Losses and Gains
Losses and Gains
April 22nd 2012 (Evening)
I stumbled out the front door to my apartment building and into the cool air of the evening. My legs were weak, as if they refused to take me from the place I knew I belonged, and I had to lean against the wall for a moment before sliding to the ground. My wife’s wedding band was retrieved from my pocket with a shaking hand and held close to my chest for several long moments before carefully being put away again.
A decade’s worth of memories swam through my mind. I thought of the first time our eyes had met back at O’Hare International Airport when she had visited the United States. I had spotted her on my flight earlier. A young beauty of only nineteen at the time, she was travelling alone and had piqued my curiosity. Who was she? But of course, a pretty girl like her would never give a young man like me the time of day.
Most of my flight had been spent pondering the young lady and, after our flight had landed, I had a spontaneous moment of false bravado when I casually sidled up next to her near the luggage claim and asked if she needed help. She had spun around and looked into my eyes, taking my breath away. I had never expected her to smile up at me and say yes.
We had been together ever since.
I blinked away the memories and took a moment to gather myself. Fluttershy was sitting a short distance away on one of the steps leading off the common grounds towards the road. Pinkie was by her side and was doing her best to console her, as she was now openly weeping. A cry of alarm sounded from near the street and I turned in time to see Angel drop the bag he was carrying and run to Fluttershy, throwing his arms around her when he arrived. I could hear a bit of the conversation from my spot by the door.
“I don’t even know what I did wrong!” Fluttershy wailed, pulling Pinkie and Angel into a tight embrace. Pinkie leaned close and said something that I couldn’t hear, apparently trying to resolve the situation, but Fluttershy shut her eyes tightly and shook her head. “No,” she moaned, sounding like a wounded animal. “No. I can’t take it anymore, Pinkie.” She raised her head and looked into Pinkie’s eyes. “I’ve tried so hard. I’ve done everything I can to be strong. And please don’t look at me like that. I know we’ve almost found everypony else, and I know the fillies are coming soon. But I don’t want to be here anymore, Pinkie. I just want to go home.” She buried her face in Pinkie’s shoulder once again. “I just want to go home,” she repeated quietly.
Pinkie looked up and caught my eye. Her face revealed an emotion I was unaccustomed to seeing on her - uncertainty. Had she been in Ponyville, there was sure to be any number of activities and friends she could resort to in order to help cheer Fluttershy up. Instead, she was looking to the only source of support she had in this world. It was then that I had a moment of clarity. I had lost the love of my life, but there was a chance that I could come back and make things right again someday.
The Equestrians had lost everything.
Even considering that I had lost my home, I still had ways of finding shelter. I could still buy food. I even still had the keys to my car. But Angel and the girls couldn’t get a hotel room. They couldn’t go to the store and purchase food and clothing. The couldn’t use public transport and they couldn’t use a car. They truly had nothing without me. As heartbreaking as it was to admit it, my problems paled in comparison to theirs.
I stood up, strode over to the Equestrians, and knelt beside them.
“I... I’m sorry this happened,” I said. Fluttershy looked up and I found myself looking away, ashamed. “This... complicates things,” I admitted, struggling to find the right words. “But I promised I would see you to your home and I meant it. I don’t care how hard things get, I’ll do whatever I can to see it through.” I stood up and held my hand out.
Fluttershy regarded my hand for a long moment, then reached out and took it.
“But... where do we go from here?” she asked as I helped her up. She hugged herself as the cool wind blew over us. Pinkie and Angel both stood and looked at me, waiting.
I pulled out my car keys. “We need somewhere to stay tonight. I can get some money out at an ATM and book a hotel. There are three little fillies and an injured bloke named John due to arrive here in a couple days, and I plan on being there to greet them when they do.” I started walking towards the garage and beckoned for the Equestrians to follow. “After that...” I trailed off, giving one last look up at my apartment window. I thought I saw the curtains move. The Equestrians waited silently until I finally tore my gaze away and continued walking. “After that, we’ll just take things one day at a time.”
"...and in world news, an international manhunt is on for a man accused of kidnapping a little girl from a hospital in Texas. Authorities are telling us that the suspect, Matthew Martinez, allegedly fled the country after kidnapping an unidentified child who had recently been struck by a car. It is unknown whether..."
