• Member Since 27th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen October 9th

Kaelzoroden


E

On the Density of Alicorn Skulls: A sharp blow to the head can do odd things to one's personality. This is particularly problematic if the victim in question is a widely respected leader of her people.
On the Classification of Divinity: In some other worlds where magic exists, the inhabitants have attempted to quantify the different levels of godhood. Unfortunately, it is not a perfect system, and the Princesses have never been ones to flaunt their absurd levels of power.


This is a series of unrelated one-shots focused around Celestia, who remains one of my favourite ponies. It's marked completed, since there won't be a continuing narrative going between all of the shorts. It will continue to see updates though, since I have plenty more ideas for the Princess!

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 294 )

I hope you're revisiting the formatting. Half a story completely in bold print is harsh on the eyes. Beyond that, great fun!

You missed a bolding tag, and now everything below a certain point is bolded.

That being said, this is a damn funny story and I look forward to more.

This was a fantastic story. Savored every moment of its flaky delicious crust!

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I suppose that's what I get for writing most of this while quite drunk. I can't believe I would miss something like that!

A most excellent snippet! Would watch as an episode! :pinkiehappy::heart:

Man, this Celestia is awesome! I really wish we got to see more of her in the show!

-W.S.

Unlike the sheeple, i did not enjoy this. It was poorly written and out of character.

Looks like you forgot to end an italics marker somewhere in there, around the end of "A highly trained secret service? Unlikely, I doubt they would be revealing that even to me just yet. Think, think, think!"

Pretty funny stuff, although I'm not sure Celestia offering to commit casual genocide was worth the joke at the end. Meh. I can look past it.

Haha, loved it. My God, this needs to be it's own mini-series or something XD

3991341

Unlike the sheeple, i did not enjoy this.

Baaaa... :twilightsheepish:
I though it was a funny, silly little one-shot. Suum cuique and all that...

"Fine sister, let's go feed the sun. Honestly, between the way you eat cakes and the way your Sun eats stars, its amazing there's any matter left in creation."

FEED ME CELESTIA!!!

This was hilarious! I loved it! I can't wait to see what else you'll be doing!

I hope it involves Luna, waffles, and at least one broken leg.

...please tell me they can be killed.
I'm scared.





Don't hug me.

Well, that's two for two as far as "chapters of this that I've published and failed to close a marker" goes. First it was bold, then italics... what next, underline!?

Sorry about that. I should check my work better.

3991341

Thank you for giving me such in-depth feedback. I feel that I can incorperate what you have suggested and really grow as a writer. Most critics go so far as to actually tell you what they didn't like and what needs to be improved, but you went a step further and told me nothing, thereby sending me off on a voyage of introspection and self discovery. Tonight, I may like awake, staring at the ceiling in darkness, thinking to myself How? How can I fix it? Undefined-senpai has noticed me, but how do I earn his approval?

I forsee a journey of personal growth ahead of me, and I have only you to thank. You and your inane, not-constructive comment that I really can't do anything with.

:trollestia:

3991508

If it wasn't going to before, it might now!

3991509

Like the description says, unrelated one-shots. In some, they are immortal greater gods. In others, they could be Wizard of Oz style charletans who really hope nobody ever looks behind the drapes of the throne room.

Comment posted by Kaelzoroden deleted Feb 23rd, 2014

3991519 Wow your so clever. Showing people how bad ass you are. And how much you dont care. By wasting to time writing that comment that I skimmed and really did noteven give a fuck about. I do not care if you improve, I just want to make you aware that you're story gave me cancer.

3991548

The thing is that it took me almost no time to write. I can type reasonably fast, after all, so it's not like I sat there mulling it over. Same goes for this.

And if all you have to say is "lol ur story sux" then I have to wonder who is actually wasting their time- the person who had a bit of fun in replying to a spam comment, or the person going out of their way to insult a stranger over the internet.

You're allowed to not like my story. I'm allowed to not care for the useless way you got that across. Magical, isn't it?

3991597 Troll harder.
3991565 I did not bother giving you constructive critisism because I know that you will not follow it okay.

..

Now that's one awesome Celestia. Fair, very effective, still benevolent, knows what she wants and know how to get it. Doesn't take shit from anyone.

More please!

Headcanon accepted (x2):

1) Equus's sun needs to be fed periodically. With other stars.

2) The living portion of the Royal Guard is nothing but training to join the Annular Legion.

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I like the idea of them having to manually keep their sun burning. Changing mass would explain why they couldn't just let the planet orbit it, and if she has the power to toss the sun around anyway it would likely be easier to just poke it twice a day than periodically work through an ocean of math to calculate the perfect range and velocity for the planet to stay in orbit.

3991519 A sheeple and proud of it here. I know that this renowned critique has his own viewpoints, but I felt that the story was well done. The interactions between the characters was far more than satisfying, it left me craving more! The way you implemented your own story elements and characters, such as the Annular Legion and Felraus, was interesting, believable, and hilarious. Your descriptions of things that were of your own invention, again I refer to the Annular Legion with Marble Heart, made it crystal clear in my mind and I felt like the image in my mind was so vivid, I could have been the one who thought of them! (Though I won't claim that I did :twilightsmile: ). Overall, the only thing that could have made it better was if there was more of it, and I'm not even sure that would have been such a good idea, it worked as a one-shot. I am kinda curious to see what were to have happened should the elves had dared to stage an invasion. Keep up the good work with the story, looking forward to reading more! :yay:

Utterly, utterly hilarious. This Celestia really deserves a story of her own. I just wish I had the personality references to bring it to life.

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Personally I think of it more as 'God-queen' Celestia. She's not really tyrannical, more a war leader; used to command, people keeping up, having to fight for her people's place.

