Song of the Moon

by BlackWing

Malarkey, International Griffin of Mystery (20)

Malarkey, International Griffin Of Mystery

I bounded through the fetid jungle for some time till I reached it's end, and with it, the end of the changeling lands. Queen Chrysalis had been true to her word, surprising for someone who lives by deceit. I had reached the borders of Equestria. The open, grassy meadow of the pony nation, with it's bright, shining sun and clear skies was a rather strange contrast to the dark, damp jungle I had been in prior. It became plain to me that even if they did not require love for sustenance, that they most likely would have invaded anyway, simply because of climate.

It was at this point that I had a brilliant idea. Or, perhaps the idea was foolish. One cannot tell such things at the moment they occur. It was risky, but had a chance to pay off wonderfully. If all went well, I could regain my standing in the public eye. If it went foul, Luna would have to explain some things, and might be cross with me, perhaps not enough to ruin her apparent infatuation with me, but all that it would cost me is some loud words from her and an apology on my part.

I decided to continue on my way to Canterlot, passing through a fairly large settlement known as Las Pegasus, which as I've heard is a hotbed of gambling and self indulgence. Now, ever the traveling showman, how could I pass up the opportunity? Of course, I did not have my violin, it was back at the castle, but how often has a pony seen a tame werewolf? Certainly not in the past nine hundred years. No, I would pass through town fully transformed, in broad daylight, show myself to be harmless, and I know for a fact that I didn't injure anyone in Ponyville, only Lyra on the outskirts, who agreed not to spread it around unnecessarily. At large, the most I would be known for is knocking over a few market stalls.

I entered the town quickly, and finding myself on the main road I was beset by lights on all sides, flashing and blinking. There were alarms of some kind, and I thought that the town guard had been called on me. That is, until I heard a mare at the machine making the terrible noise shout 'I won!'.

'Must be some strange gambling machine. I don't pretend to understand most of the technology in this world, and given my experience with 'The Doctor' I don't think I'll try. Bigger on the inside, smaller on the outside, there really is no difference.'

And so, I strode into the city calmly but with purpose, like I was just part of the crowd. Until somepony screamed and I found myself surrounded by guards.

'Joy.'

"Back! I said back! How did it even get in the city anyways? Did it escape from the zoo?"

'Alright... quick... what does a good doggy do? Sit... stay.. wag tail.... hang the tongue out of the mouth, sure, that'll work.' So, I did just that. The guard's confusion was understandable when they saw the 'ferocious beast' acting like a trained hound, which I am. They tried to gently 'persuade' me to leave, so I got up, and walked further into the city. Directly opposite of where they had directed.

"No, dumb dog. OUT of the city, not further IN to it." They were helpless to stop me, non violently anyways, and tried to block my path, only for me to simply walk through them like they weren't even there. It was annoying them to no end. I kept this up for a while, as I found it rather amusing, until I caught a scent. A scent I found familiar. Wet fur and freshly tilled soil. Diamond dogs.

I followed the scent, quickly losing the guards with my superior speed, only to lose it, pick it back up, and lose it again. Were they masking their scent? I couldn't tell where it was coming from. At this point, I decided it would just be best to give up the search, as I wasn't finding where they were, and they may NOT have been up to unscrupulous activities. I can see how a city like this gambling den might attract all kinds. Well, when I say ALL kinds, I wasn't quite expecting to see a griffin from mythology. He stood at the entrance to an eatery, and wore a bloodied apron, taking out the garbage. That was when I picked up the scent again. They weren't hiding it, it was just mixed with so many other smells. Garbage, meat, alcohol, gutter water, vomit..... and lust. I have a feeling that whatever happens in this city is never mentioned outside of it.

'A butcher? In a country full of herbivores? I need to see this.'

I walked up to the entrance, and after exchanging glances with the griffin, his being one of 'don't cause trouble' and mine being an acceptance of that agreement, I walked inside to find many more griffins, as well as some diamond dogs, conversing over a roasted boar. At another table a group of somethings that fit the description of naga sat quietly, and a rather large fox was in the corner crying while he nursed a bottle of what smelled like turpentine. This place seems, oddly, quaint. I walked up to the bar and sat on the stool, the only pony in the building, the bartender, was performing the bartender's duty. Cleaning an already clean glass with a dirty rag.

