• Published 31st Jan 2014
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How to Court Alicorns: A Human's Guide - little big pony



A cutsie little love story between a human and best princess

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Step Four (Part 1) : PANCAKES!!!

“~I hope you have a happy day, and that song shines the whole way!
I hope that you can go out and laugh and play!
Sunnysunnysunnysunnysunny dayyyyyyyyy!~”

Celestia groaned, cracking open an eye and looking around at the darkness that was her room, her mind hazy and her face scrunched right up in irritation. Though she would have loved to ignore that blasted alarm clock of hers (which had been a joke gift from her sister) and sleep the day away, somepony had to get up early to raise the sun, and that somepony was her. Unfortunately.

I hope that nopony expects me to do anything today… the groggy princess thought, blowing her mane out of her face before yawning hugely, her lack of sleep already making itself known. I swear to Faust if—

Celestia tried to rise out of her bed to pound on the snooze button of her alarm until the thing shattered into a million pieces (like she tried to do every morning) but let out a yelp of surprise as she was immediately pulled back into the bed.

THERE’S SOMEONE IN MY BED! WHO THE HAY IS IN MY BED?! IT’S A MONSTER! BY MY BEARD IT’S A MONSTER! Celestia thought, trying to wiggle away as her horn lit up the room.

Anny scrunched up in irritation as the princess shoved her lit up horn in his face, the sleeping human grumbling to himself before pushing his face back against her neck while the princess stopped the lightning spell that she was about to unleash. “It’s ten till Tuesday,” he murmured before going to back quietly breathing.

Celestia looked down at the sleeping man, her tired mind trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together as Anny nuzzled her neck.

What— why the hay is he… Ohhhh…

The second that she remembered what had happened, and the part that she had happened to play in it, the Princess of the Sun felt a blush explode across her face. Thank goodness I didn’t fire off that spell she thought, embarrassed. Why would I think that there was a monster in my room?... I’m really not the most rational pony in the morning...

Reaching up to her head, she noticed that she still had on her Daring Do hat. “It looks like I didn’t even give Anny a chance to undress me,” she muttered with a bubbly giggle, her eyes scanning the sleeping human wrapped in her legs like an oversized teddy bear.

Anny looked disheveled, bags under his eyes and his clothes wrinkled and out of place. He also appeared to be sleeping at a rather odd angle, with both arms wrapped around her while he tried to lay down flat on his back, but she couldn’t help but smile when she saw his bedhead and the smile on his face as he held her. Though he looked exhausted even though he was sleeping, and even though he reeked of sweets and pizza and just a bit of sweat, Celestia found herself nuzzling the top of his head as she wrapped her hooves around him and pulled him as close as she could.

Though their date couldn’t have gone worse she had managed to pull through and turn what looked to be a horrible night into a fantastic date, though it was in no small part Anny’s doing. The human had urged her on even though she had been ready to call it quits; he had believed in her enough and enjoyed being around her enough that he had been willing to ignore her little break down and stay in her room and watch the same movie over and over again…

“You know, my little human, you’re quite a bit smaller when the two of us are like this,” Celestia muttered, closing her eyes and sighing, her wings fluttering against the blanket happily. “Sweet Faust are you ador—“

“~I hope you have a happy day, and that song shines the whole way!—“

Celestia frowned as her alarm once again went off. “Oh horseapples, will you be quiet?” she demanded, once again attempting to get up to turn it off. She managed to get within a few inches of the thing when Anny pulled her back against him with another grumble.

“No…cookie monster,” he murmured, his grip around her neck tightening. “Don’t eat… those vegetables… you’re better than that…”

“~Sunnysunnysunnysunny daaaaaayyyyyy!”

Quietly cursing, Celestia used her wings to pull her blanket off her and Anny. If she continued to let that blasted alarm of hers beep it was going to get louder and louder until that stupid, stupid song was making the windows rattle. This was not something she particularly wanted to hear, and she wasn’t going to have Anny waking up to something like that. He was just fine being the adorable little sleeping human that he was at the moment in her professional opinion.

