Tonto the Trotter
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I found it first! Anyway I will have to read it later and stuff.
Welcome aboard!
Though your already part of the group, you can add your story and become, complete! Jk. 
Anyway good luck.
- Noakwolf.
*Starts slow clap*
Well played good sir
I see your usual attention to details here. Good job sir.
Son, you did not disappoint. Continue.
354781 I'll add it once I have a few more chapters ready.
355505 Thanks you
357110 Thanks Fulgor. I plan to make the chapters much longer. And do my best to detail everything.
I like it. (Though, I usually include inner thoughts in my writing, but to each person their own.)
I'm not a big fan of Fallout: Equestria. (I don't care for post-Apocolyptic worlds. Too depressing.) But I shall track this one.
And no armour made for Unicorns? Really? The goverment workers are MORONS!
357549 I know, but Kkhat the author of Fallout Equestria made it a point to mention Unicorn's had to cut off their horns to wear power armour, and Inkwell is rather attached to his. I mean the only parallel I can think of to that would be like cutting off a finger to use a hidden blade. But who would do that... oh, wait Assassin's Creed 1
.
Anyway I won't spoil whether Inkwell loses his horn or not.
357566 That sounds so...stupid. (They want to go to war, so they cut off the unicorns horn, so they can't use magic...NO WONDER THE WORLD WAS DEVASTATED! DIDN"T ANYONE USE THEIR HEADS! (I exclude Celestia, because she wouldn't do something that stupid, or go to war with anyone, but that's beside the point.))
357574 They didn't want to go to war. It was all a sad series of events that led to war. Project Horizons expands on it a lot, it's a side-story by Somber which is Kkhat approved. According to Equestria daily, I dunno if that means it's considered canon but whatever.
Edit: I do not consider PH canon to my own story.
Also Celestia abdicated the throne to Luna when the war started. Exactly what Celestia did during the war is unknown, but Big Mac took a bullet for her which led to Power Armour development by Applejack. It would take forever to explain everything so I can only advise you to read tFallout Equestria It will get sad at times but it will be worth it, trust me
.
Other than a few grammatical errors that you apparently fixed, I believe you have done a great job sir!
363454 Yeah, I have a habit of capitalizing words when I don't mean to. And I always try to do my best.
364200 I found a their instead of there, look for it after I refresh the page:
"Oh, now it says 'there'. Preemptive corrections rule."
Nice story thus far, should be interesting to see how a zebra steel ranger goes over.
366126 My thoughts exactly. I've been doing my homework on Zebras and I think I know how I want to characterize Crosshair too.
Crosshair doesn't rhyme...Huh.
Anyways, good chapter.
(Note to self, bring along rocks when going into dangerous territory.)
395719 Yeah Zebra's don't need to rhyme in Fallout Equestria. Plus always trying to rhyme is a bit of a pain
Crosshair is just awesome! I can't wait to see more of him.
(Added to list of possible characters when we crossover.)
not a bad start, will read more soon.
I guess i was lucky that the Pondale Rangers had unicorns in their ranks of power armour wearers.
Knight Cross will someday be known as Star Paladin Cross.
I'm calling it now. Right here.
In this post.
2036 hours, July 18, 2012.
Because, get it? Star Paladin Cross?
933499 Ha ha, I have no idea what you mean. iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/twil.gif?1312762859
I have to admit, that first chapter was quite a good read. I can't wait to read more of it.
I'm surprised Inkwell has never even heard of snow, myself.
(Also, I would suggest capitalising all the Ministries, i.e. Ministry of Awesome, Ministry of Wartime Technology. Makes it a little easier to read)
The edits...! They take so long...!
Nice work my friend!
Ed
2,5K words... Doomande you can do it. Do what you ask? Well REVIEW TIME!
I do not know what it is with me and the classical "War. War never changes" intro a lot of Fo;E writers like so much and me, but we are not good friends and I can normally feel physically that I crinch, but not this time. Maybe are it because you are not going over the top with it but just stating facts, could have something to do with the fact that they are Steel Rangers and actually know war more than most or you did something magical that I don´t know of, but no matter what you did, was the twitch there not this time.