"What can I get for ya?" Oh, that's right, I can't talk. Damn. I decided to change back to a human at that point, just to make things easier. Some of the patrons of the pub looked slightly surprised, but the bartender himself didn't seem to care in the slightest. He was the typical grease maned, dull coated bartender you found serving booze everywhere, with the same thick accent and unreadable stone face graced by a warm smile. Apparently, some things in this world are the same as my own. The dogs however stared holes in the back of my head.

"I could use some clothes, a roasted boar, and a pint of ale." After all, I had just ran several miles, after killing a large number of changelings, and I'm completely naked.

"Ya got bits?" I idly spun the bar stool, letting him catch a glimpse of the tattoo on my back as I turned, the same as Princess Luna's 'cutie mark'.

"Oh erm, it's on the house. Just don't be takin advantage of my hospitality."

"Wouldn't think of it. Soon as I'm dressed and fed, I'll be out of your.... mane...." Truly the kindness of ponies knows no bounds. He was back in a couple minutes with a number of old auburn bed sheets that had been cut to have the proper holes in it and the pitcher of ale. He told me it would be a few minutes for the food, but I wasn't in a hurry. I dressed myself in my rags, then turned to prepare for the verbal assault that was sure to come.

"I had heard that there was a lycan in Equestria, after all this time, an ancestor comes before us." The five dogs who had been watching me bowed, right in the middle of the bar. I do not like where this is going.

"I hate to ruin your evening, but I am no ancestor of yours. I am of no relation at all to your kind, and have already spoken to your king of such matters."

"That mark.... you are a slave to the moon pony."

"I bore this far before I ever came here, by choice, and before I even knew her. As for a slave, I'm as much of a slave as any suitor is."

"Then, it is true?" A griffin stepped up. "You're the 'monster' that seeks Princess Luna's hoof? Beauty and the beast alright. I'm wondering how you got stuck falling for a beast like her." The entire population of that little pub broke into rowdy laughter, and I am not at all shamed to admit that I joined them. Perhaps it is because of the ale?

"Names Malarkey. I work the meat shop in here. Catering to.... 'non-pony' clients." The griffin rolled his claw around idly. He had the typical English butcher's accent. Rough, but not foolish. A brute, but cunning underneath.

"A pleasure."

"Come, join me for a spell. Let's chat."

So, we engaged in idle conversation while we ate. I shared my story, up until the point that I came to Equestria, and for the most part they were enthralled by it. Learning about another place that was as strange to them as this one was to me. After the meal, things were winding down, so I started gathering some bits of information.

"So, I notice you have a fairly diverse group of clients."

"Yeah. Anythin carni or omni comes here for their meat."

"Even diamond dogs? I was under the impression they ate gems."

"Ya, they do, and uh... listen, can ya come talk ta me in private for a sec? It'll only take a moment of yer time." That is what I was waiting for. I followed him into the back, to the meat locker, which he then closed. It was cold, but neither of us were bothered by it.

"Alright, listen up. I know all about you and the princesses and all that. I got eyes and ears in high places. I got something I need to tell you, but keep it quiet." His accent suddenly changed to one of refinement, of high society. "The diamond dogs? They are NOT kidnappers. The ones that are have them mine under Equestria, and when they get caught, they get sent back to Cavernicus for beheading. Rothak may be a cranky old mutt, but he's been keeping the treaty word for word. Whoever's taking the ponies, it NOT them."

"How do you know all this?" I was rather skeptical. After all, it's the princess's word against this griffin's.

"Let's just say that a griffin lord's son went missing, and he wanted him found, so, he sent the world's greatest investigator."

"You're a spy."

"I went straight to the capitol under the guise of a chef, just like I'm a butcher now, and I served that dog the best meal he ever ate before slinking off and letting my team in. They combed that place top to bottom, and even under the bottom. There weren't any slaves, any chains, anything at all. Just like the last five we had been to. Just hard working dogs mining. So I got to wondering, if they aren't doing it, who is? I followed a lead to Los Pegasus, and my partner blew his cover. He's dead now, and I'm investigating, so I can't expose myself by contacting any authorities."

"And you're working in the bar because that's the best place to pick up information."

"Right. I need you to return to Princess Celestia, tell her what I've found, and to tell Lord Rigmarole that 'Jabberwock has fallen, but Nonsense lives.' He'll know what it means. You're currently my only link to the magistrate, which is why the owner was so keen on giving you a handout. He can just pass it off as 'loyalty to Equestria', but it gives me a way to communicate with the higher ups."

