You Broke Your Promise? I'll Break Your Everything!
April 14th 2012
The act of rolling over onto a sharp rock woke me up from what had been a restless slumber. I had woken up several times during the night, unable to get comfortable or to stop thinking about my strange new companions. Their antics baffled me; even drugs couldn't mess anyone up that badly, could they? It was difficult to admit, but the two girls seemed perfectly normal despite all the pony nonsense. Their eyes hadn't been bloodshot, I hadn't noticed any shaky hands, and their reflexes and concentration seemed just fine. It hadn't helped that dreams of ponies had filled my head during the times that I was able to manage some sleep.
I stretched my arms over my head and yawned. Today I would get the two girls back to their own camp and get back to enjoying my trip. There were fish to be caught, trails to explore, and relaxation to experience. I wouldn't be able to do any of that until they were gone. I just hoped they didn't get startled once they woke up; I didn't want to have to explain how they ended up in my tent if they didn't remember anything from the previous night. My attention snapped back to the present as I heard a kind of frantic scrabbling noise at the entrance to my tent. It was coming from inside.
"Oh where is it, where is it?" came a familiar voice from inside. "Let me out, gotta go now! Can't... hold it... much longer!"
I stood up and brushed some leaves and twigs from my clothing, then walked over to the tent entrance.
"Everything okay in there? Do you remember what happened last night?" I asked hesitantly.
"Doug, is that you? Quick, get me out of here! I need to use the little filly's room right now!" came the voice of 'Pinkie'.
That badly? I hadn't smelled alcohol on either of the girls. The way she was acting, it must have been an emergency. I found the zipper and unzipped the tent flap for her, and she immediately burst through the opening, hopping around with her legs squeezed tightly together. I began to lead her towards a restroom facility that was nearby.
"Crikey, you going to make it, mate?" I asked with some concern. She was wearing my favorite shorts, after all. "Maybe you should have gone before we went to bed last night."
'Pinkie' gave me a look of desperation. "I was fine last night! But when I woke up, I decided to try another one of those really sweet drinks you gave me with dinner. Only, I couldn't help myself and I may have gone a little overboard and totally drunk all of the ones that were left. Please don't be angry!"
I stared at her, dumbfounded. "That's not even physically possible! There were at least eighteen Cokes left! How many did you really drink?"
"Seventeen."
"What?"
"Fluttershy had one, too," she revealed. I made a mental note to check the cooler later.
We arrived at the building. 'Pinkie' rushed inside the women's restroom while I headed for the men's. I stood before a urinal and unzipped my pants. A sudden thought came to mind as I was relieving myself. 'Pinkie' had said filly's room and Fluttershy. I wasn't aware of any drugs that could mess someone up for eight to ten hours, or however long it had been. I finished up and walked over to the sink to wash my hands, then looked in the mirror. My hair was sticking out in all directions, and there was an errant leaf stuck in my beard. I plucked it out of my beard and flicked it into the yellow rubbish bin near the front entrance, realizing that I needed a shower.
I walked back outside and waited by the women's entrance. A few moments later, 'Pinkie' emerged looking relieved. She offered me an embarrassed grin.
"Look, Pinkie," I began. "I need to have a shower, but I want to make sure you're, ah, occupied while I'm gone. I have a few coins you can use if you want a shower, too." I took some coins from my wallet and offered them to her.
She looked at the coins, took them, then glanced up at me with a curious expression. "This place is weird. You have to pay every time you want a shower?"
"You do when you're out here. Anyway, I'm going to go grab some towels and check on, uh, Fluttershy. Are you going to be okay waiting here for a minute?" I asked.
"Yes, sir!" she saluted happily.
I returned the salute just to be nice, then turned around and jogged back to my camp site. I was dismayed to find that the tent flap was still open. Entering the tent, I saw exactly what I was afraid of seeing - the tent was full of bugs.
'Fluttershy' was awake and watching them crawl and fly around.
"Sorry dear, I'll take care of them in a minute. Are you feeling better today?" I asked as I searched for the bug spray.
"Oh yes, thank you. It was so nice hearing all the little critters outside last night. I still don't think I can walk though."
Great, I thought. "Hold your breath for a second while I deal with these," I advised once I had found the spray. I gave it a good shake, then let the little bastards have it. I was careful not to use too much spray this time, as I did not want to have to carry 'Fluttershy' out of the tent just yet. I looked her way just as I was finishing off the last of the bugs.
Uh oh.
'Fluttershy' had both her hands over her mouth, but they weren't there to protect from the bug spray. She stared up at me with wide eyes that were brimming with tears. I looked from her to the can of bug spray still gripped in my right hand, then down to the tent floor that was covered with dead insects. My eyes went back to hers.
