Loving Miracle
The sky grew darker as a storm began to roll in, already the rain was beginning to fall. Fluttershy was outside trying to round up the animals so she could get them inside before the weather got too bad, "Okay. That's the last of them."
She turned to go inside when a noise caught her attention. The pegasus turned around to see a small earth pony filly stumble out of a bush and collapse on the ground, "Oh dear!"
She quickly ran to the filly and knelt down beside her. She was breathing, but faintly. Fluttershy looked around frantically for any sign of the filly's parents. She called out into the rain, "Hello? Anypony out there?" But the mare received no response.
Seeing no other option, Fluttershy carefully lifted the filly onto her back and carried her into the cottage. The filly's coat was a dark magenta color, her mane a sky blue with sections of purple throughout, and she had little freckles across her nose. The filly laid in the bed silently sleeping. It wasn't until a few hours later that a noise could be heard in the bedroom. Fluttershy peeked her head in to see the filly's eyes slowly open, revealing their lavender hue. The filly blinked a few times to take note of her surroundings. Her expression turned from one of confusion to one of panic as she realized that she was in an unfamiliar room. Fluttershy quickly entered the room as she saw the filly about to cry. She carefully stroked the filly's mane," Shhhh.... It's okay. Everything will be okay."
The filly looked up at the mare who had come to her aid. She sniffled a bit as she spoke, "Who- who are you? And where am I?
Fluttershy smiled calmly, "I'm Fluttershy. And you're in my cottage. I found you out in the storm and brought you inside. You were in bad shape, you've been asleep for the past few hours. Now, can you tell me your name?"
The filly began to cry again, "I don't know! I can't remember!" The filly began to sob more.
Fluttershy just continued to sit with the filly and stroke her mane, "It's okay. You'll remember eventually. Everything will be fine, dear. I promise."
Fluttershy sat there with the filly as she calmed down. They sat there together for another hour before the crying finally died down to sniffles. Fluttershy smiled, "There. Feeling better?"
The filly nodded.
Fluttershy continued smiling, "Now, I bet you're feeling hungry after that. I'll go get you some nice warm soup."
As Fluttershy left the room, the filly just sat there taking everything in. She couldn't remember her name or where she had been. She didn't even remember being outside when the storm came. The memories were there but they were too fuzzy to make out. She just sat there thinking when Fluttershy returned. The mare smiled setting the tray on the bed, "Here you go. It's still kind of hot, so you might want to let it cool so you don't burn your tongue."
The filly took the soup and carefully blew on it and took a sip, "Thank you, Miss Fluttershy."
Fluttershy just smiled in return, "It was no problem at all."
The filly made a miraculous recovery considering her condition, so the next few days were spent trying to find anypony who knew her. No one seemed to recognize her though, and the filly's hope of finding her memories got smaller and smaller. A few weeks later, with no progress made, Fluttershy and the filly were in the cottage getting ready to feed the animals. The filly had insisted that she help Fluttershy with the animals since Fluttershy had spent so much time helping her. Fluttershy was first to break the silence and spoke up, "I've been thinking. Since we can't find your family, and I can't just keep calling you 'filly', we should give you a name."
The filly looked questioningly at Fluttershy, "Give me a name? Like make one up?"
Fluttershy nodded, "Precisely. It should be something nice. Something that reflects you. I was thinking something like 'Loving Miracle'."
The filly contemplated it, "Loving Miracle?"
Fluttershy nodded, "Yes. I think it fits you well. You are just so caring and kind, and it was a bit of a miracle that I found you. So there it is. Loving Miracle."
The filly contemplated it for a moment before smiling the biggest smile of her life, "I love it! Thank you Fluttershy!"
Fluttershy and the newly named Loving Miracle spent the rest of the evening together playing with the animals.
Loving Miracle awoke early the next day to an impatient bunny thumping the side of the couch. Fluttershy had insisted that Miracle take the bed, but she refused and slept on the couch instead. The two compromised by deciding to switch out each night. Loving Miracle rubbed the bunny's head between the ears and giggled, "Good morning, Angel."
