Not everypony wants to get their cutie mark.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 23rd Apr, 2013
- offline last seen 7 hours ago
Deep
"A world without friendship is a lonely world indeed."
Deep
Joined 23rd Apr, 2013 ·
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Dun, dun, dun!
Seriously though, this was a nice read and it sounds promising. I'm definitely looking forward to more.
Nice. Usually some Ocs I read that have no cutie mark wants one badly. Though this, this is a bit refreshing a little
I'd often wondered if there were Filles or Colts in Equestria who just weren't bothered about getting a Cutie Mark (And what would happen if they met the CMC) but I'd never considered the idea of one who actively detests the idea.
It's an intriguing idea certainly, but paradoxically, the nature of Ponies probably means that rebelling against Marks & Talents probably is her Mark & Talent.
4077303
There's Button Mash
Eh, doesn't give the other foals enough credit. Need to have Orange later find out she was too seething in hatred to notice the other classmates who remained skeptical or sullen. Like say the one whose sister died trying to find her cutie mark. Or something. It always seems like the world's out to get you, when you've only been seeing the ones who are out to get you, and ignoring the rest.
Also how did Orange know all those words? Forget your own passion about the possibilities behind cutie marks and try to make Orange sound less... articulate. Not because the marks are a good idea, but because Orange breaks our suspension of disbelief every time she starts ranting on about the oppression of the proletariat or whatever, stuff a foal wouldn't have even thought about yet, especially since there is no place she could have learned it from. You don't walk right into a well thought out argument it takes some planning and experience first.
=> “Sorry. Actually no, I’m not sorry. I’m not putting up with any more of this horse-” makes it seem less like any more over her lifetime, and more like any more over the course of this particular lesson.
(idly by, really? you go socrates)
=> “This whole cutie mark thing isn't right, and I’m not just gonna sit and watch everypony believe you,”
=> “You know what I’m saying.” Orange Picker pointed at her. “Standing there telling us we're gonna get our cutie marks, like we all want our cutie marks. Not everypony wants to get their cutie mark!”
=> “Why does anypony have to tell me? I don't want to get my cutie mark! Why are you trying to make me pretend like it's a good thing?!"
=> Orange Picker slapped her hoof away. “No I'm not!” she yelled. “I’m gonna change things one day. You'll see!” She turned to Nectar, tears of frustration in her eyes. “And I don't... lie.” She walked to the door, both angry and fearful beyond belief. “Don't tell the Princess” she whispered before running outside, slamming it behind her.
See, that way she doesn't seem like an authorial mouthpiece, since she's not acting like she isn't a foal, but she still gets to be against the idea of cutie marks.
4078002
Considering Button Mash's special talent is being a useless piece of shit all day and play these games, he's probably not eager to get locked into that sort of lifestyle.
Watch out for those stairs, Button
Ms. Blossom pointed to a framed picture of Princess Celestia on the wall. “The Princess’s special talent for example is raising the entire sun. I can only imagine how she figured that out.” Orange Picker glared at the picture.
YOU GO ORANGE PICKER!
How dare they exclude Luna! Last time I checked there were 2 princesses, and of equal status at that!
Poor Luna...no wonder she went all Nightmare Moon
4078804
First of all, thanks for taking the time to write a lengthy comment. As to your points, the thing is Orange Picker doesn't speak like a normal filly because she isn't one. She's meant to be really confrontational in the way she speaks and she knows alot of words most ponies her age don't. It's just the way she formed in my head. The way you wrote her dialogue was good too, but it seemed less confrontational. And she's not a mourhpeice; trust me, she's eventually gonna be beaten in an argument.
4078819 HAHAHHA OH MY GAD that just made my day
Just a small tip, it could help your writing if you used names less in it. Almost every paragraph starts with Orange Pickers name, and about a third of them say "Orange Picker" in it at least twice.
This one however, was in a very good spot.
Also, please don't think i'm a hater, I really love this story. I'm just trying to give a little constructive criticism.
Edit: Sorry for the long comment!
I already said this in the last chapter, but it says various pony names a lot.
Also,
It's a bit out of character for a teacher to scream like that. I would suggest replacing "she screamed." with "she asked."
~Quasar
I realize that it's the foundation of your story, but your character's attitude will need more explanation.
I can easily understand a foal not caring about the mark. After all, once you've found something you're good at, having something tell you is redundant.
Anger, on the other hand, usually arises from something. You need to reveal (or hint at) the thing which sparked the anger, or you risk not forming a connection with your audience.
4079239 My dirty mind changed all of that to Orange Pecker
4079499
Orange Picker's attitude is explained in the end. I should add in a hint in the second chapter though. Thanks for the critique.
4079599
Judging by your avatar pic I'm not surprised lol.
4079303
Yeah I know I use her name too much, but what else can I call her? I will try to edit as many as I can out though.
