Brace yourself, haters come.

Welcome to the group buddy!

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Seems a trifle premature. Ooh! Unless you have Pinkie Sense! Quick! What am I getting for my birthday? Please say pony shirt, pleeeeeeeeease say pony shirt! I want the one with Big Macintosh.

Very good I find absolutely no obvious faults with it this far. Now please give me another chapter because I can't wait

ENCOURAGEMENT! :D Keep it up!

awesome cant wait for more

A strong opening - very cool

Welcome to the FoE sidefic herd by the way

Wow great chapter mate keep up the great work i cant wait for more /)
Also welcome to the fallout community

Thank you all for the words of encouragement! I'll try my best to do this rich universe proud with my next update, which hopefully won't be too far into the future.

I always figured the rainboom was unique to Dash, not because of the speed, I imagine plenty of pegasai can pull off a sonic-boom, she just had magic rainbows tacked onto it because of her coloring.

I really like the style and quality of your story, but I only have one problem with it. Pegasi use almost exclusively energy weapons because bullets are rare and the recoil from regular guns can throw off their flight patterns. Why does he use a gun?

I am such a bad person for taking this long to read your first chapter. I'm really sorry. I blame finals, Skyrim, and making sure that my own chapter got out in time for Christmas. @_@

Okay, I gotta say, for your first chapter, you did a great job in giving us what we needed to know. We know our main character, we know his predicament, and we get an idea of what he had to do for years and years. It's great how you summed up ages of family favorites, routine, and ignorance into a nice package that makes sense for Mach to have a compelling reason to leave the Enclave just like that. Another thing I liked was that throughout this chapter, I was wondering what time period this was happening in. The moment you started describing Littlepip's first night out of the Stable, I couldn't help but smile.

Now... just something that irked me. Really only one thing, actually. I've got no problem with Mach being able to pull off a sonic rainboom (or redboom, as he calls it). Having a character that can pull off amazing feats from the start is nothing... new to me. *guiltily glances to the side*

No, what irks me is Astral's surprising amount of indifference to the fact that her older brother- likely somewhat of a role model in some vague sense (barring the multiple lazy streaks and court-martials and demotions)- just killed another person and a superior officer at that. You could argue shock and disorientation from all the craziness going on at that moment, but I still think that's something that wasn't played out right. Everything else though, even when she tells him the WTB-are-you-doing-here-when-you-should-be-getting-your-flank-out-of-her-liek-NAO thing, fits.

So far so good, Tofu. I'll be reading the next one. Shortly. Hopefully. Slap me if I don't.

Until next time,
Adder1

P.S. Yes, I am doing chapter-by-chapter reviews.

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Don't sweat it, really. Seriously. I'm no stranger to distractions (guilty currently, I'm only 400 words into my next chapter so far), and It's not like you were obligated to read Outlaw at all, plug or not. Tonto presented an opportunity to flesh out one of my characters using bits of FoE fanon developed by you, and it gelled so well I pounced on it. Really, it was only right to give you proper credit for it. I myself am guilty of not even having started on TLS yet, and now I sit on a throne of shame.

The Redboom has been met with some controversy, allegations of OP-ness and cheapening of the Wonderbolts as characters because Mach never had to work for it (and the truth of the matter is that he did, very hard, offscreen, as you will learn later on), but there are events you will read about in the future that make it significantly less (almost completely nonexistant, in point of fact) of a problem. It's not something he pulls out of his back pocket five times a chapter.

You uh... actually put up a very good point regarding Astral. It completely slipped by me until you called attention to it. I'll have to tweak that a bit for future readers, and I'm sorry it couldn't have been better for everyone who's read it thus far.

Chapter-by-chapter reviews? Hoo boy. Even Tonto didn't go that hog wild when he got caught up, and that was somewhere around chapter 10. Are you sure?

I will not be a cool dude, for I am already a Turtle dude.

I will however thumb this glorious story (much better than my own)

OK, I'll be quite honest and I thought the Astral wasn't his sister, but like a secret girlfriend or something... and they were about to get frisky in the end. The sister part makes more sense and totally cam as a surprise because of my assumption. Anyways, I liked the little fight scene, good to know they've got family fun happening. And him acknowledging how cute his sister was, was cute in itself. That's a good brother to point out and know that ya sister is pretty.