That left her in a bit of a pickle. She wanted to let Anny sleep for as long as he wanted but she also needed to get up and raise the sun so her little ponies didn’t start panicking.

You are a millennia old being, Celestia, the alicorn thought, nuzzling Anny’s head one more time for a bit of support as she stared at her most hated enemy, which was just a few feet away on her nightstand but may as well have been a million miles away in the position she was in, with nothing less than pure, unadulterated loathing. You can turn this blasted alarm off and get out of this bed without waking your coltfri—ANNY! without waking ANNY!”

She looked down at Anny, fearing that he had read her thoughts and was now awake and was about to tell her off for being so presumptuous. To her absolute relief all she saw was a snoozing man that deserved another nuzzle. Which she returned since somepony had to do it and she was the only other one in the room.

...Alright! Enough silliness! Time to shut this blasted thing off!

Sticking her tongue out in concentration, Celestia extended a wing over Anny and tried to turn it off that way. The alarm, it seemed, was amused by her pitiful attempts at silencing it, answering her wings pokes on its snooze button by screeching even louder.

The princess just gritted her teeth and pounded as hard as she dared (or could) with her wings, but she may as well have been trying to redirect a river with a spoon. That snooze button didn’t budge and the alarm continued to blare loudly.

Oh horsefeathers… Celestia thought, her frown furrowing as she looked down at Anny. If he would just loosen his grip just a little bit… Retracting her wing, the princess pressed Anny back against her. Well, no matter! I’m GOING to shut that infernal contraption up! She tried to think of another way to get to that blasted alarm. She couldn’t reach it with her hoof and her wing didn’t weigh enough to nor could it exert enough pressure to hit the snooze button so it appeared that more extreme measures needed to be taken…

Gritting her teeth and praying to whatever god was listening, Celestia closed her eyes and rolled Anny over . The human grunted as she forced him to roll on his side with her, Celestia’s back to the alarm. “I’m sorry, my little human,” she apologized, nuzzling his cheek.

I’ll get you now you blasted contraption! Celestia thought , a dastardly smile coming to her face. She could see it now: the alarm would be shaking in its plastic as she reached over and—

The moment the princess tried to reach behind her she realized that she had made a fatal mistake. When she had rolled her and Anny over to the edge of the bed Celestia didn’t notice how close she was to the edge. And, since her back was turned and she couldn’t look around at all with Anny clinging onto her like he was, there was no way for her to know that she was a hairsbreadth from falling out of her own bed. She was standing (or lying rather) on the edge of a knife. All she needed to do was move just a little bit and…

“Epp!” the princess cried, frantically grabbing at the air as she tumbled out of her bed and hit her floor with a hearty smack, her Daring Do hat fluttering into the air before gently landing on the bed. “Why?!”

Anny, somehow, someway, had thankfully managed to escape the same fate as Celestia, letting out a loud, irritated snore before rolling away from the edge of the bed, grabbing a pillow and cuddling it close against his chest, and curling into a little ball before he went back to his quiet, peaceful slumber.

“Horse feathers… Why the hay did that even…”

Though it felt like she might have pulled a wing and she couldn’t have been more embarrassed if there had been a crowd of ponies watching her flop about like some kind of ninny, Celestia couldn’t help but smile when she saw Anny snoozing peacefully. “Don’t you worry, my little human,” she said, magicking the blanket back over his body as she stood back up. “You and I can get back to sleeping after I finish raising my sun and—“

“~I hope you have a happy day, and that song shines the whole way!—“

Celestia felt her eye twitch. “…But first,” she murmured, walking to and standing over her alarm, “I do believe that I have something to dispose of…”

The alarm, knowing that its time had come, continued to proudly sing out the song of its people. It wasn’t going to let certain doom silence it! It was going to go on until the bitter end! It continued to sing about happiness and sunshine and rainbows as Celestia carried it out to her balcony, it still sang loud and proud as, cackling to herself, the princess levitated it over the edge. As it fell to the earth, hundreds of feet in the air, it cried one final word as it hit the mountainside below and shattered into a million pieces:

“Sunnysunnysunnysunny dayyyyyyy!”