Miracle yawned and crawled off the sofa and made her way into the kitchen, "I suppose you want some breakfast, huh?"
The little filly began to get out some carrots and lettuce for Angel when she noticed a note on the counter. It was a note from Fluttershy saying how she had to go into town to run some errands and would be back by lunchtime. Loving Miracle smiled, "This is great! I can prove how responsible! I'll feed all the animals, and clean the house, and Fluttershy will be so proud!"
True to her word, Fluttershy returned around lunchtime with bags of groceries and an envelope for Miracle. She walked into the kitchen and set the bags on the counter. Fluttershy looked around and noticed how clean the house looked. The floors were swept and the little birdhouses hanging from the ceiling were free of dirt and dust. And then she spotted it, little Miracle sleeping on the floor with Angel on her back. Fluttershy smiled softly, "Oh, she's so cute. She must have worn herself out trying to clean up."
Fluttershy nudged the sleeping filly in an effort to wake her. Loving Miracle yawned and wiped at her eyes, "Mmmm.... Momma?"
Fluttershy giggled, "Time to wake up. I have a present for you."
Loving Miracle groggily sat up and rubbed her eyes to try and wake herself up. She yawned once more, "What is it?"
Fluttershy brought the envelope out and handed it to Miracle, "Open it up and see." The pegasus smiled brightly.
Loving Miracle opened the envelope and pulled out a piece of paper. She blinked a couple times before reading the letter, "Ms. Fluttershy. We are pleased to announce your adoption of the filly known as Loving Miracle. Enclosed in this envelope you will find all the official papers and certificates needed to prove the legality of your adoption. I hope you and your new daughter are very happy together."
Miracle read the note again. And again. And again. She put the paper down and pulled an adoption certificate out of the envelope and smiled. She looked up at Fluttershy with tears in her eyes, "Mo--Mommy? You're my mommy?"
Fluttershy nodded, "Yes, Miracle. I decided that you've been here long enough, and since we couldn't find your real family, I would make you part of mine. Is that okay?"
Loving Miracle smiled and hugged Fluttershy. She laughed and cried into Fluttershy's outstretched legs, "Of course it's okay! Thank you, Fluttershy! Thank you, Mommy!"
The next few days were spent getting Miracle adjusted to her new life. They cleaned out an old storage room and began purchasing furniture for Miracle's new bedroom and enrolled her in the local school. Loving Miracle and Fluttershy continued their lives as a family. Fluttershy read bedtime stories to the filly and Loving Miracle wished her mom a good day as she left for school. Life had never been better for the two ponies. But what goes up, must come down.
It was a rainy Saturday and Fluttershy had left to run some errands before the weather got any worse. Loving Miracle was home alone finishing her chores for the day. The magenta filly was in the bathroom cleaning up the medicine cabinet. She was standing on a stool so she could reach the higher shelves. Fluttershy had told her not to worry about the higher shelves if she couldn't reach them, but Miracle wanted to show Fluttershy that she could be a big pony. Loving Miracle was reaching up on the tips of her hooves to dust the final shelf when a loud boom of thunder rocked the house and Loving Miracle fell from her perch, hitting her head on the hard tile and passing out.
A few hours later, Fluttershy returned home. The rain was pouring outside with the occasional boom of thunder and crash of lightning. The pegasus hung her coat on the coatrack and called out for her daughter, "Loving Miracle! I'm home!"
Fluttershy walked into the kitchen to put the groceries away and didn't hear a response, "Miracle? Dear?"
It was then that she noticed a very upset Angel Bunny. The rabbit seemed worried and angry at the same time as he pointed towards the bathroom. Fluttershy followed Angel as he kicked the door viciously. Fluttershy gently pressed an ear to the door and she could hear a strange buzzing noise along with, was that whimpering? Fluttershy knocked on the door, "Miracle? Are you in there?"
A strange, raspy voice answered, "Go away!"
Fluttershy tried turning the doorknob only to discover that it was locked. She began to pound on the door, "You let me in there this instant! Whoever you are! If you hurt my little Miracle I'll... I'll..."
