• Member Since 5th Feb, 2014
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Nosfrat


Dunno what to say. I almost exclusively read and write AiE romance.

Comments ( 47 )

>17k word one-shot
Yeezus fucking Christ, couldn't you have broken that up into smaller chapters?

It's well written but far too long for one chapter.

the one behind it all. I curse the name...

I saw that Tombstone reference...

Very nice work. I hope there's more.

I'll admit, when I started reading this, the first thing that popped up was "this sounds oddly like the episode coming up this weekend, when you shouldn't change yourself just for the sake of somepony else". Even if I know you likely started this long before knowing about the episode, if you look up details before they air, or Season 4 had even started maybe. But at least it worked toward a good ending where Pinkie can maybe be herself! There might be some things I forgot to bring up that I hoped to (not that I maybe planned on making a review to begin with), since it took me a while to get through this one, reading it while I was online on a messenger and stopping for a while at times.

Anyway, Anon in this story comes off as kind of a dick to Pinkie, even if she can be a bit much for everypony (though he's not from their world, of course), it's still kind of mean to her. fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/014/e/1/meaniepie_by_comeha-d7259oq.png Even if at the end, he reveals he was never reading the best at reading girls' emotions or intents. Yet he's friends mainly with all of her other main friends, as well as others in some sense. Though I'm not adverse to cursing myself, he still seems to do it quite a bit.

The few switches between perspectives did make things interesting, allowing us to see more of what Pinkie's thinking, even if her past experiences on romance aren't much, so to speak. And I doubt much of interest would've happened with Nonny, anyways, while he was working on the article about whatever happened with Scootaloo, I believe (which is confusing, given it was a cockatrice). Glad that we got to see some of Pinkie's randomness show up at times, even if it wasn't as much and probably had to be dialed back a bit, in order to make a viable relationship with her work, perhaps. Well, if it's with somepony who's not like her, that is. And I was surprised to see her try out cursing, even if she didn't do it around Nonny from what I saw and recall, looking back a little. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png

The date and such was a bit unexpected from how I had thought, as I had totally expected Pinkie to not get drunk while Anon did, if hers was somehow non-alcoholic while his was regular alcohol, cause she's Pinkie Pie! And the appearance of Celestia, as well as his messing with the griffons, etc. Due to her seemingly thought-out plan, even if she didn't account for HIS weight with how alcohol only affects lightweights, at least more easily anyways.

I did notice quite a bit of errors throughout and was confused kinda at a few points, but I had neglected to notice or read the top notes about English not being your first language, so those're excusable. And a few laughworthy lines in particular, such as:

Is drunk pony really best pony?

and

scrunchy face is cutest face.

But of course, it was still a decent read, despite the seriousness of it mostly, as well as length of it, and the fact that there wasn't much clop beyond a bit of softcore involving fingering. But this is your first(?) story, so maybe you'll be able to do more, should you write more stories in the future perhaps. I am curious what happened with Discord and such, even if that wasn't the focus and such and it's not really important. But anyway, it was a good read and I may watch you for other stories! fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/357/a/1/2_hoofs_up_by_comeha-d6z0lto.png

and then there would be a hairy hooman called George, or maybe Lucas,

It is somewhere around this point,That i made a laughing groan/gargling noise that sounded quite like chubaca.....Seriously though,Aside from the odd typo,Which honestly,were pretty easy overlook,This story is absolutely brilliant,And pretty damn heartwarming...And made me genuinely laugh a fair bit.Ill be honest,I would quite quickly put this up there with Zamiriac and just a smidge below Little Big Pony in terms of the heartwarming and...well......Enjoyability factors.As a person who reads alot of stuff like this,You have my 9.5 out of 10

3910632 Thanks, it means a lot to me, that was the main point behind this story. :twilightsmile:
And thanks too for giving me the names of new authors that I'm sure will keep me busy at night.

3910150 Thanks for the lengthy review. I indeed didn't know about the upcoming episode, as I tend not to look up anything about an episode before I actually watch it. Believe it or not, I actually had to tone down the cursing quite a bit after I made the original draft of this story, which was originally in greentext (the not-so-smooth transition to first person prose might explain some of the errors and typos), because I just swear A LOT.

I had no idea I would actually be able to write Pinkie being Pinkie, even less so in first person, but I still did alright apparently. Yeah the cockatrice thing might seem a little odd but if they can turn things into stone by staring, they probably can do other things...