Celestia found herself smiling as she quickly raised her sun , taking a moment to bathe in its light and warmth. And there we go, she thought with a little skip, spinning around and making her way back into her room. Now Anny and I can get back to some well-deserved cuddles! She was about halfway in her room, staring at her bed and the human snoozing in it, when she had a rather unsettling thought.

Even though she wanted to spend the rest of the day sleeping and snuggling her favorite human what if Anny didn’t feel the same way? She had tricked him into sleeping with her last night and he might not be very appreciative about what had happened when he woke up and found her giggling like some school filly when she held him.

Celestia found herself frozen in mid-step, now staring at Anny and her bed with a mixture of worry and fear.

And even if he wanted to sleep today (she knew for a fact that he didn’t have anything to do today so that wasn’t a problem) what if she was lacking in the cuddling department? Anny himself was a grade-A snuggler: he was the right size for it, he was warm, his skin felt nice against fur, he was affectionate even while sleeping, he hardly snored, and he had that patch of hair on the top of his head that was perfect for nuzzling.

But what about her? Was he giving as much comfort as she was getting? Did she have the right stuff to be a proper snuggle-buddy? Frowning, she looked down at herself as she trotted in place in something that was uncomfortably close to panic. Was she too big? Was her fur too coarse or too soft? Was she too big to hold properly? By sweet Faust above did she snore?!

Though in any other situation she would have felt silly asking herself these questions (she was obviously the biggest, fluffiest, and cuddliest princesses in all of pony land… at least in her opinion) right now, with Anny laying right there she looked at herself, assessed the situation, and found herself wanting. If she was going to get cuddles from a willing human she was going to have to even the playing field a little bit. She needed something to butter Anny up, something that would make what could be a terribly awkward situation into a relatively easy one! …But now she needed to think of what Anny would want…

Thinkofsomethingthinkofsomethingthinkofsomething!!!! Celestia thought, frantically trotting around her room, her wings spread as if she were about to fly out of the room at any moment. Howareyougoingtomakeyourselftheperfectcuddlemachine?!

She knew that she was going to need something big; fluffing out her chest tuft or taking a shower (which she probably needed by the way) wasn’t going to cut it. Whatever she got was going to need to be thoughtful, it was going to have to be something that Anny would like, it would have to be something that they could do/use/other right before they went back to bed, and it was going to hav—



Grumble!



Celestia jumped as her stomach grumbled angrily, glaring down at it. “Will you be quiet?” she demanded. “I’m trying to think of some—“

And just like that inspiration hit the princess like a ton of bricks. Why the hay didn’t she just go and get him something to eat?!

PANCAKES! I can get us some pancakes! Everypony LOVES PANCAKES! And I bet that everyhuman does too!

Walking as quickly and quietly as she could to her room, walking through it, and closing it as quietly as she could, Celestia spun around, wide-eyed, ripped off her Daring Do outfit (and by ripping off I mean VERY carefully taking off and setting aside), and raced down the hallway.

IneedtogetsomethingbeforeAnnywakesup!!!

Skidding around a corner, and very nearly decking one of her guards, she ran as fast as her hooves could take her. From the mightiest general to the lowest maid, each and every one of them an important part of the castle’s day-to-day activities, the castle’s occupants forgot their duties and schedules and assignments and whatever else they were doing as they watched their princess dodge, weave, and even jump over her little ponies, as naked as the day as she was born and sporting the worst case of bedmane that any of them had ever seen and a wild look in her eyes. Celestia herself did not see the surprised looks of her ponies, nor did she hear their startled gasps or their bodies hitting the floor after they had passed out at her display. No, she was a mare on a mission! A mission of breakfast and sleeping in and cuddles! ALL of the cuddles!

Now what should I have the cooks make: chocolate or blueberry pancakes? I prefer the chocolate but maybe Anny might like blueberry… or maybe he’d just wanted plain pancakes?!

A guard hit the ground in shock as she jumped over him, the stallion scrambling to his hooves a moment later. “You majesty, is everything alright?!”

Without looking over her shoulder she called, “PANCAKES!” before racing around another corner, leaving the poor disheveled stallion standing in the middle of the hallway, the picture of confusion.

