Mexicoltan Crunch Nuggets

by Count Weirdly

I - Ad Revenue

"Get ready to have your socks blown off!" The mare at the front of the conference room said, turning on her projector.

---{MCN}---

A jazzy tune fades in with the scene: a young colt walking along the sidewalk, enjoying a crunchy taco salad.

YOUNG COLT [euphoric]: Mmm, taco salad.

Cue a young filly walking along the sidewalk in the opposite direction, relishing a container of Nutella.

YOUNG FILLY [euphoric]: Mmm, Nutella.

The two little ponies, lost in their own euphoric moments, fail to notice one another as they round the corner in front of the candy shoppe.

They collide, and the results seem tragic for the moment. The filly loses hold of her container of Nutella, and it flips and lands in the colt’s taco salad. The inertia of the collision sends pieces of taco salad flying, shards of chips and shreds of lettuce covering the filly’s face, sticking to the delectable hazelnut spread that had been collecting around her lips.

YOUNG COLT [annoyed]: Hey! You got Nutella in my taco salad!

YOUNG FILLY [annoyed]: Aw, you got taco salad in my Nutella!

Curiously, the two try the mix; the colt taking a bite from his plate of Nutella-frosted taco salad, and the filly licking the taco-salad seasoned Nutella from her lips.

BOTH [euphoric]: Mmm! That’s delicious!

Cue an old stallion, emerging from the corner candy shoppe in a totally un-creepy way. He wordlessly hands the two a piece of candy which happens to be the same combination as the two had just created, crushing their dreams of making millions off of the idea. Nevertheless, they enjoy the snack together as friends, as the owner of the candy shoppe retreats back into his store as stealthily as he had appeared.

NARRATOR: “Two great tastes that taste great together! Real taco salad, delicious Nutella! Mexicoltan Crunch Nuggets: A confusing name for an equally confusing product.”

---{MCN}---

“So whaddaya think?” the pink mare asked, turning off the projector.

“That was… that was freakin’ awesome,” the dark gray, brown maned pegasus stallion concluded, mouth agape.

“Boy howdy, you've really outdone yourself this time, Miss Pinkie!” The yellow-coated, light brown-maned earth pony agreed. “Ah sure am glad Cousin Applejack got me in touch with ya!”

“Don’t mention it, Brae! I'm just happy to be supporting such a dee-licious candy!”

“Uh, it’s not a candy,” the pegasus interjected.

“Dang it, Quinlinn,” the earth pony groaned, “not this again…”

“What? It’s not! It’s got nuts and vegetables in it! Candy is in the top of the food pyramid! This stuff is lower in the pyramid, therefore it is healthier.”

Pinkie Pie let out a loud gasp. “He’s right! Oh, this gives me so many new marketing ideas! I can see the billboards now: ‘Mexicoltan Crunch Nuggets: If it’s Not Candy, Then it Must Be Healthy!’” She started bouncing frantically, as if she had been waiting patiently to use the restroom for some time. “I gotta go! The ideas are running and I can’t make them stop!” She looked out the door as if something had just run away from her. “Hey! Get back here!” And with that, she was gone.

“Ya do realize that no matter what, ponies’re gonna think of this as candy,” Braeburn said, ignoring the mare’s sudden departure.

“No,” argued Quinlinn, “because we’re businessponies. And businessponies change how ponies view the world!”

“Hehe, that’s what Ah like about you, Quin,” Braeburn said, a smile replacing the frown on his muzzle, “you got the heart of a businesspony. Just like my Pa.”

"I still can't quite figure out what I like about you."

---{MCN}---

In the three years since that fateful day that Braeburn and Quinlinn bumped into each other, the business they created had exploded. It started in Braeburns old house in Dodge Junction, where the two of them started selling the little homemade snacks out of a lemonade stand in the front yard.

They were making a ton of bits. Ponies would come by and give the odd combo a taste out of pure curiosity, and proceed to buy a dozen more to eat later (or stuff their faces with on the way home).

One day, a travelling businesspony by the name of Moneybags happened by, tried it out, and made them a HUGE offer.

