Do You Want To See The Moonrise?
A small greyish blue filly ran down the halls of Everfree castle. Before she had to raise the moon, she saw all the ponies in the Kingdom disappear in their homes. Soon, she ran into the throne room in the castle where there stood a white Alicorn mare with a pink flowing mane.
"TIA! TIA! Tia?!" the filly called.
Celestia looked at the filly.
"Does thou want to see the moonrise? Watch the ending of the day. I have been working oh, so very hard, to move the stars into a beautiful array! It's just been kind of lonely, all these things I do, and no pony seems to care. Does thou want to see the moonrise? Or we can hang out till the sunrise!" the filly sang.
The mare chuckled, "Not tonight Luna."
"Okay fine." Luna said trotting away.
Her head low Luna went to the stage where her cutie mark moon stood. Using her magic, she raised the moon. Once the moon was all the way up, she looked out towards the audience. Sadly, no pony was there.
Crying she said to herself, "Why does everyone see through my gorgeous night?"
She spread her wings, and took to the sky. Every pony was asleep, they didn't have any dreams. Luna felt alone in her night. When it came time for Celestia to raise the sun, Luna started to head back to the castle. Celestia awake and ready to bring light to Equestria.
"Hey Luna! Was it a good night tonight?" she asked.
Luna brushed it off and continued on to her room; not even worried about it. Celestia trotted out of the castle. Going to bed, Luna looked out her window, eying the sun come up, and the cheering. Years went by of the same problem, Luna could feel the darkness come crawling in her body. Running to her sister again in the throne room.
"What is it now Luna?" Celestia snapped.
"Celestia? Does thou wanna see the moonrise? I wanna show you come with me! Orion stars are shinning bright, it's such a gorgeous night; oh won't you come and see? The truth is no one seems to notice, all the things I do, I feel like I'm going MAD!" Luna sang.
"Just drop it Luna!" Celestia yelled.
Luna's eyes started to fill up with tears; she ran to her room and cried. Celestia didn't even bother with Luna's problem.
"Aren't you going to check on you sister?" one pony asked.
Celestia looked down, then looked at the other pony.
"I'm too busy right now! By the time I'm done with what I have to do. The whole thing will be forgotten." Celestia snapped.
But that was all a lie. Luna was done for, Nightmare Moon was going to rise. Celestia's choice, is going to hurt a lot of things in her life. Later on, when Celestia returned, she came into the throne room. Luna wasn't there to be seen.
"Luna! Where are you? Are you okay? I didn't mean to snap at you." Celestia called.
Luna came out from behind her throne.
"I can't fight it anymore!" Luna's voice started to change, "There can only be one princess in Equestria! And that princess SHALL BE ME!"
Luna raised her moon in front of the sun, creating an eclipse. A big black ball surrounded her, creating the mare of the night, Nightmare Moon. Celestia and Nightmare Moon fought for a long period of time, until the Nightmare hit Celestia with her with one of her beams, having Celestia hurl to the ground. Celestia, with tears in her eyes, got back up, and looked at the mare.
"I'm sorry sister." Celestia cried, "I must do this... You must be stopped."
Using the magic of the Elements of Harmony, Celestia sent the creature and her sister to the moon.
"NO!" Nightmare Moon and Luna screamed.
With the Nightmare all over, Celestia landed by Luna's crown and necklace. She stared at it, it still sparkled like what her sister's mane would do. Celestia laid down next to it.
"Oh Luna..." Celestia lowered her head, "Sister please forgive me. Why did it have to end like this? If only I had just been there for you, like I ought of to I was remiss. So distracted by my duties, now I'm all alone, I just don't know what to do."
Celestia cringed. Tears already forming, and falling off her white fur.
"Do you want to see the moonrise?"
She buried her face in her hooves. Looking up at the moon, she saw the spots on the moon creating a figure, a mare; the mare in the moon. Crying even harder by this sight, and the memories of the sweet little Luna she used to know. Why?
"Luna." Celestia hiccupped, "I'm sorry..."
Picking up Luna's crown off the ground. It was still beautiful; it sparkled as if nothing had happened to the pony that it once was around. Celestia's mane changed from the pink mane, to the lovely green, blue, and pink kind of mane. Celestia looked at the moon.
"LUNA!" Celestia screamed balling her eyes out.
Her sister was gone, she had to wait a thousand years till she got to see her again. When Celestia finally calmed down, she rose from the ground.
"I hope that when you return home, I'll be able to save you. I'll try my best to be the best sister that I was before this. I will watch the moonrise with you when you return. I promise." Celestia said to the moon.
Slowly trotting back into the castle, alone... She tried to work up the courage to become better.
