Amethyst 1A: "Night Raid"
[Night of Day 15]
The darkness of night had descended like a comforting blanket on the streets of Ponyville, its cool breeze washing away the warmth and mild humidity of the day as the lamps on every building bathed the town in an alluring golden glow. Most of the hardworking citizens were just now settling down to a home-cooked dinner, but plenty of night-owls had already flooded into the pubs. Their carousing echoed across Market Square, adding a good measure of homely cheer to the evening's ambiance.
Twilight Sparkle and Spike stood at the edge of a streetlamp's glow in an alleyway across from the three-story Ponyville Country Inn. The unicorn kept her movements subdued, flinching at any noise whose source she could not see. The juvenile dragon, however, leaned casually against a wall and yawned.
"Are you sure Brass Badge said to meet him here?" Spike asked, his tone halfway between curiosity and complaint.
Twilight turned her gaze from the inn to her assistant, accidentally staring at his midriff before moving up to meet his eyes. "Y-yes, of course I'm sure," she replied, still unused to the dragon's growth spurt that had brought his standing height level with her own. "And don't let Mr. Badge catch you calling him anything but 'Sheriff' unless you've got an appetite for community service."
"Uptight much?" Spike remarked.
"I can't say that he doesn't suffer from a bit of 'blue-uniform-itis,'" responded a husky voice from the darkness, "but Sheriff Badge is a good officer, if Ponyville's crime rate is any indication."
An earth pony stallion of medium build wearing a tan overcoat and fedora stepped into the soft golden light. His fur was a particularly dark brown. His tousled hair bore the same color, only a few shades milder. The shadow of the fedora's brim hid most of his bestubbled face from view, but his honest blue eyes shone through clearly.
The stallion cleared his throat. "Are you Miss Twilight Sparkle?"
Twilight stared at him with a slight tilt of her head. "I am. And you are?"
The stallion opened his overcoat to reveal a gleaming badge of office. "Detective Liner, Canterlot P.D. — Violent Crimes Unit. I've been assigned to take over as this case's head investigator." He offered a friendly hoof that bore an expensive silver watch. "It's an honor, Miss Sparkle."
"It's a relief on my end," Twilight sighed as she shook the stallion's hoof. "For a moment there, I thought we'd picked the wrong alley." She gestured toward a young dragon scaled in equal parts violet and green. "This is my assistant Spike."
Liner gave a warm smile. "A rare pleasure to work with a dragon, Master Spike."
"Yessir, Detective," Spike replied, straightening his pose to match the authority figure's praise.
Liner nodded and walked forward to get a better look at the inn. "The timing of your letter was fortunate; it dropped onto the desk between the sheriff and I just after he got done briefing me on the situation thus far. We were able to act on the information immediately."
"Is the sheriff already inside?" Twilight asked.
Liner looked toward a two-story house on the right side of the inn. "He's in the pub with Deputy Surefire. Deputy Warrant and a pair of my officers have the inn's exits covered. The inn's proprietor confirmed Three Strike's presence in Room 208 just over an hour ago via the cleaning staff." He paused. "It's funny, I didn't expect the perp to slip up like this after leaving Sheriff Badge not a single trail to follow at the first crime scene."
"She did seem a bit out-of-sorts earlier," Twilight commented. "Though I'm not sure how much of that is my fault."
Spike stepped forward. "Why do you keep looking at that other building?"
"Civilian volunteer in the second-story bedroom," Liner replied. "She'll signal us when she spots Miss Strike's shadow in Room 208. At that point, we'll—"
The lights in the bedroom of the two-story house came on.
"Okay, that's our cue," Liner said quickly, a bit more verve making its way into his tone. He turned to the alley's other two occupants. "When I give the word, walk with me to the inn. Be sure to stay casual—208 has a partial view of the entrance." He extended the crook of his front-left leg. "If you'd be so kind, Miss Sparkle."
Twilight looked taken aback. "E-excuse me?"
"Miss Strike's seen you before," said Liner. "If you approach alone, it'll look suspicious. On the other hoof, if she thinks you're on a beeline from the pub . . ."
Twilight's face reddened, though her logical mind agreed with the detective's reasoning. Spike moved both hands to his mouth to suppress a chuckle.
Just a few buildings down from the alley, the pub's doors swung open to reveal Sheriff Brass Badge and Deputy Surefire. The two officers, both decked out in black & white suits with matching black fedoras, bore a large rectangular instrument case between them as they meandered about on a zigzag course toward the inn.
Liner emphasized his leg motion as he watched them advance. "Come on, we're up."
Leaving hesitation behind, Twilight put her front-right leg through the crook of the detective's and leaned on him slightly as they began their approach. Her heart was racing—due to the tension, she hoped—and she made a concerted effort not to react to the strong smell of Liner's aftershave. She chanced a look back to see Spike moving just behind them, improvising as a creepy, leering onlooker. It occurred to Twilight that he looked a bit too natural in the role.
The sheriff and deputy entered the building without so much as a glance at the trio. Twilight and Liner pushed through the oaken doors just a few seconds later and stepped into the warm lighting of the Country Inn's modest lobby. The inn's interior emulated Ponyville's signature rustic charm by giving the appearance that it had all originally been built from a humble ranch house, even though most of the town's residents regarded the approach as a bit on the tacky side.
Detective Liner led Twilight to sit with him on a wooden bench in the waiting area, giving a nod to the inn's owner, a heavy-set mustachioed stallion who had taken the place of the night receptionist at the counter. Sheriff Badge and Deputy Surefire dropped their musician disguises by setting down the oversized instrument case and opening it to reveal a standard-issue battering ram. Spike moved to sit across from the two of them, issuing forth a giddy smile as the ram-carriers ventured calmly up the carpeted staircase to the second story. Brass Badge stood the heavy device up against a hoofrail and leaned on it casually while Surefire moved down the hallway. Twilight heard a sharp knock followed by a soft tenor voice.