Well this revised chapter was interesting. It was short but not rushed and overall it kept me interested in what was happening. Good setup and a bit of mystery for what will unfold as the story progresses. I look forward to reading the next chapters, this whole revised intro feels like it fleshes things out more and gives us more time to grow attached to Mach and learn about his friends/family. Good job Tofu

Well that's... odd to say the least. As one who hasn't read the original, I'm still intrigued. Coming from a Fo:E story, that's a plus since most of them end their chapters at an end one an walk away from. Yours is one of the few that still has me rearing for the next chapter. Let's hope that stays true for the next four or so.

Mach and Astral remind me of me and my own brothers

Though I'm usually in Astral's place being half the size of my oldest brother

Well, that mare don't look happy. Mach.. how did you screw up? Again?

Much like my day off, that fateful day had started out just like any other.

Well, that's not giving away something big is about to happen at all. So, you screw things up yourself, or just dumb luck turn you into a main protagonist?

my clock’s alarm sliced through the boggy mire of sleep

Somepony has a rather poetic leaning towards their storytelling.

seizing the clock and throwing it clear across the room, where it hit the wall and immediately stopped blaring. Repeated impacts from previous mornings

I’d just shower on base,

One of the drawbacks of having so many ponies in the same house. This is the rel reason his dad want's him to GTFO, isn't it? Tired of having to wait in line for the bathroom?

Also, really loving early morning Mach.

Nothing but endless stretches of barren, desolate, inhospitable wasteland unfit for ponykind to live in.

That is, of course… unless you knew better.

Ohhhhhhh, like where this is going. So, he's clearly one of those ponies that "knows better". Now, because he's risen high enough to be told this, figured it out on his own, or some other reason? And how much does he know about WHY it's being kept such a secret? But still great set up for him not being totally overwhelmed by all this when he does go down.

Officer’s privilege.

I should hate you for that on principle you elitist, khaki shit head. But, I'll let it pass... this time.. since you are clearly not mentally competent enough to be making rational decisions at the moment.

Reaching up to gently massage the little drizzling raincloud above me to cease its downpour,

I never thought of that.. rainclouds for showers.... and yet, it makes so much sense. Only question would be how do you keep it hot, and adjust the temperature? But still, just, damn that is a great idea! Just, so LOVE stories that can do this, take ideas that like this, which are just so out there and unlike anything we have, and yet make so much sense in context of this world, you fond yourself wondering how you never thought of it before. It's so obvious in hindsight. Just shows how much thought is being put into the world, story, etc....

producing my toothbrush as I approached

Wait.. from where? Does he just.. keep it in the pocket of his flight jacket all the time? That's all we saw him grab before leaving the house. Does he have a Pinkie Pie style Mane/tail of holding? I mean, I know FOE characters are already dealing with at least some level of extra-dimensional storage space with how much they fit into their bags, but damn.

Everypony knew better than to bother me until I’d completed step four—acquire coffee.

Truly, somepony is taking their life in their hooves getting between a freshly woken up non-morning pony, and his coffee.

The laid-back country pegasus

Okay.... now I really want to know what counts as 'country' for the Enclave? Are there entire communities in the middle of nowhere? Or, are they the ponies that live near and work on the SPP farms?

he’d helped me out of a spot of trouble that I’d foolishly landed myself in.

On your first day? I have only known you for a chapter and a fraction, and I am not the least bit surprised at that.Also are we talking "Learning to fly as a foal" flight school, or "Learning how to fly in formation and other military stuff" flight school?

Displayed on his flank was an image of a little hoof-operated insecticide sprayer—his cutie mark.

PEST PONY CUTIE MARK! Seriously, how do FOE stories keep predicting things like this years before they show up in the actual show?

working on his family’s cloud farm.

Now, would that be a farm that grows stuff on clouds, or a farm that grows clouds? After rock farming being a thing, neither of those would surprise me.

“LT!”

Not even a high ranked officer and being a dick to enlisted ponies like earlier. Be glad I like you.

They done gone an’ reassigned me an’ Solara! We’re stuck flyin’ with Sergeant Gleaming Nova t’night!”

Well, I'm sure there is a perfectly normal, and not at all ominous or sinister reason behind this.

because I had done a lot of stupid things since I’d gained command.

I would really love to learn some of those, but I get the impression, actually getting anything close to a comprehensive list would make this story rival the abomination for length, before even getting into the actual story.

“You and Solara meet me at the mess in ten.”

