Chapter 1 ~Director's Cut~
Starving
Three weeks. It had been three weeks since Twilight’s brother, Shining Armor, and Princess Cadance had been married. Three weeks since she had helped save Canterlot from the Changeling Invasion. Three weeks she had suffered this Tartarus damned headache!
The library was quiet, which was the way Twilight usually preferred it. With this awful headache she hoped it would stay that way. Sadly, this was not to happen.
“Hey, Twi! Head still botherin’ ya?” a new, soft voice asked with a country twang.
Twilight looked up from the spell book she had been attempting to study. She placed a bookmark on the page and closed it. The pair of sunglasses which she had borrowed from Rainbow Dash were covering her eyes. She gave her friend a warm smile. “Uh-huh. Hey, AJ. Are you looking for a book?”
“Nope. Ah hear enough about Daring Do from Rainbow Dash. That mare has read every book in that series five times over. Then tells me about it just as much! So, my readin’ is all taken care of...”
Applejack couldn’t help but frown a bit at the thought of Rainbow Dash. Ya know, Rainbow, I might like to pick what I read sometime! She shook her head a bit, then grinned at Twilight who sat in front of her. “Ah brought you somethin’ for yer head.” She reached into her saddle bag and pulled out a bottle with her teeth before setting it next to ‘Twilight’s spellbook’.
Twilight actually smiled at the sight of the small bottle. Unlike the type normally sold by the Apple Family, this was… A “mares-only” brand. “How in Equestria did you get that by Rainbow Dash?”
“Ah told her this was exactly what it is: medicine for your headaches an’ all that. She’d answer to Granny Smith if you didn’t get it.”
Twilight found herself snorting at the image of Granny Smith giving Rainbow Dash a piece of her mind and purse. “Thanks, AJ… Wanna stick around for a bit?” she asked, not really wanting to be alone. Spike had been away in Canterlot, and she had been having weird feelings for the past few weeks now.
“Sure thing, Twilight!” AJ grinned, pleased that it wasn’t bucking season and ‘that’ she could actually get off the farm to spend time with her friends. Her PFF’s, or “Pony Friends Forever”, as she’d had to explain before.
Twilight smiled and directed her magic towards a nearby cupboard, carefully choosing two glasses from it. She set one of them in front of herself and one in front of Applejack. “Share with me, AJ?”
Applejack shrugged; a little bit of that stuff might just do her some good, Too. “Alright. So, any word from yer brother an’ Princess Cadance on their Honeymoon?”
Twilight lifted an eyebrow. “I have absolutely no desire to know what my brother and foalsitter are… doing at this moment.” She shivered for a moment before consoling her mind with the thought of a nice memory spell. “None.”
“Gotcha,” Applejack said with a small smirk at Twilight’s obvious discomfort.
“If it was your big brother, Would you?” Twilight asked, trying to get the image of… Ugh! Get out of my head!
“He’d be pickin’ flowers, Twi,” Applejack said with a shrug while uncorking the cider bottle.
“I have a book on mares and stallions in the young pony section…” Twilight said, as she gestured half-heartedly towards that area.
Applejack laughed. “Ah know how it works, sugarcube… But there’s a reason Big Mac don’t have more than a friendly relationship with Cheerilee even."
“I suppose you’re right,” Twilight mumbled, really wanting to not think about Big Mac… or any other stallion, for that matter. Using her magic, she poured some cider into both glasses before her magic fizzled out, causing her to drop the bottle. She gasped and was barely able to grab it with a another levitation spell before it hit the ground. “…Not again,” she whispered, placing a hoof to her head where the pain was strongest.
“Don’t the Doc have any ideas about why that’s happenin’?” Applejack asked, a bit worried for her small friend as she took a sip. Whoo! That did pack a punch!
“Not a clue. He says he believes I may have overloaded my magic during the changeling battle and that I… I…” She looked away, clearly embarrassed. Well, actually, she was angry! What did that mud… No! No, Twilight, you aren’t like that… Be angry with the pony because they are wrong, not with their race!
“Lemme guess… His cure-all was to not use magic.” Applejack sighed. The doc was a good one but he just wasn’t that knowledgeable about unicorns and their magic.
“For a week,” Twilight said, trying not to sound bitter and failing spectacularly.
