Losses and Gains
The day Rainbow Dash promised to take me under her wing and be like my big sister was officially under the top ten best days of my life, number three to be exact.
I've always wanted and older sister... It can really suck being an only child. I've got great friends and everything, but it's just not quite the same as having a sibling to rely and depend on, someone to ask advice of and to play games with.
Besides, Rainbow Dash is pretty awesome.
My mother placed my lunch, a zap-apple jam sandwich, my favorite, in front of me. I grinned at her before picking it up and taking a huge bite, savoring the sweet fruity flavor. With a swallow, I continued my story, "Anyways Mom, just as I was about to fall into the river, Rainbow Dash saved me!"
"Mhmm, that's nice dear," my mother muttered, her focus on the sandwich she was preparing for my dad. I stifled a giggle. She was so busy with what she was doing she hadn't even noticed what I was telling her involved the possibility of me drowning. I had learned over the years that the best way to get permission for something from my mother was to ask her while she was preparing food.
"But....The best part was after that she said she'd be my big sister!" I smiled at the memory of those wonderful words. The knife my mother had been using to spread the jam dropped from her hoof with a clang, and I glanced over at her in surprise. She simply stood there, eyes wide, mouth open.
"Not literally," I said, with a nervous chuckle. "Just, like, she'll help me with my flying and do big sister things with me like Appebloom does with Applejack and Sweetie Belle does with Rarity."
My mother unfroze from her position, though when she picked up the knife she seemed to be trembling slightly. "Scootaloo," she said quietly. "You don't need this Rainbow Dash to be like your big sister."
"I know that," said, pouting slightly at the fact that she wasn't more excited for me, "But I really, really want her to! She's loads of fun, and really cool, and...and...she's gonna be the best big sister in the world!"
"No!" she shook with anger for a second before slumping against the cabinet, then sinking to the floor. "Scootie, baby, go to your room please." she whispered.
"But--"
"Just....please....go." her eyes were closed, her entire body stooped like a wilting plant. I paused and looked at her for a second, unsure whether to follow her command, before running up to my room. Throwing a pillow over my head, I tried to block out the sobs that rose from the kitchen.
My father found me later that afternoon, sound asleep, hooves and pillow still pressed over my ears. He woke me gently, and in my half asleep daze, helped me into my pajamas and onto bed. He tucked me in, and with a kiss on the forehead and a whispered good night, he turned off the light.
* * *
My mother took care never to mention that afternoon again, and for fear of making her hurt like she so clearly had, I did not ask her about it either. My father simply told me quietly that she was going through some difficult times, but that she was not angry of upset with me, and I shouldn't worry.
I didn't miss the pursed lips or sad eyes from my mother when I talked about Rainbow Dash though. After that day, I never launched a conversation concerning my adoptive big sister with my mother again, but when specific questions came up there was no avoiding the matter."
"Where are you going in such a hurry?"
"Flying lessons with Dash."
There it was again, the empty expression, the quiet voice that responded, "Oh... that's nice..."
Even my father seemed to get a painful look on his face whenever I mentioned my times with Rainbow Dash. Eventually, I just stopped talking about her altogether, telling my parents that I was meeting my friends when I went to see Dash. It was easier than trying to ignore the way they reacted....I just didn't want to hurt them, even if I didn't fully understand what the hurt was about.
"Great job, squirt!" Rainbow cheered. I grinned as I plopped onto the ground next to her. "Thirty seconds in the air straight!' she said excitedly. "That's almost double your previous record! I really think you're improving!"
I managed a smile in between my exhausted panting. "Thanks."
"I'm hoping that we can start some proper jump flights soon," continued Dash. "You'd be surprised how much easier it is learning to fly from a drop. I mean, the first time I flew successfully was when I fell off a cloud!" she grinned at the memory.
"That sounds awesome!" I cried.