The voice answered back, "No! Just go away!"
Angel grabbed the emergency key that they kept incase they got locked out of a room in the house. Having crazy animals in the house caused this a lot. Fluttershy quickly turned the key and shoved the door open. Sitting in the corner of the room was a small black creature. As Fluttershy moved closer, she could see that the creature was a changeling, and it was crying. Fluttershy stood in shock. She didn't know what to expect, but she didn't expect a crying changeling in her bathroom.
The changeling looked at Fluttershy before shouting at her, "I said go away! Just stay away from me!"
Fluttershy took a step closer, "I-I don't want to hurt you. But-"
The changeling glared at the pegasus, "Don't you know what I am? I'm a changeling! I hurt ponies and steal their love! Why wouldn't you want to hurt me?! I'm a monster!"
Fluttershy stared at the changeling on her floor, "You just look so scared. I don't want to hurt you more. But you need to tell me where my daughter is. I need to know."
The changeling sniffled before crying into her hole-ridden hooves. It was then that Fluttershy noticed the large bump on the changeling's head near it's horn. She looked around the room and finally took the room's horrible condition into effect. There was a spot of greenish blood on the cracked tile, probably where the changeling hit it's head, and a stool toppled over next to it. A pink and purple feather duster lay in the corner, the one Loving Miracle always used when she had to dust shelves for her daily chores. Fluttershy looked back at the sobbing changeling and began to put things together. Miracle's sudden appearance at her cottage, her lack of memories, the sudden recovery after she was showed that bit of kindness, her abundance of energy. It all made sense. Fluttershy sat next to the little changeling and stroked it's head where the mane would have been, "Shhhh.... It's okay. Everything will be okay."
The changeling woke up in Loving Miracle's room. It looked around frantically before spotting Fluttershy sitting in the corner, "Oh. You're awake."
The changeling just looked at the pegasus, "Please. Just send me away before I hurt you."
Fluttershy sat on the bed next to the changeling and wrapped it in a hug, "I could never do that to my daughter. I love you, Loving Miracle."
The changeling pushed Fluttershy away, "No. I'm not your daughter, not anymore. I'm a monster, I've been stealing your love all this time, feeding off of your kindness. I can't be Loving Miracle anymore, she was a pony, I'm not."
Fluttershy just looked sadly at Miracle, "You can't steal what's freely given. And it doesn't matter that you aren't a pony. I love you the same as I did before. Just because you look different on the outside, doesn't mean you aren't the same inside."
She pulled Loving Miracle closer and held her tight, "No matter what, you will always be my little miracle."
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Thos idea was brought up before but not very often... Better make this good. *favorites.
Well, this was a good short story.
A little short for my tastes, as it seemed to happen so quickly.
Regardless, I enjoyed it!
Fluttershy would be kind enough to still love a Changeling, after all.
Well... The pacing is my main issue, but otherwise fine.
4243433 Yeah, that always tends to be my main issue with writing. I like to get from point a to point b but tend to forget about what happens in between.
Man, reading this while listening to "Majestic" by Wax Fang kind of hit me hard. A very nice, unexpected twist.
Bravo!
Here's some... uh... things I'd like to say? Like a review of sort.
Good
The idea of memory loss at the start involving a little filly. Good idea. A little overdone, but its there.
Where she falls asleep feeding Angel? Cute. Tres cute.
Adoption papers. Lovely add.
Decent grammar.
Fluttershy is about 75% in character, so I'll 'ehhhhhhhhh' it. Some lines are just a little off. But most are spot on. Kudos. This ain't easy.
Bad
Naming the filly 'Loving Miracle' even though she does not show any 'real' sign of miracle (she wasn't even injured, and she didn't help Fluttershy create any miracle) is rather cringey. It's like naming your son Mr. Future Supermodel because I want him to be a supermodel in the future, or Miss Instant Happiness, because... well babies.
