The Beginning
In the peaceful lands of Equestria, progress has began to grow to an extraordinary results. The use of technology started to advance, they even taken up to actually step on the moon. The world they live in is filled with magic, even though of the large amount of technology advancing, they come up with merging the two factions together. Magic is embedded to technology, allowing it to either harden or to shape into different shapes. They call this metal, Equdium, the first metal to be created by all beings to one mind.
Scientists that believe in warfare began to mold the Equdium, making some kind of large suit of armor, to adapt to the harsh environments of land and in space. Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna, began to ponder of the usage of these massive suits, they can protect their kin from danger, but it can also harm someone...or something. To be put to good use, they decided to pull the military suits or, Mobile Suits. They are to be sent into space to build their space ships above, their weapons are to molded to the wearers personality.
-0-0-0-
Princess Twilight reading a is studying a new book about, "How to Travel in Space" by Oletta Stargazer. she smiles with interest. that is when a pink mare with cotton candy hair and tail popped next to her. "CanyoubelieveitTwilight!" The pink mare said in a hyperactive tone. "WeareactuallygoingintoSPACE! Ididn'tthinkwegettobeinvitedbyyou, AGAIN!"
The one name Twilight smiles and closes her book. "That's right Pinkie Pie, I wanted to go into space," she said in a calmer tone. "But I want you girls to come with me to share the adventure."
"Do you think we can see some aliens?" A cerulean colored pegasus said with multi colored mane and tale said. "I want to kick their flanks when we get to the next galaxy."
An orange colored earth pony rolls her eyes. "There ain't no such thing as aliens Dash." she said as she tips her duster hat up. "Unless there are, ah'm joining ya."
A gray and yellowish mare timid a bit while her long pink hair flows. "Uhm." she speaks in a quiet tone. "Can we atleast be friendly at first?" she said nicely to them.
"Fluttershy is right." Said a white furred mare with elegant curled mane and tail. "We just need to show them a little kindness we don't want a to fight, just to observe and be friendly."
"Girls," Twilight gained their attention. "Just promise me that all of you will be on your best behavior, we don't know what is out there, I just hope nothing horrible can go wrong."
In the vehicle they are actually in is a small shuttle. This small shuttle is one of the later generations of the magical ships created for space travels. It flies up in great speed, due to the magic, the passengers barely feel the G-force pulling them down. The shuttle passed through the atmosphere and away from the gravitational pull from Eque. At first the lack of gravity affect them well and hard to perform their tasks, so artificial gravity is created by then.
The small shuttle finally arrived upon a larger ship, this one large enough to be 120 meters tall and 300-400 meters long. It was a disk shaped ship with violet coloring and lines blue neon lights pulse with life full of magic.
"There it is girls!" Rarity said with awe, the six mares look out the window of their little shuttle to see it.
Twilight smiles even more to see this. "The Star Wondering."
Just then a three large humanoid figures pass by the small shuttle, making Fluttershy in fear and ducked under the seat, Rainbow Dash in shock to see them. "What are those things!" she shouted.
Applejack looked a little shocked to see them. "They'd be the Mobile Suits," she said. "Applebloom keeps talk'n 'bout them, them CMC called themselves Mobile Crusaders and have fun in boxes." she said with a smile.
Pinkie hops up and down in her seat with glee. "Think we can pilot one of them?"
"I want one." Rainbow agrees.
"Afraid not." said a mares voice. Their attention is gained to topaz furred mare with blonde main and tail. The mane is pulled into a bun to keep it short, but not her tail. She wore a lab coat and small rectangular glasses. "Those suits are for military protection and for construction work, not as play things."
Twilight gasp as the author of her book is standing there in person. "Oletta Stargazer?" she squeaked a little. "It's an honor to meet you, are you going in this expedition as well?"
Oletta smiles a little. "Yes Princess Twilight." she said with a little bow. "I may have written the book, doesn't mean I am being left out of this, after all, I am leading this research."
Fluttershy finally came out of her shell. "Why can't we pilot these...suits?" over the years she warmed up to everypony she meet thanks to her friends.
Oletta turns to the timid on. "A very good question." she said. "Mobile Suits didn't actually look like suits only in rounded metal forms." she said and points out the windows, the eyes turn to see they entered the hanger to the Star Wondering. The hanger holds many mares and stallions, against the walls are round large metals. "They are powered by energy crystals found in the Crystal Kingdom, thanks to Griffin Republic, we are able to have a sustainable energy to keep these suits moving,"
Rarity looked at disbelief. "How do they work will they mold into the personality?"