I promise...
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Thunderscourge · 545k words · 913 70 · 25k views
- dastrdlyW · 29k words · 545 43 · 21k views
- zakueins · 6.5k words · 122 6 · 6.5k views
- Dragryphon · 40k words · 72 2 · 4.6k views
- Meep the Changeling · 21k words · 74 4 · 1.2k views
- Sparkle · 84k words · 159 6 · 10k views
- Mint · 139k words · 372 33 · 7.3k views
- The Wandering Bard · 4.2k words · 83 1 · 3.1k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.083 seconds
Total duration
1,110 users online
1,686,484 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL
Yes, Yes thou wishes to see the moonrise thy dear princess of the beautiful nigh on witch i hold so highly. Yes. I want to see the moonrise...
Alright here's some problems.the grammar is damn awful and the storyline is bad.
3932696 Is this bad comment, or are you okay with it?
3933735 Listen, it was a one day fanfiction and I thought it would be okay. I knew in the back of my mind, it would turn out like my Twilight Murder fanfiction. I was expecting reviews like this from some bronies. I was expecting that. So, I'm sorry for this... but I'm glad that there was at least 1 good review from someone.
This, my good pony, is a complement. I do so love your writing.
3934789 Thank you!
I just wanted to be sure!
3935738 of course my good pony!
3933735
When you criticize a story, please do it correctly. Try this-
"Alright, here are some problems; the grammar needs some correcting, and I personally don't like the story line."
Criticisms shouldn't make an author feel like manure: instead, they should let the author see their mistakes, correct it, and make it better. I'm not trying to be a grammar-nazi or anything, but please don't be a hypocrite. I try not to be, though I admit that I slip up sometimes.
Please don't be offended, because that wasn't my intention.
3934407 I think that it is a good story, and it was very fun to read. I listened to "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" (I am not sure if that is the actual title, though.) while reading it, and I like how Luna's words in the song went perfectly with the rhythm of the actual song. Brilliant!
~Honey Glen
3949984 The actual song to this fanfic is Do you wanna see the moonrise, but the song is a parody of the song Do you wanna build a snowman? And Thanks!
3933735 Actually the spelling is correct. The story is based on a song parody of Do you want to build a snowman from frozen called Do you want to see the moonrise? Obliviously the author used the old English word "thou" which means you and they used the eilemonty and memj cover of the parody song. I sing this song with thou instead of you during Luna's parts since its in the past. I would know this since I'm a Luna and nightmare moon fan.
I must say if this story wasn't already made by you, I would had made it. I fell in love of the song and kept singing it constantly. The story reminds me of my role play as Princess Luna. This makes me happy. I actually imagined some of the scenes in my story of the song. I'm believe you did a much better job than this fan here.
4082846
Thank you!
I think you could do just as good as well!
4083085 true...but I'm more a song-writer and artist. My account name is really my DeviantArt name. I came to this place just recently since I can actually put my stories of my oc, Princess Autumn also because most of the stories I kinda make have Celestia and Luna. I was just about to put my song "Celestia" on here in story platform. I made the song based off my friend who is younger than me but treats me like Celestia would with Luna.
4087157 Awesome! That is so awesome!
4082800 I think what he meant was the grammar. However, I have not heard the song, so I don't know what is intentional or unintentional. Spelling is fine, and the story is fine. To me though, the grammar hinders my ability to read the story correctly (Again, have not heard the song). For example:
To author and other commentator:
' instead of ;
The lack of commas makes reading this sentence too fast.
All in all, it was a good concept. Just a lack of proper grammar and sentence structure. Spelling is still good. Sorry if I come off as rude.
4327936 Sorry, my keyboard on my new laptop hasn't worked right very often. Added on to the thing that my fingers hit the wrong keys all the time, and I don't notice it until the problem is mentioned. Thank you for letting my know that.
4333555 XD I know what you mean. Even worse is when a phone wants to autocorrect. XD
4335118 Yes! My IPod is the worst of it. It keeps changing "were" always to "we're"
I went over it and changed as much as I could from the errors that I saw.
4336615 Yep. I try to not use my phone to type stories unless I have absolutely no other choice.
4342804 Same, or late at night and I have the sudden burst of idea wave, at 2 am.
4343656 Yep, gotta save those ideas. Some are really good... I currently have four stories in the same universe. Working on writing the first story. By universe, I mean that those stories are inter-related, and also differ slightly from established show cannon.
4348054 Oo! When you post them, I shall read them!
4588993 Thank you
7864410 Thousand in a story when I posted it. This was a couple of years ago I think and the rules might've changed since.