The filly realising she's a changeling and reacting as such. While there are such things as partial memory loss, you don't forget you are human, white, black, disabled etc. Similarly, I don't think you'll forget that you're a changeling. On top of that, if she really loved Fluttershy, she would have done one of three things. 1) Reveal to her. 2) Run away. 3) Hide it from fear that she'll lose this love. She wouldn't just cry in her room and stay in there.
Emergency Key? Really. To her 'child's' room. Wow. Creeper mum alert.
Instantly knowing she's Loving Miracle?... Yeah no. I don't believe Fluttershy would somehow see that unless there was a very obvious featured that reminded Fluttershy of Loving Miracle, like a memoir, or a necklace, or maybe even how she would act.
Pointers
The pacing zooms by. Take your time :) The story is more about the journey: how the character develops and gets to the ending point.
Certain punctuations are uh... misused. I don't have the time to quote, but at certain parts, semi colons or em-dashes would have been nice. Consult a proof reader.
So what is the changeling, Loving Miracle, originally doing at Fluttershy's? How did she get 'injured'? (Even though there was no mention of injuries or healing of cuts) It was never mentioned.
If Fluttershy found her in the rain, shouldn't she be covered in a thick, warm blanket, and be dried with a towel or something?
I'd take out the part where you tell us that Loving Miracle actually fell while Fluttershy was out, and replace it with a whole new scene where they discover that the changeling is actually Loving Miracle. Add some suspense, feelsy moments, rain BGM in the background, and tears. There you go. You have an accomplished scene. But its just me :3 (P.s. This is the Show Vs Tell example that some people don't really grasp the concept of. What you did was telling us that she fell and Fluttershy found out she's a changeling afterwards. Instead, show us that fell and was discovered to be a changeling.
Also, fallacy. The changeling wants Fluttershy to hurt her because she is a monster. But by hurting someone, aren't you becoming a monster yourself? :3
Overall: 5.5/10.
-2 for SUPER FAST PACING
-0.5 for plotholes
-3 for cringeworthy stuff
+4 cute stuff
+2 twist at the end
+2 consistent character
+1 grammar
Everything up to the changeling transformation was well done, but then the entire story jumps off a cliff. You resolve the major conflict in just a few paragraphs. This would have been much better if it was twice as long.
Good, but short and the ending is a rushed, not to mention it kinda just cuts off randomly.
Very short but very sweet
Would you like an editor?
Whoa, I didn't think it was that bad of an accident!
Amazing story!
I can has sequel?
Also, 35th like! 
I feel like there's some squandered potential here. I mean, everything went by so fast, and I think if you would've slowed down and added some details it would allow for some good character development. It would also make the realization at the end more hard-hitting because we would feel really attached to this character. But as it is this is a nice little story, so have a thumbs up.
sequel!
4245890 YESSSSSSS!!!!!!
Pretty good, though it could use some extension, and not necessarily to the ending. It would be nice to see a little more of the interactions Loving Miracle had before being revealed as a changeling, like meeting some of Fluttershy's friends, going to school, and contending with a jealous Angel Bunny. Just all around slowed down, I guess. Of course, that doesn't mean that more to the end wouldn't be nice also, so I'll jump on the bandwagon and say a sequel would be nice.
I honestly didn't see that coming. Not once did it cross my mind that miracle could be a changeling. Though that does explain her lack of memory. Cut off from the hive, her mind was overloaded with the emptiness it left. She must have been assuming her pony form shortly before she was cut off from the hive.
I really liked this Fic. You get a like, a favourite, a follow and these
I think you mean, 'prove how responsible I am.'
4247518
Really? Was it THAT unpredictable?
I knew she was a Changeling the moment I read the description.
Let's see, accident, prevention of normal life, anything Fluttershy would not consider loving... Changeling.
I'm not trying to come up as a sort of douche (as a matter of fact I really enjoyed this story) but I just want to point that out to the author maybe. It may just be me, but the Changeling thing was too predictable.
*cough*thatandthere'sachangelingtag*cough*
4247703 well yeah. I thought that implied some mutation or something like that. It never occurred to me once that she was a changeling
Cute, short, and to the point. I like it!
