• Published 11th Feb 2014
  • 9,493 Views, 440 Comments

Not having ANY of this S### - Technopathic



Katherine Bosley is a cynical young college student who couldn't care less what others think of her. But she isn't going to have any of it when she's suddenly marked as a bad guy by the citizens of Equestria. She's through taking

  • ...
50
 440
 9,493

Chapter 1- The heck just happened..?

It was all that stupid necklace’s fault. I should have just left it at that garage sale. I could have gotten mom something else for her birthday. A handmade card, for example. To mom, with love, from Katherine. Add a couple of hearts and stick figures and you’re golden. She’d have liked that something like that.

But no. I just had to buy it, didn’t I?

It had been late in the evening, and I was headed back to the house I was renting with about six other classmates. As a poor college student, I and many others couldn’t afford the on-campus housing options the university gave us. Living on the streets wasn’t an option, so I had decided to live with several other students in an old fixer-upper just off campus and split the rent evenly amongst ourselves. Sure, it was crowded, but it was affordable.

Anyways, as I was riding home on my bicycle, I spotted a garage sale at the side of the road. I had recently discovered that garage sale = cheap furnishings, so I jumped at the opportunity. I pulled my bike to the curb and started looking around.

As I said before (or maybe I didn’t, I dunno. Who am I talking to again? Oh, right. Myself.), my mom’s birthday was coming up, so I was on the lookout for something special. There was one trinket that stood out among the rest.

That d@#$ necklace.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a beautiful piece, and this is coming from a girl who has absolutely no taste in jewelry. It had a simple, thick black string, holding up a bluish, crystalline crescent moon that gleamed iridescently in the waning sunlight encased in a circular piece of glass. I looked around a bit more, before finally deciding that nothing else piqued my interest.


“How much for this?” I asked the man who was trying to stick a bunch of dollar bills in a gallon-sized plastic bag.

He gazed vacantly at it for a moment before saying, “I’ll give it to ya for two bucks.” I almost didn’t catch him as he muttered, “It’s not like my wife needs so much jewelry anyways…”

Selling off his wife’s jewelry. How very romantic. Still, not questioning the man’s choices (verbally, at least), I dug two bills out of my pocket, slapped them on the counter, and walked away with my prize, stuffing it in my backpack. I still secretly hoped his wife would find out about the jewelry selling, though. I grinned to myself. That would be worth a laugh.

I hopped on my bike, and a few minutes later, I was back at the house. I pushed in the door and was immediately greeted by loud teenage voices arguing over the TV. Home, sweet home.

Ignoring them, I pushed past the numerous backpacks scattered around the entryway, headed upstairs to my room. Actually, I and two other girls slept there, but only if you want to get technical about it.

Luckily, the other two weren’t there. Good. It wasn’t that I hated them… okay, yeah, I sorta did. Always giggling and gossiping amongst themselves like idiots, fussing over such imaginative, diverse topics like shoes, boys, and makeup when I was busy studying or trying to sleep… I was getting really tired of those two, and tired in general. The late night gossip sessions did nothing for my opinion of them. I called them the Barbie wannabies in my head as a form of personal revenge. And I knew what they were talking about. If they had something against me, they could just say it to my face like an actual adult, honestly I thought losers like that grew out of that crap at this age, and-!

I sighed. There was no use getting my jimmies rustled. It wasn’t anything I had the power to change anything like that. I had learned long ago that the world wasn’t the beautiful, happy place it seemed to be when you were a kid. The world is full of jerks, liars, and backstabbers, the worst of which will disguise themselves as one of your friends. I kept it simple: the world couldn’t be bothered to care about me, so I couldn't care less what anyone else thought of me. There was no sense in wasting time trying to please others, so I kept to myself.

I slung off my backpack and flopped onto my bed, burying my head in my pillow. The universe could just f%^* off for all I cared. I had had a long day of being screwed over by it. I had failed a test, had a crappy day at work, and had somehow gotten my research paper plagiarized off of, and now the teacher thought I was the one who copied someone else.