I turned the stereo off, plunging the car into almost total silence. The night had been depressing enough without having to hear about how completely screwed up society was, and I really didn’t want to have to explain such things to the girls.
None of us spoke a word as I pulled into a petrol station and parked near the entrance; just inside the station was an ATM. I unbuckled my seatbelt, but it wasn’t until I felt Pinkie’s hand on my shoulder that I realized I had remained seated, staring absently ahead. I turned and gave her a small, sad smile, then opened the door and made my way inside the station.
Once inside, I ignored the clerk and went straight to the ATM. It took several tries to get my bank card into the slot, but I finally managed it and punched in my PIN, then selected ‘View Balance.’ It was quite likely that I would need to stay at a hotel for up to a couple of weeks before I could find a cheap apartment to rent. I would also need food, clothing, petrol, and enough to either set up internet access, or go to internet cafes regularly. It also wouldn’t hurt to have some extra money on-hand in case of an emergency. There had been quite a few expenses lately and, while I wasn’t worried about running out of money anytime soon, I would need to know how much was left so I could plan ahead. After a moment, the screen flashed and showed my account details.
I stared at the screen, shock slowly beginning to register on my face. This can’t be happening, I thought. I looked back over my shoulder towards the car. The Equestrians were watching me. Depending on me. I turned back to face the ATM screen, but the balance still read the same.
Two thousand dollars.
Two thousand. Far, far less than I had expected. My wife must have hopped online and transferred most of our savings into her personal account. I couldn’t blame her, as I would have done the same if I were in her shoes. She had left enough for me to get settled into a new place, for which I was thankful, but it wasn’t even close to being enough. Not with three Equestrians to care for and three more on the way. I had just gone from being financially secure to being dangerously close to bankruptcy.
A part of me wanted to hit something, anything, as hard as I could. Finding ponies was supposed to be any fan’s dream come true, but ever since finding the girls and Angel, things had deteriorated into a living nightmare. Eventually, I unclenched my fist and the more rational side of me prevailed. I withdrew five hundred dollars and returned to the car. After sitting in the dark silence for a few moments, I turned the ignition and sped off in search of a hotel.
“Will you be wanting a double room, sir?” the desk clerk, a young man of maybe nineteen with blonde hair and light freckles, asked.
“Y-,” I began, but had to stop myself. It would take a while to break old habits. I’d need to get used to being on a budget again. “Er... no, thank you. A single will do.”
The clerk looked up briefly from his computer screen and eyed to three Equestrians standing behind me, then turned his attention back to what he was doing.
“A single it is, then,” he said. His smile did not reach his eyes, but I didn’t give a single damn about his opinion. He looked back up at me again. “That will be two hundred seventy nine dollars, sir. You will be paying by credit?”
I withdrew my wallet from my back pocket, but hesitated. The Novotel at Darling Harbour had been a natural choice, as the Equestrians had really enjoyed our time walking along the boardwalk and the hotel was just across the road from it. But once again, I had been acting out of habit instead of planning ahead, as there were far cheaper hotels in Sydney. It would help if I chose one that wasn’t rated five stars.
A quick glance over my shoulder showed me that Fluttershy had moved back towards the bar and was quietly sobbing again. Pinkie was with her, whispering soothingly to her friend, while Angel hugged the former pegasus tightly around the waist. They wouldn’t last much longer like this emotionally.
“Cash,” I said, turning back to the clerk. I handed three hundred dollars to him, which he made a show of holding up to the light to check the watermarks. Once satisfied, he counted out my change.
“Room 102. We hope your stay at Novotel is a pleasurable one,” the clerk stated, offering up another fake smile. I ignored him and took my keycard, then walked over to the bar to join the others.
“You going to be alright?” I asked Fluttershy. She was no longer crying, but she still sniffled from time to time.
“I... I don’t know,” she responded. She looked like she was going to say more, but looked away and fell silent.
“Let’s just get some sleep,” I suggested. “It’s... been a long day. I’m sure we can all use it by now.”
