The ShadowBolt's Redemption

by Cloud Shimmers

Chapter 1: A Sinister Kid

Spitfire was looking over the standard entrance form for joining the WonderBolts, everything seemed in order, until she looked up at the colt who was trying out. "So, your Raven?"

Raven Spectre stood up straight, "Yes m'am." He was a strong looking pegasus, powerful wings, with a grey coat and a white mane.

Spitfire turned to Soarin, who was half-asleep, "What do you think?"
"He's kind of young isn't he?" Soarin said.

"He's only a few years younger than us," Spitfire noted.
Soarin groaned as he sat up, "Why don't you hit the obstacle course with the other hopefuls?"

Raven nodded, "Yes sir!" He turned around, as he walked out he smiled at the open sky, he was born to fly. He leaped into the air and gave his wings a few flaps, with each one he gained more height. As he began to soar above the other pegasi trying out for the WonderBolts, only one of them challenged him. The mare who attempted this was a cyan color with a rainbow colored mane.

Raven caught up to her, "Hey," He said casually.
"Hi there," The mare said, "Your pretty fast!"

Raven smiled, "You too, I'm Raven."
"I'm Rainbow Dash," She said, "Wanna race?" She smiled with a bold look.

"Your on," Raven said.

The race started by the cloud hoops and was to end at the judges table, they both took there starting places with the other hopefuls cheering for each of them.

"After this, you wanna hang out?" Raven asked.
"Depends," Rainbow Dash asked, "Are you a sore loser?"

Raven smirked, "I hope you know what your getting yourself into!"
The Flag was dropped and both racers began, Raven And Rainbow Dash were keeping an even pace, up until Rainbow was hit by a gust of wind.

"OOF," She groaned, then shook it off. She wasn't planing on losing, not in front of the Wonderbolts. She prepared her signature move, gaining more and more speed until she was nose to nose with Raven.

"Oh, no you don't!" Raven shouted to her, he began to spin in a corkscrew.

Meanwhile, Soarin and Spitfire were watching.
"This is interesting," Spitifre said.

"Look at him spin!" Soarin said in amusement.

Raven was only concentrating on the center point of his vision, this kept him from getting dizzy. As his speed picked up, a mach cone began to form around him.

Rainbow Dash was flying as hard as she could, her own mach cone was fighting to break before Raven's, however his spinning put more pressure on Rainbow. She broke off and flew higher into the sky, once she felt high enough, she dove. This tremendously increased her speed, she was now flying next to Raven with ease, until she reached her goal, the Sonic Rainboom. It erupted into a plethora of color, and created a sound loud enough to blast back the judges.

Raven was too close, the Sonic Rainboom sent him spinning into the ground, once he hit it, he blacked out.

When Raven awoke, he was greeted by the feeling of a hospital bed. He opened his eyes to see Rainbow Dash, looking conflicted.

"What's up?" He asked with a groan.
"Oh thank goodness!" Rainbow Dash said, "I'm so sorry!"

"For what?" Raven said, until he saw Spitfire and Soarin in the room.
Soarin spoke in a serious voice, "Rainbow Dash executed a Sonic Rainboom, you were too close to it and, well long story short you have a concussion."

Spitfire punched him in the arm, "A minor one, no need to worry."
Raven smiled, "I don't suppose I skid along the ground until I reached the finish line?"

This got a laugh from Rainbow Dash, but a glare from the WonderBolts.
"Look," Spitfire said, "Until Rainbow Dash learns some control, she's not going to be permitted onto our team."

Soarin spoke, "However, she needs professional help to learn, so she's going to see us once a week."
"OHMYGOSH" Rainbow Dash said excitedly.

"That's great," Raven smiled at his new friend, "What about me?"
Spitfire turned her head, "Oh yeah."

Soarin looked down at him, "Look, kid, you did great and all, but we can only accept a few each year."

Raven's smile vanished, "A few? You saw me, I was keeping up with her! Who could have possibly ranked higher than me and Rainbow Dash?"

"That's not important," Spitfire said, "WonderBolts train each and every day, and your in hardly any state to do that."

"I get it," Raven said, "You don't want me because you think I can't take it, how many others survived a crash from 500 feet in the air almost breaking the sound barrier?"

Soarin sighed, "Look, we can see you have the skill, and determination, but you can't demand anything more from us, we tried kid."

"Just," Raven paused, "leave me alone."
Soarin and Spitfire began to leave, followed by Rainbow Dash.

"Wait," raven called out to her.
"Me?" Rainbow asked.

"Yeah you," Raven laughed, "I need to ask you something."
Rainbow looked out the hallway, the WonderBolts had already went downstairs, she closed the door, "What?"

"Well, two things." Raven said, "First off, I'm glad I met you and congratulation, Secondly," He scrawled something down on a piece of paper, "write me sometime, okay?."

Rainbow blushed a bit, then took the paper, "We'll see." She turned and walked out the door.
"Smooth," Raven said to himself.