"However, " Rainbow scrunched up her face. "while you would be with me, and because of that be perfectly safe, I'd like to meet with your parents and check that sort of thing is okay with them." She smiled. "Besides, what kind of honorary big sister doesn't meet her sister's parents?"
I frowned. "I don't know, Rainbow Dash. My parents are a bit funny about this whole big sister thing."
"Funny?...What do you mean?"
I shrugged. "It just seems to make them...sad. I'll talk to them about the jump flights for you, but I'm not sure if meeting them is such a good idea."
"Scootalo," said Rainbow Dash softly. "I can't be doing this stuff with you if your parents aren't comfortable around me."
Shaking my head, I sighed. "It's not that. My parents know your a good pony who looks out for me. They just...don't seem to want me to want a big sister."
She frowned, "Alright...but I'm going to have to have a talk with them eventually."
I nodded. "I know."
"Anyways, now that we've finished our slight downer of a conversation, How about a present?"
I jumped up with a surprised smile. "A present?!"
She grinned, "A certain unicorn heard from her sister that a certain little pegasus had a birthday on Sunday."
I blushed and smiled. "You didn't have to get anything for me."
With a shrug, she turned to her saddlebags lying on the grass and pulled out a little package wrapped in purple-pink paper. "Here ya go, kid."
I tore through the paper to find a brightly-framed photograph of Dash and me. I felt tears prick my eyes as I recalled the day the shot had been taken. The last day of the fateful camping trip, with the two of us smiling in front on the falls. With a squeal, I threw my forelegs around my adoptive sister. "Thank you, Rainbow Dash," I whispered.
She chuckled. "Glad you like it."
* * *
I stood back and admired the picture of Dash and me on my wall, right next to my Wonderbolts poster I had, admittedly, been slightly hesitant about hanging it up given my parents attitudes to all this, but the picture was just too awesome not to. I smiled happily, we looked really did look like sisters, happy sisters.
My mother trotted into the room. "Scootie, dear, have you seen my--" She froze, staring at the photograph on the wall.
"Mom..." I said hesitantly. She stood there trembling, and then turned and fled into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. I ran over and put an ear against it, the sounds of crying spilling from the room. My father trotted up the stairs with a panicked look on his face. With a whimper, I pointed at the bedroom.
He pushed past me, shutting the door behind him again. Inside, I could hear my dad desperately try to comfort my mother. I knelt be the door, attempting to catch the conversation in between the sobbing.
"And...she...she...had a photo of the two of them on her wall!"
"Dear..."
"And she's...B-Blue! The exact same shade of cyan as...as..." she broke off sobbing again.
"If you just told her..."
"No!" she shrieked. "I...I...I hate this Rainbow Dash! I hate her!"
I jumped away from the wall with a whimper, tears pricking my eyes.
"Dead..." moaned my mother. "She's dead..."
At last, I wrenched myself away from the wall, I'd heard more than enough. Tears leaking down my face, I ran down the stairs in a blind panic and out the front door. I had to get somewhere, somewhere far, far away where I hadn't made my mother so sad. As I turned the corner of my street, I smacked into something solid and sat down with a thump.
"Woah, squirt, watch where you're going."
"R-Rainbow Dash," I sobbed, collapsing into her forelegs.
Rainbow held me tightly, looking at me with concern. "What's wrong?...Where's your house?"
I whimpered and pointed down the street at my pale-green home. Rainbow gently scooped me up and flew to it, knocking on the door. After a second, my father opened it. His tired eyes grew wide as he looked at me and Dash.
"Umm...she was crying," whispered Rainbow Dash. "I found her out on the street."
My father frowned. "Come inside, Scootaloo." His gaze drifted to Dash, "You should go."
"No!" I cried, clinging desperately to my sister. At that moment, my mother trotted down the stairs, a crying mess. When she spotted Rainbow Dash, however, she seemed to inflate with rage.