The scientist nods. "It only needs one pony to do so," she said. "When bonded, the suit will open to the wear and the wearer only." she points to see a demonstration. "As you see, by controlling the suits, it mimics the movement when you are inside, you punch it punch, you want to fly, it will fly."
"Sweet Nelly." Applejack in awe.
"So can we fly these things?" Rainbow said with eager.
Oletta sighs. "If the princess approves it." she points to Twilight. "If so, you may need some training."
"Maybe after the expedition." Twilight said. "But first I want to see the voyage first, we are going to launch soon right?"
Oletta nods. The shuttle lands and the passengers including pilot and co-pilot exit out, everyone in the hanger started fastening the loose equipment, the large orb suits in stand by mode are checked to be fasten by magic and ropes.
The girls are fascinated as how large the inside is of their ship. It is spacious for anypony, there are scientists and security walking around them, getting ready for their launch. "It's GINORMOUS!" Pinkie couldn't help but giggle and hop around to explore.
"Pinkie!" Rarity protest her friend to come back.
"I'll keep an eye on her." Rainbow flies to follow Pinkie.
Fluttershy looks out the window to see the space outside, the suits flying back into the hanger. "Twilight?"
The Alicorn looks at her. "Yeah Shy?"
"Do you think there is life among the stars?"
"I don't know." Twilight said looking out the window with her. "If we exist in a star like this, maybe there is life to where we are going."
0-0-0
BEEP...BEEP...BEE-click
A hand is out stretched from the bed, it slithered back into the bed as the big lump shifted under the covers with a groan. Though the lights flash to reveal a small white room, not to small for one person to walk around. It has one small shower and sink, and out of the walls is a tray filled with a pair of folded uniform, colored with blue and white linings, along with a folded military, gloves and boots.
A man groans as he sits up from the bed. He has black short hair along with a five o'clock shadow on his face, he also has a well built body with light tan skin. Only in his white muscle t-shirt and sweat pants, he groans as he narrows his eyes to adjust with the lighting of the room. He pushes the blanket up...only the blanket continues to float up to the ceiling.
"Good morning commander Frontal." said a computerized voice.
The commander sighs as he floats up from his bed. "Morning," he said as he floats to the tray of clothes and starts changing.
"It is 0700, weather in Washington is clear blue skies and 78 degrees Fahrenheit." The computer voice said. "Today is also your day to test your new mobile suits.
"Thanks Sweet Heart." he said to the computer with appreciation. "The news?" he then starts fitting in the badges.
"It is also the anniversary of the Solar Republic." The computer continues. "The Zeon and Earth Sphere federation war ended 20 years ago, now of celebration of our president's 65th birthday."
He smiles and puts on the cap. "Thanks Sweetie." he said and receives a small bag that is a size of his hand, with a straw, it said breakfast with a picture of a sausage. "Space food, my favorite." he said sarcastically, "Let me know if anything happens?"
"Yes commander."
The commander floats out of his room, grabbing a stick that is attached to a wall. The stick moved, pulling him down the hall.
"Chris!" said a big voice sounding of a Russian. The commander known as Chris Frontal was pulled in a head lock by a large man in the same uniform, a full grown beard with a warming smile. "It good to see my old friend!"
Chris couldn't help but smile as he caught is breakfast from flying off. "Good to see you too Alexander." he chuckles as he is let go. "When did you get transferred here to the Saturn base?"
"The zame time az me." the two turn to see a blond short haired man with glasses, a three claw mark scar on his left cheek with cold eyes. He seems to be from Germany due to the accent he wears. "I azzume you are tezting ze new Mobile Zuitz like me ya?"
"Da." Alexander lets go. "It has been while, Hansel Jaeger." he growls.
"Ya," Hansel narrows his eyes. "Alexander Vetrov."
"Guys enough." Chris tries to calm them down. "Look, what happened in the academy stays at the academy, we made an oath on that remember."
The two rivals look at the voice of reason and sigh. "Grudges iz bad for ze health."
"Da."
Chris smiles. "Good, I see we are all getting along, lets see about our Mobile Suits."
The three agreed and they all float to the hanger. They are greeted with other members of the Saturn station. This station is large and uphold many soldiers and researchers. As they finally arrive they see their mobile suits.
The first Mobile Suit is being pulled up, it is a large being of 18 meters tall. The mobile suit made of harden metal, with an extra layer of metal like a second defense, on it's back is seemed to be of a large pack equipped with a long barrel beam rifle, it looked to be an under-over, but it seems to be of a special attachment. The right hand of the Mobile suit holds a beam rifle, custom to be for accuracy and slow firing rate, the left arm is attached with a long rectangular shield.