He soon found himself dozing off to sleep, his dreams were boring and not worth mentioning. However he was awoken by a nurse coming into check on him.

"Hows are you feeling," She asked simply.
"Tired and disappointed," Raven truthfully said.

"Well at least you can feel something," the nurse said, "alright, it looks like you may be able to be released tomorrow."
"Thank Luna," Raven sighed.

"Well, I'll let you get back to sleep," The nurse left, and Raven drifted again into his dreams.

Raven was awoken by a shuffling sound in the quiet hospital room, he opened his eyes and saw nothing.

"Hello?" he called out.
for a moment there was no sound, but then a figure in the shadows spoke, "Raven Spectre?"

"Who wants to know?" he asked bravely.
The figure revealed itself, "The ShadowBolts."

Raven's eyes were lit up, "W-what do you want from me?"
"My name is Star Gazer," The ShadowBolt said, "And I am here to ask you something."

"What?" Raven asked.
"Do you fear the things that go bump in the night?" Star Gazer asked with a mysterious tone.

Raven thought, even as a foal he always felt solace in the dark, "I never have before."
Star Gazer laughed, "Well then, how would you like to defend the night sky? How would you like to be a ShadowBolt?"

Raven gasped a bit, "Aren't ShadowBolts, well, evil?"
Star Gazer hummed a tune, "That was when Nightmare Moon controlled them, but now, we fight for Luna's night sky."

Raven thought of this, The WonderBolts never fought any evil creatures, and he did like their uniforms. "You know what, I think I'm in."

Comments

[Cloud Shimmers]

the best way to describe Raven, Sinister Kid by Black Keys

[Moon Shooter]

Oh yeah... they were a thing in the first season, weren't they?

[Stalin the Stallion]

Hello folks! Stalin and Co. here to bring another installation of Stalinview!
You can know more about Stalin's crew and Stalinview in my blog! And you can always request your own!
Now, let's dig in The ShadowBolt's Redemption by Cloud Shimmers: chapter one: A sinister Kid

------------------------

i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Are you ready?

i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Ready!

i44.tinypic.com/xck8jn.png Got my vodka and *hic* ready!

i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Let's begin!

i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Whoa! These gaps before paragraphs are just too big!
i44.tinypic.com/xck8jn.png It resembling piano to me

"WonderBolts"

i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Wonder Blots. Not WonderBolts
i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Lol, Pioneer Dash, you have failed!
i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Oh shi-

i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Some descriptions are... crumbled.
i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png You really should fix your pacing.

"The Flag was dropped and both racers began,"
i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Incorrect verb.

"Meanwhile, Soarin and Spitfire were watching.
"This is interesting," Spitifre said.
"Look at him spin!" Soarin said in amusement."
i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Seriously, what is wrong with your gaps?

"Sonic Rainboom"
i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png You know, Sonic Rainboom isn't a casual move Rainbow can make anytime she want.

"Soarin spoke in a serious voice, "Rainbow Dash executed a Sonic Rainboom, you were too close to it and, well long story short you have a concussion.""
i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Good job, Rainbow! Showed off and injured one of Wonder Bolts!

"OHMYGOSH" Rainbow Dash said excitedly."
i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Stalin sees a problem here. You are stating things, not descripting it. Stalin recommends you to learn how to make proper descriptions.

""give me a call sometime.""
i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Ponies doesnt have a phones. If they did, Spike's magical fire breath was useless, cuz Twilight could've call Celestia anytime.

"ShadowBolts"
i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Ok, guess that wraps this chapter

OVERVIEW:

i43.tinypic.com/r8v9k9.png Insight story on Wonder Bolts. Pacing is off, but story itself is fine.

i44.tinypic.com/xck8jn.png Misha is interested in more! *hic*

i44.tinypic.com/10ymed3.png Where are the SPAAAAAAAAAACES?

VERDICT: NOT WITHOUT FLAWS, BUT WORTH TO READING.

[Cloud Shimmers]

352994 WonderBolts is a single word in the show, so I assumed ShadowBolts is the same, the spacing between paragraphs is supposed to separate "scenes". I found your comment enjoyable and will take your advice, thanks for sharing! Also, Raven isn't a WonderBolt, he is a hopeful like Rainbow Dash

[Not Bradel]

You're using "your" instead of "you're".

[Cloud Shimmers]

354573 Alliteration, and thanks

[Stalin the Stallion]

354426
Both shadow and wonbderbolts are indeed one word, BUT it written like Wonderbolts, not WonderBolts. Check wiki

[Cloud Shimmers]

355655 you'll also notice I spell It CloudsDale and PonyVille, its just my way. I have a different writing style when it comes to spacing and such, including my paragraphs,
Ex: "Look at that." I said.
"What," said my friend.
"Its right bloody there open your damn eyes," I replied

I haven't received any other comments about it, why fix what isn't broken.

[Cloud Shimmers]

355655 Also, yes RD can use the sonic Rainboom whenever she likes

[Zervziel]

And the story was never heard from again! It's a shame too since this could easily be a fun story to read.