“An’ Ah’ll just hold my breath for that long.” AJ snorted. The idea of Twilight going a week without her magic would be like if she wasn’t allowed on the farm for a week!
Twilight cracked a smile at her friend. “I’m thinking of going to Canterlot to see the royal physician I used to go to when I became Celestia’s student. However...” She sighed and looked away.
“Yeah, Ah know. Ya don’t wanna look stuck-up.” Applejack took another sip. Her friend was too bucking polite sometimes.
Twilight smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I do have ears AJ, I hear what they say about me when they believe I’m too engrossed in a book to hear them.”
“Don’t listen to them too much. It’s the same bull that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon throw at Apple Bloom and her friends.” Applejack frowned, deciding to talk with Rainbow Dash later and figure out exactly what ponies were saying about Twi.
“I know that AJ, I know!” She sighed, staring at the cider in her still untouched glass. “When am I actually going to be considered a Ponyvillian?”
“Ah do, the better part of Ponyville does… Ah guess the question is do y’all consider yourself one?” Applejack asked in a gentle but serious manner.
“Are you kidding, AJ? Every day I strive to fit in here! Every day! Do you realize that if I wanted to I could leave Ponyville and move back to Canterlot? My library is still there with my bed and everything…” Twilight found herself trailing off. Sure, her things were there… but Ponyville was her home!
Applejack sighed; Twilight really got nervous too easily…. “What Ah mean is, ya let other folks define the conditions.”
“I’m trying, AJ, I really am…” she said softly and finally took a sip of the cider wincing as her head let off another pulse of pain.
“I know ya are, Twi… Remember, if ya need… At Sweet Apple Acres yer family.” She smiled at the mare as she placed a hoof on her shoulder.
“I know Applejack… Thank you… Truly!” She winced as another pulse of pain hit her even harder “Maybe I should lay down…”
“Need a hoof?” Applejack asked, getting to her hooves.
“Thank you. Could you put the ‘closed’ sign up?” She motioned to the sign in the window.
“Sure thing, Twi.” She went and flipped the sign to closed.
Twilight left the book open and headed upstairs very slowly. Using her magic had caused her head to feel like it had during the invasion. “Spike is still in Canterlot, helping the Princess. So I’ve been doing my best to survive on my own.” She smiled a touch.
“Ah better have Apple Bloom stop in with a basket in the morning then,” Applejack said with a slight smirk.
“A basket?” Twilight asked while climbing into her nice cool bed and snuggling under the sheets before she laid her head on the pillow.
“Of food, or yer liable to starve if we leave ya to your own devices.” Twilight’s ability—or rather lack of it—to cook was legendary around Ponyville. Canterlot too for that matter!
“I am learning to cook…” she mumbled into her pillow, blushing.
“Nonsense! We’ll have it piled high!” Applejack exclaimed, waving aside Twilight’s mild objections.
“Thanks, AJ. You’re a good friend.” Twilight had begun to feel guilty while talking to Applejack.
“An’ so are you. Don’t ever forget it or I’ll send Pinkie Pie to explain it to ya’.” She grinned at the terrified look on her younger friend’s face.
“That’s almost mean to suggest,” Twilight stated after a moment of being slightly nervous, then blinked. “Oh, I almost forgot, I’m going on a study trip for a few days.”
“Study trip?” Applejack raised an eyebrow as she set a glass of cool water on Twilight’s bedside table.
“Mmmhmm, I figure it’s a way to reduce my magic usage. I’ll cast a dictation spell which will write down everything I say.” She sat up a bit and lifted the glass of water to her mouth using her front hooves.
“How many days are you gonna be out?”
“Just a few, maybe three at most. AJ, I’m a grown mare; I can take care of myself.” Twilight grinned, rolling her eyes at the very protective element of honesty.
“I’ll make sure ya got enough grub,” Applejack said after a few moments of consideration.
“Thanks, AJ.” Twilight smiled at her.
“No problem, sugarcube!”
Twilight kept her eyes closed until she heard the door softly shut. She opened them with a sigh. I’m sorry, AJ, I should tell you what I’m really doing. I should… but I can’t! How can I tell you what happened after the wedding? She closed her purple eyes as she thought back. Once all her friends were asleep, she had snuck into the library and had begun to carefully search the shelves.