"Oh... oh no. You're like one of them PETA members or something, aren't you? That explains why you like Fluttershy so much. Oh mate, I'm so sorry." I realized I was hiding the can of spray behind my back.
"How... could you?" she said through tears.
I made a show of looking at the spray can. "Uh... oh no! I can't believe what I've just done," I said with as straight a face as possible. "I meant to spray them with, uh, love spray so they could feel lots of love! What a tragedy, I feel so awful!" I curled up into a ball and pretended to cry.
'Fluttershy' peered at me. "Really? Oh, how awful! There, there - you just take all the time you need. I can't blame you if it was just an accident. But," she sighed, "those poor, cute little bugs."
"It's such a tragedy. I think the only thing that can make me feel better is a shower." I stood up and grabbed a few towels. "Do you want one, too?"
"I... guess," she whispered. The way her eyes still glistened and her lower lip quivered made me feel awful.
I knelt down and lifted her up into my arms, then exited the tent. I made a mental note to clean out the bug corpses before I let her back inside. We soon arrived back at the restroom facility, but 'Pinkie' was nowhere to be seen. Nearing the women's entrance, I heard the sound of a water running. 'Pinkie' had already begun her shower.
"Pinkie?" I shouted into the room.
"Yeah?" came the reply.
"I have Fluttershy, and I'm bringing her inside. Just stay inside the shower and keep the door closed, okay?"
'Fluttershy' gasped. "Y-you can't go inside the filly's room!"
"It's fine. I won't be able to see Pinkie, and how else do you expect to get inside to take a shower? Besides, I've already seen more than enough of both of you."
"Oh no, it's not that. It's just... it's the filly's room!"
I rolled my eyes and walked inside, careful not to bump 'Fluttershy's' head or legs on anything. 'Pinkie' was safely hidden behind a shower door, which I made my way towards.
"Hey Pinkie, can you take Fluttershy in there with you?" I asked. "She still can't stand up and, uh, I think it would be best if you helped her bathe."
"Alrighty!" came the response as the shower door opened up. 'Pinkie', her wet hair hanging down her back, stood waiting for 'Fluttershy' to join her.
"Oy! I told you about that! Close the door already!" I exclaimed. The girl had no shame.
"But how is Fluttershy going to get in here if the door isn't opened? You're not making much sense!" Pinkie complained.
"Okay, fine. I'll just close my eyes," I said as I set 'Fluttershy' down and helped to steady her. "Can you stand well enough so that I may leave?"
"I think so, only... "
"What?"
"Take her clothes off, silly!" 'Pinkie' shouted from within the shower. "She can't use her hands properly, yet!"
"I am not stripping Fluttershy!" I shouted. "That's just wrong on so many levels! Imagine if you two were telling the truth about all this pony stuff. That's just... no. Not happening! You two sort it out, I'm going to take my own shower." With that, I hastily exited the women's restroom and ran towards the men's.
A short time later, I emerged from the restroom clean and groomed. The girls were waiting for me, and I was mildly shocked to see that they were both clean and properly dressed - if wearing oversized men's clothing could be considered proper. 'Fluttershy' was standing as well, though she was supported by her friend. 'Pinkie' leaned over to me an put a hand on my shoulder.
"Fluttershy told me about the spray accident. That must have been terribly, horribly awful!" she said.
"Indeed, I shall bear the burden of this tragedy until the end of my days," I said sagely. "Now then, shall we get you two ladies back to your camp?" I knew they were still acting strange this morning, but I was hoping against hope that they wouldn't say...
"We don't have a camp, silly. We told you that last night!" 'Pinkie' said. She was looking at me as if I were crazy again.
I sighed. "Okay then. Let's get you girls to my car. I'll take you to the ranger's office - they'll know where you've set up camp. I won't tell them how I found you, but I wouldn't mention the pony stuff if I were you. You can give me my clothes back after you find your camp and get settled. Do you still need help walking, Fluttershy?"
The two girls looked at each other, then back to me. "Who said anything about a ranger's office? Onward to Ponyville, captain!" 'Pinkie' grinned. 'Fluttershy' nodded and smiled.
"Come on, girls!" I pleaded. "Enough with the whole Ponyville thing. It was kind of cute for a while, but it's getting old now. Just come with me to see the rangers and let's get this over with." I turned to head back to my tent.
"But... you Pinkie Promised! "
"No buts, Pinkie! We can't go to Ponyville, now come on." I began walking towards the tent when I heard a growl from behind me. I turned to look back and was stopped dead in my tracks. 'Pinkie' had balled her hand up into a fist and held it before her. Her shoulders heaved with each heavy breath she took as she stared at the ground. Suddenly, she raised her eyes to stare at me.
