Comes Around
Diamond Tiara laughed. “We'll be seeing you...”
“Blank flanks!” Her and Silver Spoon sang in unison.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders' antagonists trotted away, laughing at the three cutie mark-less fillies. Scootaloo let her scooter drop on the ground and threw her helmet down. “Why do we keep putting up with them?!”
Apple Bloom nodded. “Ah agree. Ah wish we could do somethin' about 'em, but Ah don't know what.”
Sweetie Belle dug her hoof into the ground. “Think we should tell their parents?”
Scootaloo shook her head. “No way. We tried that once before and it didn't help any. If we're gonna get back at 'em, we should hit 'em where it hurts most.” She pounded her hooves together, put her helmet back on and picked up her scooter. “Let's head back to the clubhouse and figure something out.”
On their way to Sweet Apple Acres, the Cutie Mark Crusaders ran into Fluttershy and knocked her down.
Fluttershy groaned. “Girls?”
The three help her up. “Fluttershy! We're so sorry.”
“Ah hope we didn't hurt ya...”
Fluttershy smiled as she used her wings to dust herself off. “I'll be okay. You need to be more careful, Scootaloo.”
Scootaloo's ears drooped. “I know... I'm so sorry, Fluttershy. I was distracted by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.”
Fluttershy nodded understandingly. “Are those two picking on you again?”
Again? Try still. The three hung their heads and nodded, then Scootaloo perked up. “Hey! Discord lives with you, doesn't he?”
Fluttershy nodded. “Yes he does, but I wouldn't ask him for help though.”
Scootaloo became even more excited. “That's perfect! Get back in the wagon, girls. We're going to Fluttershy's cottage!” The three fillies bolted off before Fluttershy could voice her objections.
Sweetie Belle adjusted herself so she wouldn't fall out of the speeding wagon. “So what's the idea, Scootaloo?”
Scootaloo laughed. “What's the one thing they won't let go of?”
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle looked at each other for a moment. “We don't have cutie marks?”
Scootaloo nodded in affirmation. “Exactly. Let's see what happens when they don't have them.”
Sweetie Belle winced. “Should we really go to Discord for this? Don't you think it's a bit excessive to ask for his help?”
They reached Fluttershy's cottage and Scootaloo stopped and parked her scooter in front of the gate. “We're here, so we might as well ask.”
The three nervously trotted up to the door and knocked on it.
Moments later, the once feared Draconequus opened the door. “You three must be Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom, am I right?”
They nodded. “Yup. Ah think you know our sisters.”
Discord chuckled. “Indeed I do. What can I do for you?”
Scootaloo nervously dug at the ground. “We keep getting picked on by two fillies: Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon...”
Discord examined the three. “Is it because you don't have your cutie marks yet?” He popped out of the house and popped in front of them, resized to stand at head level with the ponies. “Let me guess, you want some payback, right?”
Apple Bloom swallowed hard. “Yeah...”
He laughed hard. “Marvelous! It's been a while since I flexed my chaotic muscles. What do you need me to do?”
“Could you remove their cutie marks?” Sweetie Belle blurted.
Discord returned to his normal size and looked down at them. “Cutie marks aren't something I can remove willy-nilly, but...”
The trio looked at him in suspense. “But what?”
Discord smiled and chuckled. “I can hide them. If these two are obsessed over some silly cutie marks, then you should get the desired reaction.”
The girls grinned at each other, then looked back at Discord. “Think you can do it tonight while they're sleeping?”
Discord nodded. “Of course I can, little ladies. I AM Discord after all. How long do you want them to be blank flanks?”
Apple Bloom rubbed her chin with a hoof. “How about the whole day tomorrow?”
Discord frowned. “Just one day?” He sighed. “Very well. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a rather mean spirited rabbit to play with.” He closed the door.
Scootaloo looked at the others and sighed. “He didn't seem too happy about it.”