There it was: a scrying spell book.
She grabbed it in her mouth, knowing that if she used her magic anywhere in the Dark arts archive it would cause an alarm to sound alerting the guard. She carefully placed it in her saddle bag. Back in her room, she opened the scroll, and after drawing the sigils with special ink, she nicked her hoof with the quill, allowing a few drops of her blood to fall into the sigil. “Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings.”
Deep in her lair, Chrysalis stirred, carefully moving to avoid her hind quarters. The touch of the directed magic reached her perceptions…
Twilight’s eyes began to glow white as the spell began it’s search focusing in on one signature.
Chrysalis grinned as she recognized the magical signature. “Oh, this is just too good!” Come!
Twilight’s head jerked as she tried to resist. Even as her eyes continued to glow white from the spell.
The voice continued to whisper its beckoning, not faltering even once over the following days. Those days turned to weeks. Always the same word and a strange buzzing.
Twilight groaned into her pillow. She hadn’t actually slept more than a few moments at a time in over a week. “Will you please shut up!”
Come!
“I am! Alright already? I’m coming tomorrow. Now please, let me sleep!” Twilight was very glad Spike was in Canterlot as she realized how insane she looked.
Rest, Twilight Sparkle… I will await you soon…
Twilight hesitated, then began to listen… very carefully.
The noise ceased except for a dull buzz.
“Well, it’s better than nothing…” Twilight sighed, curling under the covers and pointedly closed her eyes.
Apple Bloom yawned as Applejack woke her up earlier than usual. She stretched a bit and climbed out of her nice warm bed. At least the sun was up this time…
“Mornin’ Sis.”
“Apple Bloom… I’m fixin that ol’ water pump t’day, so I need ya ta do me a favor this morning.” Applejack smiled at the filly.
“What’s that, Sis?” Apple Bloom asked as she rubbed her eyes.
“Twilight’s goin’ on a little trip, and Ah got a pack full of vittles for her to take along. So I want ya to take it over to the library an’ make sure she don’t leave it behind.”
“Aw, but sis! Me, Sweetie Belle, an’ Scootaloo were gonna go crusadin’!” The yellow filly pouted a bit.
“Well, ya three can crusade after ya deliver the grub,” Applejack said simply while placing the saddle bag on her back.
“Alright, alright…” Apple Bloom sighed taking the opportunity to tighten the straps on the saddle bag with her teeth.
“Thanks. Ah owe ya!” Applejack grinned at her little sister heading outside to tackle the drain pipe.
“Yeah, yeah…” She sighed as she went outside. She saw the other crusaders waiting for her. Scootaloo had her hooves crossed and was leaning against the fence while Sweetie Belle was giggling at something Scootaloo had just said.
“What’s up, Apple Bloom?” the orange Pegasus asked, uncrossing her hooves as her friend finally came out.
"Twi is goin’ on some kinda trip. Sis says Ah gotta take some supplies to her!” Apple Bloom grumbled, kicking at the dirt.
“Well then…” Scootaloo grinned. “Cutie Mark Crusaders Couriers, go!”
“Yay!” All three fillies cried out together as they raced to the center of town where Twilight’s library was.
Twilight carefully packed her saddle bag with water bottles, parchment, and quills. She looked up at Rainbow Dash. “Now, repeat the rules I told you.”
“No messing with the books, no horseplay, no eating while reading,” Rainbow Dash repeated for like the tenth time, looking bored.
“And?” Twilight lifted an eyebrow.
“No damage to the books whatsoever. Even a tiny fold on a page,” the blue Pegasus’s attention had begun to drift off towards the adventure section.
“Aaand?” Twilight encouraged. These rules are important! This is my job after all.
“No books leave the library?” Rainbow finally guessed.
She was so close! “Unless?"
“The library is on fire,” Rainbow stated confidently.
Twilight felt like face hoofing. Okay, that was technically correct. If the fire was small and the books were already in hoof. “Or?”
“Oh yeah, library card…” Rainbow trailed off, feeling silly.
Twilight grinned. “Thank you so much for doing this, Dash. I’ll be back in about three days.”
“Sure thing!” Rainbow said, ready to grab the newest Daring Do which had just arrived.