You know what? I think I’ll just have every kind of pancake made. Anny and I will have our fill and the castle staff can eat whatever we don’t… So what should we have as side dishes? Bacon? Hash browns? Cerea—

“Sister?”

Celestia let out a pained yelp as an invisible force tugged on her tail hard, forcing her to skid to a halt right in front of her sister, who looked bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to tackle the day while she looked like she had just woken up from a night of sleeping in an alleyway.

“Sister,” the Princess of the Night repeated, taking a step forward, “is everything well? Thou art running through these halls as though thy pantaloons were ablaze.”

Celestia looked down the hall longingly before looking at her sister, a fake smile coming to her face. Don’t say anything about Anny sleeping in your bed with you; you’ll never hear the end of it…

Clearing her throat, Celestia batted Luna’s magic from her tail with a spell and nonchalantly said, “Oh, hello sister of mine, lovely morning isn’t it?”

The Princess of the Night nodded with a smile. “Ah yes, it is lovely,” she said. “We were wondering if--”

IneedtogoIneedtogoIneedtogo!

“--For you see the one of the nobles came up to me with a stack of parchment that stated--”

Why is she still talking?! Doesn’t she see that I have pancakes to get made! Oh mother of me; what if Anny’s already awake and hungry? Whatifhe’shungry?!


Luna’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly. “…Dost thou have someplace to be, Sister? Thou keep staring down the hall…”

Celestia forced herself to look back at her sister with a chuckle. “Oh well I was a bit peckish and thought that I’d get me and Anny—“ Almost faster than she thought, Celestia covered her mouth with her hooves but it was too late. She could see the gears turning in her sister’s head.

Oh horseapples! She sourly thought as her sister raised an eyebrow. Why can’t I just look my sister in the eye and lie?! Is it really that hard? Shifting side-to-side, Celestia did her best to try and backtrack. “Well, I mean, you see—“

“Thou actually still had a date with Anny even with the storm that had been raging outside?” Luna asked, a smile coming to her face. “Huzzah! Well done sister! How did it go?”

“I, um—“

“What did thee even do?”

“We had pizza and watched a—“

“Wait.” Luna narrowed her eyes. “Sister… did thou say that thee were getting something to eat for thou and Anny now? Is he still in the castle?”

Celestia let out a guffaw. “I wasn’t going to let him walk out in that storm, sister, now will you just be quiet and let me—“

“So he’s in the castle right now?” Luna once again interrupted. “Did thou let him stay in one of the guest rooms?” She looked like she was about to say more when her smile turned sly. “Or did the two of thee fall asleep in each other’s hooves as thee watched thy movie?”

Celestia’s breath caught in her throat as Luna’s smile grew wider. Howdidsheknow? HOWDIDSHEKNOW?!?!?!

“Or did thee carry him to thy bed for some cuddling?”

“…”

Luna blinked as her sister, as red-faced as can be, fiddled with her hooves, refusing to look at her.

“…Sister? Thou didn’t do something like that did thee?”

“…”

Luna let out a horrified gasp, slapping her sister on the chest with a hoof. “Sister! Cuddles on the second date?!”

“W-well, I-I was just—“

“What would mother say! Next you’ll be telling us that you’re going to get the two of thee food so thou could go back to sleep with the human after breakfast in bed!”

Both of the princesses let that hang in the air for a few seconds, Celestia looking (and feeling) more embarrassed than she had ever in her life and Luna looking like she was about to slap some sense into her.

“Sister, thou wilt answer m—“

POP!

Luna blinked in surprise as her sister disappeared in a flash before an irritated frown came to her face. “Thou art a hussy, sister mine! Doth thou hear Us? A HUSSY!”






~_~_~_~_~_~_~_






Never in his whole life could Anny be described as a morning person. He hated mornings; he hated the way that the sun seemed to burn his eyes the second that it poked into his window, he hated the groggy, horrible feeling he got whenever he opened his eyes, he hated his morning breath, he hated the fact that he had to get up from his warm, comfortable bed to go out into the cold, cold world. But he was a big boy that had big boy things to do, which meant, though he hated getting up and getting ready every day, he had learned to force himself to get up and start his day. Though, to be fair, some days were better than others.

