• Member Since 21st Mar, 2012
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meme-asaurus


An American who doesn't go to cons. Follow me on my Tumblr and on Fanfiction.net.

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Applebloom wakes up to see that she has both a horn & wings! Will she have to leave her friends & family for a boring life as princess? (My first fanfic, people. Don't be too shy on the comments.)

(...Don't look at me like that! I am NOT trying to gain readers by cashing in on the "alicorn" cliche! Which reminds me...)

(AllponiesarepropertyofHasbroandLaurenFaust.IownnothingexceptthisTOTALLYORIGINALfanfic.)

(Huzzah! The rights have been doubled!)

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 136 )

Loving this story! Follow!:rainbowkiss: So, awesome!

What did I just read? Really what did I just read?:rainbowhuh:

Ok first the basic plot: Well I've seen each of the Mane 6 become Alicorns, OCs become Alicorns, but I don't think I've read one yet that has any of the CMC become Alicorns. So congrats by having Apple Bloom becoming an Alicorn you've done something somewhat unique.

Now for the rest, formatting looks good, grammar and spelling... meh. Author Notes in the main body, not good... I'm not even going to get into the humor since this is supposed to be a funny one. You have work to do to improve.

First time I've seen a fic where it's somepony other than one of the mane 6 turning into an alicorn. Like the idea, but the chapters seem a bit short at the moment.

I give a thumbs up for effort.

But Its really not my kind of things.

Still, good job. I bet you got a story on your hands there.

OK, few critiques: Only use page splits when a scene transition occurs, (things in parentheses are not necessary for dramatic expressions, or blunt mentions shouldn't be used), and don't underline for emphasis, use italics.

I'm sure there are other things you can improve on, but I'm not that proficient in grammar in and constructive criticism, but this does look like a promising fic.

I'm not sure if this is a slight trollfic or just a semi-badly written alicorn fic. Either way, pretty good stuff!

And so all was made clear-
*disk scratch
:rainbowhuh:wait what?
The worms were doin what now? :rainbowderp:
And you sneezed while asleep with the hiccups along with the alignment of.....:facehoof:


Still tracking, want to see where this goes :pinkiehappy:

354863

Well.... We have had a CMC alicorn before if you count Nyx, but that's not really the same kind of story. She was created that way, not an ordinary pony who suddenly was alicornized. (I just invented a word, yay!)

Brilliant. AliTwi is massively overdone, it's about time people start alicornificating ponies at random!

The potential of a tiny alicorn hayseed is endless. Tracking this.

Humor felt slightly forced in this one, scattered with spelling mistakes. Though I'm hoping Applebloom mangling 'celestial' was deliberate, because that was adorable.

Take out everything in your summary after the word "princess." You don't need to justify that it's your first fanfic, you don't need to insist that it's not a cliche, and you don't need a copyright infringement warning, because nobody here assumes you own the show. It's fanfiction.

That being said, it's an interesting concept. You can write pretty well, even if the chapters are short.

It seems like there could have been more detail as she goes to breakfast. Get rid of odd things like "not even the all-seeing eleven-thousand eyed beast named Sam, (who, that everypony knew, could like, see everything)" that just don't make any sense. Actually, as I'm reading this, there's a lot of odd random stuff that makes it seem like you're trying too hard to be funny. The concept already lends itself to interesting situations, don't try to shoehorn in stuff like "exactly 2,138,645,391 earthworms (gasp) whistle a dubstep remix of the Pony Pokey" that'll just make your readers groan.

Also, I think that her family would instantly notice if she had wings and a horn. She could've walked into the room, wondered why everypony was staring at her, and then lift the spoon with magic before realizing what's different.

She sees Twilight as her "deus ex machina." How does Applebloom know that word?

poor Applebloom! well, she's so cute, so she'll learn to be a good princess, I bet.

im tracking it but as a reader im specting a major change in the way you write it... Still you my firend are good in this!! keep doing it

You've got me interested. Needs a little fine tuning, but it has a solid base and has the potential to develop into a great story. I'll track this.

355046(Sees 18 new comments) :raritystarry: (Sees JasontheHuman read my story) :rainbowkiss::pinkiehappy: (ACTUALLY reads comments) :ajbemused:

It's okay, love and torlerate! :derpytongue2: And *maybe* Sam the multi-eyed monster was just a *little* over-the-top.

MAYBE.

Good news, everpony! I've just discovered spellchecking! And no more author's notes in the middle of the story. Promise. :scootangel:

So, where is Pinkie Pie and her "So your a Princess/Alicorn party" :pinkiesmile:

358148 Uh-oh. I've forgotten the existence of Mistress Pinkie Pie! :derpyderp2:

WHAT KIND OF BRONY AM I?

358164 your the type of brony that needs to quickly make up to the Great Pink One and seek her party forgiveness :derpytongue2:

358183 Okay, I've forgiven myself and found a loophole:

The only ponies that know that Applebloom's an alicorn are Luna, Celestia, Big Mac, Granny Smith, Applejack, Twilight, & Spike. Pinkie & friends shall get in the loop as the plot demands. Thanks 4 the critique, Sgt. Brony!:pinkiesad2:

Welp, a new chapter, fresh outta the oven. It's a short one. Enjoy, I'll be busy typing up the next! :twilightsmile:

man! I am now waiting for next chp.

42... The answer to life. Also, remember that one scene in, I think, Lesson Zero with magic kindergarden? There be'ith an alicorn in thar in the background! She's a cream colored pony with a lavender mane.

Oh sweet Celestia, the world will end if THOSE three are put in charge.

358934:pinkiegasp:Whoa! Really? (checks Google) By Lauren Faust, you're right! How did I not know this?:applejackconfused:

...Whatever. I must've just forgot it.

Oh, the suspense is killing me!

358934
42 isn't just the answer to life, its the answer to that, the universe, and everything :pinkiegasp:

Anyways tracking this to see where it goes.

:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:
OHH MYYY GOOOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

I don't like what you're implying there Author. But I will still read it.

360308

Not mad, but I'll probably be sad. :applecry:

is hoping they no hate on each other, that would suck, but your the author so whatever you say goes :U

Friends get cutie marks, Applebloom becomes alicorn. Fair trade?

this is my reaction when i see a Blue Screen :derpyderp1: and then :pinkiecrazy: or else :raritycry:
was anyone of those the reaction of the CMCs?

You don't even have to go as far as tearing the world apart... All you have to do is tear spelling and grammar apart.
But sometimes thats a good thing.

Bonus Event: Whoever uses this icon:applecry:for this chapter wins a free internet!

I'm a rebel, I will use THIS: :twistnerd:
Hope Apple Bloom can fix things up with her friends :fluttercry:

“Twist,” she hissed, a combination of ice, steel, and venom coating her every word.
I like this kind of description. Well done.

The writing style feels a little unconventional but I really like the story so far. Poor Applebloom though:applecry:

so short :pinkiecrazy:
good writing, just doesn't last long enough though :rainbowlaugh:

Poor Applebloom, forced into royalty and now her friends are angry at her. What else could go wrong?

they turned on her? :applecry:
why?~ :raritydespair:

Shit just got real!

Suddenly I hear brodyquest :pinkiecrazy:

Anywho. Another great chapter :rainbowlaugh:

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