Oh shit.
"You broke a Pinkie Promise?" she growled at me as her eyes, now golden, bore into the depths of my soul. Her voice had taken on a gravelly kind of tone, and I noticed what seemed to be a small amount of smoke or steam emerging from her ears. "Nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise!" A light of some kind began to glow around her, like a sort of aura of destruction, as she spoke the last line.
Bugger this!
I turned around and ran as fast as my legs could take me. Although I was thirty two years old, I was in great physical shape. But at that moment, it didn't matter that I was physically stronger than both girls combined - 'Pinkie' was either the real thing, or she was possessed by a demon. Either way, I was going to die if I couldn't escape. My long legs helped me to cover the distance back to the tent within seconds, but I didn't stop there. I continued past the tent and up onto the fishing trail.
"You can never escape!" came a wail from behind me.
I hauled ass up the trail, hurdling small bushes and shrubs that were in the way. When I felt I was a good distance ahead, I risked a look back. Pinkie was not far behind and running just as fast, if not faster, than I was. Bloody oath, she's fanging it! I thought. I turned back to the task at hand, barely avoiding a low-hanging branch. The path was narrow, and gradually ascended the side of a small cliff. There was a large drop-off immediately to the right of the trail that led down to the lake below.
Could that be the real Pinkie Pie? I pondered as I ran for my life. What do you mean, the 'real Pinkie Pie'? She's not real ya wanker! I jumped and managed to clear a fallen tree in a single bound. Explain that to the angry girl behind you who's about to pave this trail with your blood! The trail began to descend slightly as it curved around the side of the cliff. I was beginning to feel a little winded. Maybe she's tired by now. I'm definitely in better shape than she is. I glanced behind me again.
She was gone.
I slowed myself down to a slow walk, then finally stopped. Keeping my back straight to provide maximum oxygen, I breathed deeply several times in order to catch my breath. My eyes scanned the surrounding forest, but Pinkie was nowhere to be found. I was breathing a sigh of relief when a kookaburra called out from somewhere nearby and nearly caused me to fall off the trail and into the lake below. Closing my eyes, I sat down and allowed a few moments for my heart to slow down to a more regular pace.
What the bloody hell was that all about? I thought. What she did was not physically possible. Eyes don't just randomly change color like that, and what was with her voice and that weird aura? A sudden thought came to mind. Maybe they drugged me as I slept! That was the only rational explanation. I stood up and turned around to head back to camp and confront the girls.
"I have you now!" Pinkie growled from above.
I looked up in time to see her leap from an overhead branch in my direction, which caused me to take an involuntary step backwards. I lost my balance as my foot connected with nothing but air, and I fell off the trail. My scream was cut off as I bounced off a rock and tumbled into the lake below.
I woke up and stretched, wincing when I moved my back in a certain way. I must have slept in a bad position. The sun's rays shone through my tent windows, warming my body up from the chilly April air. It would be a good day for fishing. I rolled out from under my blankets and stood up, stretching again for good measure. I felt good. It was so peaceful and quiet out here during this time of the year, a great opportunity to get away from civilization and rough it for a little bit. If you could consider having kitchen and toilet facilities nearby as roughing it.
Brisk weather met me as I climbed outside of my tent. It was a fantastic feeling and really made me excited about what the day had in store for me. I unlocked the car, grabbed my fishing gear, and headed towards the old trail with a smile on my face.
The smiled disappeared as the ground began to shake violently. Before I knew what was happening, the ground had split open beneath me and I fell, screaming, down what seemed to be an endless pit of darkness. I eventually landed not with a splat, but with a painful bounce at the bottom. The darkness was suddenly illuminated with blazing columns of fire that shot up into the air all around me. From within these columns emerged a terrifying sight - ponies.
"Welcome to Pony Hell, brony!" Twilight Sparkle said with a sneer. "Population: you!"
"Hey, who wants to take him to the rainbow factory?" Rainbow Dash asked with a sadistic grin. "I want to see a peach-colored rainbow!"
"Forget all of that, Dashie!" Pinkie Pie squealed. "Who's hungry for some cupcakes?"
I tried to get away, but my legs wouldn't move. I could only watch helplessly as the ponies closed in on me slowly.
I woke with a start. I was laying on an air mattress inside my tent. Blankets had been wrapped around me, and my clothes - all of them - had been removed. My hair seemed to be a bit damp as well, but I couldn't remember how it got that way. I looked around and saw the girl who called herself Fluttershy sitting nearby. She was studying her hands and slowly moving one finger at a time, in much the same way as a baby would. Memories flooded back into my mind.