It appeared that this was going to be one of the bad days. His bed felt as soft and warm and comfortable as anything that he’d ever felt, his pillow may as well have been a cloud, and it felt like he had only gotten an hour’s worth of sleep.

“Arrrrrgggggghhhhh!” Anny moaned, grabbing his pillow and slamming it over his head to shield his poor eyes from the sun. “Noooo!”

Why does the sun have to rise so early? he thought, cracking open an eye before closing it an instant later. If Celestia wanted to she could—

“Wait a minute!” Anny cried, flying into a sitting position. “I’m in the princess’s…” Trailing off, he took a moment to look around.

The night before suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks. He remembered going on his date with Celestia, and then there was a storm and they had to go to the castle, and the princess was sad so he had to give her a pep talk and…

Ohmygosh! I slept with the princess! Anny could feel a blush coming to his face as he remembered that part of the night.

It might have been hard to believe but the evidence was right there in front of the poor, flustered, tired human. There was the couch that he and the princess had spent the whole night cuddling on, and there were the half eaten plates of pizza and the popcorn that was all over the floor. Apparently he hadn’t been dreaming of being pulled into Celestia’s bed last night. It was something that had happened; he was here… lying in the princess’s bed… without the princess in her room… for some reason…

Though that might not have been a bad thing; he really didn’t know what the heck he would have done if he’d had woken up in the princesses hooves. Or if she was in his arms. Or if they were equally holding each other. He could barely hug the mare without getting all blushy and tongue-tied! So, though he was relieved that he was able to gather and prepare himself while Celestia did whatever she was doing, that only left one question:

Where the heck did Celestia go?

Rubbing an eye, Anny looked up at the clock on the side of the wall. It’s like five thirty in the morning, what the heck would she be doing other than sleeping… and raising the sun I guess… An embarrassed and nervous blush came to his face. Is… Is she mad about the two of us sleeping in the same bed? Is THAT why she isn’t in the same room right now?

Pawing around the bed Anny grabbed the Daring Do hat that the princess had worn the night before, a smile coming to his face as he ran his fingers along the lip.

I really hope that she’s not mad, he thought, placing the hat on the nightstand and starting to throw the covers off of himself. I was just trying to carry her to her bed and she grabbed me so it just kinda… happened… Hopping out of the bed, he patted himself down and turned toward the door.

The princess was just probably doing princess things right now, or maybe she was getting breakfast or something; there was no way in heck that she was mad at him! And even if she was he’d be able to explain the situation to her and everything would be alright. Everything. Would. Be. All right!

He knew the princess; he knew what kind of pers—er, pony she was. There was a better chance of her laughing about the whole thing and teasing him about it for the rest of the day than her getting mad at him; he knew this, but there was still that little bit of lingering doubt, no matter how silly or untrue it was. And that doubt was doing… things to him. And those things weren’t good.

Heck, I bet she’s out getting something to eat right now and she just didn’t want to wake me up, he reasoned, yawning hugely. Boy do I need to calm down… why am I always so jumpy in the mornings? Nothing bad is gonna happen. Nothing……but, if he was somehow wrong and the princess was mad, he was sure that he’d be able to climb down the castle through the balcony and run back to the Sparkle house before an angry princess came back to throw his keister in the dungeons. Before he started making a rope out of blankets, however, nature was a-calling.

“Now where was that bathroom again?” Anny muttered, walking into the middle of the room and doing some light stretches. “ This room’s so big that everything’s—“



Click!



Anny paused when he heard the room’s doorknob slowly starting to turn. His mind raced; who was that? Was it the princess? Was it one of the guards coming to throw him in a dungeon? Or was it some horrible third thing that he couldn’t even imagine right now?! He didn’t have an answer, and, like any animal that was faced with a threat (real or imagined) Anny had the choice of staying where he was and greeting whoever came through that door with a smile (aka the fight response) or he could rush back toward the bed and pretend that he was asleep and hope that whoever it was wouldn’t be able to see him if he hid under the covers (aka the flight response). And, puffing out his chest and putting his best foot forward, Anny went ahead and rushed back toward the bed as fast as his feet could take him.