Not feeling like studying just yet, I dug out the necklace from my backpack. Its iridescent moon gleamed back at me in a happy little way that almost seemed to trying to cheer me up. How ridiculous, I thought with a cynical smile, An inanimate object trying to cheer me up. It would have been the first thing that had actually given a flying F-bomb about me for weeks.

I don’t know why, but I got the urge to try it on. It easily slipped around my head and hung around my neck. The little necklace almost seemed to be giving off its own warmth, and for an instant, I almost felt… happy.

Then the two Barbie wannabies barged into the room, and the warm, fuzzy feeling was gone, replaced with annoyance and contempt. Today, they were wailing over how they had gained two pounds, their high, whiny voices like fingernails on a chalkboard. Oh dear, the world must be coming to an end!

Yes, ladies, that’s right, you are getting fat and hideous. I almost told them, but wisely decided to keep my mouth shut. That would only earn me several hours of them ragging on how hideous and witch-like my long black hair was, how my clothes looked like they came from the thrift store (they actually did, by the way, I just didn’t want to give them that kind of satisfaction by telling them), or how I should really replace those old sneakers with a classy pair of high heels…

I buried my face in my pillow, trying my best to drown them out. Maybe if I just stay still they’ll go annoy someone else.

They didn’t.

It took only a few minutes of listening to their drivel before I snapped, lifting my head off the pillow, “Good God, could you two talk about something that actually effing matters for once?”

I let my head flop back down on the pillow, feeling their icy glares boring holes in my back, prepared for the onslaught of insults. Not that I cared. At that moment, I was fed up with everything. I just wish I could go somewhere I don’t have to deal with people.

Apparently the universe a) was listening to my thoughts at that time and b) has a sick sense of humor, because the moment I thought that, I felt myself falling through the covers into what seemed like an endless black void. Instead wasting my last few seconds on Earth screaming, which the Barbie wannabies certainly would have done in the same situation, I flipped over on my back and gave one last contempt-filled middle finger to the universe. The universe returned its usual apathetic silence as I plummeted out of existence.

I fell, arms folded and glaring at nothing, for a long time. Well, “fell” is the wrong word, it was more like I fluttered gently downward into nothingness. In retrospect, I should have found it odd that I wasn’t picking up speed, since that’s what’s supposed to happen because physics says so. But honestly, I was too busy being angry at everything to care about the consistency of gravity.

F%^* the universe, F%^* this, F%^* the Barbie wannabies… and so it went on as I listed everyone and everything on my personal hate list, which was rather extensive at the time.

I was reaching the end of my list when I suddenly fell out of the sky. The sky was painted in the multihued radiance of sunset, and the stars were just beginning to sparkle and shine. I had enough time to think Oh, hey, look. It’s evening. before I landed on something. Hard.

Whatever it was gave a loud, angry roar before throwing me off. By some miracle I managed to land on my feet, but I didn’t have time to admire that interesting twist of fate, because I was far too busy staring ahead at the large mass of fur I had landed on.

It looked kind of lion-like, with a long mane around its head. But it couldn't have been a lion, because it had the body of a black panther. I looked up toward its face, which towered at least three feet above my head. The whatever- it-was met my gaze, glaring at me murderously; he/she/it was obviously not happy with me having landed on him in the middle of… whatever it is mutant lion-things do in the evening.

This is not going to end well.

As soon as the initial shock wore off and I stopped gawking at it like an idiot, survival instinct kicked in, and I did what any sane person would do in that situation.

I turned and ran like hell.

I wasn’t exactly an athlete, but I sprinted faster than I have in my life right then. Like hell I was gonna get eaten by some freakish monster.

The first thing I noticed while running away from Simba the lab accident: I had landed in a forest. A very dark forest in the middle of the evening. The second thing I noticed: everything in a forest is designed specifically to trip you up or slow you down. I made the mistake of glancing backwards to see the giant cat barreling after me effortlessly, charging through roots and snapping off branches like they were nothing. I redoubled my speed.

Again, the universe saw fit to flip me off once again. I crashed into a clearing only to find myself cut off by a massive vertical cliff face of loose-looking soil. I cursed under my breath. I had two options: climb a nearly impossible cliff face and probably fall to my death, or become kitty kibble. The kitty on steroids roared not far behind.

