I am a somewhat new writer here, with the help of SilverShadowThePegasus I make fanfictions If you want to actually speak to me let me know and ill add you on skype
Twilight decides to make an amulet that can help her teleport easier without all the troubles of fatigue. When Rarity accidentally interferes and makes it go haywire the amulet gets sent to the human universe all it takes is a little charge from our world and all hell will break loose
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Hey 1800 SCREWED! Before I go any further, your name is so random it's entirely epic!
My one big pet peeve is the many grammar mistakes. Sorry but I'm just saying it like it is. 
Anyway, I see a lot of potential in your story. If you're wondering where, I don't know. I just have a feeling in my gut this could turn out well. I wasn't surprised the amulet ended up in the human world, but a guy turning into a mare did. If this character is anything like I would have made him, I'm expecting various sexual innuendos.
Example: i scolded my hand 2nd degree “AAAHHH DAMN it i cried” i sat there for a couple of minutes waiting for the metal to cool before picking it up i walked inside with the necklace my hands just looking at it. It was beautiful i had never seen such stones before so i put it around my neck and wore it. Still warm i thought.
First off, to "scold" isn't to burn. It means to criticise. I would have written it like this: I got a 2nd degree burn after trying to pick it up. "AAAAAHHH DAMN IT!" I cried. I sat there for a while, wating for the amulet to cool before grabbing it again. I walked into the house, mesmerized by the necklace. It was a beautiful work of craftsmanship. I'd never seen jewels like those before. I put it around my neck. Still warm, I thought.
Sorry but mistakes like that just piss me off. Also, after Twilight finishes talking, you should start a new paragraph for the new person talking. It's just proper grammar. But I really do think you have potential.
Also, I started a group called Rookies on the Rise, and I am inviting you to join it. This is your first fiction and you're just starting out here, so maybe you could join this group and post stories in it for other "rookies" to see. Consider my offer please.
Also, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you maybe take a look at my story? Thanks!
343401 i made it at 1am
i will fix the caps and spelling errors dont you worry Oliver Tompkins is helping me with this i wrote all of this he is going over my grammar today
Also i ment spelling mistakes, fixed-fixing grammar today
347184 Well, right now prologue looks much better, than it did when I first read it. I suppose, that further chapters improved a bit too. And it's quite alright if you're kinda confused with grammar and punctuation. Your editor needs to be able to fix that though. Also, using something, that has automatic spelling check, like Word or Firefox helps a lot.
Also another tip: in dialogues you need to say who is talking to whom. Like in prologue you define first speaker as Twilight, but you don't mention Spike for several phrases, which leaves reader without knowledge of her counterpart. And this is bad thing to do.
348810 yeah you see when i formatted my computer i deleted word, and im now currently using abiword. but the question is, is it readable?
348874 it is readable. But it's not a good read yet.
348810 EVERY PONY SPELLING ERRORS FIXED
(for Pro-c1-c2)
So...Rainbow's a lesbian in this story? Again, not what I normally read, but I guess if you like to do that, I'll go along with it.
I'll edit this as soon as I get the chance!
Keep on writing!
358770 maybe, but this is not gonna turn out how you think it is for rainbow
not sure how this is gonna turn out though!
Surprises in c4
“Why can’t life be simple! Why is life so dull?!” That is a contradiction. Life cannot be both simple and exciting.
Other than that, I must agree with SilverShadow. This story has potential. But grammar is a big thing, glad you corrected it.
Ouch. The lack of spellcheck and actually considering grammar hurts my eyes.
It isn't capitalized once in this whole chapter, unless the whole sentence is in caps. But still, I still think you have the potential to fix that. Please, for the love of Celestia, improve your spelling and grammar BEFORE sending it to your editor(s).
I know it hasn't been edited, so I won't correct it. Just make sure you do. One thing that you shouldn't need spellcheck or an editor for though is capitalizing the word "I".
358770 ooh i see why you thought rd was a lesbian
, fixed that 
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2012/1/21/9467a890-0028-4723-a80a-45bdad5e0708.png 
hopefully is more understandable now
358770 I cannot thank you enough, seriously. Also i will send you my chapters before i postem now
I NEED OPINIONS!: I dont want to write myself into a corner , again
please!
What a twist....
439894 at which part?
440028 the revelations presented by our little diety of chaos.
440103 oh
, asked cause i have more then one
440103 oooh also guess who the father is >:-D
Okay, just finished the Prologue. Not entirely bad, but I think it could still use some work. I felt that certain parts were rushed, or lacking, such as describing who was at Pinkie's party by using "And Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy came by too."
I also think that, In my opinion, Twilight is the kind of pony who would notice if something has been moved in her library. I think such a thing has happened with a book of hers once in a episode.
Also, some advice I was given a long while back by different people:
-Show, don't tell: Go into as much detail as you can about surroundings, markings on characters, bruising and etc. More detail, the better. Just don't go overboard
An example would be explaining in as much detail as you could, the Everfree forest and it's surroundings, what the ground is like as *character* walks through it.
-Utilize the senses: Explain in as much detail as possible, how the ground under *character*'s hooves feel as they run, how nearby food smells and etc. Same tip before pretty much, but this one is to help the readers get an idea of what the characters are experiencing with the senses. Of course, there's no need to do this every sentence, but now and then, in my opinion, is good.
- Write out one shots/ snippets: They don't have to be related to your current story at all, but writing them and then sending them to be Beta read is useful in finding how much you have improved with certain hurdles. Take my one shot as an example. I wrote it out while utilizing as many of the above tips as I could, sent it to my Girlfriend who Beta read it, and she told me what she thought needed to be fixed. Also, if you do write snippets/one shots, you do not have to submit them, you could very easily use them as references of how you managed to write a certain scene, so you could try and write a similar scene again.
All in all I see potential here, but I do advise that you take as much advice everyone has given you so far and try to apply what you can. Not all of it, but what you can, and go from there
But in the long run, these tips of mine are what I found useful for writing, and everyone has different tips and tricks. I just hope I could have helped a bit
Oh jeez... Long commment is long...
EDIT: Also, never rush your chapter progression. You have all kinds of time to apply and make changes to your story. Submit when you can, but don't force yourself to rush a new chapter
443213 @!#% oops, shouldent have wrote that
, i really am a low grade english writer but my teacher always says the same thing you see, she says i have the best idea's however there is very little or no detail in my story 
, i will try to make it look better but i doubt it will do any good i will try in a couple of hours
P.S there are complications when it comes to writing i cant write during the day due to the fact i am closet brony and nopony in my family knows this :/
, and if they did find out people would crack up laughing at me. and at night i may have work and be to tired to write when i get home, also theres school and i cant write during school,(stupid kids)
Canceled? What. SCREWED. We need a word...