The Equestrians nodded and fell in line behind me as I led the way upstairs and to our room. I passed the keycard through the security slot, opened the door, and turned on the lights. To our immediate right was the bathroom and a walk-in wardrobe. A large queen-sized bed dominated the center of the room, while a comfortable-looking chaise was along the far wall under a window that featured a breathtaking view of the harbour. A mid-sized HDTV was set up on the left wall, and a computer desk was in the far left corner of the room. It was a nice room, but I wasn’t much interested in decor. I indicated the bed to the girls.
“All yours,” I said. I then turned to Angel. “You get the chaise again.” He nodded and hopped up onto it.
“Um...” Fluttershy began.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Well, it’s just... you’re going to be in this room?”
“Uh huh. It’s the only room we’ve got. Why?”
“Oh,” she said. Her cheeks had turned crimson again and I had a feeling I knew what was coming. “Well... I’ve never slept in the same room with a stallion before.”
I sighed. “I’ve seen you naked, you know.” With her cheeks as red as they were, I couldn’t tell if that had any effect on her. Then I remembered something. “You slept in the tent with me!”
“But... the tent had separate rooms...” She had a point. But...
“What about when the spider bit you?” I asked.
“I... I was unconscious. That doesn’t count.” She swallowed nervously. “Does it?”
I closed my eyes and counted backwards for a few moments, then opened them again. “Yeah, alright. I can sleep in the wardrobe I guess. You all have a good night.” I turned off the light and went into the wardrobe. At least it was large; there would be more than enough space for me.
As I rummaged around the shelves in the dark searching for a spare pillow, I could hear Pinkie whispering to Fluttershy again in the other room. Though it was a side of her that hadn’t really been touched on in the show, I appreciated the fact that she seemed to understand that games and party gags weren’t going to help here. Not this time.
Happy birthday, old man.
I found a pillow in a cupboard, as well as a spare sheet. There was enough space for me to stretch my legs out completely when I laid down on the floor, where I reflected on everything that had happened. Was this fate? I thought about it as I stared at the shadows on the wardrobe ceiling. Was some unseen hand controlling my destiny? Or were fate and destiny two words that, when all is said and done and the last person on Earth has taken their final breath, would ultimately be found to have no meaning at all? I shifted under the sheet and turned to face the wall. Perhaps the Equestrians would be better off if someone else had found them.
The gentle sound of footsteps approaching roused me from my thoughts. They drew closer, then stopped just outside the doorway to the wardrobe. I turned to face the doorway and saw Fluttershy’s silhouette quickly disappear back behind the wall, then slowly reappear. As my eyes adjusted, I could just make out her face. She had closed her eyes tightly, as if willing herself to continue in the face of some difficult task. After letting out a small sigh, she opened her eyes and walked over to sit beside me. After a brief moment of silence, she turned to me and spoke.
“You’ve... gone through a lot lately, haven’t you?” she asked quietly. When I didn’t answer, she continued. “She’s very special to you, isn’t she?” I was thankful for the darkness as I felt wetness around my eyes.
“Yes,” I whispered. I couldn’t manage any more words than that.
We both silently stared at the shadows for a while. The only sound was that of Fluttershy’s quiet breathing beside me and the occasional rustle of the sheet. Before long, Pinkie and Angel poked their heads into the doorway and joined us. The wardrobe was getting a little cramped, but I didn’t mind.
“You know,” Pinkie began, “we may have all lost... well, pretty much everything. But I’m happy for what we’ve all gained, too. I think we can make everything right again if we just stick together.”
I looked at Pinkie, who gave a little smile and looked at Fluttershy, who nodded in agreement.
“You’re right,” Fluttershy said. “After all, all that we have left is each other.”
The room was quiet once again as we all processed that idea. It was true, and I understood more clearly what Pinkie had said. Take care of what you have and the rest will take care of itself. I closed my eyes, somewhat at peace with myself for the first time in hours. For as long as they were in my care, I would do everything I could for the Equestrians. I was about to fall asleep when I heard Fluttershy whisper once more.
“Um...” she began, but drifted off quietly.
“It’s okay,” I assured her. “What is it?”