Office space in a Manehattan high rise and a 300,000 bit investment in exchange for 50% of the company.

However, Braeburn, who had learned a great deal of bartering skills from his father, managed to sell him 45% of the company for 250,000. Moneybags agreed on the condition that he be allowed to personally choose their advisors.

After that, it was a breeze. They moved into the 30th floor of the Manehattan Trade Center, got a full staff of employees (including several advisors, as they both knew too well that they could never manage an official business on their own.), fancy offices, and really expensive businesswear to boot.

And that's when the real fun began...

---{MCN}---

"Quin?" Braeburn said. The pegasus was leaning back in the comfortable conference room chair, resting. "Quinlinn!" He poked the pegasus' shoulder.

"Not now," he whispered. "Flashback."

"What are ya-"

Quinlinn, his eyes still closed, stuck his hoof in Braeburn's mouth and moved it around as if he was massaging his teeth. "Shhhhh..." he said.

Braeburn smacked his hoof away, "Dangit, Quin! Stop puttin' yer hoof in my mouth!"

"Bosses!" one of the low-tier employees called, running into the room. "We've got a big-"

"Stop!" Quin said, holding a saliva-coated hoof in the air. "You just barged in and ruined a beautiful flashback!" He sat up and glared at the young pony. "I don't know who you think you are, but you're going to go back outside, knock on the door, and wait to be invited in. Now."

"But sir!"

"NOW."

The pony sighed in defeat and retreated back out the door, closing it behind himself. Three knocks shortly followed.

"Who is it?" Quin called.

"Pencil Pusher..."

"What an unfortunate name," he whispered to Braeburn, who chuckled in response. "Uh, yes! Come in!"

The door opened up and Pencil Pusher entered. "Sir's, we have a big problem."

"What is it?" Braeburn questioned, the use of the word 'we' worrying him.

"There are protesters outside the building, they're picketing against the decision to move production to Saddle Arabia!"

"Oh dangit!" Braeburn cursed in shock. "Ah forgot, we have dinner with our Arabian affiliates at eight!"

"Oh no! What time is it now?"

"7:30!"

"Augh! Where are we eating?"

"That fancy Thai place on 3rd."

"NO!" Quinlinn jumped up onto the conference table, smashing a glass of water as he struck a pose reserved only for action movies and the most dire of situations. "We MUST get there on time! For da Thai!!!"

He jumped from the table and galloped out of the room, knocking down the employee on the way. Braeburn followed, apologizing to the stallion as he passed.

Thai is good. Almost as good as...

Mexicoltan Crunch Nuggets

Author's Note:

Alright, give it to me straight. I literally took probably a total of 2-3 hours writing this, with barely any editing.
I want your most honest, unfiltered opinions. Because a writer can only go so far without taking criticism, you know?

It's probably important to note that this story takes place prior to the founding of Appaloosa, which is why it is mentioned that Braeburn lived in Dodge.

Thanks for reading, by the way! Quinlinn is one of my friend's OCs. I went on the Skype chat for my state's brony meetup group and asked for someone to give me a random topic to write about, and someone replied with "Quinlinn, Braeburn, Nutella, Taco Salad."

And thus, "Mexicoltan Crunch Nuggets" was born! I hope you like it, there's more to come! I've also got ideas for more stories brewing in my brain cavity, so stay tuned!

Comments

[Maxmanta]

I've calculated that my body is roughly 17% Nutella.

JCF

[Count Weirdly]

3908030

Hmm... Interesting observation. That's more than five times the doctor-recommended percentage of Nutella by body weight. You may want to have yourself checked for any concerning hazelnut-related illnesses.

[Maxmanta]

My blood is a brown, nutty, buttery spread.

[quinlinn]

3927074
i wouldve cut myself to death many years ago if i had that problem

[Count Weirdly]

3941866
3927074

Certainly isn't a bad problem to have. It's just not recommended by medical doctors.
Then again, they told me not to inject myself with food coloring, but what do doctors know?

[Maxmanta]

Food coloring isn't bad for you. It's just corn syrup, dye, and some mysterious chemical the government doesn't want to talk about.