• Member Since 25th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen May 22nd, 2020

Moonbeam56


T

“A lot of you cared, just not enough.”
― Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why

When Scootaloo gets tired of being picked on and alone what will she do to end her pain, who will get her back on the right track. Will she find love in the process or will the world crumble in her hooves.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 84 )
Comment posted by Moonbeam56 deleted Jan 29th, 2014

please add more chapters for this story and i love it :heart:

3862099 a few grammatical errors, and seemed like the story "Drop". Also, it seems a little rushed.

I'd like a seqal it was good I'm glad u dint kill her

OH DEAR FAUST! THE FEELS THEY HURT SO MUCH!

I love the story. it is very good and im so glad you did not kill her. you should make a sequel.

I liked it. The grammar, capitalization and the 'flow' of the story could be improved, as could scene description but it was touching. And I liked that BM and Flutters turned out to be Scoot's parents. Though I think it might well break AJ's brain. :applejackconfused: Scootaloo being told that BM and FS were her parents could use a bit of fleshing out as well, though it was very sweet. *upvotes*

Comment posted by Moonbeam56 deleted Jan 29th, 2014
Comment posted by zombie king24 deleted Jan 29th, 2014
Comment posted by Moonbeam56 deleted Jan 29th, 2014
Comment posted by TadStone deleted Jan 29th, 2014
Comment posted by Moonbeam56 deleted Jan 29th, 2014
Comment posted by TadStone deleted Jan 29th, 2014

Good story you wrote there. It could be improved with going more in depth with everything that was going on, and I do think a sequel would be good. I will admit, it was a shocker that Fluttershy and Big Mac were her parents.

3864731 Well look at big macs coat and flutters it makes orange and look at their manes I don't know I see it do y'all?

3864731 I just edited the story a little adding more detail in places.

Okay, it's pretty tough to figure out what's going on and who's saying and doing what, and there's no sense of time. It feels really abrupt, like the whole thing takes place in under five minutes.
Additionally, you shift viewpoint from first-person to third-person partway through, and that's really jarring.
Scene transitions would do wonders.
What this feels like is a start. Scootaloo trying to commit suicide because she's certain she'll never fly? Dark, but plausible. Fluttershy finding her broken, dying body? Perfectly reasonable. Scootaloo being the daughter of Fluttershy and Macintosh? I practically invented that variety of fic, I'm not going to criticize it. Getting her to the hospital and revealing her heritage? Yeah, I can see that. You've got the foundation of a good fic here, but it needs work.

3866680 I did that in 2 hours I havent really had the time to go back and fix it I was working on another one i started last night this one is next to be edited.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO why did it have to end it was getting so good:fluttercry:

3896237 I will add more to it soon :)

3968367 OH thank you thank you thank you, this story is just to amazing to end like that

3961313 Im going to add more soon I just added to another one of my stories today called basic love check it out if you like the cmc and my writing :)

3970154 wow when i read your comment all i heard basically was you suck you suck you suck you suck and ohh yeah you suck then i read the end and i heard you suck lol i appreciate the offer but sure whatever do whatever you want and message me just don't be offended if i don't do anything with it.

3971610 :twilightsheepish: like i said i know i was joking

Well its better then before, now I can understand whats going on in the story. It feels a little rush though.

3977883 Its funny all y'all complain about everything but y'all dont even write xD its sapposed to be short

le feels! :fluttercry: :applecry: :raritycry: :fluttershbad: :applecry: so many feels! love the story bro! :heart:

A few minor eerie like a few commas not in certain places and stuff like that but I really liked it. One word: FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :pinkiesad2: :raritycry: :raritydespair:

I didn't continue reading this because of all the grammatical errors. You need to actually reread what you write or have a proofreader do it.

4095800 I went through and edited it

i like it and i got a question are you going to make more chapters for your story called Finally A Family soon

SADNESS! :fluttershysad::fluttershbad::fluttercry: But that was AWESOME! :rainbowkiss: Just proofread the writing, okay? :twilightsmile:

4161572 Yes I am going to write more chapters I just need to think about it

4162085 which chapter are you talking about? the second one I just wrote a little this morning printed it out and read through it in class I will be making changes today :)

4162802 Glad y'all enjoy it though that makes me really happy! :)

4162811 just added some more feel free to read

4163005 ok and i like the more that you added to this chapter

4163021 You have no idea how hard it is to write this without crying for multiple reasons I used to have a daughter for one second ive been to the phyc ward and the fact my parents didnt care i was there

4163031 yeah i don't and i am sorry to hear that

4163038 its alright im stronger because of it

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