“Well, if you all don’t mind...” She moved around a little and accidentally jabbed me with her elbow. “Can we move back into the other room? I feel a little... squashed... in here.”
“Yes,” I said, immediately standing up and stretching my legs.
“Hag!” Angel agreed.
After we had relocated once again and I lay on the floor at the foot of the bed, I thought about our next move. We couldn’t continue to stay in hotels anymore. It was too expensive, but I thought that perhaps I had a solution to that, though it was far from ideal. Pinkie had been wrong. I hadn’t quite lost everything. Not yet, anyway. I would just have to hope he was in a good mood when I called him the next day. With that last thought, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
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Aww. Still, lucky he got the papers BEFORE that happened, huh? Does he have enough for the tickets, by the way? I'm not sure about ticket prices.
2120380 The tickets for John and the Crusaders were paid for and sent already.
The big problem (as some of you might be foreseeing) is that there isn't any money left to transport any other ponies. Or feed 6 Equestrians.
I hope by the end of this he can get his wife back
2120806 Yes, you're meant to assume Doug is single up until that point. It's particularly ironic since most Pony-on-Earth stories (including PonyFall) involve teenagers and college kids.
2120812
Well I can't say I'm a fan of those sorts of "twists" as storytelling technique, but at least I'm not going crazy.
It's my only complaint though, so I'll keep it favorited and keep reading, but wow that sort of artificial surprise just yanks me out of immersion in a story.
2120826 Not artificial at all. Everything in the story (minus the ponies) is true. The favorite lure that was lost, the car, the locations and descriptions, my wife, my financial situation, and even Moey (though he's based off two people named Moey) are all real. I did want to get her inclusion in the story out of the way earlier, but I had to discuss it with her first and that didn't happen until this point.
Well it seems like there will be 5 ponies and 2 bronies in Australia, 1 brony is injured while the other is bankrupt. Twilight and Luna are in Texas, AJ is in Greeley , Rarity is in Chicago, RD is in Indianapolis and Celestia is also somewhere in the USA.
Let's hope Pinkie's universe breaking powers are strong enough with 3 extra ponies to transport them all to the USA, otherwise I can't see an easy return...
But I can remember there was a Ponyfall story where Applejack appeared in Belgium. It did pose an extra challenge cause Equestrian and English are the same but in Belgium they speak French and Dutch.
There needs to be one of these where Applejack finds herself in New Zealand, coz we got a shit ton of farms here and such. And as I write this, my computer is making funny death-is-nigh noises.
2120840 Yeah unfortunately the old writer for Applejack (in Belgium) grew irrecoverably ill and was unable to continue writing. That particular story fell out of canon because of that.
As for the locations of the ponies - I think you're the first one to really comment about just how difficult it's going to be to get them all together. I was joking with the other writers just the other day about how much we're torturing our fictional selves. Maybe we'll cut them a break at some point. Maybe.
2120837
. It robs the story of emotional weight for me rather than adding it, because it feels contrived. Now that apparently isn't your intention, but the real life circumstances behind a story almost don't count in terms of one's reaction to it as a work of fiction. Like I said, that is my only complaint, so I'm not trying to insult you or anything and I still like the story, but when I have a visceral reaction to something I like to comment because I think most people that get turned off by something just leave and comments tend to be biased in favor of the people who finish a story and loved every moment. Immersion and plotting are very important to my enjoyment of a work of fiction, and I wanted to make my reaction known, because that is true of plenty of people, just ones that haven't commented or perhaps have not read your story. 
I meant artificial in the narrative sense, as in unnatural and deceptive. Based on real life, I can buy that it happened, your ability to make things feel natural is what I like most about the story, but from a storytelling point of view, dropping a Shocking Swerve like that really throws me
Dissertation over, sorry.
2120868 Yes I know all of that, and I am aware that for some people it will seem awkward. I actually expected at least one comment of this type back when I wrote that chapter.
But that's the way I chose to write it. I've wanted to include her for a good long time and I finally had a chance to do it. I do not regret that decision in the tiniest bit. It's not the last we'll see of her, anyway. She's been scheduled to be included in the story since near the beginning of its creation. Technically, this isn't "late" in the story anyway. It's still rather early.
