• Published 2nd Feb 2014
  • 10,231 Views, 397 Comments

Of Blood, Skulls, and Friendship - The Harvester

When the universe seemed bent on screwing around with you, the only thing you can do is show the universe the middle finger and push on! Even if that means pushing on in a whole new body.

  • ...

Chapter One: Fuck You Universe!


"Bastard son of a monkey and a bitch!" I screa- er I mean yelled as I shook my now thumbing thumb. Without a moment of hesitation, I stuck it into my mouth and sucked on it to lessen the pain.

"Hey Nick are you done with the costume yet? We need it for to..." My head slowly turned to the door as my long time friend, Alex, stood their looking at me with a 'what the fuck' look.

I took my thumb out of my mouth with a audible 'pop!'. "This isn't what it looks like."

"Okay? Now is the costume finished man?" He asked as he walked up to me and I gave him a grin, patting the blanket concealing my six months of hard work.

"Alex my friend, this thing isn't just finished. It's perfectly done to win us that cash prize!" I tore off the blanket and we both basked in awe at the masterpiece I've created.

It was 10 feet tall and bulging with very lifelike muscles with blood red skin. Clad in black obsidian armor with a brass trim, every plate of armor was filled in with brass skulls. It had an elongated head with skulls engraved on it that gave it an alien look. Four horns grew from head, two of them extending over it's head and curling around two human skulls while the second pair extended downwards, just barely pass it's jaw. It wore a long flowing cape with hundreds of skulls, some human and some not, on it. All of them had wiring in their eye sockets to keep them in place. Hands big enough to close around a man's head with arms that gave it a terrifying reach and long legs that ended with sharp claws. A face with an expression that only showed anger and bloodlust and yellow eyes that unnerved all those who it looked at . A black sword that was bigger than a man leaned against it, across it's side branched out dozens of jagged edges. Unholy runes was painted across it's length, meaning unknown to those who didn't know how this legendary creature was.

Standing before the two of us was a perfect costume of U'Zuhl the Skulltaker from Warhammer. The Sacred Executioner of Khrone.

"It's horrifying," Alex breathed out with a hand inches away from touch it, as if it would come to life and rip off his skull.

"It's amazing," I patted one of the legs with pride in my voice.

"It's," He looked at the clock and his brown eyes widen. "time for My Little Pony!" He ran out, missing my groan of annoyance.

I followed him to the living room where he laid on the couch with a bag of chips and that damn show playing on our HD plasma screen TV. "You know Alex, most guys our age would be watching a show about wrestling or sports or hell even the animal channel. You on the other hand," I pointed at the TV where two colorful ponies were talking. "Are watching a show about talking ponies of all things."

"Come on Nick, its not that bad," He munched on some potato chips and patted the empty seat next to him. "Just sit down and give the show a chance for once." I grumbled and sat down next to him and decided to give the show a chance.

Ten seconds later I was reading a book, ignoring the sounds from the TV, and remembering how Alex gotten into this show. It was an average Monday night and it was time for our usual 'Bad Show Bang!' to kick off the month. We would pick random shows or movies on Netflix and challenge each other to see who could stay watching the longest. Our wheel of torture landed on a show called 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'.

I caved after the first episode but Alex just continued to watch, making me wonder if the show melted his brain. It didn't but it did something much worse.

It turned him into a brony.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against bronies except that I find them weird. I mean the show was originally targeted for young girls but it's fanbase is mostly teens and adults that was mostly males. Finding out that little fact convinced me that the show was actually an alien broadcast that was slowly turning our population into weird pony loving fans. Of course, hypnotized pony loving brony or not, Alex is still my best friend since we met in elementary when we fought over a four leaf clover and bonded in the nurse. So even with his weird liking for the show, I was still going to stand by him thick and thin. Us teens that just graduated from high school have to stick together no matter what in a world that is against us.

Doesn't mean I can't complain about it every now and then though.

I was the second chapter of the math book I picked up when I heard a loud crashing sound followed by frizzing and looked at the TV... The TV that now had something embedded into it's screen, cracking and ruining it completely.

