• Member Since 25th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 16th, 2022

broniefrom93


E

Gray Armor is a guard sent from Canterlot to check on Twilight's studies but in the process got saved by her instead and now owes her a lifedebt. He will need to stick around to repay this but how could he possibly do so?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 1 )

Not bad. The premise is pretty good, the writing is in need of some work, however. The biggest thing you need to work on is the details. Slow down the story, beef up the characters. Grey needed a lot more character development than he got, as did Twilight. The romance needed some fluff too. Some little 'moments' between them, little things that make them start to think about the possibility. For a one shot this wasn't bad, but it had potential for a few more chapters of good writing.
Keep it up!
DWNL

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