Chapter III - DATA INACCESSIBLE
Archimedes
Chapter III - DATA INACCESSIBLE
Now, the town of Ponyville had seen its fair share of oddities.
Ok… maybe more than its fair share.
It had been the brunt of several stampedes, one of which consisted of rabbits. It had endured a cranky Ursa minor that had been awoken from its slumber, endured the threat of a dragon sleeping nearby and it even had endured the wrath of Discord prior to his reformation.
However, this was something that really took the biscuit.
The ponies, guards and royals watched with shock and dropped jaws as their beloved monarch of the sun, who was now blinking in confusion, was being stroked softly by a hulking mass of metal.
“Oh my, dear, dear love…” the machine sighed. “I am so sorry for how long it has been, and I didn’t even bother with a letter! What must you think of me?”
Luna shook her head as she snapped out of her confused state and her horn lit up with her magic. She didn’t want to wait incase the machine did something to her sister, so she decided to act as quick as she could.
“TIA, MOVE!”
Celestia snapped out of her shocked state and teleported out of the machine’s grip, just as Luna fired a beam at the machine. The machine was hit dead on and was instantly struck by the effect of the lightning spell.
The machine emitted an ear piercing screech as it shook violently, making the ponies cover their ears as the metallic noise filled the air. As the lightning surged through its body, the bulbs started to flash brightly on and off as its eyes began to distort. Sparks began to emit from various spots on its body as it shouted in utter gibberish.
“WHOA!” it suddenly shouted in a high pitched metallic screech before it fell on its back with a loud thud. “That was a doozey…”
The crowd slowly looked as the hulking metal mass groaned from where it lay, sizzling away slightly. Luna nodded and the guards quickly surrounded the machine, pointing their spears which shone brightly with a lightning spell at it.
“Take that… thing to the towns guard barracks and secure it. We shall deal with it soon,” Luna ordered.
“Yes, your highness,” one of the lunar guards saluted.
Three unicorn guards stationed in the Ponyville barracks used their magic to carefully hoist the groaning machine into the air slightly, and carry him through the crowds and towards the barracks. Satisfied everything was under control, Luna nodded and turned to her sister who was watching the machine be carried away.
“Sister, are you alright?” she asked.
“I’m… fine, Luna. Just trying to take in exactly what just happened,” Celestia replied.
Luna nodded, “Alright, I’d better go assist the guards,”
She quickly made her way towards the barracks, passing the elements as she did.
“Princess!” Twilight called as she and the girls rushed over. “Are you alright? What is that thing?”
“I don’t know, Twilight. But we should be cautious on our next move, please go and retrieve the elements before we speak with it. I’m curious to learn what it is myself and where it came from.”
Twilight nodded as she and the girls quickly made their way to the library, past the remaining guards who were slowly dispelling the crowds. Celestia noticed Zecora and smiled as she walked over to her.
“Are you okay, Zecora? From the looks of it it was you who first encountered it.”
Zecora nodded, “I’m fine, Princess. Though the machine did cause me some distress.”
“As long as you’re alright, if you’ll excuse me, I need to join my sister and visit our strange guest and figure out what is going on.”
“Auntie, would you like me to remain here? Keep an eye over the festivities?” Blueblood asked her.
“Very well, Blueblood,” Celestia replied.
Zecora quickly trotted up to her. “Princess, may I come with you? Conversing with this metal being is something I would like to do.”
“I don’t see why not, just be careful and do as I say, though,” Celestia replied.
Zecora nodded as the pair waited for a few minutes, soon being joined by the girls who were all now wearing their respective elements.
“I told Spike to remain in the library, just in case, Princess,” Twilight said as she looked up to the older alicorn.
“Alright,” Celestia began. “This is how we will play this, we shall remain calm and confident in the machine’s presences. Do not try to provoke it, and try to remain civil and polite. Okay?”
The girls nodded. Celestia smiled and the group quickly made their way over towards the barracks of the town. and soon arrived at the barracks.
