These aliens were truly fascinating, Luna thought. It had been just under twenty-four years since she had come to this moon—the wrong one. Obviously something had gone wrong when she had been... been banished. The Elements had driven away the Nightmare and caged it somewhere deep within her soul, and it was supposed to have banished her to Equestria’s moon.
Of course, with her luck, it banished her to a moon—somewhere else. Even she did not know how far—only that it had been farther then she had ever gone before, or indeed anypony had to her knowledge. Many times farther.
Frankly, Luna knew that only the planet below had kept her sane all this time. Watching Equestria, her home, would have driven her back into madness within a few years. But this world was an enigma. The continents were all wrong, the weather relentless and random, and the earth less green.
But it was the cities which fascinated her. At night, the planet lit up, especially the two northern continents. The candles, the torches required to emit such light it was visible from space boggled her. Whoever was down there, there were certainly a lot of them.
Even with the mysterious planet, Luna had felt her sanity slowly, but surely, draining away. There was only so much one could do on a barren, airless rock. She had exhausted any new options about five years ago. To think she could be trapped here for millennia—
No, then it all changed. The vibration in the ground, the strange twinkle in the air, and then the landing. A spider-like object had landed, with a roar she could hear as the vibrations shook the ground and rattled into her skull, not far from her resting spot. It had sat for some time, unmoving.
A hatch had opened near the middle of the device, and a creature, unlike anything like Luna had ever seen, had then climbed out.
It had climbed down a small ladder, pausing, before taking a small step onto the moon. Curious, Luna had wandered a few paces—and then it turned around, and stumbled back. She could feel the creature’s eyes (eye—whatever he used for seeing, anyway; she couldn’t tell with the large helmet Neil had on) on her. First contact (Hah! she thought, Who would’ve thought I would contact a new species—on a airless, waterless, ball of rock in space?) had gone well, she hoped—
Her musing was interrupted by Neil, the creature, gesturing towards the spider-like device. Perhaps he wanted to show it to her? He turned and walked towards it, using the low-gravity gait that the alicorn had become accustomed to. Eagerly, she bounded forwards, wings opening in excitement to push her forwards, though there was no air for them to act upon.
She had not anticipated him turning back around, though, and as he did so, she was already in midair (Or midspace, to be more accurate), and couldn’t stop. They collided, and in embarrassment, Luna watched as he fell backwards.
Whoops.
Oh Luna, you probably just killed him...
I think there is an "unlike" missing.
Also, I think that the come here is not needed. But I am not that good at punctuation so I might be wrong.
There would not have been very little noise until the vessel actually landed, and then it would be transmitted through the ground and be very muted. The moon's atmosphere is too thin for any sort of loud noise.
3878783
or accidentally declared war.
3879455
No, you're right. Partially, anyway. The extra comma isn't necessarily wrong from a strictly grammatical point of view, since it does indicate a separation of two clauses in the sentence -- but it does read oddly. Me, I'd have written it like this
Also, a note to the author:
A character directly expressing their inner thoughts as a line of "silent" dialogue should be italicized to set them off from the body of the text, like so:
...aaaaand, it looks like your paragraph formatting got hosed up somewhere along the line; most of your start-of-paragraph indents are gone. (Probably from importing from GoogleDocs; it seems to enjoy screwing up paragraph separations for some reason.)
What I would give to collide with Luna. Accidentally or she doing it on purpose, it would be like a unique hug, no matter what.
lol me think this is how luner trols
"Whoops"
3926211 Anywhere but the moon and I'd be all up for it. On the moon, where a seal rupture means almost certain death...nope.
5290585 The line that can sum up EVERYTHING humanity has accomplished.
5831549 *dying*
6086340 I'm killin' it!!!
5831549
Oh wow.
Wait, they did not collide originally, right?
11518526
This is her perspective but also advanced the store to after they exchanged names . . . I think