• Member Since 18th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen May 4th, 2014

Cloud Shimmers


I <3 Rainbow Dash fics I <3 Twilight fics I <3 TwiDash fics

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After Princess Luna returned to her rightful place as Princess of the night, she enlisted the ShadowBolts to serve as protectors of the night. After many months of training, Raven Spectre, a colt from CloudsDale, gets rejected by the WonderBolts. He then gets an offer he can't refuse.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 10 )

the best way to describe Raven, Sinister Kid by Black Keys

Oh yeah... they were a thing in the first season, weren't they?

Hello folks! Stalin and Co. here to bring another installation of Stalinview!
You can know more about Stalin's crew and Stalinview in my blog! And you can always request your own!
Now, let's dig in The ShadowBolt's Redemption by Cloud Shimmers: chapter one: A sinister Kid

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i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Are you ready?

i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Ready!

i44.tinypic.com/xck8jn.png Got my vodka and *hic* ready!

i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Let's begin!


i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Whoa! These gaps before paragraphs are just too big!
i44.tinypic.com/xck8jn.png It resembling piano to me

"WonderBolts"

i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Wonder Blots. Not WonderBolts
i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Lol, Pioneer Dash, you have failed!
i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Oh shi-

i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Some descriptions are... crumbled.
i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png You really should fix your pacing.

"The Flag was dropped and both racers began,"
i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Incorrect verb.

"Meanwhile, Soarin and Spitfire were watching.
"This is interesting," Spitifre said.
"Look at him spin!" Soarin said in amusement."
i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Seriously, what is wrong with your gaps?

"Sonic Rainboom"
i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png You know, Sonic Rainboom isn't a casual move Rainbow can make anytime she want.

"Soarin spoke in a serious voice, "Rainbow Dash executed a Sonic Rainboom, you were too close to it and, well long story short you have a concussion.""
i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Good job, Rainbow! Showed off and injured one of Wonder Bolts!

"OHMYGOSH" Rainbow Dash said excitedly."
i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Stalin sees a problem here. You are stating things, not descripting it. Stalin recommends you to learn how to make proper descriptions.

""give me a call sometime.""
i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Ponies doesnt have a phones. If they did, Spike's magical fire breath was useless, cuz Twilight could've call Celestia anytime.

"ShadowBolts"
i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Ok, guess that wraps this chapter

OVERVIEW:

i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Insight story on Wonder Bolts. Pacing is off, but story itself is fine.

i44.tinypic.com/xck8jn.png Misha is interested in more! *hic*

i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Where are the SPAAAAAAAAAACES?

VERDICT: NOT WITHOUT FLAWS, BUT WORTH TO READING.

352994 WonderBolts is a single word in the show, so I assumed ShadowBolts is the same, the spacing between paragraphs is supposed to separate "scenes". I found your comment enjoyable and will take your advice, thanks for sharing! Also, Raven isn't a WonderBolt, he is a hopeful like Rainbow Dash

You're using "your" instead of "you're".

354426
Both shadow and wonbderbolts are indeed one word, BUT it written like Wonderbolts, not WonderBolts. Check wiki

355655 you'll also notice I spell It CloudsDale and PonyVille, its just my way. I have a different writing style when it comes to spacing and such, including my paragraphs,
Ex: "Look at that." I said.
"What," said my friend.
"Its right bloody there open your damn eyes," I replied

I haven't received any other comments about it, why fix what isn't broken.

355655 Also, yes RD can use the sonic Rainboom whenever she likes

And the story was never heard from again! It's a shame too since this could easily be a fun story to read.

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