I sprinted up to the cliff face.

The lion-panther, however, was faster than I gave it credit for. Not a second before I reached my only visible shot at safety, I felt a large weight tackle me from behind. My fingertips came maddeningly close to the wall of dirt, just barely brushing the soil before falling hard on my chest. I stole an upward glance, and was greeted by two feline eyes looming overhead, filled with rage, its hot breath blowing down my neck.

“Um… n-nice kitty?” I whimpered with a nervous smile.

The funny thing about when you’re about to die is that “bullet time,” when everything around you slows down for some unfathomable reason, actually does exist. That’s what happened to me right then: everything just slowed down for an instant. In that instant I realized a few things: I still hated everything, I was about to get eaten by something that technically shouldn’t exist, and hey, there’s a small hole in the wall I think I can squeeze through; how long has that been there?

That was my ticket out. Flipping over halfway, I reeled back and punched the mutant Mufasa square in the nose with all the strength I could muster. While it flinched backward in surprise with another roar, I flipped over and scrambled towards the hole on all fours as fast as I could.

There could have been a skunk in there. Venomous snakes. A porcupine, even. I didn’t care, I dove into the hole without a moment’s hesitation.

The lion-panther wasn’t about to let me go so easily. I was almost home free when I felt a sharp pain in my right leg as razor-sharp claws dig in. Yanking my leg in with me, I felt something slice deep into the muscle while I tore it free. I actually felt something grate against my bone. I felt hot blood spilling from the fresh claw marks, running down my leg and soaking my socks as I pulled safely away from the enormous paws that were swiping blindly at me. After taking a few seconds to catch my breath, I realized the small hidey-hole went deeper.

Gathering my courage, I pushed deeper into the hole, screaming internally, every movement feeling like four sharp stabs in my leg, and fighting back tears. It was agony unlike anything I had ever felt. After an eternity of crawling, crying, and cursing everything, the tunnel opened into what seemed like a large cavern. There was a small opening in the ceiling, partially illuminating the area in the moon’s silvery glow. Right underneath the opening was some sort of short pyramid with a glass-like orb at the top.

I scooted over to the pyramid, with much less energy than before, feeling dizzy and lightheaded. I rested against it, turning my right leg over in such a way that I could get a closer look at the wound.

It was worse than I thought. The claws had dug through the muscle, leaving deep, red gashes in my leg the muscle pulsed and quivered with every heartbeat, spilling out more and more blood. The blood that had already spilled out had left my leg slick with red ooze. I could see something in the gashes. Dirt, rocks or something else. I thought I saw bone.

I suddenly felt nauseous. I was exhausted, sore all over from running and falling out of the sky. My head was swimming. Was everything always this blurry? I thought dimly.

I knew nothing about first aid. I didn’t know how to clean or dress a wound. The thought to do so never even crossed my mind. I just sat there, gawking at the four deep cuts in my leg.

Perfect. Just perfect. If the lion-panther hadn’t done me in, the blood loss or, if by some miracle I survive this, infection from whatever was in my leg would. Perhaps the only thing keeping me alive right then was my burning hatred of my situation and the universe in general. It still didn’t change the fact I was getting weaker by the second.

Tink.

What’s that? I thought dimly.

Tink. Tink.

I looked around, but nothing caught my eye. It wasn’t until I looked up that I realized what was making the noise.

Through the fog of my mind, I understood that there was something moving inside the glass-like orb, tapping on it from the inside. It was a small, shadowy shape, weakly ramming itself against the glass. It was as though it was trying to break its prison, but to no avail. It looked like it was dying.

I don’t know why I took pity on it. Heck, I don’t know why I do lots of the things I do. Maybe it was because we were both dying in that God-forsaken cavern. Maybe it was because the universe seemed to have it out for it as much as it did me.

Whatever the reason, I reached up towards the glass sphere. It was easily within reach, almost as though the pyramid was built by someone much smaller than I. My hand hit the sphere, knocking it off its pedestal. It fell to the ground and shattered, freeing the little thing from its glass cage.

