• Published 20th Mar 2012
  • 2,936 Views, 9 Comments

The Great and Powerful Trixie and Those Extraordinary Twins - ShiveredTimbers

Trixie's plans for revenge are interrupted by strange twins...

  • ...
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Comments ( 9 )

Both wildly entertaining and...! And... Kind of sad, to be honest.

I enjoyed this shipping very much:heart:

I made a post on ponychan, a fair while back, about my opinions on clopfics and the popularity thereof. You responded that you'd not had many views for your stories, and I said I'd take a look, so... yup. That's what I've done.

And after entirely too long a delay, I'm posting my comments on these stories. These are my opinions, gut feelings, and speculations—I can make no guarantees as to their accuracy, and you should feel free to disregard them if you think I'm missing the mark.

This piece is for the most part well-written, but you seem to have hit the hard end of the dislike button. FIMFiction is for the most part a hugbox of Brobdingnagian proportions, so if the dislike button measures more than a sliver I'm unlikely to open the story. I assume many readers follow the same guideline, which would contribute to your low view-count despite your stories' good points. Also, your stories haven't been added to any groups, which might net you a few more readers. Some thoughts of mine on why your stories might have reached this point, and how you might improve them:

•Your eyecatch picture would suggest comedy, which isn't what this story's about.

•I'm somewhat opposed to the "the first installment" bit. I think multi-parts are best marketed as such only after there's more than one part available.

•Your choice of viewpoint is interesting, but potentially problematic. You're working from an odd mix of first and third person—that is, you have a first person narrator who refers to herself in the third person. The shift from "Trixie" to "I" is quite jarring.

•For the love of Princess Luna's fine, fine ass, please remove the troll chapter. I don't like reading trollfic, and knowing that you've included such a chapter, even as a joke, disinclines me to read the story proper. Additionally, the troll chapter works to invalidate the emotional tension you'd previously worked to build. If you really want to share the troll chapter, it would be better suited to a separate story (a blog post, rather, in order to avoid the thousand-word minimum), and I'd recommend you link that post in a comment rather than in the synopsis.

I saw the title and was hoping for Trixie and the Spa Ponies clop...

Oh well. Maybe next time :fluttershysad:

Wow. That was really sad. :applecry:

Also funny but mostly sad. Very well-written though.

Title and picture aren't fitting (though I love them both.) I say the title isn't fitting only because I don't think they were extraordinary here, though I'm sure they do think of themselves that way and that is how I personally view them.

Everythin' about this story be tongue-in-cheek, matey.

Well, I'm sure you meant it that way, which is the only reason it didn't actually bother me. However, I pity Trixie so much now and I want to smack Flim and Flam (although technically they didn't do anything wrong. She consented. Mildly dubious consent, because they sort of pressured her, but still consent.) :trixieshiftright:

Trust me, if it wasn't so cheeky and if they weren't so in character... I would have been irate, not sad. :pinkiecrazy:

At some point I intend to read the sequel. :trollestia:

The story is told in first person, from Trixie's pov, so she's always referring to herself in third person. When she suddenly refers to herself as "I", it is absolutely jarring and frigging hilarious, and starts to set a tender tone for the story.

Near the end, I got that same disturbing feeling I got from darf's Pinkie Pie Sucks A Hundred Dicks. But Trixie starts referring to herself in third person again and puts on an oblivious air, which is rather funny. In a disturbing way.

Needs moar pinecones :B
Pineco x Trixie

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