesick::fluttershbad::pinkiesick::fluttershbad::pinkiesick::fluttershbad::pinkiesick::fluttershbad::pinkiesick:
oh and BTW,,,Chuck Norris called justin beier his "buddy" remember?

So much win but so much hate on spike


356086 Chuck Norris is buddies with the Anti-Norris? I call bullshit.


356094 But who gives a fuck about Spike? I'm totally going to make him being abused an inside joke inside the fic.

356106 meh I like spike i'm sure a few more people like spike but hey man whatever floats your boat


356110 I honestly love everything about Spike. His attitude, his personality, everything. I just love how practically everypony treats him like shit, especially Twilight. For instance, in the first episode, there was numerous examples of abuse against Spike in the first couple minutes alone, like Twilight not caring when she slammed a door into him, or when he fell from the ladder.

it's TRUE!!!:fluttershbad:
i heard Gandalf's message to prepare the armies of all epicness... but I fear that all is lost.:raritycry:
WHO CAN RIGHT THIS WRONG:raritydespair: WHEN THE ONE WE WORSHIP HAS ABANDONED US!!!:raritycry::raritydespair:
WHO!!! WHOOOOO!!!:raritycry::raritydespair::fluttershbad::fluttershyouch::raritydespair::fluttershbad::fluttershyouch::raritycry:

356121 meh he's still the best number one assistant a pony could ask for i'd kill to have him as a little bro


356126 Amen brother. He actually reminds me of my little brother.

356124 It's the end of days!

356129 a slave that does everything you want? man i'm jealous


356132 He respects me and does everything I say because I serve in the Army.

356134 that works to, well my lil bro is 15 i'm 17 we hate each other yet love each other and get on each others nerves so ya i'm still jealous

Sorry my royal canterlot voice was on




the amount of win in this fanfic may cause:
laughter :rainbowlaugh:
facehooves :facehoof:
shock :pinkiegasp:

you have been warned


*sees the title....
"Oh this is gun b gud!....... the hell?! Its allready tracked? But I haven't read it yet!"

It should have been this that TERRY CREWS performed in front of Celestia!!!!!


356264 Ingenious... I'll be sure to make him do that after some more of Spike being brutally abused.

356279 But does Terry Crews then block out the sun or Celestia?


356290 Probably Terry.

356296 nonononono no... What I meant was;

Option A - does Terry Crews then block out the sun?
Option B - does Terry Crews then block out Celestia?

"which was covered in the diamonds the were flowing out of the black hairless apes palms" - :raritydespair:
Odor Blocker Body Wash is so powerful it can block B.O. for sixteen hours! It's so powerful it can turn off the sun! But then it gets too cold, so it makes another sun! DOUBLE SUN POWER!
Now I want Luna to say "The sun has been doubled!", followed by Celestia smacking her face :derpytongue2:


356367 It will be done...

356378 :pinkiehappy:
I italic'd the wrong "the" in that comment... dammit :facehoof:


The next chapter is already ready. It will be released tomorrow.

What... the... heck... did... I... just... read...?
At least it wasn't Axe Body Spray

I don't know what I just read
But it was awesome


No one knows what they have read. I don't know what I wrote. But it's provocative.

I haven't the faintest clue what the buck I just read, BUT I LIKE IT. Kudos to you good sir, for this fic contains much win.


355874 Only in America.

O_o NO PONY CARES ABOUT SPIKE! LETS GO! Oh and...DAYYUUMMNNNN he bitchslapped those guards.

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