I must say that you have me intrigued sir, both by the high level of details that says more than meets the eye, and the fact that it are a story from the perspective of a Steel Ranger. That he are still a trainee and not a real member so to say are a minor detail. And I can't wait to hear what kind of diluted history lessons he had from the Rangers, with all their propaganda and what not. That your chapters have a good "bite" size are also a good thing, there is way to many stories there are out there with 20K or even 30K word chapters, but I can easily see myself use some more of my reading time returning to your story in the near future
Nitpick:
"When you're a steel Ranger you have two potential paths" The steel is also a part of their name should it not have been capitalized?
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Thanks Storm, I went ahead and Capitalized the Ministry names, excluding the of, cause that would be silly. Also Snow isn't exactly a common sight in the wastelands, it's mostly just rain or dry regions that are deserts due to being outside the S.P.P tower range, as far as I know anyways. Wintertrot is closer to the Far North, more Northwest
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I am rather pleased with my version of the classic intro, I wanted it to be unique amongst others, whilst not getting too preachy. Hence why I didn't go overboard and mention things like betrayal, forgetting the elements etc. My chapters will probably get longer, but I'll try to keep them in the 10k region, there are some stories that can do a 15-20k chapter that really keep your attention throughout it. But I feel if I did it, I would be stretching out the story for no real reason. Maybe my opinion will change and I'll break the 10k boundary from time to time but I don't think I would enjoy writing 15-20K chapters all the time.
As for what History the Steel Rangers learn, well I'll let Inkwell fill you in when he has a reason to talk about it. Capitalized Steel Ranger properly now too, thanks for pointing that out.
1613806 I was more referring to the fact that snow would have been mentioned in books or pre-war records that Inkwell might have read. To know about snow is one thing, but to have actually seen it is another. But then again, if Inkwell has never read about snow, then that'd make sense.
This is great, keep up the good work
1772968 Thanks. I will. Next chapter is coming along at a fairly steady pace.
I'm going to spend the next hour or so sitting in my really cold bed reading this. I'll get back to you in the morning if I wake up. Someone please fix my heater.
1808514 So did you ever get that heater of yours fixed?
Psst... I think you accidentally skimmed over some editing notes in the main body of your text when you put chapter 3 back up. Might want to look into that.
That aside, pretty good story you've got going so far, Tonto. I'm afraid that unlike you, I'm not all that good at writing in-depth reviews (I've got problems with minor short-term memory loss, makes it a bit difficult to recap things), but I'll give it a shot.
First off, let's start with characters. I really enjoy Inkwell as a character, as he's got a somewhat-relatable backstory; his bitterness at being stuck as the Wintertrot Rangers' Treasurer is something a lot of readers can probably identify with. I'm sure more than a handful of people are familiar with being forced into roles they're not happy with in everyday life situations such as work and school, so it's easy to empathize with the guy. Another thing I like about him is the occasional snarkiness. I love me some snarky dialogue (Bobulator is incredibly good at this, and I wish I could manage snark half as good as he does), and while it's something I've never really been able to pull off to much success, I feel you do it rather well.
On to Crosshair. He gets points straight off the bat for being a Zebra. Not only do I like Zebra characters, as they tend to bring with them an inherent unique cultural aspect to any party, but he's also a Zebra Ranger. As far as I know (though I will admit to having limited sidefic knowledge here, as I've got a rather large backlog to read through), there haven't been any Zebras in the Steel Rangers, which makes him quite a rare sight, indeed. He's got a good dynamic with Inkwell, as the straight man- er, Zebra to Inkwell's eager, somewhat zealous persona.
I'll reserve judgment on Mustang for now until I've seen a bit more of him, suffice it to say I like what I've seen so far.
Moving on to story... You've got a solid opening; we get a good feel for Inkwell's frustration right away, being forced into the role of treasurer when he'd much rather be on the front lines, fighting alongside his fellow Rangers. This particular predicament is remedied rather quickly following the airship crash, settling the responsibility of the Wintertrot Contingent's future squarely upon his shoulders. I've always been a fan of characters that need to rise to the occasion, as it were, so this is a premise I can really get behind.
We see how resourceful Inkwell can be once he gets his hooves on the Magi-Drill, jury-rigging a power source using his magic. After retrieving all the valuables he can possibly salvage from the airship, we see that Inkwell isn't as prejudiced as most of the Wasteland inhabitants are, given his refusal to immediately fire upon Crosshair, instead only reacting in self-defense. This personality trait is further expanded upon when instead of leaving the incapacitated Zebra to die despite having been shot at, Inkwell instead drags him clear of the wreckage.