The barracks was a new addition to the town, having been built after Discord’s re-capture in order to give Ponyville a sense of protection from evil threats, given the town was prone to them on what seemed like a regular basis. It took the title of the largest building from the town hall, boasting twice the size with underground dungeon, offices, canteen and a large training courtyard. Ponyville had welcomed the barracks as it gave some of the locals a new job opportunity.
Upon entering the barracks. The guards inside immediately saluted her as they walked through the main entrance of the barracks and into the courtyard where the machine lay on the ground on its back, chains glowing a light blue holding it down. It was no longer smoking it seemed, and was chatting away to a lunar guard that was standing near its head.
“So, you’re a bat and a pony? I thought transmogrification or whatever the blasted word is was impossible for non-unicorns?” Celestia heard the machine say.
“No, silly. Bat ponies are a race in themselves,” the lunar guard grinned, bearing her sharp fangs.
“I know, I know. I’m simply teasing,” the machine chuckled. “I’d pet you so hard right now if I wasn’t in a bit of bother at the moment.”
Celestia held a giggle and smiled at the odd display as Luna walked over to her, clearly not as amused as her sister.
“Sister, the machine won’t stop talking… it snapped out of its daze halfway to the barracks yet it feels like it’s been talking for hours,” Luna groaned.
“Well, if it is so talkative, perhaps we should speak with it and see who or what it is?” Celestia replied.
Luna nodded, and led the group slowly made its way round the machine to where the lunar mare was still talking with the machine.
“And then I said—” the mare stopped mid-sentence. “Your majesties.”
Luna raised her hoof as the mare saluted, “At ease, Private Moon Dancer.”
As the lunar guard nodded and took a step back, the machine saw the group and wiggled at them, “I would wave, but— Ah my dear, so good to see you again!” the machine said as he spied Celestia. “I would hug you, but these chains are awfully tight.”
Celestia smiled in an amused expression as the machine rattled the chains lightly.
“So,” Luna began glaring at the machine. “You can start, machine, by telling us who and what you are exactly.”
“Why am I being questioned exactly? Did I do something wrong?”
“You were trying to kidnap my sister.” Luna replied.
“I was not!” the machine protested. “Have you never seen a reunion of lovers before?!”
“L-LOVERS?!” Luna spluttered loudly.
The machine nodded, “Of course, I’m not sure why you are surprised.”
Luna’s eye twitched and her jaw dropped. She wasn’t exactly sure how to process that, how on earth did this metal monstrosity think it was her sister’s lover, let alone anyones?
“You shouldn’t let your jaw dangle like that, it’s quite rude, and you're loud. Did you know that?” the machine seemed to snort.
Celestia and the lunar mare had to hold back a snicker as a vein throbbed on Luna’s forehead. Twilight tapped her chin and stepped forwards, resting a reassuring wing on the night princess’ back.
“Let me try,” she looked to the machine and smiled. “Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. And you are?”
“Didn’t I say already? You should pay attention, dear. It’s rude to ask more than once,” the machine scolded and shook its head.
Twilight blinked as she was scolded, “Uh… no you didn’t?”
“Are you asking or telling me?” the machine asked.
“Uh… telling?”
The machine stared at her, making the lavender alicorn a little nervous before it chuckled again.
“I’m only teasing, little alicorn. I am…”
It trailed off as a butterfly floated by and it watched it gracefully fly past. The guards murmured to one another a little confused and uneasy by the behaviour of the machine.
“Um… excuse me?” Twilight asked.
“Hmm? Yes, yes what is it?” the machine replied.
“What is your name?” she asked again.
“Really, again? I’ve already answered that question, ask me something else.”
“But—”
“Actually,” the machine interrupted. “I want to ask a question. Celestia, my dear—”
“Princess, to you. Metal being.” Luna glared..
The machine rolled its eyes at the alicorn.
