Every Rose Has Its Thorn

by Featherheart

River: Research

I was utterly lost in the smallest town I’d ever been in.
“How did I manage this?” I muttered to myself, trotting past the “Quills & Sofas” shop for the third time.
“Manage what?” asked a terrifyingly cheerful voice from behind.
I jumped around, reaching for my absent gun. Luckily, I wasn’t technically under attack.
“Ditzy…” I breathed at the grinning pegasus. She kicked a hoof bashfully.
“Sorry, I guess I’m sneakier than I thought. What did you manage, River?”
“What? Oh!” I laughed. “Ditzy, I am hopelessly lost.”
“Happens to me all the time.” She waved her hoof dismissively. “What are you looking for? We’ll find it together!”
I couldn’t help but smile at the mare. No wonder the Doctor likes having you around. Optimism is a rare thing, I thought. “I’m looking for the library.”
Ditzy smiled widely. “Oh, that’s easy!” She grabbed my forehoof with her own and turned me around. “Ta da!” She cried happily, pointing at the library not 30 feet from us.
I lightly hit myself in the face with my hoof. “I forgot the library was a tree…” I muttered, then fell off balance. “Right… I’m a quadruped,” I laughed as Ditzy released my other hoof.
“Well thank you for your help, Ditzy.” I smiled, turning away so I could continue to the library.
“Wait!” she cried, coming up to trot beside me. “I took Rose to the hospital and told her friends like you guys told me to.”
“Thanks for that...”
“So I figured that now we can all go off on an adventure together!” She said happily, wings flapping excitedly.
My eyes widened and a note of panic crept into my voice as I stammered, “Well… uh... the Doctor and I are discussing….” I trailed off. I had no idea what ponies knew about when it came to indelicate matters.
Ditzy tilted her head questioningly. “Discussing what?”
“Uh… human things….” I felt a blush creep to my cheeks. I was usually the last to be embarrassed, but the social constraints in this society were completely unknown to me.
“Oooohhh…” Ditzy breathed knowingly. “Why do you need books for?!”
I laughed, relieved that Ditzy seemed to have at least base knowledge of what was going on. “These bodies are much different, Ditzy. The Doctor and I are at a loss when it comes to these matters.”
Ditzy nodded, then opened the door of the library for me. Following me in, she called over my shoulder, “Twilight! River needs books about sex!” I shot her a look of horror. The last thing I needed was all of Ponyville knowing about my tribulations.
Luckily there weren’t any other ponies in the library. In fact, not even Twilight was present. A pattering of feet from upstairs was the only sign of life. The feet were soon on the stairs, and I was presented with the sight of a large, bipedal lizard.
“Hey Ditzy, Twilight’s not here,” it said in a young male voice. “Something about the princess needing her. What did you say you needed?”
I interrupted Ditzy before she could tell the obviously-underage lizard about my selection. “I was just wondering if you had any books on anatomy?”
“Sure thing. What was your name again?”
“River.” I smiled at him, following him back through the stacks.
“Nice to meet you. My name’s Spike.”
“Spike is a baby dragon!” Ditzy said happily. “And so cute!”
Spike blushed a little, and then pointed to a fairly sizable section. “That’s where the anatomy books are. Anything else you need?”
“She needs books about –” I quickly shoved a hoof in Ditzy’s mouth before she could continue.
“I think this will be fine, thanks.” I beamed at Spike until he disappeared past the shelves, then I glared at Ditzy, still with my hoof in her mouth. “He’s a baby! I don’t want to traumatize him.” I hissed. She nodded, and I removed my hoof.
“Let’s find some books on anatomy!” she cried happily.
After selecting two volumes on reproduction, and another more general one to attempt to disguise the others, Ditzy and I headed out the door. She lent me her saddlebags, showing me how to remove it with my mouth.
“Thanks for your help, Ditzy. I’m going back to the TARDIS, and we’ll drop by and get you when we’re ready.” I smiled at her, and then turned to walk away.
“Have fun having sex, River!” she yelled louder than necessary. I cringed, not daring to look around until I was safely back in the TARDIS.

Comments

[greyyy]

LOL Ditzy, you're too brash

[LandUnderWave]

This looks interesting. Don't see many MLP/DW crossovers that contain characters from DW other than the Doctor. Coo.
There is a Roseluck character option now. :3
There isn't gonna be bashing, is there? I hate bashing.

[Wurben Hurgen]

yeah river babys 3 guater timelord 1 quater pony/human

[DerpTape]

Have fun storming his castle, River