The three trotted back to the scooter. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle hopped in the wagon while Scootaloo got herself ready. “At least he agreed to do it,” Sweetie Belle noted.
Apple Bloom nodded. “Yeah, we just gotta make sure he doesn't do anything else to 'em.”
Scootaloo grumbled as she started moving the scooter. “Fine, but for now, let's head back to the clubhouse and think of more things to get a cutie mark in.”
Fluttershy raced back to her cottage, but the girls were long gone. She entered her home and saw Discord lounging in his hammock. “What did they want you to do and did you do it?”
Discord looked over to Fluttershy. “Relax, Fluttershy. They asked me to hide a couple of cutie marks, nothing strenuous and no, I haven't done it yet. They asked that I do it while they're asleep.”
Fluttershy looked confused. “Apple Bloom and her friends, or Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon?”
Discord examined his talons. “The latter two, of course.”
Fluttershy looked at him with pleading eyes. “You won't do it, will you?”
“You know I've done worse.” He deadpanned. “Besides, they only want those marks hidden for the day. I can easily set up a timer for that spell and they'll reappear overnight.”
Fluttershy sighed. “There's no way to convince you not to do that, is there?”
Discord rested his head on his arms and closed his eyes. “Nope.”
The Next Day
The Cutie Mark Crusaders made it to school earlier than usual. They found Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon wearing dresses that covered up their flanks.
Apple Bloom chuckled “Of course they'd do that.”
Scootaloo grinned. “I wonder what their excuses would be if we asked to see their 'amazing' cutie marks?”
Sweetie Belle bounced. “Let's go ask.”
Apple Bloom stopped her friends from trotting up to them. “Wait a sec. Don't y'all think it's too early to be doin' that?”
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo briefly looked at each other and Sweetie sighed. “You're probably right. We should probably wait until recess.”
The foals filed into the schoolhouse and took their seats. Our trio looked over to their antagonists and saw they were taking longer than usual to sit down on account of the dresses.
“They do look a little sad.” Sweetie Belle commented.
Scootaloo let out a huff. “Serves them right.”
Cheerilee entered the classroom with a warm smile on her face. “Good morning, everypony!”
“Good morning, Miss Cheerilee!” The foals greeted in unison. Soon after, the class began.
Recess arrived and everypony bolted toward the school's playground. “Let's go find Diamond and Silver.” Scootaloo suggested.
The three make their way to a spot where they could view the entire playground and frowned at each other when they couldn't find Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. “We're never gonna find 'em like this. Ah say we search for 'em.”
They knew recess was short, but it didn't take them long to find their two classmates, who were near the side of the building, away from the other foals. Silver Spoon was trying to comfort a sobbing Diamond Tiara. Silver saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders and glared at them. “What are you three, like, doing here?”
“We didn't see y'all out there pickin' on anypony...”
Sweetie Belle nervously dug her hoof into the ground. “We were worried about you.”
“Well, I wasn't.” Scootaloo huffed. Her friends glared at her. “What?”
Diamond Tiara's sobbing calmed down. “Why would a few blank flanks be worried about us?”
The three slowly approached them. “We don't like ya insultin' us, but that doesn't mean we can't be worried about ya.”
Sweetie Belle nodded in agreement. “So what's going on?”
Silver Spoon looked to her friend and swallowed hard. Diamond Tiara nodded, then she looked back to the blank flanks. “Can you, like, not tell anypony about this?” The trio recited the Pinkie Promise and she sighed. “Our cutie marks are, like, gone.”
The two look around to make sure nopony else was around before they took off their dresses. “We're... blank flanks.” Diamond Tiara cried.
Sweetie Belle hopped in excitement. “Ooh! Maybe we can help you get them back!”
Apple Bloom smiled. “Or help ya find new ones.”
The two gasped in horror. “Ours were the perfect cutie marks!” Silver Spoon spat.
Scootaloo smiled wickedly. “Were they?”