And as for Ms. Blossom screaming, given her history with OP (which you'll see), it actually is in character. At least in my opinion.
Must resist the urge to make an OP joke.
I'm really starting to like this Orange Picker character.
She's going to be pissed when she gets her Leading A Revolution Against the Current Social Order Cutie Mark.
*Grumpiness Intensifies*
Rather interesting concept and characters so far.
Have a fav and up-vote.
4079239 I'd suggest just saying "Orange" instead of the full name, just don't get pulled into lavender unicorn syndrome.
4082138
I just replaced her name with OP as much as I could. That and saying things like "the two fillies" and whatever else I could think of.
"One of the Princess’s special appointees on these issues is coming here in the next few days to evaluate Orange Picker. If she isn’t reformed by then…then I’m not responsible for what’ll happen to you.”
This suddenly got very ominous. It sounds like disagreeing with the establishment about Cutie Marks & Destiny is treated very seriously rather than dismissed as childish rebellion.
Perhaps there being some kind of threat might explain why Miss Blossom is so willing to wash her hooves of the matter & foist it off on the parents instead of even attempting to understand where Orange Picker is coming from, you know, like a teacher probably should.
4086742
"On these issues" is referring to OP always being hurt and late for school. Basically Equestria's version of CPS, not an agency to deal with ponies who go against the status quo. Sorry for the confusion.
4086848
Ah, right.
Miss Blossom's attitude still seems a little strange though. The conversation with her parents implies that this is a long running problem that she's tried to sort out with them, so why would she still be ignorant of what OP's real problem is? Have they just never found that out? And is her 'threat' about something happening to them just a potential worst case scenario predicated on neither her nor the officer knowing the facts?
I look forward to finding out.
4087159
They don't know what OP's problem is since she's always out doing her own thing. It's like that kid who acts out so much you don't even care what's wrong with him anymore; you just want him gone. And the threat to OP's parents (I think that's your question?) is the dungeon/to the mooooooooon/whatever.
Why would they be so worried about her not wanting her cutie mark? Are you placing this story in more of a dystopian setting?
Btw, I think this chapter is the best written one so far.
4087227
So they haven't tried asking her what she does to get so beat up? Or does she just blow them off like teenagers are wont to do?
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!"
"Duh! You never tell us anything"
What's her name again?
Ah... so we get an answer from the rebel?
Twilight should turn OP into a griffon -- then she can fly and never have to worry about cutie marks.
[“Nectar,” Orange Picker screamed.There should be an exclamation point "!" in stead of a comma "," after Nectar.
things are getting intense.
Great chapter
It looks like Orange found the Hoofguide to Cutie Mark Crusading; first edition too, if the items on that list are anything to go by.
Though she may have misinterpreted the title a bit...
I'm reminded of what was said when the CMC was first formed. That not having a mark meant you were full of potential & got to experience the joy of discovery. OP appears to have taken this attitude to heart, but in her case it appears that she doesn't want that journey to end. In seems that in her view, getting a mark means that that your destiny is 'locked in' & those limitless horizons slam shut, & she hates that.
Sooo close to giving up there... Got to keep on fighting the good fight or everything you have done to now loses meaning.
I'm definitely into OP's view on cutie marks. I don't care about "destiny" crap, and I like that she don't either.
And now THIS is why your cutie mark doesn't mean your "special talent" thinking of it like that would makes them feel trapped.
Orange Picker´s interpretation about Cutie Marks reminds me to Revoutionary Fire: a pony´s genetic makeup is what makes the mark appears, forcing his talent down his throat while keeping him happy about it.
Oh shit, Equestria is Brave New World ponified
OP is a...really compelling little filly. I'm really looking forward to reading more, and I'm falling in love with her defiant nature.
4113818
The story's actually done. My bad for forgetting to change the status to complete. I might make a spinoff or sequel to this though.
4114210
Suggest you do, and see what Celestia and Luna have to say about OP's ways
4113779
Aldous Huxley be proud
Okay, you really need to learn how to use exclamation points. Seriously, half of the said-tags in the first half of this chapter were about some form of yelling, but there were no exclamation points! I started out imagining the character talking normally, then something like "X screamed" would jump out and disrupt the flow. Should really fix that ASAP.
Also, I don't mind if you refer to Orange Picker as "OP", but it's just a little confusing when her father, who has the same initials, is in the same scene. I think there was just one instance of that, though. Easy fix.
Finally, "Finished"?! I would have liked at least a reconciliation with her parents and maybe the teacher/class, but I guess ultimately I already know mostly what would happen in those scenes.
4114406
Points taken. Thanks for the feedback.
And I feel that the most interesting part of the story is done. Like you said, you can already tell how it's gonna be.
4113779
And I still don't feel bad for the Epsilons
And then Picker gets the Cutie Pox.
4118237
XD You just made my day.
This is rather intersting...