• Member Since 21st Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 3rd, 2019

thatoneguy82


E
Source

Button Mash is extremely sad that he has to move to Ponyville leaving behind his friends in Manehattan but what he doesn't know is how moving to Ponyville will change his life and shape his destiny as well as the life of the young Ponyville resident, Sweetie Belle.

Chapters (5)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 78 )

:flutterrage::flutterrage:MORE!!! I NEED MORE!!!!!!! :raritydespair::raritydespair: I MEAN IT, PLZ GIVE ME MOREEEE :applecry::applecry::applecry:

Its just so...perfect........ :pinkiehappy:

Ponyville, as a town name, is capitalized. If you have this screw up in your description, I shudder to think of what is inside the story.

-Lumino

Button Mash is extremely sad that he has to move to ponyville leaving behind his friends in Manehattan but what he doesn't know is how moving to ponyville will change his life and shape his destiny as well as the life of the young ponyville resident, Sweetie Belle.

1. 3915022 This comment.
2. Use more than a single comma and period.
3. Try breaking it up a bit.
4. Booooooriiiiiing!

I haven't even looked in the story, but I can tell it won't be pretty.

Holy fuck batman. That first sentence was almost just passable, but... nope. I'm just gonna walk away now. Read a book, learn something, then fix your shit.

Pretty good, pretty good.
Although i saw where this is going halfway trough the first chapter.

I see you found one of my prehistoric art pieces x3
I'd prefer if I could draw you a new pic, and link you to it, respond as fast as you can, I kinda like this fic, and such a crummy cover photo shall not be tolerated! :3

3915017 Lol thank you for the support and don't worry i will try to work on the second chapter as soon as possible :pinkiehappy:

3915022 Yea my forte is not grammar and i was finishing this fanfic late last night. Hopefully you will give my story a chance and please inform me of any changes i should do to make this story better :twilightsmile:

3915046 I see that grammar is very important to you lol. Anyways, thank you for the critic and I will try to improve any grammar or structural errors in order to improve the quality of this story. If you are kind enough you could send me a personal message about writing tips I can use since this is my first time writing a fanfic.

3915537 OMG OMG OMG the person who made the awesome cover picture read my fanfic....This was my face when I saw your comment lol http://i.imgur.com/XJD2y0s.png I honestly love your picture but if you want to change it then yes I would love to use your new picture as my cover art, thanks for liking my story. :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::heart::yay:

3915596 mostly the healer part lol jk :rainbowlaugh:

3915112 Thank you for reading my fanfic :pinkiehappy: the last part of your comment I didn't understand, is it good or bad that you were able to predict what was going to happen halfway through the first chapter? :unsuresweetie:

3915952

Ok, you actually want to improve. Here are the steps you should take.

1) Get an editor. EVERYONE benefits from one, even the best writers. On that note, an editors job is to rip your work apart, not be nice. Remember, they are spending a lot of time to tear down the flaws in your story and help you rebuild it into something better. They may be harsh, but they perform an essential service.

2) Learn the basic grammar rules. Comma usage and dialogue attribution are two of the most common things that screw up novice writers. These are both easy things to notice and correct.

Commas: If a comma is connecting two complete sentences, that is called a comma splice. It is wrong.

When using an identifier in dialogue, it should be surrounded by commas.
EG:

"Well, darling, what would you expect?" Rarity said.

If you have used 2-3 commas in a sentence, consider reworking it into two or three separate sentences to make it read better. Don't want to risk a run on.

Punctuation used in dialogue is described here. http://voices.yahoo.com/rules-grammar-punctuation-dialogue-writing-4063567.html

These are both simple corrections you can do, but I still recommend finding an editor to help you with the more complex problems.

-Lumino

3916011
Bad :applejackunsure:
But overall it's pretty good. I'm not romance fics too much, so i won't probably be reading this, but keep up the good work.

3916039 Okay thank you very much for all the advice:twilightsmile:. For the next chapter I will spend more time working on the structural and grammar portions of the story. I do have an editor but he is one my best friends so maybe he was being a bit too nice with me so I am going to ask him if he could be a little bit more tough on critiquing my writing. Thanks anyway and I hope you can give my second chapter a chance :scootangel:

3916062 Okay thank you for your honesty :pinkiehappy: I will try to keep the story interesting in the following chapters. :twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

3915994 I'll get to it :3
And there's no need to praise me, this was one of my first digital art pics and so it's pretty~ bad ^^"
But I'm decent now, and I will not disappoint!