The two are introduced more properly to each other once they make it clear of the airship, and Crosshair immediately shines through as a Zebra with his life-debt oath. Inkwell's merciful personality is even further exemplified when they are attacked after holing up for the night, and he orders the vengeful Zebra to stand down. Admirable, to say the least. Certain ponies I know wouldn't be so willing to forgive and forget.
As the two get closer to and eventually enter Wintertrot proper, we are introduced to a few of its native inhabitants in the form of Snowhounds, Wintertrot Ghouls and Super Stallions. These guys are great; it makes sense for the hellhounds to have evolved to adapt to winter climates, as many species do, and the Super Stallions are a neat way to include Super Mutants without having to adhere to the Kkat-established parallel in the form of Alicorns. I really like the ghouls, however, as I'm sure you can imagine. Ice is a unique and interesting way for them to weaponize their irradiated bodies, and it makes them that much deadlier than their ordinary counterparts.
When Inkwell is laid up by his injuries, we get to see his crafty side shine again, albeit in a cautiously optimistic 'hope he knows what he's doing' way as he modifies his shotgun shells. Crosshair is understandably panicked at his invention, and we really feel for him as Inkwell saddles him with the responsibility of test-firing his creation when, as a unicorn (in power armor, as Crosshair points out), he could easily use telekinesis to avoid all injury. To cap it off, we're introduced to Mustang, a veritable powerhouse with a weapon to match his personality. In the brief moment we see him, he establishes himself as competent and experienced, making sure everyone is in relative safety before launching a surprise attack on the Super Stallions. All threats eliminated, we find out he's as decent a person as he is a fighter; the honorable warrior.
All in all, it's a really good start, and it's a shame I don't have more to read, although for me, that's probably for the best. I know this is probably stuff you've already heard, given you've already put the chapters up once before, but it's the least I could do (and that's understating it) considering all the time you put into Outlaw's chapter reviews.
i should be writing aaaaaaaaa what am I doing reading and reviewing
1899974
.
Your read, reviewed and liked my story
Thanks for this Tofu, I really mean it. I don't get nearly enough feedback on what I am doing right or wrong. Glad you like Crosshair, a couple of people I've talked with like him a lot. I always feel Zebra are portrayed as either overly superstitious and always mystical or they get shown as everyday ponies, I wanted to do something different with Crosshair to help him stand out more. You're the first person to really examine Inkwell properly, you pretty much describe him as he is, an enthusiastic individual who happens to be a resourceful buck who knows how to show mercy in combat.
I'm glad you like the setting and residents of Wintertrot. I was worried I might have downplayed how dangerous they are but I'm glad to see I haven't. I had fun with Super Stallions, I felt alicorns would be a little overkill and they probably wouldn't fly as well in the higher altitudes of the windy and snowridden setting of my story.
*Squints to read very bottom line.*
I know the feeling. I've been playing XCOM - Enemy Unknown for 2 days now and can't stop. I mean I want to write, but then XCOM calls me back and I can't resist the siren's call
is it bad that i saw the chapter name and said "hur hur hur tits"? am i really that immature? the answer is yes.
âTâM TER DER!â i read this and this image poped in my head encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT_67bIv92xuFvXqQvWT60tIZ_rQhuT1vV7zYObYNVcInDB-QYN
So you writing anymore for this story? Been months sense the last update.
2292345
The next chapter was almost finished. Then a whole bunch of stuff came out on the day I wanted to post the next chapter. Probably a good thing as I looked it over and it meandered like all hell. Good news is that I almost have the next chapter wrapped up, bad news is I have a hell of a time just trying to sit down and write. Still I am going to make a promise emphasis on promise, to finish this chapter and post it by Friday, even if it hasn't been edited.
Because I've been working on this chapter WAY too long. So I'll try to finish it tonight and hopefully have it looked over by my editor on Friday so I can post it on the same day.
2292598
Good to hear!
2292598 So a couple of fridays have come and gone......
Ya sure its not dead?
2383455 I made an apology about the delay on my blog. I've kinda had some trouble finishing the chapter off and some dental surgery. I don't like to whine or make excuses for myself, it's just been... hard to focus.