The alarm indicating the end of recess sounded. Apple Bloom smiled. “We'll talk more after school.”
While the blank flanks took off back to class, Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara helped get each others dresses back on. “Were they the perfect cutie marks?”
Diamond Tiara scoffed as they made their way back to class. “Of course they were. Anything else would be lame. Don't tell me you're siding with the Cutie Mark Crybabies.”
Silver Spoon shrugged. “Well, we are blank flanks now, so we should, like, play along with them.”
Diamond Tiara sighed with aggravation. “Fine. We'll follow them on their lame quest after school.”
School had ended better than the two expected, and met Apple Bloom and her friends in front of the school.
“We're here. Where do you want to go first?” Diamond Tiara huffed.
Diamond Tiara entered her home and closed the door behind her. “I'm home!” She shouted to her parents, who were probably not home.
Her mother rounded a corner. “Welcome back, sweetie. You're home later than usual, did you have fun with your friend?”
Diamond rolled her eyes. “We hung out with those blank flanks for a while.” She shuddered. “The things they put themselves through to get a cutie mark...”
Her mother smiled. “I'm glad you had fun. Your father should be home in a bit and we'll be going out for dinner tonight.”
Diamond Tiara entered her room, closed the door behind her and removed her dress. She stared at her blank flank and wondered if she was doomed to never see it again. She removed her tiara and placed it on the dresser next to her bed, then she crawled underneath the sheets and began to cry.
Her mother slowly opened the door and poked her head inside. “Is something wrong, sweetie?”
Diamond sniffled, trying to stop herself from crying and uncovered herself and pointed a hoof at where her cutie mark used to be. “This is what's wrong.”
Her mother opened the door all the way and trotted to her. Her eyes widened when she saw. “What happened to your cutie mark?”
Diamond sniffled some more. “I don't know. I woke up this morning and it was gone.”
Her mother gave her a reassuring hug. “Everything will be fine, sweetie. Remember: nopony is born with a cutie mark.”
They heard the front door open and close. “I'm home!” Filthy Rich greeted.
Diamond's mother stood up and gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead. “I know how vain you are, so I suggest getting back into your dress.”
The Next Day
Diamond Tiara woke up and groggily hopped out of bed. She trotted to her vanity mirror and felt dread about the fact that her cutie mark was gone, but she examined herself anyway. She instantly became excited to see that her cutie mark had returned. Her excitement died down as she remembered yesterday. The only ponies who knew she didn't have a cutie mark were her friend Silver Spoon, who lost hers as well, and the cutie mark crusaders. If hers returned, did Silver Spoon's?
After she ate breakfast, she went back into her room to get herself ready for school. Her mother opened the door and smiled at her. “Diamond, sweetie, Silver Spoon is waiting for you outside.”
Diamond galloped out of her room and outside. When she saw her friend, her heart sank as she saw she was wearing a dress. “Your cutie mark didn't come back, did it?”
Silver Spoon shook her head. “No. This is, like, totally embarrassing. I know our thing was to pick on blank flanks, so...”
Diamond shook her head. “You're my only friend, Silver Spoon. I guess I can live without you having your cutie mark.”
Silver Spoon tilted her head. “What about Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo?”
Diamond was holding back her anger. While she enjoyed bullying them, if she continued, she'd also be bullying her own friend. She let out a heavy sigh. “I suppose I can stop picking on blank flanks.”
Silver Spoon grinned. “Did you hear that?!” She yelled, but to whom?
One by one, Apple Bloom and her friends popped out of a nearby bush. “Ah sure did.”
Diamond gave her friend a disgusted look. “Why did you invite them here?”
Silver Spoon took off her dress, her cutie mark had, in fact, returned. “The whole thing yesterday, like, gave me a new perspective, you know?”
Diamond was dumbfounded. “What?! You're siding with the blank flanks?!”
Silver Spoon nodded with a stern look on her face. “Yes, I am. If you can't, like, handle it, then I guess we won't be friends anymore.”