“Don’t tune out the other ponies if they come in, Dash!” Twilight warned.
“Gotcha! I’ll run this place just like you do!” She grinned, mock saluting.
“Don’t scare any pony, Dash.” Twilight opened her front door to see the very familiar three fillies. “Well! Good morning my little ponies!”
“Hi, Twilight! Cutie Mark Crusaders Couriers are here!” Scootaloo grinned up at the purple librarian.
Twilight smiled. “Thank you, girls! Now I really must be going.” She stopped speaking suddenly, her eyes glowing green for a moment until she blinked them once. “I have quite a walk without my magic."
Sweetie watched as Twilight walked away. “D-did you girls see that?”
“Yeah, and she didn’t even take these saddle bags. Oh well, we better follow her!” Scootaloo said firmly with a grin.
“What was up with ’er eyes?” Apple Bloom asked confused.
“Magic?” Sweetie Belle suggested with a shrug.
“Twi’s magic is pink!” Apple Bloom objected firmly.
“Yeah, but what else could it be?” Sweetie Belle asked after a moment of thought.
“Remember the wedding?” Scootaloo replied after a few moments as they followed Twilight.
“Changelings?” Sweetie Belle gulped as she remembered how scared she had been.
“Ah’ve only ever seen green like that then.” Apple Bloom admitted. “But she’s actin’ like Twi. Applejack ain’t suspectin’ nothin’.” Apple Bloom frowned thinking. “Scootaloo, go get your scooter and the wagon. We gotta follow her!”
“You got it!!” Scootaloo took off at a full gallop.
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle waited as they watched Twilight walking. “She’s headed north outta Ponyville. Ah hope Scoots hurries,” Apple Bloom said.
“You and me both,” Sweetie said firmly.
"Y-ya don’t think Twi isn’t Twi, do ya?” Apple Bloom asked quietly.
“No, but she sure isn’t acting right,” Sweetie Belle replied after a moment with a slight whimper.
Scootaloo tore over on her scooter, the wagon tied to the back, her wings ready to buzz. “Get in!” She tossed them their helmets.
They hurried into the wagon while donning their helmets. “Ah hope we know what we’re doin’!” Apple Bloom cried out while grabbing hold tight to her side.
“Maybe we should tell Rarity?” Sweetie suggested meekly while grabbing hold to her own side.
“By then Twilight’ll get away!” Scootaloo pointed out after observing the mare had started to pick up speed.
Sweetie Belle whimpered a touch. “Y-you’re right, Okay! Let’s go!”
"Don’ let her see us if it ain’t Twi. We’ll be in trouble and if it is we’ll really be in trouble!” Apple Bloom said as Scootaloo took off wings buzzing.
Scootaloo’s eyes went wide as the purple mare began to gallop at full speed. “I don’t think we need to worry about that! She’s moving like her tail is on fire, and she isn’t paying attention to anything!”
Apple Bloom blinked, watching Twilight run. It’s like she’s runnin’ towards somethin’. Or away? “That’s real strange. Can we stop by the farm? Ah gotta leave sis a message."
“Make it fast, Apple Bloom! If we lose sight of her we’ll never catch up!” Scootaloo said, trying to judge how long Apple Bloom would have before even her pegasus eyes lost sight of the racing unicorn.
“Ah got it, Ah got it!” Apple Bloom looked at the fence near the acres, remembering what her sister had told her. She bucked it with her back legs, breaking the fence so that a board was pointed in the direction they were headed. She quickly dived back into the wagon.
“Go, go, go!” she cried, grabbing a tight hold.
“Hold on!” Scootaloo cried as she took off, holding tight to her handle bars.
Both fillies held on tighter as Scootaloo pumped her wings even faster when the much larger Twilight raced forward at a full gallop, nearly out of sight.
“Uh, girls?” Sweetie Belle asked. “What do we do when we actually catch up to her?”
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo remained silent except the buzzing of Scootaloo’s wings as they thought about Sweetie’s question. “A-Ah guess Ah can buck her in the head, an’ we’ll bring her home an sis can get her a doc!"
“Sounds like a plan!” Scootaloo agreed with determination in her eyes.
"Scoots, every mile or so Ah gotta buck somethin’ to show sis the way we are goin!” Apple Bloom said, her eyes closed from going so fast.
