Oro_tharr
Joined 13th Sep, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Please leave a comment.
3924134
no
Was pretty decent i liked it was pretty cool keep it up
I see a few places where you could improve, but above that good work.
3924403 Yes.
Alright, here's an opinion. The story has no point. There is nothing that happens that is remotely a decent plot, even for a short story. Not enough reactions are given and not enough information is given for us to realize just how big of an event this dude bowing to her is.
You could improve it by telling us some of the things he's done and by expanding the reactions of twilight, or just making the story a few hundred words longer and get Twilight's reaction to this.
Ending thoughts. You made a world and gave us a glimpse but that world never interested us and it never gave us a reason to be interested. This does not warrant a thumbs down, however since the story was well made in its essence. So I give it a MEH and don't rate it.
That looks like a cliff hanger. Why is it complete then?
3929495 Okay, i'm thinking of writing a next chapter, just don't want to limit myself with a deadline and dissapointed fans.
3929613 See above, i'm planning to continue it.
Twilight Sparkle: "My name is Twilight Sparkle... Say it with me: Twilight Sparkle!"
Pinkie Pie: "Twilight Velvita!"
Rainbow Dash: "Twilight Spackle?"
Fluttershy: "Twilight Sparkle? Eep!"
Rarity: "Princess Twilight Glittering Eveningsky Sparkle!"
Applejack: "Twilaht Sparkle..."
Photo Finish: "Tvilight, Shparkle! I go!"
Trixie Lulamoon: "Twilight, the not as Great and Powerful as Trixie, Sparkle!"
Ditzy Doo: "Twilight Sprinkle?"
Twilight Sparkle:
3944275
I'm unsure if you caught the reference or just felt the need of joking about, but good job.
3950959
Only references I got was that Victor was comparing Twilight with either her mother (Twilight Velvet) or a type of film reputed to bring out the best colors.
3952675 There's a book called "Dawn to Twilight" where in the main character, who's called Cilvana Velvita, in the end dies and is reborn, but we don't see what she's reborn as, the story revolves around her Guardian, The Twilight, and his enemy, The Dawn.