"NO!" I ran and kneed in sorrow right before it. "The TV! The four thousand TV that I lost the warranty on! Why!?" I cried, hitting the floor with my fists for a bit before jumping to my feet. "Alright who do I kill and what should I kill him/her/them with?" I ran into my workroom and pulled out my toolbox, where I began to chose my murder weapon.

"Hammer? No it'll leave dents on it."

"Uh Nick?"

"Crowbar? Nah too Half Life."


"Hacksaw? Nope too messy and why is it called a hacksaw? You hack with a knife, not with a saw."


"What!" I spun around, nearly braining Alex with a wrench. "Can't you see I'm looking for a murder weapon to commit murder with? By the way which do you think is better and less likely to leave evidence? A wrench or a screwdriver?"

"Dude just calm down and look at this!" He held up something in his hand. It had dull grey metal with a red jewel in the center and a unicorn's head with wings spread out. "Do you know what this is?"

"...If I say yes then will you still explain?"

Alex rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Nick this is the Alicorn Amulet from the show! I don't mean that it's a two bit fake but the real thing!" He flicked the jewel once to make a point. "This means that Equestria could actually be real!"

I held up a hand, expression as serious as a heart attack. "So what your saying is that amulet is from that girly show you watch and you think that it could be the real deal making everything else in the show real by extension."

"Yes!" Alex cheered, a big smile on his face and hope in his eyes.

"... Please excuse me as I die painfully of laughter. HAHAHAH!" I fell down in tears and laughing my ass off. I laughed so hard and so long that my sides were hurting and I was positive that my lungs had collapsed. "OH GOD! THAT IS PRICELESS!"

"Nick this is serious!" I looked up to see Alex actually looked serious about this.

I slowly stood back up and my expression went serious once more. "Okay okay. Serious time is now. I saw we should go to the government and- HAHAHAHA!" I met the floor once more, laughing even harder than before. "Come on Alex! It's just a show so please just drop this whole 'serious' thing before I have to go to the hospital."

Alex looked dejected for a minute before sighing in acceptance. "I guess your right and maybe I should lay off My Little Pony for a while."

"That's the spirit!" I patted his leg, too tired from my second bout laughter to get up this time. "Now help me up so I can check if walking in the costume is balanced."

A few minutes later and I was in the costume thanks to the hatch in it's chest. A normal guy wouldn't even be able to fit in the costume so I improvised with my crafting skills. My arms only reached past the costume's bicep so I made a metal skeleton of the arms with strong metal strings tied to my fingers and wrist. The forearm was immobile but the hand copied my hand's movement perfectly. The legs gave me a problem with the way they bend at the knee. I got around this by adding straps at the end of the metal skeleton of the legs to attached to my feet where they met just past the knee. The problem with this was that it made balancing while walking difficult but I hoped the weight of the cape would act as a counterbalance for it. The head was mostly metal with cushions in it to lessen the strain of looking around and the eyes were yellow glass that glowed if light is shined onto it. The blade was real metal spray painted black and the edges were dull to prevent injuries. The torso was metal and cushions as well but a unique brace was clamped on my back with the arms of the brace extending all over the back and allowed me to move it around almost naturally. There was voice modifier that I rigged so that it made my voice echo like how a Bloodletter's voice would do so.

It took me five months to build it and one month to get the hang of using it but this baby was our ticket to that 20k cash prize for the costume contest here in good old Los Angeles.

I walked around my workroom, growling and snarling like how a bloodletter would. "Alright, the cape is working as a counterbalance and I can walk around without falling down. That cash prize is ours!"

"Hmm," I turned to see Alex looking at the amulet then me a few times before going over to my workbench and pulling out some metal wires. "Hey Nick keep still for a second."

"Oh hell no. You ain't ruining this costume with that thing."

"I'm just going to tie it between your upper horns and take a picture. Come on, I promise I'll take it right off once I'm done." I grumbled some swears and lowered myself so he could tie the thing and get it over with. He backed away a minute later, took a picture of me with his Iphone and showed me it. "Admit it, even that has to look cool to you."

I'll admit it. It kinda did with how that amulet was tied between my horns. Alex made the wires go into the skulls and tie it tight so that the amulet hung in midair between the two. Still I wanted it off before the contest because I was a sucker for details.