"Get away from her!" My father stopped her from lunging at Rainbow Dash. I simply sobbed and wrapped my hooves tighter around her. Rainbow Dash had a panicked look on her face, as if unsure whether to fight or flee.
"Mommy..." I choked out. She froze and looked at me before wilting to the ground, sobs wracking her body. My father glanced desperately around, and then at me. "What happened, Scootaloo?"
"I heard you two talking..." I whispered, "About...how Mom hated Rainbow Dash...and how somepony was dead." My father grimaced and sighed, "I suppose I knew this would happen eventually."
"No...no...." whispered my mother, clinging to my father's hoof, "Don't tell her."
The tears began to streak down my cheeks again as Rainbow held me closer. "I just want to know why you hate my sister."
My father shook his head desperately, "No, it's not that, not at all. It's just..." he glanced at my mother, "Everyone into the lounge, we need to talk about this as a family. I guess..." he studied Dash and I, "that includes you, Rainbow Dash."
Five minutes later, we were all perched on the sofas, staring at each other in awkward silence as my mother continued to cry into a box of tissues. I still had not let go of Dash. At last, my father spoke,
"You see..." he sighed, "I suppose we should had told you all this years ago. Maybe then all of this stuff with Rainbow Dash would be easier..." He stumbled over his words, then paused for a second. "Here, let me go get something."
He came back with a photograph in his grasp, it was old, yellowed slightly at the edges. He held it out to me, and I took it from him gently, studying the fillies in the photograph. There was a tiny baby pegasus filly, with an orange coat and a short, choppy purple mane. Beside her stood a grinning filly, about my age, with cyan fur almost and exact match for Rainbow's, and a frizzy pink mane with brown highlights. I glanced up in astonishment, taking in my mother's similar cyan mane, her pink coat, and my father's brown mane.
"That's your sister." my father whispered sadly.
"But...I don't have a sister." I cried.
A tear traced my dad's cheek. "She died in a flying accident while you were still a little filly."
"She would have been twenty not a few weeks ago." my mother sobbed. "Oh...my little Star Stream."
My heart beat nervously as I clung to Rainbow Dash, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
He shrugged, "You were too young to remember. We always meant to tell you eventually...but it's hardly an easy thing to tell your child. And then...you adopted Rainbow Dash as your big sister...and we just didn't know quite what to do." He looked at my mother, "It's been...difficult. Especially with her birthday passing."
Rainbow Dash, my friend, my sister, held me close as I gently traced the outline of the filly, my biological sister, my lost sister. "Star Stream." I whispered.
* * *
I slowly pushed my way into my parents' bedroom, where my mother had remained since the conversation in the lounge yesterday. She was sitting quietly, flipping through a photo album filled to the brim with pictures of a smiling blue filly. I fluttered onto the bed beside her and stared at the pictures for a second.
"Mom..." I said, "I-I'm sorry..."
She smiled sadly, "There's nothing to be sorry about. I...know I've been going through a rough time, and blaming your Rainbow Dash for things that aren't her fault." She turned another page, studying the bright face of the filly on the page, "Sometimes...I just miss her so much, and it's hard to see you transfer the love that might have gone to your sister to another mare. But..." she closed the book and turned to me, "I want you to know that I will always love you, and I'm happy that you've found a pony to look up to and love." She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, "And I'm sure Star Stream would be to."
I smiled. "Mom...could I...have that picture of me...and my sister?"
* * *
I stood back from the wall and gave a happy sigh. It looked...right.
A knock on my window drew my attention to the mare hovering outside it, and with a small grin I ran over to let her in. "Hey squirt." she said as she attempted to squeeze through the narrow frame.
She looked at me in a caring, sisterly kind of way. "How are you doing?"
"Ok..." I said quietly.
"Look, Scoots..." she winced. "I know this thing with your sister it probably a lot to deal with right now, so if you'd rather not see me around for a while...that would be...fine, I guess."