Oh gods, Twilight's reaction would be priceless. :twilightoops:

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Wow, thank you for the glowing review!

For what it's worth, if you do see an idea in my stories that you like, by all means go ahead and use it elsewhere. I'd just ask that you let me know where you're using it (I'm curious to see how it turns out!) but feel free to take it and run with it!

If you like the Annular Legion and are writing a story where you think they'd be a good fit, feel free to drop them in! I pictured them as basically a literal legion of the damned- They once did something so horrific that it was absolutely beyond forgiveness, but in doing so saved Equestria from destruction. They were too heroic and effective to be condemned and struck from the history books, but too monstrous to be rewarded, and so they were entombed where they could be called upon if Equestria ever again did need them. They are something of a last-resort weapon due to the horrors they inflict, but they have so far stopped any threat they have been set against.

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If you feel like writing that story, by all means go for it! I could always help with the dialogue and such if that's a problem.

She's not a tyrant, that was just the behavior she needed to succeed in, as Luna put it, "The Bad Old Days". The same core elements of her personality remain- a fierce desire to protect her Ponies, an inclination towards justice, and fundamentally the desire to be a good Pony. She saw true evil, and she has never wanted to be that. Your assessment of "War Leader" is actually pretty accurate, she wasn't some wandering barbarian queen (though I would read the heck out of that story), she simply wanted to lead her Ponies to safety and prosperity.

Back then, that required heavy armour and a heavier hammer.

3991763 Thank you for the clarification, I might just use them in a story one of these days (or better yet center a story around them!) Right now though I'm kinda working on getting another story off the ground, though I am fond of the Annular Legion and really want to see them used more, so I'll write it... eventually. :twilightsheepish:

3991763 To clarify: No. I haven't read the story yet.

For what it's worth, if you do see an idea in my stories that you like, by all means go ahead and use it elsewhere. I'd just ask that you let me know where you're using it (I'm curious to see how it turns out!) but feel free to take it and run with it!

:pinkiesmile: It is good to know I'm not the only author that enjoys seeing what others can do with ideas we make. I myself made a short romance, sad story that I couldn't take anywhere but have given another author permission to use it as a base for theirs and expand on the concepts where I couldn't.

I was looking at the featured box yesterday, and I happened to glance at the new stories box. Usually, I don't bother, as 90% of it isn't worth my time, but on a whim I clicked on this story back when it had 7 likes. So I read it and I liked it. I'm glad that it seems to have garnered praise from others too. Congratulations on reaching the featured box! :twilightsmile:


And by "yesterday" I mean at about 1:00 in the morning today. :P

Most humorous indeed! I have had much enjoyment of your story, and for that I thank thee!

Two amusing chapters. Stories like this on occasion are very entertaining, since there are always the unanswered questions about just how Equestria came to become the land of peace and tolerance it is generally considered as. The imagination tends to wander about subtle terrors and unbelievable excessive forced used to create such a world, by two very long living and potentially powerful characters. An adorably dark twist of sorts you could say.

I'm sure people could point out more technical aspects of your writing that needs refinement, but I'm not that person to offer such advice.

I am amused. Both chapters were respectively funny in a subtle way.

EDIT: And of course it would be elves plotting treachery. Elitist, narcissistic, and xenophobic creatures.

I had words for the first chapter, but the second...

Do I still exist? Did I seriously just read something that good despite being so different from any expectations I had?

This is more disorienting than Dragon's Wild turned out to be... Kudos!

Goddess Empress Celestia is best Celestia.:trollestia:


3991763

Not like we have humans anymore though, so I scrapped that one..." at the mention of humans, she looked wistfully back towards the Crypt.

Did the Legion genocide the humans of Equus? :twilightoops:

.... Why do I get the feeling I'm looking at a Celestia's plot picture?

XenaCelestia - warrior princess!

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It's possible, I don't actually remember what the original form of this image was.

3990252 'Wherefore' means 'Why'
IE "Wherefore art thou Romeo?" Means "Why are you Romeo?" It makes more sense in context but I'm not about to transcribe Shakespeare here.

3992799 "Hey look! Its Celestia's massive ERECTION!"

3992840
Well, I just looked up where the image was cropped from. You're not correct, but it's a bit saucier than I'd like...

I'm probably going to be changing it once I find another headshot of Celestia that I like. For now, I'm not linking to the full picture, so I'm gonna call it okay.

3992868 Did it show Celestia's massive erection?

And the face shot isn't bad, its really quite pretty.

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There's no erection involved.

Just a copious amount of sunbutt.

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Odd, I never pictured Yoda as a "massive equine fem-dong" enthusiast.

3992910 Nah, I just remembered a video where someone did the Yoda voice and went "Mmm, erection."


I'm weird leave me alone.

One twist I kept expecting to see was for Discord to show up, with Felruas' god-senses immediately informing him that this was an elder god of chaos incarnate, and then have him act all polite and deferential to Celestia before going off to have some tea with Fluttershy. "Oh yes, he's learning quite well, isn't he?" Celestia would quip. "Imagine! Only a matter of a few years ago he was attempting to conquer the world!"

But I suppose casually shoving stars into your pet sun's gullet is about as impressive. :trollestia:

This was riiiidiculous, and delightful. My favorite bit:

The sudden reveal of the Queen of the Changelings laying prostrate in front of Celestia distracted the nobility from the fact that several of them were suddenly revealed to be balding, several were in fact a bit heavier than they let on, and one was actually a completely different gender all together.

It kinda dragged on a bit when she was going race-by-race, bringing them to task, but beyond that I loved it. Medieval, Bad-Old-Days Celestia needs her own fic.

Congrads on the feature!

Even though it was kinda hard to read for me because of the archaic speech, it was pretty funny. Very good and I'm eager to see more of these stories. :pinkiehappy:

Like and fav!

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