"You really are Fluttershy, aren't you? The real Fluttershy," I asked the girl.
She jumped slightly when I spoke and hid her hands behind her back. She looked at me, closed her eyes, and nodded while smiling.
"I can't explain it any other way. I clearly saw that girl's - Pinkie's, eyes change color. The voice, the aura, climbing that tree somehow. I feel fine, too. It can't be drugs and... oh Christ, I made Fluttershy cry," I said with dismay. "I'm a terrible human being."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," she said soothingly. "You seem to be make a wonderful human. You can run almost as well as Pinkie! I just can't seem to get the hang of it."
"But I made you cry. I made Fluttershy cry," I groaned.
"It's okay. It was just an accident, I understand. I'm all better now," she reassured me with another smile.
I sat bolt upright, causing my back to flare in pain. "Bloody hell, I broke a Pinkie Promise. A real one!"
"You most certainly did!" Pinkie Pie stated as she entered the tent. I was relieved to see her eyes back to normal, but she still seemed angry. "You'd better have a good excuse, mister!"
"I'm sorry!" I blurted. "I didn't really think it was you, Pinkie. I promise, I thought you were just some Sheila with a problem! I would never break a real Pinkie Promise on purpose."
She looked me up and down for a moment, then crossed her arms. "Well, you did apologize, so I guess you're off the hook this time. But I warn you, if you ever try to break another Pinkie Promise, you will be paying for it - forever!"
Swallowing hard, I nodded my understanding, then looked up at Pinkie. "How did I get back here?" I asked. "I remember falling into the lake."
"I carried you back," Pinkie explained.
"But I weigh a hundred and eighty pounds, how is that even possible?"
Pinkie just stared at me and shrugged.
Another headache was beginning to form, and it was a big one. "Did you, uh, take my clothes off?"
"Nah, that was Fluttershy."
I swung my head to face Fluttershy, who blushed and looked down at the floor of the tent. "They were wet. I didn't want you to catch a cold."
I shook my head in wonder. "Well... thanks. That was smart and kind of you," I observed. She smiled again at my compliment. I looked at both of the girls. "You really are Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. Like, this isn't a dream or some weird drug messing with me, right?"
The girls nodded again.
"Get me my underwear and shorts, please," I requested.
Fluttershy reached over and managed to pick up my clothes, and handed them to me. I quickly pulled them on underneath the covers. Once I was respectable, I spoke again.
"Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy in my tent. Freaking Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy!" I grinned as I got up from the air mattress, slowly walked over to Pinkie, and wrapped my arms around her in a powerful hug. "You two are my new best friends!" I said as I walked over to Fluttershy and squeezed her as well. "I want to hear all about how Equestria really is. Seriously, I'll stay up all night if you want."
Pinkie held up a hand. "Wait a minute. We thought you were a stallion that got caught in Discord's magical pink wave thingy. If you're not from Equestria, then where are you from and how did you end up here, too?"
My grin faded. It looked like I had some explaining to do, and it wasn't going to be easy. "Uh, well. It's like this... " I began. That night we did stay up talking, but it wasn't as I had hoped. Throughout the night, there were questions I was unsure as to whether I should answer. There was confusion as to why some things were the way they were. And there were tears shed as the two former ponies slowly began to realize that there was a good chance they would never see their friends again.
Good chapter, mate.
You made Fluttershy cry. Not cool bro. And by not cool I mean evil.
mfw:
Good chapter
Awesome chapter!
502921 Man I knew I shouldn't have read the story first!
4 chapters in. Eh, still a lot of room for wacky adventures. Please, proceed.
awesone chapter and the part with Raibow factory and cupcakes mede me smile
Great chapter!
*looks at chapter title*
Oh god. I was right.
Oh boy. Now what are they going to do?
Breaking a Pinkie Promise and making Fluttershy cry? Oh, for shame, for shame.
I sense shenanigans incoming!
So Slorg, she undressed you
Bow chicka bow wow!
Even when Discord's powers are nonfunctional, Pinkie is still Pinkie. Fantastic.
Now that story!you has accepted the premise of the story, I look forward to seeing what happens from here.
img6.imagebanana.com/img/8fjqvbaw/SlapyourshitSoldier.jpg
so he got stripped by Fluttershy not bad
Hmm I'm a bit disappointed by how rushed the chapter felt towards the end, could have used a bit more descriptiveness.
Also, the 'suddenly believing that it was Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie' seemed a bit off.
I approve of the rest of it though, particularly the characterization.
aaaaand shit hits th' fan.