"Excuse me, Miss Strike? This is housekeeping. We neglected to leave you some fresh towels for your evening shower. Would you mind opening up for a moment?" There was a pause. "Miss Strike, are you in there?"
After a longer pause, Sheriff Badge gave a broad smile to the occupants of the room below and hefted the ram onto his muscular shoulders.
"Okay gentlemen," Detective Liner said calmly as he rose from his seat and slipped on a pair of black shades. "Batter up."
NEXT
Episode 02: "Tough Crowd"
Curiouser and curiouser. I wonder what it is that they want with her.
WEIRD...
Drug prescription bottles, in my experience, have information on the label identifying who they were for, and where they were filled, as well as the name of the drug. I can think of reasons why Three-Strikes might have blotted out all but the name, but that scenario opens up all sorts of more questions about the scope and scale of what she is up to.
645266
Three Strike didn't blot out anything. It has a temporary label for in-hospital use that only lists the drug name, quantity, dosage, and a few bits of numerical errata for storage and inventory purposes. We'll get a bit more into this as the story continues of course. My particular interpretation of Equestria's medical system has more in common with the practices of the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
By the way, thank you so much for reading this far!
<comment edited due to chapter shuffling>
All replies in this chain contain spoilers for Episode 02.
646310
Still, with that much information, there still should be some leads the investigators should be able to follow up on, which was my point.
As for the different direction... Very much so! The OCs in question are reasonable enough, nothing wrong with them, but I think they need more screen time to develop. I'm assuming that they are products of their cultural context, which would indicate something far removed from the world Twilight Sparkle etc. live in. The whole thing reminded me of Final Fantasy 8, when your perspective shifts to a different group of characters briefly, and the explanation doesn't come for a LONG while.
And on the subject of context... was the reference to the Bible (book, chapter, and verse) intentional? Because I looked up that verse, and it makes no sense in relationship to the events in the chapter, unless you make some hefty assumptions about what is going on in that vision Ditzy Doo was in.
646479
>Still, with that much information, there still should be some leads the investigators should be able to follow up on, which was my point.
I agree. That's what I meant by "we'll get a bit more into this as the story continues". I'm trying so hard not to spoil anything.
Speaking of spoilers, I can't explain the Bible reference yet except for three things.
1. What's listed in most Bibles as "1 Kings" is not the First Book of Kings. You might be looking at the wrong verse.
2. The book on the bed is not the Bible.
3. The reference is not something that you could reason out with the events in this chapter.
646515
Yeah, it'd be easy to ruin the good sense of mysterious buildup you seem to be going for... also not wanting to spoil things... I think I found the verse you were referring to, which is something that, while not necessarily connected to the events in the chapter, does make for MUCH better foreshadowing. *adds bookmark to study bible*
Awesome. The plot is thickening with a new host of interesting characters. Looking forward to what's to come!
Hmm... most interesting... I wonder what it means?
Silver Cross is best poni. Also, this is best story. Can't wait for more chapters!
OH MY FREAKING YES!
Okay, seriously... I've read a lot of stories on here, but this one practically takes the cake for me. I'll tell ya why:
1. OCs? Awesome. In the course of a single chapter, you've established Silver Cross's snarky wit (with an underlying madness), Feather Quill's stony loyalty, and Detective One Liner's (BAHAHA!) professional charm. The names you gave to all the villains and side characters were excellent. I always have a hard time coming up with pony names, but you nailed it. Also, you're doing an excellent job already at making each character come to life. You clearly have a gift for establishing solid, unique characters and showing them interact in a believable way. I love this!
2. Your descriptions are spectacular. Really, you've found a way to perfectly blend action while painting a beautiful scene. I really enjoy the paragraphs you use to break from the narrative and describe what's around our beloved protagonists.
3. Derpy in Silver Cross's head? GENIUS! The way you described that was perfect; I immediately understood the strange sensations. The "fairy" thing was very well done, too. It allowed Silver Cross to immediately continue his life without freaking out while establishing a fascinating relationship between the warrior and the ex-mailmare. I look forward to more of their exchanges.
Some questions (that I don't want answered, but I'm posing them anyway because they excite me): Was that Derpy's ethereal sister from the first chapter that came to her bedside? In what time frame does Silver Cross exist? Is Derpy traveling into Equestria's past, as suggested by the apparent separation of the three races, or is it all happening right now? Will the Detective's next "one liner" make me laugh as hard as this one did?
Sorry for the essay-review, but this is seriously AWESOME. I can't wait to go read the next chapter. Thank you for posting this entertaining, quality work! I wish it had more views. This is truly delightful!
Your avid fan,
Ponky
Oh hoho! Did Three Strike give them the slip? Time to read on!
The comments! They don't make any sense! Oh well, I guess that's just a side-effect of continually working on and improving your story. Guess I'm glad I waited this long to start reading.
One thing that kinda threw me: In the previous chapter, Derpy helped Dash out with making repairs to the Town Hall's roof, which I assumed meant this fic was happening around the time of "The Last Roundup", but in this chapter, you say that Spike's had a growth spurt, so that must surely mean that this fic happens a way in the future. It threw me a bit that you only mentioned it here. But then, I get the feeling all of this will be explained.
An enjoyable little chapter nonetheless. Your OCs seem pretty cool.
Oh, one last thing:
You'll want a — there.
Looks like I'm two years late to the party.