2120868 Oh and in addition to the above - I highly agree with you about people leaving comments. It's annoying whenever people just downvote and leave, for example. I don't mean to come off as if I don't care about the feedback.
I just mean that I expected this, but I don't regret the decision. For the most part, I think the readers trust that I can pull it off convincingly, which helps.
2120855
I already thought it would be something like that. Ponyfall had enought drama outside the stories to write a whole new story on it's own, "Ponyfall: The return of Murphy". When the background-ponies get their stories I want at least 1 pony that appears in a area where English is not the first language.
But all the writers indeed put their fiction-selves through a lot off torture. I would almost feel sorry for them but I know they collab is so awesome cause of all the torture. I foresee a bigger problem when I look at how much time is between the story the least far in the time line (guess that would be Twil and Luna with only on 15th of april (it's a guess)) and the story's that are the furthest in the timeline (FS, PP and the crusaders on 28th of April (again a guess)).
And I believe most writhers off the colab are a little bit behind in comparison with Austrilia and Vailliant Crusaders.
2120895 It's funny that you mention the background ponies and English not being the spoken language. Oh how I can't wait to see people's reactions when they find out what happened to them all.
As for the earlier stories - yeah I'm on their butts to get a move on. They're actually catching up nicely for the most part. AJ's writer Cowboy Appledash is really quick and should catch up in no time. Twilight's writer MrBackpack has some difficult scheduling with his work at the moment as they swapped him from day shift to night shift. But he's still coming along. Dashie's writer Silverness had to rewrite most of his story, but he's catching up now that the rewrite is done. And so on.
Oh, and those with keen eyes might catch hints as to what happens in their stories while reading the stories that are ahead (mine and the CMC on by Fullmetal Pony). Some are more obvious than others, but there are a few very subtle nods to their stories as well.
Thanks Slorg for writing this, reading it is always great.
Please, can you get him and his wife back together at the end of the story? Reading last chapter shook me up to no end.
... Wait a minute, isn't that the guy who found Twilight? Well, crap, that complicates things.
2122761 Somebody's paying attention.
In the end, Doug will have his life back together, and gained more.
This Martinez character sure sounded like a person related to Ponyfall, but of course!
Liked this chapter, need more, thank you.
Whoa, DAMN, I seriously hope it goes well for everyone and Rebecca comes to understand
I WISH TO WRITE LUNA!
Lol. I would say that if I was a beggar.
If it makes anyone feel better, I liked the addition of his wife. Kinda fleshed him out a bit, makes him deal with more that a hyperactive Pinkie.
2124477 Well it makes me feel better. I knew it was a risk putting her in so 'late' in the story, but as I said in previous comments - I had meant to put her in much earlier. Sometimes collaborating with other writers throws hooks in your plans though, and she came in a little late.
2122772 but the guy doing Twilight's story hasn't gotten to this point in time yet. Your so much farther along in your story than the rest your group. If you can ask whats up with there slow up dates.
2125158 He's doing pretty good, considering. I blame the Curse of Twilight, as MrBackpack is now the 8th or 9th writer for Twilight since I began writing mine.
2124514 Well, it gave me a slap to the face, and made me pay more attention.
Heh. I detect considerable amounts of Moey in the future. Which I am TOTALLY okay with. Moey is awesome. Also, why the hell would you blow three hundred of your precious two thousand dollars on one night in a five-star hotel? Just to make the ponies feel better? Seems like a poor reason but I suppose they're pretty wrung out emotionally. Still. Things aren't looking good...
And whoa, whoa, WHOA. What the hell is happening to Twilight and Matthew?? Stop dropping hints like this Slorg! Damn it Backpack, update your story!!
2129625 Yeah imagine yourself in the company of a Fluttershy who has completely broken down, a Pinkie who is barely holding on emotionally, and... well, Angel. Spending $300 is unwise and makes things much more difficult, but given the circumstances, there is no 'right' choice.
Hopefully part of the fun of PonyFall is reading about things happening in one story and thinking 'how the heck did that happen?' and getting to find out in the other stories. That's the goal, anyway.