“Oh very well, public formalities and the such,” the machine sighed. “Princess Celestia, my dear. Why on earth are there three alicorns exactly? There’s only ever been yourself.”
Celestia coughed gently into her hoof, “Well… metal one, this is my sister Luna and the other is my dear student, Twilight.”
“Luna…” the machine muttered turned its head to the sky. “Why, why… why is that familiar? And I’-I’m certain you didn’t even have a sister! Let alone a mare student, strange… I would have known about that...”
“And why is that strange?” Celestia asked.
“Hmm? What? Sorry, my dear. My mind went for a little wonder, what are we talking about?” the machine replied before spotting Zecora. “Ah! My dear stripy friend, there you are. You’re not hurt from the wooden beast, I assume?” the machine asked. “I hope I didn’t scare you with how I fought it.”
“I am fine, metal one. If not for you. I surely would be gone,” Zecora replied.
“Oh I am glad,” the machine chuckled.
Zecora smiled at the machine, her uneasiness around the machine started to fade away..
“This has to be somethin’ Discords done,” Applejack said to the princess as she kept her eyes glared on the machine.
Rainbow nodded in agreement, “Seems like something he would do, bet you he’ll pop out at any moment and laugh.”
Fluttershy, who was shaking in fear of the hulking mass, kept quiet, her eyes never leaving the machine as the metal contraption watched the group with curiosity.
“I think you’re right,” Twilight agreed. “It does kinda have Discord written all over it.”
“I am right here, you know,” the machine huffed.
“I must say, Princess. This does have a feeling of a Discord prank…” Rarity sniffed.
“Well, I like him!” Moon Dancer grinned.
“Me too!” Pinkie added. “He’s like a giant tea kettle, on legs!”
“Well I can make a wicked brew,” the machine chuckled.
As the others bickered and talked amongst themselves, Celestia studied the machine intently, secretly scanning it for any signs of chaotic, dark or malicious magic upon its person. The machine saw her staring and for a moment, they locked eyes and stared at one another intently. Something about the machine intrigued her, but she couldn’t put her hoof on it.
“Do stop, you’re going to make me blush,” the machine giggled, rolling its head left to right. “If I had skin that is.”
Celestia giggled softly as she finished her spell, finding no trace of malicious or dark forces at work, something that further intrigued her.
“Would you be so kind as to tell us your name?” she asked as kindly as she could.
“Oh, my dear,” the machine chuckled. “You already know my name, though.”
Celestia thought for a brief moment, “I know, but could you tell the others. I think it’s best if you introduced yourself like a true gentlecolt would,” she lied.
“Right you are, my love. Right you are… well, of course you’re always right but that’s beside the point,” it chuckled. “My name is Archimedes. The pleasure is all mine.”
“Archimedes… that’s a nice name,” Twilight said with a smile.
“Thank you, little alicorn,” Archimedes replied. “Now, would it be possible to let me out of these chains?”
“Hold on, sister,” Luna said quickly. “How do we know its not a threat? Or simply an irritating ploy of Discords?”
“I have to agree with her, Princess,” Twilight added. “I don’t think we should do anything just yet.”
Celestia looked around as the elements nodded their head in agreement, save for Pinkie and Fluttershy.
“I think he’s alright,” Pinkie beamed.
“Same here,” Moon Dancer added. “I don’t get a bad vibe from him for some reason.”
“I must also confess, that Archimedes here no longer makes me feel distress,” Zecora smiled.
“And what do you think, Fluttershy?” Celestia asked.
“W-well… he is big… a-and a little intimidating. But… I don’t think he is mean… just that he looks a little scary.”
“You can’t be seriously thinking about letting it go, are you?” Luna asked.
“I am, however. Archimedes must remain here under heavy guard for the duration of the night whilst I… look into something that is bothering me. Twilight, can I entrust you to speak with him?”
“O-of course, Princess!” Twilight beamed.
Celestia smiled and turned to her sister, “Luna, could you please remain here in Ponyville? As reassurance to the citizens?”