Anyway, I do have good reasons to continue this story. It will not die until I finish it.
2383717Ah I dont think I saw the blog post. Im following the story not you, Ill fix that, hope you get your focus back soon.
I like this so far.
The Good Brony may have wrecked my compulsive need to be the first commenter two chapters in a row on TLS bastard, but not here! Fulfillment, at last!
Okay, so I said I'd reserve judgment on Mustang until I saw a little more of him, and now I feel a little more comfortable with his character to make an assessment. Medium ham. Not quite Stronghoof obnoxious- which is sort of cheating, if you think about it, because he was ripped straight out of FMA- but still a boisterous jovial character in his own right. I'm getting the sense that he sincerely has no grasp on the concept of subtlety, and his unnatural zeal seems to be his biggest strength as well as his biggest weakness, if his encounter with the ghouls and the plasma caster is any indication. Also wondering what's got him so paranoid about that case Inkwell was interested in. He seemed more embarrassed than angry at the possibility of Inkwell finding out about its contents. Hm...
Crosshair continues to be one of my favorite characters so far. I can't help it; I'm a sucker for snarky pessimists, and Crosshair fits that role quite nicely. More, I say! More snark!
Inkwell seems to fit the role of a Ranger like he was born for it. You've got him constantly fawning all over technology to the point of being considerably upset at the destruction of a mere ammunition cache. Yet, he's not a complete douche canoe like the majority of Rangers. Inexperienced sure, but not yet hardened by the Wasteland into a jaded asshole who judges everyone based on preconceived notions. His overreactions in certain situations also have a unique charm about them; for example, when he was grabbed by the head and hefted up off his hooves, or when Mustang and Crosshair landed on him one after the other. It gives me a chuckle not unlike some of Frosty's reactions in Memories.
There was a little more character interaction than world building this chapter, but what I did learn was interesting. This joint project between T.I.T. and Stable-Tec has piqued my curiosity, and I'm wondering what sort of things a stable manufactured in a joint effort between these two can cook up. Also, the Snow Pirates, who seem to be a major faction in Wintertrot, if the way Crosshair talks about them is anything to go by. The way Crosshair talked about them made it seem like it was less lingering zebra hate from the war, and more like he himself had a bit of history with the Snow Pirates. If so, I'm curious to see what exactly he could've done to cause such friction between himself and a whole faction.
So, cheers for finally getting chapter 4 back up! Hopefully, since you say you've gotten started already, 5 won't take as long. :3
Omg! Frost! I love it when stories interact with other stories. What time does this story take place? And great chapter. Been waitin' for this.
2698678
Sorry for the late reply Tofu, I've been pre-occupied.
Thanks for reserving judgement on Mustang. He's an incredibly fun character to write, though keeping his dialogue in character is always a bit of a challenge. Mustang was partially inspired by Alex Louis Armstrong from FMA, but only partially, if only I could tell you the full weight of what I'm saying or have planned for Mustang. Alas, that would be major, MAJOR! spoiler territory.
Glad you still like Crosshair, I have fun writing him as well. Everyone loves cynical/pessimistic characters.
Glad you like what I have done with Inkwell, I have been wanting to show how much Inkwell loves technology for awhile. I have been working to expand on him and continue to give him his own charm.
Thanks, glad you like how I am expanding the world and expanding on the characters. Whilst also leaving you with more questions to ponder over. Chapter 5 is about a third or a quarter of the way finished. So hopefully I can get it out this month.
2701521
Heh, glad you like my small reference. As for exactly when this story begins, I'll reveal that in good time.
2735599 Glad you liked it.
This is how you open a story. A well done cover that suggests somebody cared about this story and summarizes the setting; a promising setting.
The first chapter isn't slow, it sets things up and knocks them down, giving reasong to continue reading.
I wish more were like that.
2740387 Thanks. I'm very happy with my opening and I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story.
I think you might have left notes in this thing.
2741245 You mean the Author's note at the bottom of the page?
2741250 No I mean the "let's type stuff and work on it later" in the middle of a creepy surgery scene that apparently gets no further mention.
2741257...Dammit. Dunno how we missed that. Or why nobody thought to mention it. *Facehoof* Fixed now, thanks for letting me know.