Diamond was torn. Her friend lied to her about her missing cutie mark and is not only siding with them, but is also blackmailing her. “Fine, I won't pick on them any more.”
Discord popped into view and smiled. “That's good to hear.”
Sweetie Belle gave a smug smile. “Do you remember Discord? We're friends with him.”
Diamond Tiara looked back to Discord, who gave her an innocent wave. She couldn't believe that the Cutie Mark Crybabies were friends with that monster and fainted.
The four fillies giggled and turned to Discord. “Thanks fer yer help.”
Discord bowed. “It was a pleasure. Should you require my assistance again, don't hesitate to call.”
And with that, Discord vanished. Silver Spoon looked back to her unconscious friend and frowned. “I suppose we should, like, help her.”
Scootaloo chuckled. “Let's put her in the wagon.”
The four proceeded to lift up Diamond Tiara and set her gently into Scootaloo's wagon before they headed for school.
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Incomplete?
And good story, but i doubt Diamond Tiara would just change like that. Probably take a little more time, like a day or two, too think it over.
Not bad, not bad at all.
I`ve read better, but i`ve definately read worse aswell. Just one thing bugged me a little bit. It felt a wee bit rushed.
Other then that, no objections
3870626
I just changed it. And yeah, I don't think Diamond would either.
3870627
About the same. If any objections, it could probably do with maybe being a couple thousand words longer.
3870665
3870627
Sorry about that. That's a problem I have when writing stories. Thanks for the input though.
While it's certainly obvious why Discord would want to cause chaos, he seems to prefer plausible deniability when talking to his "friends" nowadays. Rather than simply have him tell Fluttershy "nope" when she asks if there's any chance of talking him out of it, he should go on about how he owes the Cutie Mark Crusaders a favor (he totally does, they broke him out of the statue the first time) and how teaching those two bullies an important lesson about not being bullies and spreading the belief in friendship and blah blah blah... and then Fluttershy sighing and being all "Just don't hurt them please, and keep it to the one day".
Discord probably isn't going to want to give the impression that he takes orders from foals on a regular basis; he'll do this for the CMC because he likes the idea (and because he owes them, and possibly because he's trying to win them over and befriend them because they are much more chaotic than their sisters and if he's friends with the little fillies that makes it much less likely that their older sisters will ever move against him), but you should make it a little clearer that his motivation isn't just "Hey, somepony asked me to make chaos and I was bored", because otherwise, he might add "improvements" to their idea. The fact that he keeps it to the one day that they requested despite being disappointed in that requirement suggests he does have motivations aside from "Yay, chaos!" (though that one's pretty big.)
3870768
No worries, it takes practice thats all. Most of us all started with the exact same problem.
Just keep on going and you`ll be writing 6 to 10K chapters in no time
I feel the ends sort of began to fall on its face, DT was already worried her friend may or may not have her cutie mark, even willing to ignore her not having hers like she did for Diamond back before Diamond had gotten her own cutie mark, to suddenly blackmailing Diamond and frowning about whether they should help her off the floor?
*shrug*
Not bad, it was cute and didn't demonize the CMC. They stayed adorable for the most part, yet having Silver lie to her friend and then choose the CMC over her felt wrong. I guess the new perspective was she can have more friends than a loyal friend I guess.
Mmm... I guess you get a like for the CMC and the premise. Though Fluttershy just letting Discord do what he wants without some sort of consequence feels odd.
I think the only thing, barring the fact the mane 6 seem to be fully aware that DT and Silvy pick on the CMC, was Diamond's mom calling her daughter "vain". I guess I'm just too old school, but is it normal for a parent to tell their child so casually "you're vain"? Like, being vain is a good thing or they just don't care?
Ending was a bit forced. Silver could be vocal and remind DT they ARE blank flanks again so "meh" why not mess around for a day and DT going along with it, but that ending felt like such a betrayal compared to DT's POV. And it's cuter still since it's even telling us it's blatant blackmail.
