One rainy day in the middle of summer, Twilight recollects on a certain item that holds a special spot in her heart
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Alexander
Joined 23rd Jan, 2012 ·
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That was interesting...FIRST!
STAY BACK I CALLED IT!!!
cheezcomixed.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/koma-comic-strip-god-creates-my-little-pony-god-destroys-my-little-pony.jpg
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...you scare me.
357950 images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/5/14/everythingsgoi128552858375754241.jpg
Hold your horses before sending this to EqD, Alexander. There were some typos in your story; I recommend a revision to fix those up (nothing too hard on the eyes, thought).
Also, the last paragraph... the narrative in that is kind of flat. "She _______ ." "She _________ ." "She ____ ."
I don't mean to burst your bubble, but I don't think this'll make into EqD. Not that it isn't well-written; but its the story.
To me it was enjoyable, but EqD focus on character development, something this fanfic lacks (not a bad thing in this case; this is the definition of a Slice of Life fanfic).
A simple story with a simple 'end'. The ones I love most.
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I know it wouldn't have made it to EqD. That's why I haven't had a single thought to send it in to them.
Also, yeah. I've gone back through it and I'm going to add in details to sort of fatten up Twilight's character. Only after I do that will I ever think of sending this in to them. And I'm gonna go see what I can do around with that last paragraph.
Thanks
I couldn't truly get into this story as the jumping from present tense to past tense in one sentence gave me such a headache.
Wow. This is... odd.
When I was a young girl, something very similar occurred to me at a market on... well, a place. The only real difference was the shining object I was transfixed by was a dragon-shaped incense burner! I still have it, so many years later.
I should call my mum.
umm,
Why do you consider this a failure?
I actually liked it.