“I can, but why can’t I converse with the metal creature?”
“I don’t think he likes you,” Celestia giggled. “Might be your policy of, ‘shoot first, ask questions later’.”
“Ding, ding, ding! My beloved hits the bullseye!” Archimedes said and sighed happily. “Isn’t she just amazing…?
Moon Dancer, Pinkie and Fluttershy giggled softly as the others rolled their eyes or shook their heads.
“In fairness, I was concerned for you,” Luna grumbled.
“But, my love. Could I be at least allowed to sit upright? Whilst I adore your sun, it does burn the eyes somewhat,” Archimedes chuckled sheepishly.
Celestia nodded and her horn flashed, the light covering the whole area. When it died down, Archimedes was now only attached by his feet to the ground. Nodding with satisfaction the large machine slowly stood up, his body hissing and clanking as he rose.
“Ah that feels good,” he sighed as he stretched his body. “Nice job by the way with the chains, my dear. They do look rather fetching.”
Archimedes started to walk around the courtyard, his hands behind his back as he hummed and the chains rattled. Some of the guards nervously backed away but he paid them no attention.
As it walked, Twilight was able to get a good and proper look at him. He stood taller than Princess Celestia by at least a head and a half or so. His head consisted of a rusty, closed helmet with a moveable visor similar to the ones the knights of Equestria’s old would wear, from what she could tell, he had no visible face, only shadows seemed to fill the helmet save for the two, yellow circles that were clearly his eyes. The helmet rested on a small metal frame that reminded her of a diamond dog which cut off at the bottom, leading into twin thin metal ‘bones’ that, just below the joint where the machine’s knee was, sat in two large metal boots again reminding her of the knights of old.
Just like his legs, his arms were two thin metal ‘bone’ that slotted into two large gauntlets just below the elbow joints. Both the gauntlets were adorned with bulbs and small wires, with some of the former being very dim and cracked.
What caught her attention the most, though. Was the large, back-pack like device on the machine’s back. It looked like a large hiking rucksack but this one was made of metal, sticking out at the top were smaller tubes and two large exhaust tubes, all secreting a small amount of steam that drifted into the air and disappeared.
“Before you go, Princess.” Twilight said. “I think I have two questions you may want to hear the answers for yourself.
Celestia raised her brow curiously as Twilight turned to look over at Archimedes who now, despite the uncertainty of the guards, had Pinkie sitting on his shoulder and Moon Dancer floating beside him.
“Archimedes? May I ask you two questions before Princess Celestia departs?”
“Hmm? Of course my young alicorn friend,” Archimedes replied as he walked over.
“Just what are you, exactly? And where did you come from.”
“I’m a robot, your highness,” Archimedes replied. “As for where I came from… I-I don’t really remember… there was this unicorn fellow w-w-with a funny hat…”
Celestia and the others became a little concerned when he spoke, his voice started to raise and stutter and his frame shook a little like he was having difficulty remembering. Twilight raised her brown from curiosity, but decided to press on.
“Do you mean Starswirl the Bearded?” she asked, her eyes sparking in glee.
“I-I-I don’t know, t-that could be h-his name I mean. It’s all a little - little fuzzy... WAIT! I re-remember, I do, I… RUNES! Lots of - of runes.”
“Uh, Twi?” Dash said, getting more nervous as smoke began to rise from Archimedes.
“RUNES! dotted - dotted all around the laboratory!” Archimedes continued, his tone rapidly fluctuating every time he stuttered. His eyes began to distort slightly as the steam coming from his back turned grey like smoke, the smell of boiling hot metal emanating from him.
“Archimedes?” Celestia asked, backing up as did the others in concern.
“And there was this orb, a large o-orb flashing brightly in the centre of the room! A-and this unicorn was trying so hard to do this spell and I helped him so he—”
Everyone jumped as Archimedes suddenly arched backwards and cried out in agony, his metallic voice echoing in the courtyard.