"Alright, it does look cool. Now," I lowered my head, nearly hitting Alex doing so. "Get it off."

"Whoa Nick I say that I should take a few more pictures and a video for my brony friends."

"What? No way! You will take it off or so help me I'll-"

"Dinner at Hooters is on me." He offered.

"Pose as menacing as I can for you." I finished, not one to turn down free food.

The new few minutes were filled with me posing and flexing my muscles like how those guys on TV would. I swung my sword a bit and imitated a few punches.. "Okay Nick, just say it and I'm done."

I sighed and tapped the voice modifier with my chin. I stood up to my costume's full 10 foot height and yelled, adding as much anger as I could to it. I wanted to get this thing off of the costume as soon as possible.


"That! Is! AWESOME!" Alex finally turned off his phone, putting it away, motioned for me to bend down. "Okay Nick come here and I'll-" He cut off in mid sentence and his jaw dropped and his eyes widen.

"Alex? What's wrong man?" I asked and he only pointed behind me. Naturally I turned to see what was behind me...

And saw an honest to goodness tear in the wall that had a focused tornado coming right out of it. And coming right at me!

"HOLY COW ON MOTORCYCLES!" The tornado caught me in a second and began to drag me into the tear, making me plant my feet to prevent me from flying. With the hand that wasn't holding the sword, I reached out and grabbed my workbench that was bolted to the wall. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS DELICIOUS IS GOING ON!?"

"Nick! Nick grab my hand!" I looked to see Alex holding onto the door as if his life depended on it and reaching out a hand toward me. "Come on! The costume's arm will reach me!"

I looked at the sword in my hand and muttered 'Oh well' before letting it go flying into the tear which gobbled it up faster than a hungry fat guy at an all you can eat buffet. I reached out to Alex's hand and was inches away from grabbing him when suddenly.


My eyes widen when the workbench was torn from the wall and sent me sprawling onto the ground as it flew into the tear. I grabbed the floor with all my might but I still felt the tornado dragging me in.

'It's hopeless. I'm going whether I want to or not.' My eyes met Alex's own who was crying now and I knew I just had to say one last thing.

"Later man, thanks for making life awesome. Tell my family that I loved them 'k," I smiled underneath the helmet and felt the ground I was holding get ripped away, sending me flying into the tear.

"FUCK YOU UNIVERSEEEEEEE!" I entered the tear and watched it close, the last sight of my world was my best friend letting go to follow me as it closed.

Ponyville, Equestria

"Gah! Pinkie what the hay is this!?" Twilight asked, her wings flaring out in surprise at her sandwich. Her sandwich that tasted rubbery. "Is this rubber?"

"Yup! Gotcha Twilight!" The pink party pony giggled as she and Rainbow Dash laughed at her pout. Applejack and Rarity looked at the sight with smiles on their faces.

Dash patted her on the back. "Don't be like that Twilight. Here take this," Dash held up a sandwich in her hoof and Twilight took it, inspecting every inch of it to make sure that it wasn't fake or rigged to blow. Satisfied, she took a bite it and a second later, flames shot out of her mouth.


As Twilight ran to the nearby lake to cool her mouth, Pinkie and Dash laughed hard, rolling on the grass.

Rarity rolled her eyes at the duo. "Really darlings are all these pranks necessary? We haven't seen Twilight in weeks since her trip into that mirror and you two just have to prank her?"

Wiping some tears from her eyes, Dash replied. "Of course! How many ponies can say that they prank a princess! Besides Twilight doesn't mind do you?" She turned to the purple alicorn to say something but was helpless as her spicy sandwich was stuffed into her mouth. She bit down on instinct and regretted it a second later as she ran to the lake.

"Nope I don't mind at all," Twilight said with a smug smile as she sat back down. "And I've been wondering, where's Fluttershy? Its isn't like her to miss one of our get together."

"She's busy taking care of a family of rabbits that gotten sick and went to Zecora to ask for some of her herbal medicine," Applejack answered her, taking a bite out of an apple. "Said we could just eat without her but I'll stop by her house and drop some food."

