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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hey everyone, sorry for the delay but things have been busy for the last few weeks. Still managed to get the chapter out eventually.
As you can clearly see, the final portion of the story is under way. Trying to tie everything together in a satisfactory way has been particularly difficult, and will likely continue to be so, so if a chapter from here on out happens to be delayed then you'll probably know what the deal is. It's funny, I was so sure of how I was going to go about this, but now that I'm approaching the end I find myself second-guessing everything. I want the story to get the proper ending it deserves, hopefully it'll all work out that way. I suppose we'll see won't we?
Until next time!
Also, Daybreaker is the best evil Celestia I've ever seen. I don't care if she's got a fire mane and sharp fangs, she is still best princess. I'd hit that. Very carefully.
Aw I had hoped the deers battle cry would be "citaion needed" :P
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tl;dr fan detected :D :P
Took a break from this story so I'm a good amount of chapters behind.
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Hehe you're correct my good sir. :P
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At least you acknowledge that traps aren't gay... wait that is t Dr. layman i think... hehe
I WANT MOAR OF THIS AWESOME STORY
And then, to the surprise of all, Pinkie Pie's great great great greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreat......... grandmother appeared atop one of the side walls, a city's worth of angry chefs at her back, and unloaded upon the poor, hapless deer. Her gatling pie-thrower burying the lot of them in crispy, moist deliciousness in short order.
War won!
what we need is a solar strike just burn them ALL BUT GET EVERYONE OUT FIRST!
basicly it wuld have the equivalent power of 30 modernday nukes, in other terms they dead!
I’ll be honest, at this point I’m just waiting until Tercio rams his spear (or sword?) through Elinwynn’s neck. Possibly right after Celestia punts Corvalix straight into the sun.
It’s too bad for the gullible Whitetail who still fight on the side of those who manufactured the whole war, but choices are choices.
Oh so much awesome!
All I hear is someone yelling fix bayonets while i read the combat scenes...
Ya know, a certain gryphin hasn't been around for a while. Now this I just a thought. But I wonder if some flying catburds are gonna come to equestrian aid. She was so pivotal and important in the early chapters, and knowing Dres, there is no way she's going to just disappear.
The Whitetail are being bled white on the first of several defensive lines, and soon enough the Redtail will bear the brunt of the fighting. As good as they think they are, there going to be wrecked fighting through defensive lines and up a mountain into a walled and defended city.
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In my honest opinion, "Daybreaker" wasn't supposed to be the official name for her. The producers screwed up royally on that.
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But it's a much better name than "Nightmare Star".
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Not really. Nightmare Star was originally the official name, plus it sounds a bit more feminine. Daybreaker, to me, sounds boyish.
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Nightmare Moon is a pun on several levels. It's a great name for Luna's alter ego. But the NIGHTmare part doesn't work for Nightmare Star, now does it? Daybreaker is a far better name.
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Everyone has their own opinion.
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__Well, that was then and it was to prove a point. Doesn't really matter now.
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Hiya Dref, thanks for writing back! I've been away from the site for a while for various reasons, none are certainly for a lack of desire to be here. Your writing is one of the primary reasons I come back of course!
I can definitely understand that you wanted to find a natural way to include Cloudsdale into the story at some point. Upon further reflection, that report on Cloudsdale certainly gives rise to more questions. Such as; Is Cloudsdale near the front lines? If so, why put themselves in harms way when they can elect to remain well behind the enemy advance and handle logistics? If they aren't on the front lines, did the Redtail consider Cloudsdale an easy target and decided to send a small detachment in the hopes of an easy win? Given what I know thus far about the Redtail, I hardly think they would split their forces to chase after a mobile city made of a material that can easily be rebuilt.
I'm also of the thought that Cloudsdale would be a very difficult target for any ground limited assault force. Almost to the point of not being worth the effort trying to attack them unless they have a way to directly engage in the clouds or through sleeper cell attackers embedded within the city. To the concerns that others had brought up about their having access to fresh water for drinking and cloud production, I honestly think that should be a non-issue for them. Going by show canon, we can see that with the right amount of pegasai, they can quickly pull water from the land in mere minutes. Unless an enemy is able to spread out all over Equestria (and potentially other Equestria-friendly countries) in an attempt to block their access to every potential source of fresh water, Cloudsdale would certainly have the upper hand in being able to adequately secure water for themselves. I also imagine they could simply detach whatever they use to hold the water in Cloudsdale and go on an even quicker resupply run without having the city slow them down or at put the city at unnecessary risk.