You get an A for effort though. I feel more could of been explored, and Fluttershy could of probably gotten Discord to pay for getting into foalish affairs.
If you ever feel like expanding on the day they spent together and maybe paint Silver's want for DT to put aside her rivalry with AB and the gang a try, I'd say you have a lot of easy spots here you can add to prior to switching to the end of the day and moving the ending stuff for the next chapter which could lead on to expanding on Silver being introduced to Discord, CMC essentially admitting they did this to get even with Silvy and DT.
I mean I'd be pissed if someone made my friend cry like that and pretended to be worried about me when in truth they wanted to see us look and feel bad about losing our cutie marks. One big angry moment about how DUMB they were or something, before calming down and go on from there.
Anyhow, props for not making the CMC too messed up. But they felt like fakers then anypony showing any form of actual guilt, except Scoots who honestly said she didn't care which made it seem cute as I thought she was forgetting to play along or something.
TL;DR: Description needs better wording as it reads "Diamond and Silver pick on the CMC again but are tired of doing that now." essentially. Nice premise, ending felt mean/forced.
You need to rework the description a bit. Right now, the 'they's refer to DT and Spoon, which doesn't make much sense. The CMC also don't hire Discord, but rather just ask him for help.
Overall, rushed.
The story needed to spend more time with DT and Spoon, especially when they first discover their cutie marks are gone, how they come up with a plan to get them back. The time frame of a day is also a bit short, as DT and Spoon would need more incentive than half a day to open up to the CMC. They'd visit doctors to see if its an ailment, hit up Twi, possibly even go to Zecora first. To do this right, you've got to spend more time with the Terrible Twosome, in other words, as those are the ones you're reforming. They ought to be the main characters... Alternately, the CMC need to do something that "accidentally" exposes the blank flankness, rather than having the TT confess.
Spoon needs a reason to flip sides and betray her best friend. The show makes it pretty clear that Spoon truly feels superior and shares DT's attitude in regard to the CMC. Doesn't mean she cannot reform first, but rather that this ties into the rushed thing. With a longer time frame, you could have DT and Spoon picked on by others, possibly even younger foals from a class prior. Maybe it is while Spoon isn't with DT, and the CMC come to her rescue or something. And that sort of thing could give Spoon a reason to change.
And, of course, there's the issue that DT and Spoon don't really have anything against blank flanks. The two were most likely best friends before DT got her mark, and both took just fine to Babs, despite her blank flank issue. The blank flank thing is something they use to target the CMC, but even if the CMC had cutie marks, the terrible twosome would most likely pick on them anyways. The CMC's general tendency to screw things, be oblivious, have kooky relatives, and tendency to react to the teasing, well... entitled, spoiled kids like DT and Spoon would pick on them regardless. The TT are the cool kids, the cheerleaders, jocks. The CMC? They're the outcasts. Doesn't mean they can't pick on them about being blank flanks or to decide to stop picking on them, just saying there's a plethora of reasons to pick on the CMC ;)
Also, has the usual bit of the mane 6 knowing the TT tease the CMC, yet nothing in the show indicates that. The opposite, in fact. AB's family, for example, has on multiple occasions referred to DT and Spoon as AB's friends. The show does this in part to explain why DT and Spoon can continue in their role as sympathy/motivation generators for the CMC. We're supposed to believe the adults are good, caring individuals, and if they actually knew the quantity of teasing was sufficient to evoke a nasty response, they would step in.
I'd love to see a longer version of it though. You weren't really harsh on DT or Spoon (and that's a good thing), and even dabbled a bit into DT's psyche. Just needed more of that
Couple of grammatical notes:
She and Silver Spoon, not her. You wouldn't say "her sung". Additionally, a conversation attribution (the sung here) is part of the same sentence, so the "she" should be lowercase, not with a capital first letter.