"Ze Langdolch." Hansel grins at his master piece.
"Long Dagger?" Chris translates, receiving a nod.
"Ahk, moy bol'shoy kostyum." Alaxander laughs with victorious, capturing the two comrades.
"What the Hell?/Mutter Gottes!" They looked at with with pure shock.
This one, is from Russia, the Mobile Suit is a walking tank. This machine is heavily armored, thick leggings, thick metal body, and large arms. Around the suit and in it's metallic skirt if filled with thrusters for more maneuverability. In it's right hand is a large beam rifle, seaming to be a heavy and powerful type. It towers over the Langdolch a head taller. This one didn't need a shield as it is a walking wall of metal
"This my Druz'ya." Alexander introduces his suit. "The Revushchiye Medved"
Chris's eyebrow twitch with annoyance. "A little corny there for a bear that roars is right next to us."
Hansel wasn't amused and more annoyed. "Zat es not fair!"
"Life not fair." Alexander huffs with pride.
The next and final suit started to roll out. This one is red, the color is red with black outlines. The head, had an antenna that sleeked back, the eye is mono like the other two mobile suits that just rolled out. The armor is slick and slim. On it's back seemed to be large thrusters, seeming to be flexible for flight, along with long tubes that are attached and positioned downwards. There are three strange cylinders attached to the thrusters on each side. There are thusters on its legs for more maneuverability. A medium beam rifle for the Mobile Suit to have long range compatibility. A shield is attached to its left arm, the middle forearm has a larger portion of the shield made thinned it's width out forward. On the abdomen of the red mobile suit looked to be a hole, a particle cannon for mid range combat.
The Russian and German look at the suit. "Zo, ze "Red Comet" zill livez up hiz name?" Hansel looks at Chris.
The American shrugs. "Hey, long range, heavy armor," he points at the two. "It's just like the old days."
The three grin at one another. This testing exercise is going to be interesting.
They all suited up in protective jump suits and now in their Mobile Suits. The suits's mono eyes glow of green to be now activated. Within the control center, a woman's voice is said out. "Langdolch, stand by for launching." she said and starts typing.
The hanger doors open, the platform bellow the feet of the mobile suits extended out into the open space. Hansel nods and types a few keys on his instruments. "Langdolch zanding by." and all systems are green. "Launch!" The Langdolch mobile suit shoots forward like a catapult, now out, it ignites its thrusters.
The next Mobile Suit is the Revushchiye Medved. "Revushchiye Medved gotova k zapusku." he then grins to see the green light. The heavy Mobile Suit isn't heavy now and launched forward.
Finally it is Chris's turn with his Mobile Suit. "Pychoframe system is all green, Sazabi, ready to launch." he said as he fingers his hand controls. He was launched out. The red Sazabi now in space, the large thrusters and leg thrusters ignited. Shooting forward and passing the two mobile suits.
"The academy." Alexander smiles seeing the Red Comet flying again.
The g-force is starting to affect him, but he did not mind, he is trained to be fast. He flies to the Saturn's asteroid ring, circling around by it and awaits for orders.
On the dash boards of their cockpits show of a hologram of an eldered man still in prime, wearing an admiral's uniform. "Gentlemen, your mission is to test out the new conditions of your suits on each other," he informs them. "You will not harm one another, just a simple mock battle."
"Yes sir." they all said in unison.
The admiral nods. "The testing begins now." the communications now cut.
Chris eyes narrowed, feeling the brainwaves from the Psychoframe to move now. The Sazabi quickly flies up to dodge a beam from the Langdolch's shoulder rifle. Chris now upside down looking at the German. "What happened to ready set go?" the he sensed the Russian coming at him with his beam rifle.
"We are men of war, battles start upon any time!" Alexander roars with his Medved. The Sazabi quickly dodges again and flies into the asteroid field.
The Langdolch switch targets and flies as well, firing a low power beam that struck the thick armor, but it didn't penetrate or dented. The two then carried the fight in the field of dangerous orbital asteroids.
0-0-0
The Star Wondering exited out of its own hyperspace. The trip was long for about three hours for them to travel. Pinkie and Rainbow Dash looked out the window. "Oh Dash." Pinkie spoke up. "Is this the next planet?"
"I'm no egghead." Rainbow Dash said looking out the window with her friend. "But I'm pretty sure we are in the next world."