The little blob regarded me with small, white eyes. I made a little shooing motion. “Go on, get outta here. At least one of us can make it out alive,” I muttered bitterly.

I didn’t expect what happened next. It leapt at me, or rather, into my shadow, and completely merged with it. Before I had time to say, “What the-?” my own shadow leapt off the floor in snakelike ribbons, cocooning me. I couldn’t move. Everything was getting darker by the second.

Then I felt it. Something exploded in my head, things and ideas, memories and thoughts that were not my own. It was invading my mind, pounding in my skull feelings and thoughts that I couldn’t begin to comprehend. My mind squirmed away from these foreign thoughts, and I couldn’t even form a coherent thought of my own. I opened my mouth to scream.

“ASDJLKFQRASB”, I commented intelligently.

Then, as suddenly as it started, everything snapped into place. It all made sense, and though I could feel a presence at the back of my mind, I could form my own thoughts again. The thoughts that had made no sense before now seemed like a second language. The cocoon was gone. I could move again.

I lifted my hand and examined it, and nearly screamed. It was as dark as a shadow, and almost looked like it was fading in and out of visibility. I panicked, looking down to see that every part of my body within my range of visibility had turned just as dark and shadowy as my hand. Clothes. My clothes were in the same state as the rest of me, the only thing that hadn't turned black was the necklace, which seemed to be glowing brighter in the moonlight. But I didn't have time to focus on that. What if that thing is making me disappear? To make sure I wasn't vanishing into thin air, I patted myself down, quickly.

Arms. Still had arms. Hair, complete face, ears, and head- check. Chest, still had that. Those are still there, so I’m still a girl. Hips- check. Legs- Oh, hey the right one doesn’t hurt anymore! Huh! Finally, feet… check-er-ooni.

I sat back, letting the craziness of it all sink in. Finally, I spoke up.

“What the F%^* just happened?!”

***********************************************************************************************************

Fluttershy didn’t like going into The Everfree forest, especially since there were all sorts of terrifying creatures lurking within. Even now, she was nervously glancing from side to side, waiting for something to pop out at her. She kept to the path of broken tree branches and partially uprooted trees; it was obvious something had been running very fast.

Why am I here in the d-dark sc-scary forest again?

She remembered nearly instantaneously. She had been feeding her dear, sweet chickens in the yard, when she had heard a loud, angry roar from Everfree forest. She had instantly expected it was poor Mr. Manticore again; the poor dear tended to step on sharp, painful thorns from time to time, and he sometimes scared her sweet little animals when he came looking for her help to remove them. Worried about her poor little animals, she had decided that, this time, she would go find him, and spare her poor little animals.

She had flown over the forest to try and find Mr. Manticore. However, she had soon discovered a long path through the trees that looked like something had been chasing something else. Maybe a poor, innocent little baby bunny was being chased by a mean old hydra, or worse!

She had fluttered gently downward until she landed on the path, and began following it. She knew it was scary, but she couldn’t just leave any baby bunnies to face this mean old whatever it was.

And so, she continued walking, whimpering slightly. She had to be brave, for the bunnies. She had faced a dragon before, after all. How hard could it be…r-right?

As she trod along the path, she heard angry growls from further ahead on the path. She galloped ahead, and came across a clearing, right in front of a rather daunting cliff face. Right next to it though, was a massive furry beast, many times larger than she was. It had a panther-like body, but a large mane, much like a lion, or a manticore. It was swiping at a hole in the cliff face, trying to get at something inside. Fluttershy shrunk back almost on instinct.

She slowly worked up her composure. Okay. It was time to help some baby bunnies. Gathering all the courage she could muster, she stepped forward and took a deep breath.

“Umm, M-mr. L-lion-panther, um, could you please not bother, um, whatever it is that in that hole, please?” Her gaze turned towards the ground, averting her gaze sheepishly. “I-I mean if that’s okay with you…”

The lion-panther’s ears perked up at her voice. It turned to face her, then stopped pawing at the hole reluctantly. Many animals knew that Fluttershy was not a force to be trifled with, especially with her legendary “The Stare,” which was whispered of in hushed, fearful animal tongues. This creature was no exception, and backed off.