Comment posted by FSHYLOVER deleted Feb 9th, 2014

Ah, that damn IB program. I know how you feel bro. Anyway, this is pretty good. I like it. :pinkiehappy:

*-Raven Talon

I really like how this fic doesn't bore me. ^^
Keep it up

Comment posted by PficsFTW deleted Feb 9th, 2014

3918577 yea that damn IB program..why??? :fluttershbad::fluttercry::raritydespair::raritycry: Lol Glad you enjoy the story :heart:

Really good! :twilightsmile:
Keep it up!

3921552 Thank you for the support :pinkiehappy: I will try to release chapter two as soon as possible :heart:

4003714 Glad you like it :twilightsmile: currently working on the second chapter and hopefully it will be publish by next week :yay:

Remy Bucksaplenty the 3rd. Very clever Fairly Odd Parents reference. Right down to the snobbish "my-money-makes-me-better" attitude.

4231156 yay some one got the reference! :D

You know, at first I didn't realize who the rich colt was but then I had to take care of something. In the middle of that it clicked and I almost facepalmed at my desk at work.

Lol the fairy odd parents reference
:rainbowlaugh::moustache::moustache:

Femy Buckaplently the third

Ha! Nice reference you've got there. :moustache:
Little word of advice...

Once he arrived there he was appalled which left his mouth filled with saliva...

...attempting to find the room hosting the singer producing the magnificent voice that left Button appalled just by listening to it.

(I wouldn't have made a big deal about this if it hadn't happened more than once) Appalled is a word meaning disgusted, horrified, etc. Maybe you meant appealed? It's an easy to make mistake.
Again, just something I noticed and felt the need to point out. :derpytongue2:
Great story, keep up the awesome work! :pinkiehappy:

4261817 looks like everyone like the fairly odd parents reference :yay: wow I didn't even notice that mistake thanks for informing me :twilightsmile: I fixed it and I meant to write astonished I don't know how I got appalled but I was probably writing an English essay while writing the chapter lol :rainbowlaugh: Glad you like the chapter :scootangel::scootangel::heart::heart:

I'm in love with this fic, it is just perfect!! :pinkiehappy: I think it would be awesome if babs moved to ponyville too, and is still a part of the cmc, or she already has her cutie mark but hangs out with them and button meets her. :twilightsmile:

4419399 I am really glad that you like the fanfic, your comment made my day :twilightsmile: Also, I was kinda in a writers block phase for ch. 3 and 4 but your suggestion just help me create a future dilemma for those chapters...Thank you so much!! :heart::heart::heart::heart::scootangel::scootangel:

>>thatguy82
I'm really happy I helped you!!! You're welcome!!! :heart: :pinkiehappy::twilightsheepish::twilightsmile:

So. Much. Feels -- HNNGG!

Great. And now I am the dead. Again. Again.

Babs...:ajsleepy: Okay, these next few chapters are probably gonna get on my nerves so let's keep track of where my anger's at. We'll start here:
rayoutblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/ttgl.png

Your move author, let's see how intense this gets.

5292659 Okay first thing first...I love your profile picture and comment picture. Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann is so far my favorite anime of all time :heart::heart: Okay well if you are Gurren Lagann levels of angry with Babs right now, then you are going to reach Arc-Gurren Lagann levels of angry by part 2
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11112/111126492/3249481-arc_gurren_lagann_by_sergeantassassin-d4i42kr.jpg

But don't worry, she is going to be how Rossiu was in part 2 of Gurren Lagann. You will hate her at first but she will be redeem. Now with Femy you're going to reach Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann levels of angry
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090221091956/gurennlagann/images/5/5f/TengenToppaGurren-LagannMECH.jpg

5295185 ... God I love it when someone is in on the joke, it makes things all the more enhoyable for me. As an added bonus, here's an awesome picture I found on the interwebs:
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/648/652/38a.jpg
Pretty wicked right?

5299018 Thank you for the bonus picture :pinkiehappy: Even though I haven't seen kill la kill its still a cool picture mainly due to the gurren lagann costume :raritywink:

OMG YOU'RE ALIVE!:pinkiegasp:
Thanks for puting my idea into the story, and I have to say, this capter is PERFECT :pinkiehappy: , it has the right amount of Sweetie Mash, some Scootaloo vs Rumble ( do they have a ship name? :rainbowhuh: ), wich is always welcome, and lots of comedy. Also, References, a LOT of them.
Anyway, it got me thinking, who will Applebloom go to Homecoming with? Well, I guess I'll have to wait till next chapter

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!