"I'll be sure to."

"Good, now what do ya know about meat?" He asked, switching back to his previous inflection.

"Honestly, I think they could do with more tenderizing. If you hired an earth pony to pulverize it with his hooves, it would make them nice and tender without drying it out like the herbal tenderizers do. And make sure to trim the fat off, boil it down, and put in on the potatoes as gravy. You'd be serving better cuts, without waste since it's in a different dish."

"Gotta give ya credit, fer a musician ya sure know yer meats."

"Being raised on home cooked meals and traveling the wilds brings a fair bit of savvy when it comes to food. Just... don't let anyone else know my family's secret recipe."

"Will do guv'na."

With that, I changed back to my lycan form and wrapped the cloth around me like a toga. The bartender pony gave me a wink to tell me he approved of me, before I ran out of the establishment, found the guards I had previously lost, flicked one in the head, then stole their hoof cuffs and slapped them around my own wrists. I was brought into prison for assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest (my previous escape), and theft of government property.

Luna, come and get me. We need to talk.

Comments

[BlackWing]

Huh? Song of the moon updated? Cool! I like this story. The author ought to update it more frequently. What do you mean I'M the author? You clearly don't know what you're talking about. I just write what the inspiration tells me to.

Also, I FINALLY figured out what I want to do with this. Expect more frequent updates.

[RF and AG]

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[Northwest Brony]

1453415 That's what everyone says.

I'm glad it updated.

[EvilEnchantress]

1453415 THAT GRIFFIN IS A SPY!

[Sturrn]

I'm glad the dog king isn't some corrupt pony hating bastard. I'm even happier that he doesn't just give the slavers a stern talking to as well.
Kind of a breath of fresh air considering nearly every story has diamond dogs as constantly evil and unintelligent beasts that just want to destroy civilization as a whole. Good work.
-Sturrn

[Discorded Q]

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[DaveTheBrony]

Dear BW,
It has come to my attention that you are stark raving mad, I commend you for your steadfast commitment to the opposition of sane people and ponies everywhere. I would give you a button, but I ate it, sorry.
Look out for the spoons
Dave

P.S. I like your work.
P.P.S. Next time you go out for fast food, order your burger inside out for me.

[Yuki Harima]

Updates...well f*** I was hoping for something more awesome than a werewolf and a griffin detective duo...I am kidding if you didn't know. I like the detective side and marlarkey seems like a familiar name from a show. I get a black butler vibe when I think about lark. Anyway keep up the good work.

[BlackWing]

1453754 Did anyone notice the things with the names? Marlarkey means nonsense, Jabberwock is a nonsensical poem, and Rigmarole also means nonsense. Rigmarole's wife is Bafflegab

[BlackWing]

1453710 The spoons? This entire time, I was being wary of the lobster forks! The spoons are behind everything! And why have a burger inside out when I can have it 3/4 East on Sunday?

[Yuki Harima]

1453812 well I knew marlarkey but the other two I didn't know about. I have a small vocabulary and suck at English.

[TheEnemyCube]

1453415 More frequent updates? You sir, you have won the internet.

[Suliscrew]

Did you say updates!

You must do more updates or else! Or else what you say? Or else I subject you to more

[dashdlkashd]

Just finished reading your story so far, as much as I hated the earlier chapters (I hate when humans are weak in fanfics), I'm starting to love this new found will power. Bravo, I await more chapters.

[501st Party Brigade]

1453830 DEAR GOD THE SPOONS HAVE BRED WITH THE LOBSTER FORKS!!!!!
SPORKS RUNNING AROUND EVERYWHERE CAUSING HELL ON EARTH!!!
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!

[anddje]

I'm glad it finally updated. The last couple of chapter were somewhat lacking in my opinion. But this one recaptured the magic and has me eager for the next.

Good to have you back, keep up the good work.

[BlackWing]

1455001 Yeah, you can tell in the last few I had no idea where I wanted to take it. But I do now!

[BlackWing]

1454766 Every time!

[Naduran]

Song of the Moon Updated??!!!

Stops everything and read

[HIEfan]

Great as always.

[Mondays Dawn]

1453576
THAT SPY IS A SPY!

[EvilEnchantress]

1461952 OBVIOUSLY WITH A DOUBLE OH SEVEN

[Thule]

1453415
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[Wir sind verloren]

1453576
Quote: Spy sappin' ma sentry!