I smiled and took her hoof, "Come on, I want to show you something." I led her over to the wall and pointed to the two pictures that hung side by side. One of a grinning rainbow-maned mare with an orange filly on her shoulders, the other of the little cyan filly next to the orange baby.
"Two photographs..." I whispered, leaning against her side, "For two amazing sisters."
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R.I.P my eyes.
This was good. You could, however, use an editor. I'm on my iPod as of now, so I can't provide specific examples, but I can tell you that you have issues regarding dialogue. A quick run by an editor should fix that, however.
As for the story, it's an interesting concept that I've never really seen done before, and I think you pulled it off very well.
I liked it very much.
Blue used Sad!
It's super effective!
...
Crab Spy started crying.
Crab Spy fainted!
~~~
I enjoyed this story quite nicely, though, like the other guy pointed out, there are many dialogue and grammatical errors. Get yourself a decent proofreader/editor and you should be good to go!
Keep writing, keep improving!
Ow, my feels...
Feelsx1000
but, I must make a costructive critic
I see this story... too quick. I think that with more calm an two or three chapters this story could be better... But it's good, very good also in this way
They should really fix the upstairs plumbing, it's raining in my room.
The feels.... they hit like bucking meteor. Congrats dude.
Beautiful story! Although, I must say you should probably run this through an editor if you haven't already. Being how I'm really rushed right now, I can't provide specific examples, but one specific thing that I remember was during the scene when Rainbow was bringing Scoots back to her family and the family outraged, you forgot to put an I before the said. And, like a critic said before, this did feel pretty rushed for such a heartwarming tale, and maybe a bit more depth and pacing could have been used to make this better. But, I'll give you some serious props for tugging so hard at my pretty much broken heartstrings! Very nice!
Needs more Scootabuse
It's enough to make a grown man cry
........... BUT NOT THIS GROWN MAN!!...get back in there tear 
#CloudyWithTheChanceOfMeatballs2
I read Scoot's sister as "Star Scream" at first.
I guess, even in death, he failed.
3870962 honestly scootabuse is the worst thing in this fandom it be better off if it never existed. but this was AWESOME almost made me cry
Ouch!!! ...my manliness...
Not a bad story. Enjoyable, and different from all of the usual sad/feel stories of RD and Scoots.
3871202
I am so glad to hear that I was not the only one to think this. I had to double check to make sure I was reading it right.
3871226 Nonsense
Scootabuse is love Scootabuse is life
This is a beautiful, touching story. It definitely needs some polish, as has been noted.
Well, great. Now I need to go read a comedy to counteract this.
hurk! two. sad. fics. in. a row. I just died inside.
Like number 69 on a truly beautiful story.
I love it.
3871545 No!! Pewdiepie is love!! Pewdiepie is life!!
Very good. I hate to say it and sound insensitive but...
What is sad about this? She had a sister she would never know, and now she has one that may not be biologically familial but loves her the same. Maybe it's just that I never had grandparents, and don't feel sad about it that so it makes me immune to the feels here. I guess I just don't get it. I think it is a nice story though, and I'm going to favorite and upvote it. I just don't see it as a sad story.
3872612 If it's not Sad, and it CAN'T be Tragedy, what is it?
3870995 Second best part of the movie. The first being the Sea Cucumbers/Pickles.
3874035
Uh Slice of Life should suffice... But I didn't say take down the sad marker... I'm not a monster...
Am I?
Of course she cried, as it shoud be:
"picture of Rainbow Dash and me"
And the same mistake ~4x in the text
http://theweek.com/article/index/253544/you-and-i-vs-you-and-me
3875246
Ahhh she's a kid so no need for the Grammar strictness.
3875455
Ugh... "I hung a picture of (...) I" sounds to me the same as "me love you long time."
3875544
It's a minor grammar issue that 700+ other people didn't call me out on
I'll fix it if and when I have time,
But frankly if I did I'd probably just have a bunch of people tell me it's wrong then
No it is not minor.