No matter how brave he thought he was, Anny didn’t think bravery would mean anything if he got thrown in prison by the guards or come face-to-face with an angry Celestia. And, to be honest, Anny never really considered himself that brave of a guy. Especially in the mornings.

When he made it about a foot or so from the bed he launched himself into the air and curled into a ball. If he hurried he might have been able to throw the blankets over himself and pretend that he was asleep and no one would pull him out of the bed or start yelling at him or anything horrible like that; or so he hoped.

What actually happened was that, as soon as he hit the princess’s bed, he found himself bouncing high into the air.

“Oh shoot!” he yelped, wildly flailing as he started to fall.

Time seemed to slow as, inch by agonizing inch (the bed wasn’t nearly high enough to justify saying in feet) Anny fell to his doom. This was it in his mind, he was going to hit the soft carpet on the floor really hard and—



THUD!



Anny groaned, more in embarrassment than in pain, as he hit the ground with a very, very loud thud. He stayed there on the floor, flat on his back, just taking a moment to think about what he had just done, why he had done it, and what was going to happen when whoever was opening that door walked in and found him like this. Faced with all of these questions and pondering over them with as much time as each of them deserved (which, admittedly, wasn’t all that much) Anny uttered probably the most intelligent thing that he had said that morning:

“Boy am I dumb.”

To add insult to injury for the human, who already felt silly, the door that had been slowly opening decided now was a good time to up and explode.



BOOM!






~_~_~_~_~_~_






“Please, let me help you with the door, your Majesty.”

Celestia smiled at one of her guards as she pulled a food cart along with her magic. “Thank you very much my little pony,” she said as he trotted in front of her and reached for the doorknob. “I would appreciate a helping hoof.”

Truth be told, she really didn’t need his help (a simple spell would have opened that door just as easily) but it was always nice when one of her little ponies were nice enough to try to help her, or anypony else for that matter, for any reason.

The guard couldn’t help but eye the princesses food cart. “Are you expecting company, your Highness?” he asked politely.

Celestia looked at the trolley with a grin. the thing was stuffed with as much food as she could put on it and then some. “Oh, I was just trying my hoof at cooking and got a little carried away from myself,” she told him. “I asked the chefs if they’d be kind enough to show me how to cook and I have to eat the result.”

Sure, she fibbed a little at the end but she figured it was better than telling him that telling him that she had a human in her room sleeping in her bed. She couldn’t bare the thought of that becoming the latest castle gossip.

The guard smiled back at her. “Well, I’m sure everything you made is wonderful, your Highness.”

Celestia’s smile diminished somewhat. “Oh I do hope so…”

After she had asked them how to make pancakes (she thought that it’d be more…romantic if she cooked her’s and Anny’s breakfasts herself) half of the kitchen staff had offered to help her out measuring the ingredients, making the pancakes the perfect width and thickness, and even cutting up and preparing other parts of the breakfast while she “slaved” over her “masterpieces”. Even with their help it had taken three or four tries to make pancakes that weren’t too burnt or watery or on fire... but Celestia honestly enjoyed her two hours as a “chef”.

She may have burned herself once or twice and she might have been a bit tired from mixing all of that pancake batter (a lot of pancake batter) but she couldn’t help but feel satisfied with the end results. There was just something about sitting down and making your own food that she really enjoyed. It was satisfying “dirtying” her own hooves and watching as those pancakes came into being with each careful stir and each flip, and it felt even better when she was making this food for someone that she lo—cared about, someone that she CARED about! REALLY REEEEEALLY cared about! Not that L word!...

I wonder if Anny would like to go on a date where we learn how to cook something, Celestia thought, her small smile coming back to her face as the guardspony started to open her bedroom door. Maybe I could ask one of the chef’s to show the two of us how to bake a cake for our next dat—






THUD!






Celestia, and her guard for that matter, jumped in surprise as a loud banging sound came from inside her bedroom.