I feel like you could have spent a little more time in character development, but I understand that this is exactly what I came for. However you put it, it was still fun!
Liked and faved, with a good feeling inside.
*sniff*
That, that was beautifull.
Can you make a sequel please!
Loved it. However, you may want to consider substituting "Miracle," or "Loving," for "Loving Miracle" in a few places. You know, just to add some variety.
4247703 This comment spoiled the entire story for me T_T
IM GANNA KILL U
4243569
1st part T.T
Middle part e.e
Last part U_U (sleeping)
sorry no offense but the comment is VERY LONG
4250187
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know people read the comments before they read the actual story.
Congrats on hitting the popular list! You deserved it! :)
The ending was a bit lackluster and the transition from her being found, and being adopted was practically nonexistent. I would avoid the changeling tag to keep the climax climactic. Nice idea, but the execution was kind of weak. You aren't a bad writer, just take your time 6.5/10
This could easily be expanded into the rest of Miracle's life. Have you considered doing so?
4251142 :P Yea i wub reading comments
I found this story cute and relatively well written but was just way to short probably needed at least another 1000-1500 words at the end in my opinion.
I enjoyed that and almost cried it was perfect
4243569
I disagree that having keys to every room in the house as a parent is creepy; the idea that a child may hurt themselves and be inaccessible is more frightening then a parent being able to enter a locked room in my opinion.
I agree with much of the rest of your critique, though I am willing to give the specific sort of amnesia a pass; it's a common enough trope.
As an aside, I find the idea of resolving an adoption without the child's input to be just a touch odd; better would be for the prospective parent to have the paperwork drawn up but unfinished and to ask the child if they want to be adopted.
I rather liked the story on the whole; it could defiantly be elaborated upon and smoothed out, but it's satisfactory.
4255793 where i live, our rooms have no locks, so keys are out of the question in my expertise xD
Overall, this is good. I enjoyed reading it. But it could have been GREAT if you had just drawn it out a bit more and fixed some minor plotholes. There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said. Just know that pacing, execution, and general rereading can be crucial to pieces like this. This is definitely a good fic already-- it just could have been better.
Must do one of the follow
1- continue this
or
2- MAKE A SQUEAL!
I love it
. More please
I would love to see this story fleshed out and given more attention to detail. The Potential so make something Beautiful and epic is here, it just needs a bit...actually it would need a lot of work buy you could make something truly epic out of this. You wouldn't even need to change the story line. Just add in more detail and divide it into chapters.
For example you could expand on how Flutershy first found her, the recovery, maybe introducing her to Flutershy's friends. possibly a sub plot or two and before you knew it this would take off.
As it is this is a short and sweet fic, But there is so much untapped potential in these ideas that I am dying to see explored. Someone needs to use them.
Does this really qualify as sad? I mean, it couldn't of had a more feel-good-ending.
Ah whatever. Amazing story.
4247732 >Changeling tag
4264729 i honestly thought that meant fluttershy would be saving her foal "from" a changeling, not that she actually "was" a changeling
To be honest,this is my first changeling fic I've ever read; you've given me a flawless first impression. The story is beautifully sequenced, each event directly progressing into the next. I did sense so e foreshadowment, which made me even more interested in how the scenes would play out.
Wonderful
An up thumb and a star
No, just... no
Ach mein gott!
Great, cute story.
It really needs to be longer though... the pacing (especially in the beginning) seems a bit to fast.
This story is the equaling of a thin, sugary cookie. Doesn't last long and not very filling but sweet enough to get diabetes from.
*dons Yahtzee Crashaw's hat*
I liked the concept and description, but the execution was a resounding "meh".
There needed to be some sort of break/time skip indicator since the changes between scenes that occurred at different times was pretty jarring.
It feels more like a story outline, to a longer multi-chapter story.
The story is kinda like raw broccoli that's been washed. It's not terrible, but it's bland. With some time, sauce, and other ingredients, it could be something great.
As is, it's a bowl of washed raw broccoli without dipping sauces or dressings.
(I swear that I am not trying to be a dick)