You had two people before me telling that you need an editor.
He/She would call you on it.
What more do you need for a hint?
Some other typos:
"but its just not quite the same as having a sibling to rely and depend on"
it's
"My parents know your a good pony who looks out for me. "
you're
I have yet to see one comment where someone miscorrects proper use of "I vs. me".
3875642
I know I need an editor
I'm trying to find one
But grammar's never been something I'm good at...
And I'm doing my best
3875246 I'm PRETTY sure it's "Rainbow Dash and I."
EDIT:Huh....What do you know? I was wrong. I'll take back my thumbs down now.
You....have made a princess cry.but....animal deaths have always been my weak spot. you have gained a like and follow.
3876020 *cough* we *cough* exist
Well, that's a progress. No scotacripple, no scotaorphan... But still pretty the same. Tell me, author, why you and your kind like make tragedies with Scotaloo? Why her, not any other pony?
That was beautiful
Don't...cry...urg... you know what, fuck that. I'm just gonna cry.
... nice.
The feels. Yes, the feels.
I do not take much pride in stories like this, but I can say with a wholesome heart that this is one of those stories that make me love this fandom. Thank you for writing this.
I read that as Star Scream.
I really enjoy this story. Have two moustache out of 3.
But i need to point out one thing that i know a few others pointed out. This story would have been better if it wasn't that short. It feels like it's all happening to fast. Just a tip for coming stories.
PS: I had the same problem when i started writing.
3881241 Yes. I, too, am happy that there are no Scottish orphans in this story.
3884170
Same.
It kind of made my brain shut off for a second as I tried to imagine such a thing.
3884943
"AHAHAHA! Now that Megatron is defeated, I AM THE NEW LEADER OF-"
"Sis? What're you doing?"
"Shush, Scoots. I'm trying to initiate a hostile takeover!"
3876020 I can help!
sweet
3886799
You...want to be my editor?
That was pretty decent, really.
Not a huge tear jerker like some, but good all the same.
Could use a bit of a fix and you probably could have drawn it out a touch more. Y'know, to get that punch for it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Well, I see a bunch of people saying "you need a proofreader / editor", but precious few of them actually giving you any useful examples or advice on how to spot and fix the problems, so...
(Oh, hay, here we go. Y'all punched his "persnickerty" buttons again.)
(Quiet, you.)
Welcome to a special Super Bowl Sunday episode of Pony Proofreading Theater!
(Super what, now?)
(Never mind, Applejack, it's not important.)
(Speak for yourself; I lost fifty bits on that stupid game.)
(Well, that's not too bad...)
(I lost fifty bits to Rarity on that stupid game. Since when does she know anything about hoofball, anyway?)
(We all have our little guilty pleasures, darling. Now pay up.)
(*sighs and shoos the ponies away from the keyboard*)
Okay... The first problem is dialogue attribution. Oddly enough, you're doing it almost right, in that you're not capitalizing the first word of the attribution after the closing quote mark, which is the usual error I see from fanfic writers. However, what you are doing wrong is ending the dialogue with a period when you do that. Examples:
When you have a line of dialogue followed by an attribution of who said it and how, you end the dialogue with a comma, not a period, and then do not capitalize the first word outside of the closing quote unless it's someone's name, or the pronoun "I" (which is always capitalized). If the dialogue ends with ! or ?, you still use those, but still treat it as a single sentence without capitalizing the next word outside the closing quote.