“Right! Do it!” Scootaloo called back, ducking a low hanging branch.
Apple Bloom reached out with her hind legs and bucked a small tree as they passed by it. As they continued on, the dirt road they had been riding upon changed to grass. This made for a very bumpy ride. Scootaloo struggled harder to keep her balance and speed. “Why couldn’t Twilight stay on some sort of path?!”
After fifty miles of unending grasslands, she was panting more exhausted, than she had ever been. “She ain’t stopping!”
“Then buck every two miles! We can’t lose her!” Scootaloo cried back, forcing her wings to keep flapping with a grunt.
“It’s gotta be every mile. That’s sis’s instructions! Why ain’t she stoppin? Why?!” Apple Bloom panted out.
Sweetie whimpered, her mane a complete wreck. “Rarity is going to kill me!”
Applejack had just finished washing up. “Hey, Big Mac?”
“Eeyup?” the large red stallion asked, looking up.
“Ya’ seen Apple Bloom?” She dried her hooves with a sigh.
“Nope.”
“What about the rest of ‘em?” Applejack frowned.
“Not hide nor tail,” Big Mac stated after a few moments of thought.
“Ya’ think they’re in trouble?”
“No more than usual, sis,” Big Mac said with a shrug.
"I’m gonna go check that club house of theirs,” Applejack said firmly as she stormed off towards it.
Scootaloo stopped the scooter behind a bush.
“Sh-she finally stopped,” she said with a sigh of relief. Her wings were killing her! She winced as she rubbed them.
“We’re in the middle of nowhere,” Sweetie whispered, trying to fix her mane from the fast speeds, as well as from her helmet.
“Yeah, look.” Apple Bloom pointed at where Twilight has sat down and was staring at nothing, her chest heaving.
“I told you already, I am coming as fast I can! I am only able to travel at twenty miles an hour…” She paused. “Well, I’m sorry but I am not a pegasus, I am a unicorn!” Another pause. “I don’t know why we’re having this talk. This discussion is over, and I won’t go on until after a breather and a drink of water!”
“Who is she talkin’ to?” Apple Bloom whispered with a bad feeling in her gut.
Scootaloo gulped. “I don’t know, and I don’t know if I really want to.”
Twilight took a bottle of water out of her bag and sipped at it while looking for non-poisonous plants that she would be able to eat.
“Good thing we got grub… We’d better eat an’ take some water.” Apple Bloom started digging in her saddle bags.
The other two fillies grabbed sandwiches and water and watched the familiar librarian nervously. Sweetie gulped. “Do you think Twilight is evil or crazy?"
“Course not! That’s just stupid!” Scootaloo said, before taking a large bite from her sandwich.
“Then what is going on?” Sweetie asked, mouth full of her own sandwich.
“Ah got no idea, an’ that’s why we gotta keep followin’ her!” Apple Bloom said before gulping some water down and wiping her muzzle with her hoof.
Twilight munched on a few flowers while she sipped her water. After some time she stood back up.
“Scoots, she’s about ta’ take off again!” Apple Bloom said as she shook the dozing pegasus.
“Then helmets on!” Scootaloo shoved her helmet back on wide awake and experimentally flapped her wings a bit. This was gonna be painful if they went much farther.
Sweetie and Apple Bloom crammed their helmets back on while Scootaloo got her wings ready.
Sweetie Belle left a piece of parchment where they were, addressed to Applejack. “It’s a record of what we’ve seen so far,” she explained, as her friends looked at her questioningly.
“Way ta’ go!” Apple Bloom beamed at Sweetie Belle. “That was danged good thinking!”
Scootaloo began buzzing her wings, her tongue stuck out in determination as they took off again at high speeds, and Twilight hit full gallop once again.
“You sure you can take this, Scoots?” Sweetie asked nervously and concerned for the orange Pegasus, as well as themselves.
“I’m not gonna fail!” Scootaloo cried out even as her wings felt like they were on fire.
The others held tight as Scootaloo tore after Twilight. After a few more hours of following, Apple Bloom squeaked out a scream as she pointed. “Look!"
