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HEADHUNTERS2,078 words
"I don't think that's the northern star."1,296 words
"You're probably just a figment of my hyperactive imagination."3,222 words
"So, you're here to save us from something?"1,397 words
"Oly-oly-oxen-free."937 words
"Oh my God, you've created a monster."7,324 words
"Oh, God help my big mouth."1,064 words

"Oly-oly-oxen-free."

In the silent forest there was only their footsteps. The sound of their progress through the mud and foliage. They’d stopped once more to rest, and only a few minutes into the next stretch of their hike Marko came to a sudden halt.

His right hand tightened on the grip of his submachine gun as his left was held up in a fist to indicate Twilight had to freeze.

Though in fairness, Twilight Sparkle had no military training besides a little bit of fencing practice from when she was under Princess Celestia’s tutelage. And even if she were a trained soldier, how was she supposed to know what ‘hand’-signals meant?

As a result she crashed headlong into the back of Marko’s legs. Though in the end, she did end up holding position. Only this time it was with a headache.

Rubbing her head she looked up at the headhunter inquisitively.

“What is it?”

“Shhh,” Marko immediately shushed her.

Moving deliberately he shifted his left hand to the foregrip of his SMG and took a knee. Dots were showing up on his motion tracker. Twenty metres out… fifteen… ten… he could hear their footfalls, the undergrowth scraping over armoured plates. They’d be in visual range in mere seconds. Marko held his ground between the incoming contact and Twilight Sparkle.

And then…

“Oly-oly-oxen-free.”

Marko let out the breath he had been holding. The familiar phrase coupled with the very familiar voice thawed his stance. Instinctively lowering his weapon, Marko watched as a crimson hulk of armour stepped out of the dark foliage ahead. His battle rifle was missing, but his pistol was held in a firm two-handed grip. There were some dents and scratches in his SPI-armour, but he looked about as intact as one could expect of a Spartan who’d fallen out of orbit.

“Ishmir! There you are,” Marko called as the fellow Spartan strode over slotting his pistol into his thigh holster. Marko did the same with his submachine gun, hand resting lazily on the stock as he stood up.

“You green?” Ishmir asked.

“And very-very mean.” Stepping aside, he gave Princess Twilight Sparkle an introductory wave. “Meet one of the locals. This is Twilight Sparkle. She’s a princess and a virgin!”

Ishmir paused a moment, looking the shorter alicorn over before tipping his brow in greeting. “Evening, ma’am.”

“Hello...” Twilight stopped suddenly, her eyes bugging as she realised what Marko had said. “Wait, what!? Why would you introduce me like that?”

Marko sniggered at her expense. “Because it’s funny how you confided your sexy secrets with me without even realising it.”

“Fucker!” Twilight Sparkle blurted out.

“Oh, shit! The little bitch is catching on!” Marko exclaimed happily, his visor lighting up like his face did. Ishmir merely shook his head very slowly in a disappointed fashion.

“You are a walking interstellar scandal.”

“You know ya’ love it!” Marko glanced between the pony and Ishmir, adding, “you seem pretty accepting of the talking horse.”

Ishmir smiled, folding his arms across his chest. “I got my own pony friend… well, not exactly a pony.”

The foliage behind Ishmir rustled, drawing Marko and Twilight’s joint attention. The bushes parted and trotting up to Ishmir’s side was a creature that would have blended into the forest’s uneven shadows unless she’d moved.

Zecora smiled brightly at the sight of Twilight, giving her friend a small bow. “Allow me to extend my greetings,” she said in a distinct tone reminding the humans of an Earthling African accent. “Especially at these friendly meetings.”

“Oh, look!” Marko exclaimed happily picking up on the ethnic similarities from back home. “They come in racist varieties too!”

Ishmir sighed deeply, palming his visor. “So what do we do now?”

“Your quest in Equestria is not yet done. Your destiny lies to the west of here, giant armoured one.”

Marko cocked his head as the zebra spoke in rhyme. “Does she always do that?”

“She does,” Ishmir said with a nod.

“Travel to the standing-stones, older than time. It is there a way home you may be able to find.” Zecora continued to explain in rhyme. “But the princess and the heroes should tread lightly tonight. Or you may not get home without picking a fight.”

“Aww, but I like picking fights.”

“Remember, travel west until you see the first stone. Now it is time for this old zebra to find her way home.” The zebra gave a courteous bow to the two humans and the princess before turning and walking back the way she had come.

Smiling as she waved to her old stripy Everfree friend, Twilight Sparkle called out, “thanks, Zecora!”

Marko chortled disbelievingly at the pony’s bright attitude in the wake of the zebra’s utterly worthless little nursery rhymes. “Why are you thanking her for contributing nothing to our day?”

“She just pointed us to the ancient standing-stones. Remember the story of the warrior who fell from the sky I told you?” Twilight asked, and Marko groaned with a roll of his eyes.

“How could I forget?”

Ishmir on the other hand listened with silent intrigue.

“Well, that warrior discovered his destiny at those very stones Zecora pointed us to! We should go have a look and see what happens if you approach them.”

Before either Ishmir or Marko could stop her, Twilight Sparkle was trotting off deeper into the Everfree Forest with a westerly heading. Looking at one another, the headhunters shrugged before unholstering their weapons and silently following.

It wasn’t as if they had plans that night.

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