While more rational minds might have just thought that something had fallen or maybe Anny tripped or something normal or nonthreatening like that the guard, being, well, a guard, assumed the very worst after mulling things over for about a fifth of a second. It sounded like something, or someone, heavy had fallen onto the floor. That meant someone was in the room. The princess’s room. Which was not a place ponies were supposed to be unless the princess allowed it. And since he nor any of the other guards knew of anypony staying in the princess’s room he assumed it was a hostile intruder.
So, doing what any guard in his position would do (well… what any zealous guard would do) , the stallion took two steps backwards, spun around, and bucked the door as hard as he could.

“STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!”

The door flew off its hinges and a yelp could be heard as the guard spun right around and raced through the doorway.

Celestia, shocked and more than a little nervous about what was happening in front of her, ran after him. “Anny?” she cried, looking all around her room hoping, no praying, that he was alright. “ANNY?!” When she found him lying on the floor with a terrified expression on his face she sprinted over, picked him up, and pulled him into a hug. “Are you alright?!”

“Why the heck did that guard just kick down your door, Celestia?” Anny asked while the princess wrapped her wings around him and started to rub his cheek with her own. “Is something going on?”

The guard pony, who had been scanning the room for assassins/robbers/monsters, began to stare at Anny in confusion. “We heard someone hitting the floor, sir and I decided to investigate.”

“So you kicked the princess’s door down?”

Celestia’s grip around Anny tightened. “Never mind any of that, Anny. Are you okay? Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

Anny was about to open his mouth but then closed it. Since it occurred to him that maybe telling the princess that he had superman dived onto her bed so that he could pretend that he was asleep and he had fallen out of the bed because it was too springy would be so horribly embarrassing explanation that he probably wouldn’t live it down (especially if the guard over there decided to tell his friends) maybe a little white lie was in order.

“Well, um, I just kind of fell out of that bed was all,” he said, his face reddening as he looked down at the floor.

Celestia and the guard looked at each other before looking back at him. “You just fell off the bed?” the guard asked. “Why were you in the princess’s bed? She didn’t say…” You could almost see the gears turning in the guards head as he realized what he had just done. “Oh horseapples…”

Celestia couldn’t help but smile out of relief. Thank goodness that it was just something silly, she thought, taking a deep breath in an attempt to slow her pounding heart. I was worried for a second that somepony was in here hurting my little human…

Almost without meaning to, Celestia once again nuzzled Anny’s cheek as she looked over at her guard, who looked like he was about to jump out of the window in embarrassment/horror. “My little pony, there is nothing to worry about,” she said in her most motherly and caring voice.

The guard looked up at her wide-eyes before saluting. “I apologize for kicking down your door without provocation, your majesty!” Though she could see him shaking, he puffed his chest out as far as it could go. “I will gladly accept any punishment that you wish upon me, Princess!”

Celestia shook her head. “No, my loyal guardspony; there is no reason for me to in any way punish you for your actions.”

The guard blinked. “But your—“

“You thought that something was happening in my bedroom and decided to investigate with my safety in mind. You were only doing your job, my little pony, and I will not fault you for kicking down my door.” She chuckled before looking down at Anny. “If you hadn’t been so quick on the draw there I might have overreacted and I promise you there would have beena lot more to clean up than a door that can be put back together with a single spell.”

The guard opened his mouth but then immediately closed it. Who in the hay was he to argue with a princess? If she was okay with him knocking her door down, and even thanking him for it, he should just nod his head and shut his mouth before the princess changed her mind and sent him to the dungeons.

Blinking, a frown came to his face. NO! He wasn’t going to be a coward and take the easy way out! He was one of the elite Solar Guard! And he had made a mistake and panicked like some greenhorn recruit! He could have seriously hurt someone kicking that door down like he did!

“I still want to say I’m sorry about what happened, my lady,” he said stubbornly, looking down at the floor.

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Are you truly not going to just let me thank you?”

“I deserve a punishment, my Princess.”

Anny was about to open his mouth to say something when Celestia quietly shushed him by pressing a feather to his lips.

Still sitting on her bed holding her human like an oversized teddy bear, Princess Celestia, the Princess of the Sun, Sol Invictus, looked down at the little guard with the stone-cold face of an almighty monarch.