In front of Twilight was a set of craggy outcroppings of rock. The crusaders watched as Twilight picked her way through the rocks to a narrow fissure until they saw a dark and sinister pair of beings plucked from a nightmare, emerging and inspecting Twilight. After a few moments, they escorted her into what appeared to be the bowels of tartarus.
Scootaloo stared wordlessly, her mouth making motions before she was able to speak. “Uh, a-are we sure Twilight isn’t evil?"
Apple Bloom took a branch in her mouth and bopped Scootaloo in the head. “I ain’t hearin’ another word of that talk!” she objected firmly, then frowned.
“She must be under some kinda spell.”
“Yeah! Twilight’s on our side. She’s the element of magic!” Sweetie Belle said firmly. “But we have a problem.”
“What’s that?” Scootaloo asked, wincing while rubbing her head where Apple Bloom hit her.
“How do we get in there without one of those things finding us?” Sweetie asked quietly.
“If we get caught… Ah hate to say this, but we gotta stay here and wait,” Apple Bloom said, her ears falling.
Scootaloo nodded while staring at the entrance. “Hopefully, Applejack will find us soon.”
Twilight was led to the throne room by the two guards. She looked around at the black-and-green-glowing walls. It was like being in a nightmare. Her eyes went to what she guessed was the throne, though it simply looked like it was made of the same material as the walls.
"I’m finally here. Now,Get out of my head!” Twilight growled at the being who had been driving her mad for three whole weeks.
Chrysalis circled her, smugly inspecting Twilight.
“Oh, this is so perfect! Celestia’s prized student! Shining Armor’s little sister! A huge pain in my flank! Oh, Twilight… A scrying spell? Seriously? Did you actually think you could spy on me unnoticed? There is a reason Celestia doesn’t use those scrolls, you know.”
“Besides the fact they were in the ‘Black Magic’ wing of the archives?” Twilight asked, sarcasm dripping off of her tongue.
“Yes, like the fact that you goodie-goodies aren’t that good at dark magic, whereas I know dark magic like you know breathing. But don’t worry, my dear. I’ll be happy to teach you quite soon...” She trailed off with a smirk.
“What in Equestria are you talking about? I know where you are now! Just wait until I tell my brother!” Twilight stated confidently.
“Fool! I brought you here for a reason. I seriously doubt you’ll tell your brother anything. Come! Let me show you something!” Chrysalis nodded to the guards who brought Twilight to her. They moved to leave. Chrysalis began to head even further into the caverns.
“I’m not coming with you Chrysalis,” Twilight said, her hooves firmly planted.
“Oh, yes you are.” Chrysalis laughed.
“Tell me; how, in any way, do you believe that’s plausible?” Twilight asked, her worst nightmare eyes narrowed; she could afford to be scared later, not now!
The changeling queen laughed as she casted a levitation spell on Twilight, which lifted her a few feet off of the ground. “Come along, little Twilight!”
“Hey, put me down!” She kicked out at the green energy while trying to use her own magic. Her horn glowed for few moments before sputtering, causing a sharp wave of pain to wash over her entire head.
“How’s the headache, dear?” Chrysalis asked with a cruel smirk.
“Horrid!” Twilight winced. Her head felt like it was exploding into fireworks.
“Stop struggling. It’s useless to resist!” She levitated Twilight into a massive cave packed with drones. “Tell me, what do you see?”
“Evil,” Twilight hissed, too much in pain to really think it over. Her emotions were getting the best of her and she knew it but could not be bothered to care.
“How narrow-minded of you,” Chrysalis said in disgust. “These are my subjects. Starving.”
"Starving?” Twilight asked quietly. That word gotten through her emotions and her pain.
“Yes. Conquering Equestria would have provided them with an abundance of food, but thanks to you, my hive suffers and just when it has grown to the point of overflowing.”
“Why do you want me? I mean, maybe I can arrange a truce between you and the Princess? She does trust me!” Twilight offered, hopeful to make a peaceful agreement so nopony would have to die.
“I have something else in mind, my dear Twilight,” Chrysalis said as they entered a smaller room where green cocoons hung from the ceiling. She thrust Twilight into an open green pod which was quickly sealed by the drones that had followed them.
Twilight’s eyes darted around in the green goo that covered her as she held her breath. Let me out! Please, I can help you!