2129705 I'm certainly enjoying myself. You know, other than the whole 'sitting on the edge of my chair wondering what the heck happened oh please Backpack just UPDATE YOUR FIC' thing. But, yeah. Totally fun.
Heh. At first when it said the suspect was fleeing internationally, I thought of the CMC, which, in all honesty, would probably be worse than Matt & Twilight. I mean, not one, but three unrelated kids (who are actually kids and not just teen/young adult that Twi is (assuming again that the unidentified girl Matt took is Twilight: twilightoops:)) who wouldn't have the foggiest as to what they are doing or where they are who are in possession of fake passports to travel not just internationally, but to Australia, about as far away as you can get! Needless to say, he'd be in some deep sh
t if/when they stop him at a security checkpoint.
And then I remembered Texas, hospital, Matthew Martinez, and thought, "Hmm, well, I guess that's better than three 9 year olds..."
2129705 Heh, I'm privvy to just enough information at this point to know what these hints are when they're dropped. It's pretty delightful really.
Good chapter man, you got the emotions out pretty darn well. Had to have been a tough chapter to write, and you pulled it off excellently
Reads awkward because of phrase repetition.
You seemed to keep yourself remarkably level-headed and in-perspective for what happened. Combined with the completely out of the blue "oh, you have a wife, and she's in here seeing you with the ponies and thinks you're cheating on her" the event just doesn't have the weight it needs for what it is. I don't remember if I said this on the last chapter or not, but I cannot empathize with your character or get into his head about the loss because I was never with him for any of what he had to begin with; the event is rendered emotionally meaningless because I never had any sense of attachment or period of taking something for granted to be given a feeling of loss from its removal. This chapter compounds that issue by sweeping the shock of it aside so quickly, and even focusing more on the ponies' plight above it which is still mostly the same.
Or in short, you can shoehorn in a dramatic event, but you can't shoehorn a reader's emotional response to that event. Whatever the reasons for having made absolutely no mention of your wife or her importance to you or how either of those things inform your actions up to this point, they don't change the unfortunate reality that those things were necessary for me to viscerally care about them being torn apart. You need to have something first before you can lose it.
2144020 Yep.
There seems to be a divide between opinions on this. Some people felt a gut-punch, and others could care less. I've mostly found that editors, proof-readers, and critics seem to be the ones who don't care, for the most part. The casual readers generally seem to be the ones affected.
My previous point stands though. While I wanted her in sooner, things didn't work out with some of the other writers and I was forced to write filler. Regardless, I wanted her in, I put her in, and I'm happy with that.
2144020 This is also a good example of how writing PonyFall has been a learning experience for everyone involved. My wife was supposed to be introduced before the Discord picnic - and slightly after Angel was introduced.
Lesson learned: If you're in a collaboration, make sure everyone involved writes an outline and match them up before you start writing. I knew back then that introducing her would have less of an impact the longer it took to get her in, but keeping her out of the story was never an option.
I sense a Ponyfall:TS cameo!
2145485
Oh, I care about the event; I just don't care enough, though literally every other point you made stands so it's a moot distinction. The sudden financial instability that resulted from your wife's appearance, on the other hand, is a good contributor to my anticipation for the next chapter. What follows here will not likely resemble what came before.
Victoria has to either leave or make contact at some point. If she doesn't, she would be betraying her traits.
Wife throws you out, sudden financial issues, cue Adult Fears.
The curse of a low bank account... how I hate thee.
The number of times I've wished for a Cloak of Invisibility +1 and a lightsaber because of that...
Read Twilight's part first. Recognized Matt's name. Remember that Luna is supposed to be in the same region as Twilight. Everything clicks. Oh Shit
Hm, of course I don't know how much they had in their accounts, but
This suggests that you had far more in there and since I don't think that only one of you was earning that money, it seems really cruel to take most of the money. But I'm pretty cold in regards to emotions, so I wouldn't really understand the actions either way.
2384878
Well, she probably left what she thought was just enough to settle down. But, only enough for him, and notthem, thus forcing them to leave. Or she planned.
Though, that's just what I assume.
hummmm
It fits.
Well, it seems like Doug has the same luck as me on his birthday. I don't know why, but I always have the worst luck on my birthday, it really sucks.