She flew up to the Lion-panther and stroked its mane. “There, that’s a good lion-or panther. I’m sorry, did I get it wrong?”

That’s when she noticed the nasty bruise starting to form on its back. She gasped loudly. “Oh you poor little lion-panther!” she took to the air and fluttered over to the large nasty bruise just beginning to form on its back, underneath its massive fur coat. “Who could have done this to you?” The lion-panther’s face looked at her sadly, it’s ears turned downward. “There, there. It’s okay.” Fluttershy carefully rubbed the head of the large lion-panther.

The lion-panther rolled over on its belly and purred, a deep, rumbling purr that made the entire ground vibrate in harmony.

************************************************************

Eventually, after my existential crisis (if it could even be called that), I decided, as much as I disliked having to deal with people, I would probably fare best if I found someone else; a town, perhaps. Heck, I would have settled for a tiny village if they could figure out or explain what had happened to me. Perhaps reverse it, even. Remove the symbiote with a giant gong or whatever. Science has an answer for everything these days, right? Except time travel and eternal life but Hey! Maybe someday! As if…

I don’t know how to explain it, but I just knew I had changed, if that wasn’t already apparent from the fact every visible body part had turned into whatever I was now. I still felt like me, though: the same cynical grouch I’d always been. But somewhere, deep inside, I felt…

Different.

Better. Stronger. Stronger than anything else, surpassing everyone with pure power-

I had stopped and paused, considering that thought for a moment. Nah, I had decided, I’m not really anything that special. I can barely get anyone to so much as listen to me; how could someone like that be considered powerful? I had no idea where that notion had even come from. It made just as much sense as everything else I’d gone through. Must have been stress, I thought.

So, I got on my hands and knees, crawling back out of the cave. The first thing I noticed was that my leg didn’t give me as much trouble as the trip in. Naturally, there was a lot less crying and swearing as well. I chalked it up to whatever voodoo sorcery had happened back at the cave. I still planned to have it checked out by a doctor, though.

As I went further, Just as I was nearing the exit, finally, I heard a soft, cooing, feminine voice call from just outside the hole. Forgetting I was in a freaking hole in the ground for just a moment, I raised my head to get a look ahead of me, and hit my head against the ceiling. “GAH!” I cried, rubbing my bruised head and swearing loudly.

“Wh-who’s there?”called the small voice from earlier.

I heard a low growl. “Meep,” I squealed, almost like a tiny rodent. I can’t believe that thing is still out there. How persistent is that thing?

I heard hushed whispers in a scolding tone, then: “It’s okay, you can come out now, if that’s okay with you, little mouse.” The voice paused. “Oh! I’m sorry, I just assumed you were a mouse…”

I hesitated. This could very well be a trap, or someone’s idea of a prank. Then again, it could be a person from a city nearby, a town, or something, and besides, who could survive that beast? Besides, if it is a trick, I could always escape back here… I decided it was worth the risk. I scrambled through the last stretch of tunnel and wormed my way out. I stood up, dusting myself off. Plech. I’m filthy.

I looked around the clearing, but then froze. That beast was still there, unmoving, but staring back at me. Stranger still, there, right next to it, was a yellow pegasus with a pink mane and tail. It was short, perhaps only coming up to my waist, but was petting the lion-panther like it was a freaking housecat. That last part was honestly the only thing that fazed me. As strange as it was, I had seen enough strange crap that night to last me a lifetime. I kind of just stood there gawking.

Everything and everyone in the clearing stood perfectly still, for just a moment. I broke the silence: “…Hi?”

The lion-panther, scrambled backwards, then took off into the forest like its tail was on fire. Heh. Not so tough after all. I thought with a wry smile.

The pegasus, whose voice actually matched the voice form before (one mystery down, fifty more to go) shrunk back, looking petrified, before letting out a shrill shriek and fleeing after the literal giant scaredy-cat.

I blinked. Was it something I did?