“In due time, Twilight Sparkle. In due time, you will be of more help than you realize.”
Please, I can make a truce! I can help! I… I can’t breathe!
Chrysalis walked away, grinning. “Twilight, my dear?”
…Y-yes?
“You talk too much.” With that said, Queen Chrysalis left the room as Twilight Sparkle began to scream.
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wow, really nice start to a story.
Continue on, please
3854958 Eeyup.
Though I think the part with CMC following Twi was a little too fast-paced. Don't get me wrong, it was dynamic and all and I like that, but the environment wasn't properly described.
3855601
I am so sorry I really wasn't thinking! Thank you for pointing that out! I'll work to be more descriptive in the next chapter!
This is actually a really cool beggining. The pacing's a bit quick, but other than that, it's good! Keep up the good work!
Uhm... so Twilight just saunters to Chrysalis like a complete moron and predictably gets tossed into a pod and transformed.
And she uses a scrying spell which conveniently Chrysalis knows all about and can trace backwards...
Ugh.
3855703
Not exactly... She went to Chrysalis to make the pain and buzzing stop. She has been being tortured by both for 3 weeks. She wasn't exactly thinking when she went to her. As for the scrying spell Twilight was just being a impatient idiot. Which sadly is something she does
3855769
3855703
So the events were wedding, then buzz, then scry
Or wedding then scry then buzz
That whole black magic section of the library threw me off so I am a bit confused as to wether twi went into that section willingly or was under coercion of the buzz
Also I really like this story so far
3855922 wedding, scry, buzzing she wanted to make sure Chrysalis never came near Shining Armor or Cadance again.She just didn't do so smartly.
3855929
Ah I thought that chrysalis implanted a post hypnotic suggestion after the wedding in case she failed which drove twi to scry her and then put the buzz on her. Cause i like twi and I just never think off the top of my head about twi doing something rash
3855994
Thank you!
*blinkblink* that's brilliant I never thought out why Twi would of done something so stupid!
Interesting Story and one i'll be following ( as i can't help but enjoy a good Changeling Twilight Story
)
Though i can't help but feel this would have been so much better paced if this was after a prologue explaining what twilight did to lead to these events... as they are a little confusion towards the end. ( as it stands it feels more like we're Seeing the Cause but not the Effect if that makes any sense.)
Overall, its well written and has an insane amount of potential to be a great changeling twilight story.. it just feels like you skipped over the setup to get to the action..
3856066
I agree, I think I will write a short what happened to get here before I post chap 2, i think it will help!
i like the idea
changeling twilight is best twilight
but like the other people said
you should work on your pacing a bit
good job though
3856005
I have only gotten a message like this 1 time before and I can only say thank you.
I am deeply honored that you like my idea feel free to take it and use it to the best extent of your abilities.
Good luck
And in the words of the x-com council
"We will be watching"
3856120
I'd give her tips, but whose to say my advice is any good, eh?
An editor. Find one.
It's not like we're short on them around here.
I wish you the best for this story.
Can you spell out the word One, please? When there's only a 1 to click... it's not exactly a lot to click. X3
Hmm... Well, this is an interesting and unique take on it for sure... Yeah, I'll fave this to see where it goes.
How serious are you about the tragedy tag? Call me a sap, but I don't like getting invested in stories where the characters end up worse than they started.
3855614 Hey man, you want a pre-reader?
This story has the potential to be awesome, but little, nitpicky things here and there are holding it back.
Kinda like my stories.
I wonder if Chrysalis realizes that her plan to conquer Equestria would have never worked. I would think it would be pretty hard to garner love from the populace of the nation whom you just took over. It's kind of like that one vampire movie, Daybreakers. It all starts out great in the beginning but further down the line you start to run out of food. You don't completely dominate your one and only food source otherwise you'll just run it into the ground. When you have only one food source you have to make sure there is more supply than demand. Then there would be the problem of Celestia and Luna being dethroned. Sure Chrysalis would have the power to move the sun and the moon in the beginning but just how much power would she constantly need to shift a star and a huge rock? Most of the love garnered would go straight to her to maintain the cycle so there wouldn't be a permanent day or night, which leads back to the problem of the Changelings starving to death.
The story feels awkward and it brings nothing new to the table so far.
