CoffeeZilla
The barista in the white and dark emerald green apron examined the cups name and squinted in surprise. Looking up she was met by the warm smile of the resident monarch of the sun, nodding in confirmation, the barista went about filling Celestia’s order. After adding the finishing touches on the small paper mug, she smiled happily as it was placed before the monarch.
“One tall caramel macchiato with a shot of espresso for one,” she smiled at Celestia, “Princess Celestia.”
Celestia smiled and took the drink, “Thank you very much for your excellent service my little pony.”
Celestia then casually strode onto the street with a beaming smile as she sipped her beverage. She smiled and hummed happily as the warm elixir slithered down her throat; it warmed her stomach greatly and gave her a slight zing in her step. Each sip brought the same feeling to the now fully awake and content princess; she approached the palace doors and reflected on the previous night’s events. For once in a long while at Luna’s insistence, they held a royal kegger party. Only close friends of the royal family and fellow royals received invitation, Twilight however had to turn it down due to it being too last moment. The night had been one of much entertainment, Mead Bombs, gel shots, and Luna in corset dancing in a most unprofessional manner to a song by Deaf Leopard. One thing was for sure, the male attendees made it rain only further encouraging her.
Celestia chuckled as she walked into the main hall to see Luna with an ice pack pressed to her head, “Good morning sister.”
Luna mumbled incoherently as she drank a glass of water with tablets in it.
“You know, I never knew you were so,” she took a sip of her drink as she smirked at her little sister, “flexible.”
Luna groaned as she rubbed her temples, “Please don’t remind me,” she flinched in pain, “How do you get over these hangovers so well?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow at the question, “Years of dealing with the pain, moderation,” she waved the cup, “and some mild assistance.”
“Ah yes,” Luna glanced at the cup, “The elixir known as coffee. Is it really as good as you and the other ponies say?”
A group of royal guards walked by sipping their own drinks as Celestia waved her hoof, “Luna, you speak as if everypony but you drink coffee.”
Luna glared as the local mailmare zipped past the window wearing a coffee mug hat sipping through straws, “Noooooo, what would give you that idea?”
Celestia was both shocked and confounded, “You mean to tell me that during your return,” she sipped her coffee, “That you never bothered to purchase even a small cup?”
Luna rolled her eyes, “I never saw a need to,” she then flinched as she sat up, “Besides, and I am not one to follow fads.”
A lunar guard then wheeled in a massive crate that held golden scepters with Luna’s face on it, “Your shipment of-“
The guard and crate were rudely shoved out by a blast of the Lunar Princesses magic.
Celestia only chuckled, “So…not one for fads?”
Luna pouted as she sipped her fizzy water, “Be quiet.”
Celestia sighed, “Why don’t you go down and get a cup,” she smiled as her sister perked up, “I’ll cover things here until you get back.”
Luna glanced to her sister, “Really?”
Celestia nodded, “Just go down the street, there is literally a StarBuck on each corner.”
Luna squee’d and trotted happily from the throne room and out the door.
*
Luna soon found herself in the shop staring at the mug before her. Within it laid the brew she had ordered, something called Espresso. She had liked the sound of it and knew it would be fantastic for her first drink of the substance known as coffee. She sniffed it a few times and raised an eyebrow at it. He tongue dipped into it and recoiled into her mouth as she puckered her lips slightly in surprise at the flavour. She then steeled herself and downed the whole cup in one gulp; she sat there for a moment speechless. Then the drink known as Espresso worked its magic, the ends of her hooves tingled as her nerves became active. She trembled slightly at the sensation as it ripped through her being like an oddly pleasant lightning bolt. Her pupils dilated as the patrons watched their princess with bated breath; would she hate their well-loved beverage?
“This drink….,” Luna smiled widely, “I like it,” she then slammed her hoof down as her heart beat with boosted power, “ANOTHER!!!”
The barista more than happily obliged. But was blissfully unaware of what would transpire.
*
“When did she return?”