I pretty much winged the whole thing, having no idea I would ever publish it (I tend to write to myself, mostly, for fun) so I had to rework many things to make it readable (and understandable) by others, so indeed a few things such as a date might seem a little out of place. Alcohol and getting drunk are widely regarded as 'fun', so I figured, Pinkie would definitely go for it, while Anon would act as the mature one, Pinkie's cute and awkward change in behavior bringing up his protective side. She got drunk mostly because the fun factor goes far beyond the 'stick to your plan' factor.
(Okay I admit, it was because I wanted to write about a drunk Pinkie.) :pinkiehappy:

Celestia, Discord and the rest were mostly fillers, how the rose truly ended up in Anon's shirt is anyone's guess. This was never intended as a clopfic, or anything 'cloppable', really, I originally submitted is with a teen rating and toned down language, as well as less details in the sex scene, but it was rejected so I went and reworked it a bit, and slapped on a mature tag. It's more of an erotic/sensual kind of thing focusing on kissing and foreplay, than actual sex, but then, derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/1/14/212413.png

I might write more stories in the future, or rework and convert to prose some of the many stories I have already written, who knows. I honestly wasn't expecting much feedback, if any at all, and it does motivate me to see positive, yes constructive feedback, so I'll probably make more.

Maybe you could give me hints as to where exactly I made errors/typos? I'm not exactly a grammar Nazi, but I hate when I make mistakes myself (and seeing how I had to learn English all on my own, while I read and heard many things often enough to be pretty sure they're correct, I'm unaware of most, if not all grammar rules behind those things).

3912049
Well, I figured I should since nopony else has reviewed your story 'properly' at this point, though most users would be put-off maybe by a newbie submitting a one-shot between 17k and 18k words, no offense. Anyway, nor did I look up things, at least before this season I think. Well, except for what an episode's supposed to be about. It's how I knew Discord would be the so-called 'friend' Twilight would have to take care of in the recent Three's A Crowd, though I didn't see last week's before it officially aired even if I learned it was leaked. And I suppose the cursing wasn't as high as I thought, but it was still plentiful in a sense. And as I said, it was kinda interesting to see Pinkie give it a try, even if I had honestly expected her to curse in front of Anon and him to say for her not to do it, he does it cause he's entitled or whatever. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
As I generally love Pinkie as she is in the show, even if she can be a little too much at times (last week kinda, for example), but overall I like her a lot, even if she's not my favorite pony. fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/013/8/1/twieww_by_comeha-d72140f.png And it seemed a little out of character for her, but I know she had to act different in order to get Anon to agree to a date with her, even if she didn't curse in front of him and sometimes, I like seeing people doing things differently from time-to-time that aren't the norm.

And I did read in the beginning that you said a 'tame' sex scene, but as I said, I took a lot longer to read this than was intended because I was messaging people online when I started reading this and hadn't exactly said anything, figuring I could read while talking kinda, but I obviously botched that up kinda, so I forgot sorta. :twilightsheepish: Though I had maybe expected Anon to give Pinkie something more than fingering at best, even if it would be short.

And honestly, I'm not an English teacher or any sort of professional writer, so a lot of the rules learned from childhood are forgotten to me. All I can say is your sentences are like how I used to talk (and still sort of do, even though I got 'lectured' by a few people I know or talked that way to), because of having Autism and feeling people would understand what I meant, even if I left words out at times. Which is at times what you did in some parts maybe, leaving out words at times so a sentence sounds odd or misspelling some words that sound similar (such as your instead of you're, even if I don't see any lines doing that now like I thought I did last night). I'd give specific examples, but I would need to read it again, and while I wouldn't mind doing that at some point maybe, I didn't want to hold off on responding until that point. All I can say is if it maybe sounds odd, try adding in a word or two to see if it sounds more logical. Maybe look up some English writing tips online, hopefully they'll tell you what you need to know that I cannot. Or buy a book, I mean if you're able to find one with basic English writing tips. (I imagine there's a 'For dummies' book if those're still around, I would imagine so, but I dunno.) Or most likely, find a native English proofreader. I'd do it, but I'm not exactly the speediest of proofreaders in past instances where I've tried and I tend to go overboard, plus I've kinda stopped pointing out things to people in reviews since a while ago, even if it would help their story look less error-ridden, at least. Not that I wouldn't still maybe, but anyway. I hope to see more stories from you in the future, if you feel like releasing them! fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/014/6/b/plotpie_by_comeha-d7251q8.png

3913197 Yeah don't worry, no offense taken. I understand your point, and I always do my best to make sure I NEVER EVER mix up similar words such as you're/your, than/then, and others (mixing it up once happens, but those particular 'mistakes' make me exceptionally angry when repeated throughout a story).
I'm pretty sure there are things that could use a little clearing (I stated it in the A/N), so I might look into that, try and enrich a few passages here and there while I'm at it.