3857505 The early chapters are bad but don't worry!
1 word more
Sigh. Yea, right. Twilight go unguarded without any assistance right into enemy territory where Chrysalis who is far more powerful then her, and entire army of changeling's at her command are waiting for her. Maybe she will be captured and held as hostage. Turn into changeling's and used to spy on her friends or mentor, or mercilessly tortured and killed in the name of revenge. There are so many scenarios, but none of them is about Twilight returning home and telling Celestia or her brother (who is with Cadence on a trip) about location of changeling's hive.
What's more. Without magic buff what Chrysalis received during the wedding, she is still weaker then Celestia. And unlike Twilight who have only 5 friends to support her, Celestia have entire army at her command. So I do not buy it why Celestia never used crying spell to find changeling hive and strike against it. So what if Chrysalis could detect that she is being searched for, she cannot relocate entire hive in hours (moving entire army from one point to another would take day, more or less homes and young ones, Celestia could just prepare army, use searching spell, and attack before changeling's would have time to prepare).
Now, I understand that Chrysalis messed with Twilight's head to get her come into her hive, but Twilight seems far to aware of herself. It is almost like she came on her own free will with hope that army of her enemies will not tear her apart.
I think that pacing was a bit to quick and reason why Twilight got so easy captured was not the best one. But I will see how it goes with next chapters.
If you enjoyed this story, check out Solitary Locust by the parasprite.
3858451
Aside from the fact that the 'sprite updates that fic a little slowly, I agree. I don't really see why you said this though, the only similarity is Twilight's transformation, and that hasn't even finished yet.
3857930 On the other hand, there would still be love between the Equestrians and about the sun and moon, the unicorns could just do that.
3858164
Another word, another chapter please~
(You were referencing "One Day More," right?)
Hi Author, and fellow readers!
Anyone has read Mirror's Image? If yes, then is this fiction going on a similar direction, or taking a different one?
(For my shame, I haven't read the first chapter of this story, but if someone can clarify, that I'll read something completely different, then I'm more than willing to. I love changeling stories
)
Don't worry, Twilight! The CMC are coming to save you!!!
... I'll call an ambulance, just in case
Ahem, so far this story seems very interesting. Though I do think it's odd that Twilight turned to scrying magic, instead of asking the princess for help. Anyhow, seems like she's in a lot of trouble now and I can't wait to read what happens next
3858776 Would you still love someone if there was a high chance that they were an emotional parasite? Slowly draining you of all your love till nothing but a husk is left? And when was the last time the unicorns moved the sun and the moon? A thousand years give or take? They would need an entire contingent of unicorns to move it, even then it might not be possible. Besides, they may not even do it just to spite the Changelings.
3858407 This is a typical fanfiction scenario of idiot-balling the protagonist horribly just to set up the plot in a very convenient manner, despite there existing plentiful and obvious alternatives.
It's exceedingly lazy writing.
3856564 DUDE what is that Avatar
3858499 Because if you want to read about "Twilight as a changeling", that is a much better option.
3859455
i have yet to see you correctly identify anything as intelligent
your hilarious bashing of shitfics like the return of princess nightmare moon seems to be based more on your tendency to hate literally everything you read and be extremely vocal about the fact
like if you shoot a million people one or two of them will probably be serial killers
don't get spergy about that statistic it's just a generalization
3856564
I love your lips, but who's to say, what's to say, what's for me to do
3858499
well excuuuuuuuuse me, princess
3859673
i disagree. i think solitary locust is choppy and inconsistent. the chapters are too long and it takes months to update, and also the author should be evaluated by a licensed psychiatrist. plus, it's taken 8 chapters for almost nothing to happen. 0/10, would not read again.
3858073
get an editor, it will help you improve your later chapters
or better yet, get multiple editors
i will edit for you if you want
because i like changeling stories a lot
especially this one
Dude, you should credit the original author of the picture.
3860310
th05.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2013/185/5/5/twilight__changeling__by_zacatron94-d6c13mq.png
wtf i didn't even know this existed why does nobody tell me these things waah
3860338 Uh? Are thee interested in the original or something?
3860561
the correct old english would be art thou
also what are you talking about
magnetinspirado.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/beaker-oh-shit.jpeg
You need to to work on writing in a southern accent.