Damn you guys for causing me to develop headcanon.
I just finished reading through the story up to chapter 71, and it was quite good for the most part. I'm sure you have heard how well written this story is, so I thought I would point out the problems I personally had. Sorry if some of this has been said already.
One thing that stood out the most is how you will spend parts of a chapter summarising the events things that happened not two chapters back, if not that chapter it's self. I'm not sure if this is done to remind the reader or because the character in that chapter needs to hear it, either way it feels redundant.
The story feels blotted. Many scenes feel drown out. Conversations seem to go back and forth with no real purpose at times other then to keep talking.
Tercio seems borderline pointless. The thing that drew me to this story was the idea of a human helping ponies fight in some large war, saddly that's not the case. Apart from the canterlot attack, and what I assume will happen in the final battle, Tercio is little more then a door guard, which I think was wasted potential. The fact that Tercio is a human is also pointless due to how that fact is never used to affect the main plot. It's to the point that Tercio could be replaced by any other race and little would change.
Tercio is not very interesting. To add to the last point, because Tercio is regulated to subplots and guarding doors he is overshadowed by the far more interesting war plot, which makes him a bit dull, for lack of a better word. Compare him to Gilias, my favorite character in this story, she is the only griffon serving with ponies just as Tercio is the only human. Both of their arcs are a bit similar, but because Gilias was involved in the war itself it makes her actions feel as if she had far more weight behind them.
I do hope you don't feel I'm just bashing your story. Despite it not quite being what I had in mind it was still a good read
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Hey there, glad to see you've been enjoying your time with my fic. I'll try to address some of these issues.
That's fair to say. I have a bad habit of resummarizing things that have happened a few chapters back, mostly because of the way my release schedule works. By the time I mention something that's happened, it may have been months since someone last considered it. It can be jarring to see if you're reading these back to back, and it's really something I need to improve upon.
Also fair. I actually said something about this a little while back in a blog post. The story wasn't meant to be so grand in scale when it started, but as I kept adding characters and locations I felt compelled to expand upon them...sometimes to the degree of unnecessary conversation or exposition. If I'm honest, my lack of brevity is my biggest weakness. Were I a more skilled writer I could communicate a point in a shorter amount of time, but I'm no professional, so things can get long-winded.
I don't know if I'd go that far with it, but it's really the same issue as the previous point: a story that has expanded beyond the reach of what I'd first envisioned, to the detriment of the main character. I never meant for him to be THE SAVIOR OF EQUESTRIA or anything so grand; he's just another soldier in a very large conflict, despite his unique past. I can't help but feel that I could have done a better job with him.
Honestly, she's my favorite too. Were I able to go back in time and start this story from scratch I would have cut down on its size immensely, but since I can't I have to do what I can to bring everything to a (hopefully) satisfying conclusion.
Not at all. All of your criticisms and concerns are completely valid. I don't consider myself to be an amazing writer, but I do care about the quality of what I create, and it's constructive feedback like yours that helps me out. I appreciate you taking the time to do so, and hope you'll stick around for the end.
One funny thing I found in one of the last chapters, the deer army of 30k was considered a legion, one of the largest army ever seen according to some. And I'm just setting there thinking: That's it? Just 30k.
I know it's unfair to compare our army to theirs, but after reading this I looked up ancient army sizes, and not surprisingly, most could field that many or close.
It dose make me wonder? What was the ponies army size before the war? Up to chapter 71, I would give a very rough estimate that the ponies have lost around 3-5k, and even with help they are only around 12k strong right now. Pease really bit them in the flank.
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Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider 30,000 to be a small number of soldiers for a fantasy universe built entirely on friendship and rainbows and such. I didn't want the scale to be too large. 30k is on the high end of what many Roman-era states could muster, and Rome itself had a considerably smaller military presence during its early years. Despite being based on Roman equipment, tactics and terminology Equestria is not nearly as large compared to the empire we all know, and their more peaceful outlook compared to the war-like and expansionist minded Cervidaens has naturally resulted in a smaller standing army.
And worse still, they wrecked what they couldve used to really mess up the Redtail, a mistake that will cost them
Okay, Carnivorous plants was fucking delightful.
Give that Decanus a cookie.