The cursing thing was more of a filler, really, like the Discord thing, that I clearly didn't (intend to) use to its full potential. The main reason I didn't write a more 'complete' sex scene was that I hoped this could fit under a teen rating, and when I had to switch to mature, I honestly couldn't find a reason to expand it. IMO it would have ruined the emotional/cute heartwarming aspect, as I'm definitely not good enough to write it tastefully. :twilightblush:

I might write an actual clopfic someday, or a similar story but with another pony, and this time an actual sex scene, but well.

This story... THIS INCREDIBLE STORY DID IT! It made the perfect setting, eith the oerfect characters and scenes. The heartwarming scenes were the best, by far, the most awesome scenes in the whole story, an awesome read, and I hope to see more on this couple.:twilightsmile:

Ten out of ten, would scrunchy face again.

i like how you showed us a side of pinky that was vulnerable and very tender. until i read this i didn't take pinky seriously.
thank you.

at the edge of our hope, and at the end of our time, we would still face the monsters at our door, and bring the fight to them. I proudly finished by assuring everypony that this was the day we would cancel the apocalypse

Pacific Rim reference.
nice.

Personally, I felt this got a little dry towards the middle. I skipped from Pinkie asking him out to near the end of the date, and I didn't really feel like I missed anything. Just sayin'. Also, I feel like you took Pinkie's fourth-wall breaking a bit too far. Pinkie Pie is zany, but she's still a regular pony with regular pony abilities. The fourth wall breaking is a cartoony thing, and it gets old if overused.

Other than that though, I really enjoyed this story. It was so jam-packed with d'awwww that I couldn't not like it. Good work! :pinkiehappy:

Let me start that I did end up faving this and I'm pretty picky with what I fave, that alone should tell you that I liked it quite a bit.

I did feel that the romance was a bit forced and Pinkie did act...well, a bit out of character (not just when interacting with Anon, which would be understandable considering the theme of the fic) and Anon went a bit too quickly from "I FUCKING HATE THIS PINK FUCKING THING!" to love, like I said, it felt a bit forced.

The comedy on the other hand? It's so wonderfully crude that you can't help but laugh.
Honestly? I don't think I have laughed this hard by reading a fic since "Why am I Pinkie Pie?!" which is a feat by itself. I did especially laugh at the part were Celestia tells him to give Pinkie the "monkey dick". I had trouble breathing after that one.

Randomness and shenanigans ensue.

Is that really necessary when you have Pinkie on the cover?:unsuresweetie:

"I was the first sister of three,
Doing whatever I had to do to party,
I'm not saying that my life was alright,
Trying to get away from the rock farm was a day to day fight."

"Been here so long, getting out didn't cross my mind,
I knew there was a better place to live, and I was just going to find,
You don't know what you'll do until you get your cutie mark,
But my hundred and tenth party was a hell of-"

Across-110th-Street by Bobby Womack reference

Busta. Straight busta.

And a GTA SA reference

Noooooo, this needs a sequel, stat, asap, as in right now

3979277
I've been listening to this song in a loop for days since I watched Jackie Brown a few months ago. But I don't think you should try finding all the references in my stories, or you could be here for a VERY long time... :pinkiecrazy:

3979463 I won't but those are the one i knew, I have that song and I have GTA SA

3979463 And now you have me wanting to make a " A 110th party by Pinkie Pie " song

3979489

I was the first sister of three,
Doing whatever I had to do to party,
I'm not saying that my life was alright,
Trying to get away from the rock farm was a day to day fight.