“NYAAAAAAAH! DATA INACCESSIBLE!” Archimedes eyes distorted between red, yellow and white as his whole body began to smoke and sparks spat out from his neck before his tone increased in pitch. “REBOOT! REBOOT! REBOOT! REBOOT!”
Suddenly, Twilight’s horn lit up and a wave of her magic slapped him across the face. Almost immediately, the smoke returned back to steam and his eyes reverted to his normal yellow ones. He shook his head blinked a couple of times and looked down at Twilight.
“And you are?” he asked, twirling his hands nonchalantly as he looked at the alicorn.
“Wait, wait, wait! What about the laboratory?” Twilight asked.
“I want to say, Farsight,” he said.
“Twilight,” Celestia quickly said. “I think that is enough for now.”
Twilight blinked as she realised what had just happened and lowered her head, “I’m sorry, Archimedes…”
“It’s alright, don’t be t-too hard on her, love. My m-memory isn’t what it all once was… I’ve sort of lost my mind,” Archimedes twirled his hands in the air and laughed nervously. “Lost my mind…”
Everyone looked at each other as Archimedes sighed sadly, and looked upwards. Celestia turned to the girls slowly.
“I think it’s best for now, that Archimedes gets some rest whilst I look into this. I will return tomorrow morning as soon as I can. Luna, please tell the Mayor I apologise for my absence, I’m sure she will understand.”
“I shall, good luck on your research, Tia,” Luna replied.
“Girls, I’m entrusting you to look after Archimedes, make sure he gets some rest and, Twilight. No more questions until I return, okay?”
“Yes, Princess,” Twilight nodded along with the others.
“Private Moon Dancer, as you seem to be fairly friendly with Archimedes, I’m assigning you as his personal guard. With no objections from my sister, that is.”
Luna shook her head, “I’m fine with it sister.”
“Yes ma’am!” Moon Dancer grinned and saluted.
Celestia smiled and looked to Archimedes, “I am sorry for leaving so suddenly, but I do—”
“Say no more, my sweet,” Archimedes said with a soft chuckle, dismissing her with a wave of his hand. “I shall simply count the minutes until you return… but there is one thing I was wondering I could have before you left.”
“What’s that?” Celestia asked.
Archimedes kicked the ground lightly, “Just a tiny thing.”
“Yes?”
“Small… insignificant thing,” he said, making a pinching motion with his fingers.
“Oh tell her already,” Luna snapped.
“A little kiss, perhaps?” Archimedes said, holding his hands behind his back.
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Yes, there is a huge reference to one of my all time favorite Disney films from my childhood slammed into this chapter. Props if you get it.
This is the sexiest story I've ever read.
(Infinite Carnage - 2014)
Solid Treasure Planet reference! Loved that movie
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140127224205/disney/images/4/4d/B.e.n.png
B.E.N. was a fun character
An insane robot with the hot's for Sun-butt?
Yes please.
Please tell me the awesome bird of the same name will make an apperance. medias.gifboom.com/medias/t_ca872aedf25742469c67597782835998.jpg
4228293 treasure planet I love the movie
ERROR
IMPROPER GRAMMAR
DEPLOY GRAMMAR BOTS
4228422
NO NO NO NO, NO NEED TO DEPLOY, ALL IS FIXED!
Very good...but I did find a mistake.
It should be bones, not bone.
4228427
Fix'd, ta.
4228426 Alrighty then.
Pleasure doing business with ye.
4228441
Arch you sly dog youu
4228068 Ah. Makes me think of steampunk Vivi.
4228539 YES. ALL OF MY YES.
I think I laughed more in 3 minutes of reading then in the last 3 months, thank you my good sir!
4228293 Fucking awesome movie. Bought the Sound Track. After reading the book Treasure Island, I wasn't sure WHAT I expected from that movie when I first saw it. Surprised you didn't have him pat them down and ask if they haven't found it yet. His mind that is. Also, I'd change the periods before the words 'However' into a coma ',' cause you can do that. Four word sentences are weird when you take into account while reading those are pauses to take a breath.