“Then you will receive a punishment, guards pony,” she said, her voice booming off the walls. “Tell me your name!”

The guard, with his gaze firmly glued to the floor, stuttered, “HopS-Scotch your H-Highness.”

Anny snorted, earning him a light slap on the side of the head with a wing.
“Well then, Private Hopscotch, I Princess Celestia: Lady of the Sun and Princess of Equestria find you guilty of kicking down my door and nearly giving me and Antaeus the human, one of my most beloved companions a heart attack.” Celestia couldn’t help but blush slightly as she said that but soldiered on. “For your crimes—“

The guard’s knees wobbled and he shook so hard that he was rattling in his armor.

“—I have determined—“

His life flashed before his eyes. His first word, his first kiss, this first day at boot camp, the first time that he had drank too much cider and got sick and spent the whole night throwing up in his father’s bowling ball case. Oddly enough he remembered that last memory with the most fondness.

“—That your punishment will be—“

Please don’t send me to the moon, the guard prayed. Pleasedon’tsentmetothmoon!

“—To be promoted from the rank of Private to the rank of Sergeant within the ranks of the Solar Guard!”

The guard slowly stopped his shaking to look up at her in confusion and disbelief. “…Excuse me your Majesty?”

Celestia just looked back at him with a smile on her face, trying her hardest not to start laughing when she saw his expression. “I now name you Sergeant HopScotch of the Solar Guard, my little pony,” she said, clapping her hooves together. “And may you receive many promotions hereafter!”

“But your Highness!—“

Celestia’s smile instantly turned into a frown. “No buts, my little pony,” she interrupted, pointing the tip of her wing at him threateningly. “I have spoken!” Her brow furrowed. “Unless you want me to promote you again, hmm?...”

While the thought of receiving a promotion, and all of its benefits, right now the thought of becoming a Sergeant second class, or heaven forbid, a staff Sergeant, was oddly more terrifying than getting an actual punishment.

The guard, confused and slightly scared, finally shut his mouth, clapped his hooves together, and saluted. “Ma’am, no ma’am!”

Celestia eyed him for a few seconds before nodding. “Very well then. Could you be a dear and bring in that food cart outside before returning to the barracks please?”

Not trusting his voice, the guard just saluted again, walked out, pulled the food cart into the room and placed it in front of Anny and Celestia, and saluted again before scurrying out of the room as fast as his hooves could take him.

Anny, who had been watching everything happen before as confused and comfortable as anyone could be, looked up at the princess. “Celestia?”

Now giggling quietly to herself, Celestia magicked the coverings off the cart and eyed the plates of breakfast goodies that she had made herself. “Did you need something my little human?” she asked, licking her lips.

“Why did you just promote that guard for no reason?”

Though Anny couldn’t see it, Celestia grinned. “Oh, there’s a reason, my little human,” she said, piling food onto two plates and levitating them over with magic. “And a good one at that, but why don’t we go ahead and eat before starting our day and asking silly questions?”

Anny nodded, and tried to pull himself out of the princess’s grasp, but was pulled right back against her chest, her hooves wrapping themselves tightly around them.

Celestia, a blush coming to her face as she looked straight ahead, nuzzled the top of his head once again. “Anny, I’d like to thank you for another wonderful date,” she quietly said . “Even though it didn’t start out like I had envisioned it, thank you for sticking with me the whole night.”

Anny found himself grabbing the princess’s hoof and giving it a squeeze. “No, thank you, Celestia,” he said, turning around and looking at her. “I reall—“

Anny froze as the princess snaked down, puckered her lips, and planted a kiss right on his cheek. As he sat there, brain overloading and as still as a statue, Celestia, now so red that she could have started a fire with a soaking wet log, tightened her wing’s grip around him.

“T-Thank you for the date,” she said, trying and failing to speak without a stutter as she gave Anny his food and grabbed her own. “A-And here’s to many, many m-more! H-How about it, my little human?”

“…rgojeofneo.”

With a happy little giggle, Celestia placed her head back on top of his and closed her eyes. “I think that I’ll take that as a y-yes.”