Corporal Glimmer cleared his throat, “A few hours ago your highness, Princess Luna requested that she be left alone while she does as she said,” they heard the sound of giddy laughter from within Luna’s chambers while he air quoted, “Princess Biz.”
Celestia shook her head as she dismissed the captain. Opening the door she stood in a stupefied trance. Scrawled on the walls were words, equations, even star patterns and charts. Luna was writing busily down on a scroll as she zipped from one scrawl to the next, giggling uncontrollably. Celestia stepped forward and glanced down noticing the remains of various paper cups.
Luna turned her head, “SISTER!”
Celestia cringed slightly, Luna’s mane and tail were messy and her eyes dilated to the point of her irises being rings of blue around black holes. The grin she wore was equally unsettling, wide and toothy which bled crazy.
“I’msogladyou’rehere,” Luna landed and started pacing around looking at various post-it notes on the lower sections of the walls speaking in fast forward, “Sister,haveyoueverhadasongstuckinyourheadandnomatterhowhardyoutryitrepeatsoverandoverandoverandoverandoverandover,” she hopped into a chair and spun around in it still ranting, “overandoverandoveragain?”
Celestia levitated one of the cups to her nose and sniffed, “Luna….how many cups of,” she widened her eyes at what the contents had been, “Espresso have you had?”
Luna smiled her smile, “NotsurelostcountbutIamsureI’minthelowhundreds.”
Celestia glanced at the scrawling, “What is all of this?”
Luna smooshed her sisters cheeks together as her speaking went back to normal but maintained its manic tone, “The answer to life’s greatest question, what is the meaning of it all?! I’ll tell you,” Luna flew up to various words, “I realized this when I was able to look beyond the regular spectrum, to see into the realm of ALL things! The answer is so simple!”
She flew down fast and smashed into a pile of loose paper and slowly raised her head out of it glancing around suspiciously, “The Nerplumps, they know too, they want to steal it from me,” she wagged a hoof at a now fearful Celestia, “BUT OH I’M ON TO THEM!!!”
Luna then slowly picked up a quil and placed it on the table, “You see it’s a matter of knowning the right angles,” she twitched massively then spoke in a deadpan, “Did you know Cheerilee, Madam Mayor both sound like you?”
Celestia placed a hoof on her sister’s shoulder, “I THINK you need to have some water.”
Luna smacked her hoof away and hopped on the desk and proclaimed, “I AM THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT AND DANCE,” she started doing a twitch filled jig then froze in mid step, “Now watch the quill, I nudge it ever so slightly,” she then whispered in a scared hush, “and I can blow this entire city to smithereens.”
Celestia was now more confused than ever, “But I thought the quill was the answer to question of life?”
Luna pointed at her, “That’s what I wanted you to think,” she then bent down to stare at eye level with the quill, “Now I must lick the quill to the side.”
Luna’s tongue then slithered out and flicked the quill to the side.
What transpired next happened so quickly none were prepared for it, a massive explosion of blue engulfed the city and wrecked every building. Luna emerged from the rubble and gazed around with her manic grin.
“Sister, I feel like I can fly!”
Celestia glared at her little sister, “Decaf….you’re drinking decaf from now on.”
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wololo
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And that is the cleanest one I could find. Now back to the rest of the story!
So many wrong things running through my head.
Wow, princesses must come equipped with extra large bladders.
And for the ending I see you've read the Luna issue of the MLP comic.
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Damn... well, if you need a way for a highly-energetic Luna to expend her energy... I'll help.
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- exam period. Two litres of coffee per day. It took me five days to get back to normal level and stop seeing noises.
Excellent story. Luna should try energy drinks as well.
3847725
Her bladder is magic, like a bag of holding. ;)
this is what happens to me when i drink coffee.
What happens when Princess Luna finds out about quad-shot mocha espressos?
My username choice for practically anything else feels slightly ironic right now. I MUST BE LUNA.