Twilight sighed, wishing that all of her friends could be here but she'll say hello to Fluttershy before she leaves. Being a princess wasn't as easy as she thought as Celestia and Luna began teaching her politics. It turns out that it was much harder than the books she read about the subject as one has to have a sharp mind but an ability to make sure their words won't work against them in the long run. Fortunately Celestia told her that even she had grasping politics at first but with time, she'll learn the game of words too.

"Hu-bu-bu-bu!" Everypony, including Dash finished drinking from the lake, looked at Pinkie who shivered and hugged herself. "Whoa..." Her mane and tail suddenly went deflated and her coat went from bright to dark in less than a second.

"Pinkie dear, are you okay?" Rarity asked, concern about her friend's sudden change in appearance. "Did your Pinkie Sense tell you something?" Like all those who lived in Ponyville, Rarity knew about Pinkie's ability to tell the immediate future and learn to listen to her about it.

Pinkie shivered despite the warm weather around her. "G-girls I think something really scary is going to happen because I just had a doozy AND my knee felt really pinchy!"


The group jumped at the sudden crack that sounded like glass breaking and turned their attention to the sky where they saw something that shocked them. A meteorite fell from the sky, appearing out of nowhere, and tore it's way through the sky, leaving behind black smoke in it's path. The smoke seemed to arrange itself into blades, faces of pure malice, and other gruesome images on it's own accord. It flew over everypony's heads and impacted into Everfree so hard that it made the earth shake beneath their hooves.

It was completely silence for a minute until Applejack exclaimed. "What in tarnation was that!"

Twilight looked at the smoke in the distance and said, "I don't know Applejack but I say that we find out."

You've ever watched that one episode of 'Avatar the Last Airbender' where Zuko and Aang was in the middle of the fire vortex from those two dragons? That is the closest comparison I could think of to describe what I was experiencing.

All around me was nothing but swirls of colors and I was helpless as my body changed while I watched the pretty colors. I felt my muscles grow in seconds, my teeth sharpen, and limbs extended. I heard the snapping of bones as they were broken down and then changed. I felt my feet change into something else and my hands grew bigger than they ever could. I felt four things burst out of my head and my skull lengthen.

Oddly enough throughout all this, I didn't feel a thing. What I did feel was my body heating up like I was in a sauna.

I felt myself hit something hard and wondered why I didn't feel any pain. Shaking off bits of things, I slowly stood up...and up I went!

"What the fuck?" I looked down to see the ground much further than it should be and noticed that my voice was still echoing. I moved my chin to turn it off... then realized that my chin wasn't the same anymore. "What the double fuck!?" I brought my hands to my face and flexed them, watching them move much more naturally than they should, not to mention I could feel them move. I walked around and unlike before, I moved as if I was walking with these legs since I was a kid. I felt a weight on my head and moved a hand to feel four horns growing there.

I took a look at my surroundings and found myself in a forest which was too...colorful. Everything, even the shadows, had a bright look to it as if someone decided to brighten everything up. My head turned toward the sky and found that even more colorful with it's clear skies.

"Okay okay, calm down man. Deep breathes and take note of the situation," I said to myself to calm myself down from going into a rage. "I was just dragged through a tear in my workroom, tumbled through what I can't even begin to name, somehow went from human to something else and now I'm in bright ass colorful land," I looked at the sky with a glare. "What else Universe? Did you forget to show me something? Is there anything you wish to throw at me?"

I heard a squeak and turned around to see that hiding underneath her hooves was an absolutely tiny and yellow... pony.

"Oh fuck me sideways with a rusted sword," I whispered in disbelief and pointed at the pony. "You there, where the hell am I?" I prayed to every divine being I knew of that I was somehow wrong in assuming where I was at. I heard her whisper so low that any lower that silence would be louder but somehow I still heard her say.



I took one deep breathe, looked at the sky and roared with all the anger, frustration, and annoyance I could muster.


Author's Note:

Well that was fun! I hope that all of you enjoyed the first chapter and I highly recommended to read RealityCheck's story if you enjoy the human being a bad guy. He does it so perfectly well.
Also, let it be known that I don't have an editor or proofreader. I would like it that you point out any mistakes you see so I can improve myself along with your thoughts on the chapter.