The stallion before you looks to be on the heavy side, a bit too fond of rich food and hard liquors. He twirls the pen in his hoof, eyes half-lidded as he scans the page. "Sup." He says.
One night in Ponyville, Rainbow Dash is having trouble going to sleep. A single candle lights her room, and the shadow of a strange being dances on the wall.
But how can a shadow be cast by empty air?
A short little one shot I wrote, hope you enjoy.
Cover Art by SlashopentheSky, thank you very much for that!
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Nice!
Great job man!
Loved it!
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Thanks everybody!
So the 'drum beat' is Dash's heartbeat...and the shadow made her have a heart attack...damn tnis actually scared me....slightly.
Not quite what I expected. It didn't go for the "money shot" I had anticipated, and the one I got kind of left me... hanging. The build up was alright and the premise is novel indeed, but it feels lacking, like it didn't go far enough. A little more buildup, a little more payoff.
Hi! I just wanted to let you know I've done a reading of this story :) thanks for writing such an awesome story!
so its a metaphor of how sometimes we see shadows moving? nice story.
Wow, really nicely done! I love the conceptual nature of the entity you imagined and how ambiguous it is in its alien/"other" nature. It's refreshing to see an entity in horror that isn't malicious, but kills (even unintentionally?) according to some incomprehensible nature. You almost made me feel as sorry for it as I do Rainbow. On that note, I think saving Rainbow's life at the end was a very effective choice on your part. The tragedy would have overwhelmed the element of mystery in the particular case of this story, in my opinion. Oh, and the use of sound to carry the events and transform our understanding of what is happening is masterful. Atmospheric, mysterious, and surprisingly emotional. 10/10.
5857083 ... Woah. This, this is incredible. Dear God this is amazing; thank you, thank you so much! This is awesome!
5857914 Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
5716382 Sorry that you weren't satisfied, I know I have trouble with endings for my stories, and I want to say thanks for your comments.
Man, I love the writing in this story, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what was going on, or at least what the 'dancer' was.
5965850 I'm glad you like the writing at least, and I'm sorry if the story was unclear. I was trying to keep the dancer's identity as an entity a bit uncertain, and I hope I didn't overdo it.
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For most of it, I was thinking it was the shadow, or maybe the night or darkness or something, but shadows don't cast shadows.
5967431 True, true.
loved it, especially the fact the concept of the protagonist. She's(He's, It's ?) not evil and doesn't want to hurt anyone but she still leaves a path of destruction in her wake and we don't know how long she's existed how many pony's she's killed or mentally broken. was she something else before this or has she always been this way and is just continuing to her species next stage of life? so many questions.
I'm so glad there are writers who are still making original stories for this fandom, stories that are actually good. It's tiresome to read about the same antagonist over and over again, written by coward writers who refuse to utilize any characters other than those that have been directly shown in the series.
But this story, your story, is fresh and new and wonderful. I know you hinted that the shadow creature may actually be a character that we've seen before, but even if that is the case, your presentation of it here is wholly original, especially in that it drains the life force of any creature it 'taps into' in order to physically manifest into the world. Thank you for writing this.
Awesome beginning! Very creepy setup of a staredown...
These are some amazingly well-written passages. I'm really impressed with the level of description here. :)
It's brilliant to have the drums that the character dance to actually be the heartbeat. I suspected this and it was good to see it confirmed. :)
I love that ending. Smooth, creepy but also endearing. I'd say that sums up this whole story.
Wonderful work! Fav and upvote :)
Is there a sequel yet? I could of sworn there was..
I thought you might like this. a reading of your story
Nah, the story is pretty cool of you aske me
