Roamingmoon
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You have some grammar problems here
Right, so I've forced my way through three chapters so far to satisfy my amateur literary criticism bent, and I think I can safely make a list of things to improve for the next draft:
Spelling and grammar -
Though the spelling and grammar here isn't as bad as some stories I've seen, it is still not perfect. This is the biggest thing you can do to improve the readability and likeability of your writing. If the spelling and grammar are off it makes people have to do extra work translating it to proper form to understand what you're saying, and any brilliant storytelling will be lost in the translation.
Formatting -
Working on the infinite canvas of the page may seem like you don't have to worry much about it, but in reality it makes it even more important. Study formatting in books and successful fan works, you will notice similar formats in all of them. First off, center justification should only be used for titles, headers, poetry, or songs when writing fiction. For everything else, left justify your text. Either indent new paragraphs (hard with fimfiction's formatting tools) or leave an entire empty line between them. When a new character starts speaking, always make a new paragraph. As for the point of view transitions you do, marking the transition is unnecessary if you have what is called a third-person omniscient narrator. It assumes the narrator, and by extension the reader, can see anything you want them to. The point of view change is implied when you start talking about the new character.
Presentation details aside, let's move to the meat of your story thus far and how it relates to tropes. Tropes are recurring plot devices and themes in story telling, and various genres of stories have their own tropes associated with them. I will list the major ones you've hit here and let you know the dangers you encounter while writing them.
Death Ponified - instead of dying, a human(s) is transported to Equestria for another shot at life.
This is dangerous because it is often used as a cheap ploy for heightened emotion to garner sympathy for the protagonist. You want your readers to like your protagonist for who he is, not the back story you give him. For instance, Steve Jobs had cancer, but it did not change the fact that he was an ass on a personal level. In addition to being a fairly cheap way to tug at your readers' heart strings, it has also been used to death. Your usage of it avoids the emotional blackmail, and is straightforward over and done with very quickly.
Mary Sue/Gary Stu/Alicorn self insert - the author inserts him- or herself into Equestria as distinctly out of the ordinary, even as an Alicorn.
This is dangerous. Never, ever do this unless you are planning to heavily subvert what it entails. This tropes danger is as follows: with an over powered, universally liked protagonist, no conflict seems reasonable. Without conflict, a story isn't worth reading. This can be subverted if you are planning on making the protagonist's new power useless somehow. For example, in a certain HiE fan fiction the protagonist is shown to have a unique power over the villain, only to find out that the power and special treatment he's been getting has been from the real mastermind behind the scenes. Another way to subvert the trope and avoid the cliche would be to warp it into the unwanted power trope, which is far less used in fan fiction.
Getting down to the heart of the matter, if you've stayed with me this long, is the biggest problem.
This is chapter 3, and we still don't have any conflict. The protagonist doesn't seem to want anything he cannot easily obtain, and he faces no adversity in obtaining any of it.
To put that in perspective, it's like walking on a treadmill when you could be taking a scenic hike through the woods. There's travel, sure, but nothing of importance is going on. All stories told, throughout all of human history, are about somebody who wants something and has to work to get it. This is the heart of story telling, the heart of fiction.
Thank you for that your the first to acually review my story and i apriciate it right now though in the story he mainly is just getting settled right now he is getting a little more of a personality slowly next few chapters i might introduce a villain mabye like a oppisite of himself dont know just got a good OC for that ill see it will go as it go and i will keep your review in mind