Stories told twice are never told the same way.A single change, or a quickened pace can completely alter the narrative of a long told story. Celestia, now defeated and dying must raise up a new wielder to protect Equestria in her absence. Can Sunset Shimmer and Spike harness the powers of the elements, and who is this new filly that may destroy the lives of all of canterlot and lead to the death of a great hero.
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Couple of minor grammatical errors, but otherwise am interested.
All there's quoted need to be their showing ownership.There is as in over there.
Also even if you have speech marks you still need a full stop inside the last speech mark.
Grammar is a bit iffy, but it's a good start of a story. Though you should probably flesh out Sunset's personality more; here, she's essentially 'the dedicated student' but with little else to define her. Twilight and Sunset were both dedicated, but Twilight was also highly interested in academia and hero-worshipped Celestia.
Sunset's defining character trait is ambition. It's what led to her falling-out with Celestia; she was reaching higher than was good for her. A heroic Sunset should be ambitious but still devoted to Celestia; trying to put that ambition to work for the good of all, so to speak.
I'm certain you'll do well, and I look forward to seeing how this story unfolds.
Mmm.
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I would like to add a little more to that. Yes, Sunset's ambitious, and yeah, we know all too well that it's a dangerous two-sided sword. But other than that, the main thing between Twilight and Sunset was that Sunset was willing to listen to others. Sure she learned about the library and all that can be learned, but she also learned about life. Twilight, the adorkable unicorn that we all love and adore, is frankly an egghead. We can all see it---she academically gifted, but so shamefully inept socially it's ridiculous.
In this alt universe story of it, it looks like Sunset's ambition is to help other people/ponies/creatures----hell, when apparently she wanted so badly to hatch the egg and she failed, she was so sad and sympathetic for the fact that somepony that she didn't know one iota about couldn't be hatched, that her sincere desire to help the dragon succeeded in hatching Spike. And that's not there---Sunset named him Spike, but she called him her brother, not her son. Her reasoning--even though she hatched Spike, it was her love for Spike that allowed her to succeed, and she vowed to never let anyone be more than equal. And we can see it, Sunset did things, and did things with Spike, that we didn't see with Twilight at all in the show.
Basically Sunset learned before Twilight had to learn it for herself----you can't go it alone. Talent and knowledge is all fine and well, but you have to know when you can't do it alone. Twilight didn't learn this until she went to Ponyville. The Triad of Success, if you ask me.
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Ice cream
whatttttt? im confused
is this story dead
Rewriting please be patient.