The two see a planet of large mass, surrounded by the many asteroids orbiting around it.
Oletta walked down the hallway with Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack behind her. Though Applejack was never to kind with advance learning, she took off to find Rainbow and Pinkie. "This is our research facility." she said as she shows them the laboratory. "Of all the advancements, we took as much what we are needed to research here in the new planets we are in now."
"This is amazing." Twilight in her learning habits kicking in.
"Are we going to harm any animals?" Fluttershy questions.
Oletta thinks for a moment. "Well, we can observe at first, then we can think about capturing one of them."
"What about resistance?" Rarity said. "They don't know who we are, they might see us as a threat?"
"Good point." The scientist mare agrees. "Though this is in the name of research, we will try to minimize damage."
Applejack finally found Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie...only they are now located in the Hanger where all of the standing by Mobile Suits are. "Girls." Applejack said in irritation. "What are you two doing?"
Pinkie and Rainbow are next to two open Equ suits, these suits are still haven't been chosen yet. "This is very simple." the Cyan pegasus flies next to one. "We are going to pilot one of these badcolts."
"This ain't right." Applejack protests. "If you girls are going to-"
"You want in this don't you." Pinkie said like she is influencing her with an eager voice.
"..." Applejack didn't think twice and runs to a third open Equ Suit for her.
"Mam." said one of the assistant lab members holding a chart.
"Yes Horus?"
"We detect movement in the asteroid field." he said as he pulls a holoscreen of three large metal beings, fighting each other.
Oletta looks closely. "Incredible."
"They seemed to be Equ Suits like ours." He said. "Only they seem to be out of date, the technology is primitive, but very effective."
The leading scientist began to ponder. "Send a team to capture one of them, be as gentle as possible." she said as she looks at Fluttershy, learning of their approval.
"Wait, I thought you already sent a team?"
The four looked at them in confused. "What team?"
"They said they are sent out by Princess Twilight."
"...Oh sweet Celestia." The new princess groans.
Three Mobile Suits have finally launch. The three seemed to have matching helmets, the forehead seemed to have have a V shape crest, a Cyan and white colored Mobile Suit on the back has extra thrusters, flying around with ease. A heavily armed Suit like its sisters, only more bulkier flies like it is its first time, but starting to get used to it. The last and third one is a pink and white colored unit, it looked like it is having a ball flying.
"THIS IS AWESOME!" Rainbow in the Cyan colored unit, flying like it was born to be.
Pinkie is giggling with joy and fun. "This is fun, I wish we come up with this sooner."
"Ah'm glad ah tagged along!" Applejack started to fly fluently...only to get a communication.
"GIRLS!" It was an angry Twilight.
"Whoop, spoke ta soon." Applejack groans.
"Get back here right now, there are dangerous beings out close to your position."
Rainbow now disappointed. "Oh come on." she whines. "We just got the hang of flying, they're a lot easier than you think."
"What!" Oletta now in shock. "It takes months to fly like that correctly, how are you doing it?"
"We just have fun!" Pinkie answered.
"Girls listen to Twilight." Rarity butts in. "they could be dangerous so co-"
"Hold your positions." Oletta interrupts. "If my hunch is correct, you girls are the Bearers of the Elements correct?" The six nodded. "Hm...Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, can you three test your capabilities upon those three beings, I'm already dispatching a squad for protection."
"Oky doky!" Pinkie speeds forwards.
Rainbow Dash follows sweet "Aye aye."
"Wait for me girls!" Applejack tries to catch up to them.
"Are you insane!" Rarity said in horror at Oletta. "You are putting our friends in danger."
"If they are in danger, the suits would have rejected them in the first place."
"Wait." Fluttershy said to be apart of this argument. "Are you saying, the suits wouldn't allow them...are they alive?"
"They are sentient, but it seemed to be harmonizing to your friends." Oletta answers.
Twilight puts together the puzzles. "If you say the suits actually bonded our friends, are you saying they care capable of protecting them."
"In theory." The scientist said. "The suits main instinct is survival, if the suit is to be hurt? It will react and avoid the danger or counter if possible."
"I hope you're right about this." Rarity growls at her and looks at the screen to watch what is happening.
0-0-0
Within the humans point of view, the three Mobile Suits fly around the asteroid field, firing small bursts of beams to try not to harm one another. After all, this is a testing exercise and they are friends.
"Will you quit wiz ze large beam firing!" Hansel roars at Alexander, firing precision firing at the hulking tank.