No starting sentences with a preposition.
looks way better.
Jim Hawkins: But then - then you gotta know - about the treasure?
B.E.N.: Treasure?
Jim Hawkins: Yeah, you know, Flint's trove? The loot of a thousand worlds?
B.E.N.: Well, it's all a little - little - little - fuzzy. Wait. I re-re-remember. I do, I - Treasure! Lots of treasure! Buried in the centroid - centroid - centroid of the mechanism! And there was this big door, opening and closing and opening and closing! And Captain Flint wanted to make sure nobody could ever get to his treasure, so I helped him - naaaaaaah data inaccessible! Reboot! Reboot! Reboot!
[Jim slaps him]
B.E.N.: And you are?
Jim Hawkins: Wait, wait, wait! What about the treasure?
B.E.N.: I wanna say Larry.
4228753
I read Archimedes with Optimus Prime's voice. Is good?
4228293 Ah Treasure Planet, also one of my favorite Disney movies. I'm glad that someone has referenced it.
Kissy kissy.
I'm waiting for Luna to discover TitanFall
4228875 Hahaha ikr!! Kinda what l was thinking during that non-function. XD
4228802 ...... O.o
4228753 Hahahaha!!! Yeah. XD
4229208 Anyways -
Awesome and wonderful job with this Mr.101!!
please - keep it up!
4228293 Ben from Treasure Planet.
I started thinking "Treasure Planet" during Achie's breakdown.
And then: "I've lost my mind."
Natch.
4229191 What?
Man do I love steam-punk...
4228293 who could forget treasure planet?
4229370
Right on the dot.
Loved this chapter, by the way… Archimedes is quite the character. I wanna see where this goes!
For reasons beyond my comprehenion, I read Archimedes' in John Cleese's voice.
Oh, and about John Cleese...
THE MOUSTACHE IS A LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4230354 Hilarious!
4228375 Yeah and pretty funny lol
4229461 Well if you really want to know.... I don't. I just don't see any comparison...
4228293 Treasure Planet, B.E.N. Bio-Electronic Navigator
I like this fic.
4230294
..... Dude... Why is your Video made out of Helium? X3
4228293
) 
.....
AUTHOR. I LOVE YOU. PLEASE. WRITE A BEN IN EQUESTRIA FIC (if this doesn't count.
May I just say- I cannot but help to imagine Ben's voice as the voice of Archimedes. Also- I LOVED THAT MOVIE. MY CHILDHOOD IS BASED ON MY LOVE FOR THIS MOVIE
Also- Caps lock is never abused so much by me. That is how much I loved it (along with Lilo & Stitch)
FINALLY- Because it's the only Quick-GIF I could find!
i905.photobucket.com/albums/ac256/sunteaflower/Treasure%20Planet/TreasurePlanet_BenCake.gif?t=1283499888
I have to give you congrats for Archamedes' character direction. He is well and truly not all there.
Whereas other authors would use madness as a writing tool to make a character more "deep" and "complex", often opting for something approaching psychopathy; you made a character who is interestin because of his mental affliction and at the same time flawed in a realistic way, with such hardships as short term memory loss for our hero to contend with.
This is a bold choice and is difficult to pull off, but it can yield great results if properly executed.
4228293
Of course, BEN! From the Treasure Planet! I knew his lines felt familiar... And now I can't help but hear him talk with BEN's voice.
4228431
In an extension of the last such comment, I think you will find that arms have "bones" as well as legs.
Equestria's old what? Round table? Canterlot? Dance Troupe?
When I was reading his dialouge, I was thinking the behavior of B.E.N. from Treasure Planet and the voice of ClapTrap from Borderlands.
BEN! From Treasure Planet!
4228293 I find it amazing how many people remember that movie and it's really really amazing that you used it!
'Was I ever dancing with a pony named Loopey?'