He broke a pinkie promise. And didn't get sent to oblivion? Wow. I do think the beliving they are real is a bit off. Your brain tries to keep you in reality for as long as it can, until you go insane. Or belive yourself. So really you made it a bit rushed. It's okay. Godspeed and goodluck. Drink some vodka.
503103 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
I find it odd that a few people feel that fictional Slorgy finally believing that they are the real Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy is rushed.
Out of every PonyFall story so far, Slorgy held off on believing the longest. Three chapters crammed full of evidence (lack of physical signs of drug abuse, complete honesty when making claims about Ponyville, waking up to discover it wasn't a dream). It took witnessing Pinkie Pie break reality before he finally began to realize what had happened - and even then he wasn't entirely certain until he'd fallen into the lake and found out he had been dragged back to the camp by Pinkie.
There's only so much evidence you can cram in front of someone with them still disbelieving before you finally say "Okay, it's hopeless. He's obviously stupid." How would you react if you saw someone claiming to be Pinkie Pie have their eyes change color, have an aura of light appear around them, alter their voice well beyond human capability, and somehow climb a tree that you're standing next to without you noticing?
Anyway, I'll go back over the chapter soon (I do this with every chapter after it's up) and fix any mistakes I missed the first time around.
[EDIT] I've looked through it, and I just don't see the 'rushed' bit. I did add an extra line of dialogue to help explain fictional Slorgy's state of mind. Otherwise, it looks fine to me. Can't satisfy everyone, I suppose.
Wow. Impressive. ME GUSTA!
Slorg, I am scared for you bro. I always did wonder what would happen if someone broke one of those... Nice save with the spray btw.
506021
506057 *what I was trying to say... in a very, very, very vague way... lawl* Why would you make a chapter where you "introduce" fluttershy and pinkie for people who are not familiar with the actual show? This is a "My-little-pony-fan-fiction-website-for-bronies/pegasisters", so that means for people that like the show, "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". Sorry if that sounds like a complaint, it is not suppose to be a complaint, it is a question, you see?
506083 Oh. I explained this in a blog post already, but I'll repeat.
I have a fan base outside of FiMFic and I like to have them read the pony stuff, too. Instead of copy/pasting it to another site - I link them here. In addition, I personally find authors who do nothing to introduce characters, regardless of where a story is posted, to be incredibly lazy. Two simple paragraphs is all it takes to explain who they are, in this case.
506120 ah, that explains EVERYTHING now. Thank you for taking your time to explain this! :D :tom:
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[edit]: NOW THATS A BIG EMOTICON! :D
We have not used pounds as a unit of measurement in Australia in decades! How could you make such a fucking obvious error!?
That points besides, bloody good effort.
506188 Slorgy spent time in Detroit, remember? You'll catch Aussie and US slang being used.
506191
That is hardly justification! The only people I've heard use pounds in Australia that weren't tourists are my grandparents!
506195 My whole family uses them, and we swap between metric and imperial with little effort. Since it's a self-insert, I'm staying (mostly) true to the material I have to work with (me).
504418
Putting it simply *points at manga and anime* they all ignore everything.. Magic ain't real I'm just being stabbed by a sphere of ice.
So? Where will the three go plz say sydney newport :D
Let the InSanity be free.
506571 They will definitely have to visit Luna Park.
Think about it...
506579
Hehe I can imagine that
Indeed. Good story and junk, can't wait for moar
506579
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About time he 'believed'.
Fluttershy eh? ...
You know canberras only 2200ks away from Auckland
You should totally come visit sometime (fluttershy and pinkie pie included of course )
HOW DARE HE BREAK A PINKIE PROMISE AND MAKE FLUTTERSHY CRY IN ONE DAY!?
502937
There's a huge gap between 'not cool' and 'evil'. If he made Fluttershy cry on purpose, that would be evil, and even then not as evil as he could be.
516778 I guess if it was an accident then it's not so bad... I'd still feel terrible if I did it though.
Yay! Australia!
It'll be interesting to see how the two formerly-ponies-that-are-now-humans will cope with this strange new land, filled with an ungodly amount of weird and frankly unnecessarily dangerous animals. Yay home.
516783
Yeah, well, I can't feel terrible over something as simple (and easy to do, at least for me) as making someone cry. I don't really have (or need) a heart.
516791 encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQUgeR2agu7iDr5JUGchRpHR8czFS-1gbZUIT2g8OLxyV6tN7-NlQ
But... it's Fluttershy... I'd feel awful for ages if I made her cry.
516794
Just...stop caring. It's that simple.
516801 One does not simply stop caring about Fluttershy.
516805 Making Fluttershy cry is probably going to come back to haunt him later on.