Second, related to this: After you've finished the attribution, you should normally end it with a period, not a comma. You only use a comma if the attribution is coming in the middle of the character's sentence, and what follows is a continuation of the same sentence the character began before the attribution:
If what follows is the start of a new sentence by the character, or a separate action being performed by any character, you must end with a period and start a new sentence:
If the dialogue after the attribution is a continuation of the same sentence, then again, treat dialogue-plus-attribution as one sentence, and do not capitalize the first word when you open the quote marks again. Example:
"She smiled" is a separate action that comes after the dialogue, so you need to capitalize it to start a new sentence. However, the dialogue after "smiled" cannot be considered part of the same sentence, because her smiling is a separate action that comes in between the two lines of dialogue. The sequence of events is:
(1) Rainbow begins to speak
(2) Scrunches up her face
(3) Finishes her sentence
(4) Smiles at Scootaloo.
(5) Begins a new sentence. Therefore:
(Ah think you've made th' point, sugarcube. You're gettin' pedantic again.)
(...Okay, moving on.)
These are called "compound adjectives" -- two or more words which are acting together as a single adjective modifying the following noun. Compound adjectives need to be hyphenated, like so:
(*raising her hoof* Um... I have a quethtion?)
(Yes, Twist?)
(How can you be thure when two wordth are making a compound adjective, and when they're jutht two theparate adjectiveth?)
(Very good question, Twist. Anypony know the answer?)
(*raising her hoof* Oh, I know!)
(Go ahead, Sweetie Belle.)
(If you can put the word "and" in between the two words and the sentence still makes sense, then the two words are separate adjectives and you don't need the hyphen. If putting "and" in between them messes the sentence up, then you need the hyphen.)
(Good answer, Sweetie.)
(Yay!)
(Geez, what are you, a dictionary?)
(Behave, Scootaloo, or I'll make you stay after class and clean the blackboard again.)
Anyway, yes. Basically, what you're looking for is whenever you have a case of "adjective adjective noun", is the first adjective directly describing the noun, or is it describing the second adjective? Here's how it works:
"She has a big blue book."
"She has a big and blue book."
This works, because the book can be described as being both big and blue. "Big" is not describing what kind of "blue" the book is, it's describing the book itself; i.e. "she" has a big book that's also blue. However:
"He is a world-famous singer."
"He is a world and famous singer."
This breaks the sentence, because the singer can't be described as being both "world" and "famous" ("world" isn't even an adjective!), and the only other way to interpret the sentence is that "he" is both "a world" and "a famous singer", which is also nonsense. Therefore, "world" and "famous" are acting together as a compound adjective, "world-famous", because "world" is describing what kind of "famous" the singer is. The first adjective, "world", is modifying the second adjective, "famous", and together they make a single modifier to the following noun, and so the hyphen is needed.
See how that works, Twist?
(Yeth!)
Now, "purple-pink" is kind of borderline, since the paper could be both "purple" and "pink" (as in a pattern of stripes), but generally the convention is that if you're describing something with multiple colors, you hyphenate it as a compound. (You can also say "purple-and-pink paper", which is somewhat clearer; triple-word compounds are acceptable when they help clarify what would otherwise be ambiguous; i.e. is the paper both "purple and pink", or is it "a purple-ish shade of pink"?)
Those two issues are really the biggest things to work on. There's a handful of minor spelling errors here and there, such as:
"Choked". "Chocked" is "to fit or secure by a chock", i.e. "The plane's wheels were chocked and chained down."
But overall, you seem to have a good handle on that; I didn't see any obvious mis-use of homophones like "you're / your", "there / their / they're", etc., so yay for that.
Aside from those issues, though, I did like the story; it struck a nice, bittersweet note, and it's a unique premise. I would've liked to see it developed a bit more, given a few more scenes and a couple thousand more words so the concept had more room to breathe and the events didn't feel quite so compressed, but not a bad effort at all! Have a "like".
(So, are ya done bein' persnickerty now?)
Yes, I believe that concludes tonight's episode of "Pony Proofreading Theater!" Class dismissed.
(Yay!)
Except for you, Applebloom, you get to stay after class and write "I will not shoot spitballs at Diamond Tiara's cutie mark" one hundred times on the blackboard.
(Awwww, dangit!)
(Busss-ted!)