The Medved's thrusters pushed the large mobile suit to avoid, only to be grazed the armor. "What, boyus' , chtoby vash Mobile Suit potsarapat'sya ?" he taunts...though the head of the Medved met the foot of the Red Comet, the Sazabi.
"Don't taunt him." Chris said and the Sazabi kicks of and shot straight at the Langdolch, firing a few shots at the German suit. "You might get started on his temper."
"I have no zemper!"
"Da he does." Alexander mocks as the Medved launches towards the two.
"Nein i don'z!"
"Warning," said a computer voice. The Mobile Suits freeze upon where they are. The Sazabi is in front the Langdolch, the rifle in point black at the shoulder, the Medved on top of them with rifle aimed at both of them, and the Langdolch's shoulder rifle is armed at the Medved's head and his hand rifle is aimed upon the Sazabi's head. "Unknown proximity has entered the, bio signature is unknown, threat level is unknown,"
"What?/Chto?/Was?" The three shouted in shock and pull away one another. "Vhere?" Hansel said checking is instruments and radar.
The Medved turn its head. "Three o'clock."
The Sazabi turns around. "What the?" He then sees three mobile units similar to theirs... only they are made of mare alien metal, the outlines have been pulsing with some sort of energy unknown...the worst part is that the three humans feared them at first, the heads and the V crest said it all.
"Gundam." was the word Chris finally spoke out.
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You may want to concider a proofreader.
4208386
I should I've been busy and I want to get this done, I'm just a newb at this.
I haven't done concrit for a while and I'm listening to Gundam music atm, so I might as well give this a runthrough.
First off: Get a Mobile Suit as the cover art! It's much more eye-catching to have an actual Mobile Suit instead of... whatever that is. After reading edit: Perhaps Sazabi? Something like this:
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110829012149/gundam/images/archive/5/52/20111025202915!Sazabi_gunpla.jpg
Author's note at the top. That's alright, but they're kinda jarring. I prefer 'em at the bottom. Also, we can tell it's anthro from the tags, no need to repeat it! (We also know it's a Gundam fic, so you can cut the "Gundam fanfiction" beneath the note.)
pls no
Lavender unicorn syndrome is the term for what you just did. We know waht Twilight looks like so cutting down and just saying "Twilight Sparkle" is much, much better. It's better to use LUS sparingly.
Also present tense (has, walks) isn't a very popular tense. Most - including me - prefer past tense (had, walked). Past is much better to write in, so if you can, rewrite and stick to past.
"That is when" is unnecessary, it can be removed.
Rainbow Dash isn't cyan.
Repetitive. Something like "They are actually in a small shuttle" would work better, if you're intent on keeping present tense.
So, the crystals are from the Crystal Empire, but it's thanks to the Griffons that they can use them? How does this work?
The Mobile Suits in this sound like the Mobile Fighters from G Gundam. I can dig that.
You should add a scene transition marker (0-0-0) in between them on the ship and the guy waking up.
Chris Frontal? Related to Full Frontal?
Writing accents might be fun, but it's annoying to read. Just say their speech is accented and we can pick it up from there.
Again, a transition marker would be appreciated for the next few scenes. Rather jarring.
I thought they were Equ Suits, not Mobile Suits. Stick to one term so you don't confuse people.
Is sweet supposed to be there?
Anyway, interesting start. If you go to the "GROUPS" tab next to your name, you can search "Edit" or "Editor" and find plenty of groups that can aid in proof/prereading and editing to make this less rough and more palatable.
Also, this seems to be a U.C. crossover (Am I right?) so calling it "Gundam U.C.: Distant Crossing" would be much appreciated. I thought this was going to be Gundam with ponies, not a simple X into Y universe crossover, which was mildly disappointing.
I'll upvote and put into read later, though. There's some good ideas in here, and I think with a prereader you can get the quality much higher.
4209368 Thank you very much Satsuki, I'll try my best the next time, and thank you for the photo, I'll try to find something more gundam.
Please oh please have Sunset and Trixie in this 2 hell I'll let you use my gundam designs and you can use my oc as a 3rd for there team if you want. Also loving this. If you want I can ask around or look for pony themed gundams. Like this derpicdn.net/img/2014/3/28/587507/medium.jpeg
4210243 Uh hm, I have thought about it, I guess I could use more inspiration. Sure, ask around if you like mail me your OC, and I will concider the two coming along, I need something for inspiration.
4208745 I just gotta know if ur ponies are anthro it would be so fitting
4541914
yes, they are anthro
4544057 so cool
So I take it you were referencing the end of hostilities in U.C.93?