In cases like this, where you have dialogue ending in a period and followed by a conversation attribution, the period get replaced with a comma. Other sentence ending bits of punctuation don't. Just the period.
The story itself felt a teeny tiny bit rushed, but overall it was a cute story :)
That was a nice story. Well done
3871516
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
3871521
To be honest, I was expecting something different, possibly darker considering that Discord was involved, but it had a nice, happy ending. A rare thing for Diamond Tiara.
I LOVE THIS STORY!!
This fic was just so perfect in every way I loved it!
That was funny..
Nice way to get back at someone that isn't cruel or mean. just make them feel what THEY were doing to you. I like it
Ah, vengeance is best served with a laugh:
3872074
I haven't seen that Batman in a long time. Jack Nicholson was the best Joker in my lifetime.
I loves me a good prank story.
Now that's funny!!!
3872113 One of the best!
cute
Good story.
3930225
It could be interpreted either way. We didn't see the statue crack until after the argument; however, it was an absurd argument for those three to have with each other. So I suspect six of one, half a dozen of the other.
That was... AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4505570
Glad you enjoyed it.
4505575
Enjoyed it? I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
You should put a comedy tag on it!!!!!!
4742417
Done and done.
What goes around... comes around ladies and gentleman! Really good story bro!
And now, the song (which makes no similarities to the story whatsoever):
Ah the wheel of karma.
4742625
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
You should lay back on the "like"s but other wise great story
4746512
Not sure what you mean, but thanks.
4746569
You have silver spoon and DT say 'like' way to often.
4746584
Oh, sorry about that. I imagine Silver would be the type.
[youtube=youtube.com/watch?v=rX7wtNOkuHo]
4746591 as someone who RPs and writes for Silver and Diamond let me give you a little tutorial on the use of "like" in their speech.
If it is used at the beginning of a sentence "Like, OMG you are so lame!" that's them being arrogant and snooty if not a little cynical. Diamond would be most likely to put it at the first of her sentence when she's talking trash to somepony or trying to make herself sound more important much like Trixie refers to herself in the third person. Silver would only use it because she wants to sound like Diamond's equal. It's the equivalent of puffing out your chest to make yourself seem bigger then you are. yet sometimes you just look and sound like a fool for it.
If it's used in the middle of the sentence "Oh Dia that dress is like, soo cute on you!" it's more of a placeholder, allowing one to gather their thoughts. I use this when Silver is unsure what to say or she started off confident but needed a pause to find the right wording to make her self sound more sophisticated then she might or might not be. It's my headcanon that Silver actually has an extensive vocabulary whether she is middle, or upper middle class, allot like Rarity is. I highly doubt she is of the same class as Diamond which may make her insecure in their relationship, but Diamond is willing to associate outside her father's high class circle so long as the relationship is safe and or manageable.
letting Babs Seed take the lead and begcoming a minion herself of sorts was HIGHLY out of Character for Diamond but understandable because she met a bigger bully. One not afraid to threaten physical violence. So DT was forced into a submissive position yet she seemed cool with it because Babs seemed to be cool with her.
I don't see Diamond ever trusting anypony besides Silver in the near future. The only other pony she might trust is
because she is weak, insecure, and a safe bet either as a friend or to be manipulated.
but thats just my opinion.
6006359
Thanks for the input. I'll try to do better next time.
6006441 it's important to be careful using it unless you want them to sound like vapid airheads. What I've given you is not from any research only my personal preference in how i choose to word their speech.
But it seems to work well enough to think that way when writing for DT and SS.
3871043 I concur. It's a good concept but it could have been explored more in depth. I think two more chapters could have told the tale in more detail.
and “
that's not very tactful for a mother. That's something Diamond herself would say. "I know how important your looks are to you. I'll stall your father while you get dressed." that's better i think.
I liked it!
6375313
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Really love your story! Did a reading if anyone is interested.
8370188
Awesome! Thanks!
8374298
no problem! Thank you for the great story.