Been here so long, getting out didn't cross my mind,
I knew there was a better place to live, and I was just going to find,
You don't know what you'll do until you get your cutie mark,
But my hundred and tenth party was a hell of a gesture

By my 110th Party
So much sugar causing ponies to tweak
By my 110th Party
You'll never guess I'm 23

By my 110th Party
Spreading happiness with a flash of my teeth, ohh pony
By my 110th Party
You'll see it in my parties, oh

I got one more thing I'd like to yell about right now
Hey AJ, there's a Party jumping about
Eating that cake, shaking that rump hey, you're missing out
I'm so serious, it's either Party or die
You've got to be fun, if you want to survive

The Bronies on the other side of town
Would catch hell without a Party around
In every Party you find the same thing going down
Pinkie is the capital of every party around
Help me ugh it

By my 110th Party
So much sugar causing ponies to tweak
By my 110th Party
You'll never guess I'm 23

Oh, By my 110th Party
Spreading happiness with a flash of my teeth, ohh pony
By my 110th Party
You'll see it in my parties, oh
Yes, you can

Oh, look around you, look around you
Look around you, look around you, yeah

3979489 go to this Link and you'll understand:LINK

3979653
That was actually pretty impressive... I'm impressed. You have impressed me.
Impressing me is difficult.
Here, have a Twilicoin. derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/2/8/547082.png

3913777 if English isn't your first language id love to hear you in your first this was amazing

3992419
Thanks a lot, but I don't think you'd like to hear me in my native language... i.imgur.com/9mV7Yo6.jpg

But yeah I've been spending so much time on the Internet those past few years, I actually have trouble talking in my native language (can't find my words, or I use english words in the middle because it just feels natural) so in the end, I'm fluent but mediocre in both languages. :twilightblush:

3992500 so you're a cheese eating surrender monkey lol simpsons

3992985
Le fromage. Shit yeah.

3993009 french is such a fun language to swear in german and russian just sound angry

3994076 I was thinkng about that

tl;dr

May have been doable if we didn't have to wade through the exploding trash compactor that is Pinkie's mind.

3900421
3900609
Pussies. This shit is where it's at. This is shit done right! Take your short-ass attention span somewhere else.

you should make some spaces
----------
aaaaaaaa
aaaaaaa
-------------
like that, so it is easiert to see where we stopped reading.

I just think there should mark the story in a way that makes it easier to take a break from reading, and not searching a few minutes till you find the part you stopped reading again.

okay I noticed a few weak lines, not easy to see, but it is at least something that goes into the direction I wanted it to go.

the story was really not bad, but I somehow doesn't feel happy with his personality. I mean at first it was okay, but sometimes it just feels like they change their mind to easily, like if they don't like somehone at first they should actually be a bit more wary about the whole thing and not just accept everything with only a little persuasion.

Maybe it is just me liking psychological stuff and all that, but I would have liked it, if he would given her a chance, but not just suddenly being in love.

I don't know only sometimes it feels a bit odd like this to me.

I admit I still like it, even if today I'm don't exactly understood everything they meant, mostly the last part I guess.


You know what, I guess today is just a picky day again, I actually like this story even if indeed not everything was perfect.
I really like your Pinky, and I would like to have a sequel, maybe a longer story, where they seriously try to develop a healthy relationship.
I want the others to react on them, maybe even some of them being suprised about it and other stuff like that, it would be more fun if they maybe even wouldn't just be the perfect couple suddenly, since they where drunk last night and maybe it is still special for them if they try it being sober.
I think I wouldn't like Celestia reacting on that fourth wall mind thing that happened with him in the restaurante.

7644049 Thanks for the feedback. This was my first "serious" story and I know that it's far from stellar, I have to agree with most of what you said. I don't have the greatest imagination and as you noticed, I tend to go for the path of least resistance.
I'm not sure if my other stories are any better in that regard, but then it's a trait many AiE stories share. It's basically,

"anon sex me pls"
"no"
"pls"
"k"

Still, I should go back to this story and rework it a little bit as I recently did with the others, my English has improved quite a lot over the past two years.

7645179 I'm more than glad that you understood what I meant, because I ┬┤don't trust my english grammar most of the time.

Like I said, or I believe I said that I would love a sequel if you should make one after fixing this a little bit.

Awesome little love story here! Pinkie is one of the best for these types of stories! :twilightsmile:

Pretty good story if you ask me, a perfect mix of romance, heartache and most of all the confession, the sweet, tender confession. It was beautiful, it made my heart ache for pinkie as she confessed her love to him. I'm glad that she found her love and I'm glad he had the same feelings for her. I hope that their love bloom as their lives continue.

I would have had expected her to draw her party cannon on me, and ask me angrily if Princess Celestia looked like a bitch. Yeah, that wouldn't have surprised me in the slightest.

Pulp fiction I presume?

9236800
I badly need to rework on this story, it's the only one I haven't modified over the years, but yeah that's a Pulp Fiction reference.

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