(It's CoffeeFan15. Yeah.)
Oh no.
Scepters huh?
Hmm, funny, good timing, short enough to not drag out the joke but long enough to not be brief.
This fic, I like it. ANOTHER!
Oh god...
I was laughing loud through all of this.
Loved it immensely!
~Skeeter The Lurker
Wtf Cryp xD MUST READ NOW!!!
That cover image is going to give me nightmares you know?
I'm sending you the bill for my insomnia.
Can't stop laughing at this.
3850891
Thank you good sir!
3851769
All these comments and you reply to mine...
Can I ask why?
~Skeeter The Lurker
3851881
*shrug* No reason, just replied o3o
3851895
Works for me!
Lovely tale, again.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Made me smile, reminded me of Lovecraft, and had Princess Luna in it. Have an upvote kind author.
3847755
I think that would make her heart explode.
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No, Luna, you need to focus your new-found energies on making more powerful coffee. What could possibly go wrong?
3852512
RED BULL!
GIVES YOU WINGS!
EVEN IF YOU ALREADY HAVE EM!
as a Mormon I wouldn't drink coffe if my life depended on it
Great story, tis worth many a laughs.
I know that feeling Luna. I too know what it's like to be the only person in town that hasn't had coffee.
3850447
Eventually goes to about x2.2 speed and repeats about 95 times. Because I'm like that.
Coffee is good, but I refuse to believe Celly and Luna would willingly drink hot goat piss (aka. Starbucks).
3847706
Talk about eye candy.
Someone get Luna a French press for her birthday.
This Thor reference, I like it, ANOTHER!
Cute Little Puppies and Kittens This is cute!!!!
And everything turned out okay. The End. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
Hmm.. Sounds a lot like me when I have to much caffeine....... I like it!
I've seen a person who drank a triple esspresso at 430 am and it scared me... I would be running and hiding if I had been in that cofee shop and saw Luna downing multiple shots.
Very zany story, well done and made me laugh.
Oh no, it's Too-much-coffee-Alicorn! (Guess who I'm referencing, kids.)
Luna's coffee-fueled rants remind me of Lewis Black's skit about the end of the universe being between two Starbucks facing each other in the same shopping plaza.
I like this bit of silliness, so it gets an upvote.
Starbucks... American coffee is extremely diluted. Tastes like hot water with a single drop of actual coffee. But I can't complain because I don't live there and it's my country's fault. The americans used to buy only brazillian coffee, and we decided to hold the coffee to increase the price. As a consequence, they had to drink a more diluted the coffee. They liked it, and decided to buy Colombian coffee which is more bland. They never went back to our coffee. Genius
In the end, I get my tasty coffee and you guys get your hot water and everyone is happy
3857279
3857291
Come over here and I'll show what real coffe tastes like. (do not interpret this in a sexual way)
Luna doesn't want the D.
That Luna was ridiculous and surreal and I love it.
Did Luna's decaf get served in an airlock because after the restriction to decaf she called Celestia a hard flank?
3857279 Well first off America never bought coffee from just one place. In way of the quality of a cup of coffee in taste and flavor then you should try some of the African coffees. The Robusta beans are better tasting then the arabica beans that are mostly grown in central and south America. The best coffee that I have ever had though is Kona coffee. It is Robusta plants grown is a certain area of Hawaii in the volcanic soil. That stuff is completely smooth and will give you a buzz like you wouldn't believe. If though you prefer bitter acrid coffee then well enjoy.
The coffee facts and rant aside, this story is one of the best short (less the 10k) stories that I have read. I like what you did with the character of Luna by making a caffeine unstable version of her. Keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing your future works. Maybe Luna on an energy drink?
3859079
I didn't menat only, I meant mostly our coffee. Thanks for your suggestions, I'll try them out.
3859298 Kona has some great coffee, and some Ethiopian coffee is really good as well. (though a lot comes down to how they roast the coffee) So much good coffee so little time.
3853403 that explanses twilight