One of the few things even better then coffee to wake you ass up in a hurry. Combination of pissed off "WTF is going on", and worried "WTF is going on?"

the other pony under my command.

Only a three pony crew? That does make sense for a squad, though would figure there'd be more to it then just three of them. Mostly just curious as to the overall set up and organization at play here.

but one or two superior officers that I brushed past a little too close for comfort paused to hurl a few curses my way when I didn’t stop to apologize

See, at least now you have a reason to be rude to the enlisted ponies.. and you also just plain don't care about superiors either. (Yeah I joke about the whole Officer privilege thing but I do get the idea, he's not being an ass just to be an ass or put lower ranked ponies 'in their place' he just has a very loose association with rules. Still dealt with that crap for six years, so it's good to vent now and then.)

my hooves throwing up small plumes of cloud as they dug into the billowing floor

How good ARE clouds for both traction, and not causing you to slip?

Eyes that were practically undressing me as their owner glanced coyly at me.

Well, with that description, can already tell this guy isn't going to be pleasant. So, guessing he's the pony that's going to be screwing over Mach in some way. And not the one he might want soon?

Air Raid and I had… complicated history.

Well, that was more pleasant then the whole "Frigid glare" implied. More or less. So, just how 'complicated'? Did you get really really drunk one night, and are just glad you DON'T remember what went on?

and three ponies in lab smocks whirled to glare angrily at the source of the disturbance

Lab coat wearing Enclave ponies. Well, doubt they are up to anything good.

I'd arrived just in the nick of time, it seemed. Time to rescue the damsel with my charm.

Somehow, I don't think she'll quite see it that way.

Colonel Astral snapped back as she parroted my gesture with her own hooves,

Can't say 'Roll credits' cause it's not repeating the title of the fic or chapter, and yet, need some way to snark about reaching the scene from the opening picture.......

Stars, she was always such a freakin’ brat.

I can think of many ways to be pissed at a superior officer, many many names to call them... 'brat' would not be near my first choice, and yet, it says a lot about Mach and how there is definitely something more going on here between those two.

She not his sister is she? Guessing either sister, former marefreind, or just somepony he's got a crush on. OR, this is simply how he treats everypony.

You’re just holding it over my head because you’re a nerdy little wiener

Okay, definitely sister. No way in tartarus you get away with calling someone at least four ranks above you stuff like that without a very personal connection, and don't think even Mach is odd enough to try using 'nerdy little wiener' on a former marefreind.

This does raise the question of why she's allowed to be his CO, and also, how she rose to be not only a colonel, but also in charge of a base. Or at least part of a base. While he's still an LT. Granted, his record likely explains a lot of it, but he seems rather young, so even if she's an older sibling, unless she is a LOT older, still feels a little odd. unless she's just some superstar soldier that everypony loves and did a lot to get shot up through the ranks.

can’t hold down a promotion for longer than five minutes!

As above, yeah figured that's why he would still be only an LT.

You’ve been NJPed, stripped of your rank and sent to more disciplinary hearings than anypony else in the Enclave’s entire two-hundred-year history!

To be fair, that is only because RD said "FUCK YOU!" to the entire group before she had the chance to set a record for that nopony could top. And I'm sad I know what NJP is..... and just how utterly bullshit it is. "That guy has more chevrons on his arm, so YOU are the lying little sack of shit."

General Silverbolt is keeping me locked down in recon,

Their dad I'm guessing. Maybe.

The Enclave sits around all day and does nothing but watch from above when we could be doing something constructive!”

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I really like this. Okay, still early so most of this is just conjecture based on what little we've seen, but the story is so good and conveying details quickly, yet still rather subtly, it's easy to get a good feeling for characters. Mach, yeah knowing what we do now, plus what little I do know about what's going to happen (Read, the front page synopsis blurb), yeah he's very similar to Calamity, and likely going to be comparing the two a lot. Already seeing plenty of similarity, but also ways they are different. Yeah Mach seems similar, but in no way a 'copy' or anything. And this line, really made me realize a good reason why and the major difference (So far.)

Both seem to be Chaotic Good. Though with Calamity, the focus is more on the "good' part, while with Mach, it seems to be more on the 'Chaotic' part. Both are THE alignment archetype that would have the hardest time fitting in and not having issues living in, what at it's absolute best case scenario, still gotta jump through a lot of mental hoops and twist a lot of details around to make them even conceivably work for it, Lawful Neutral, but let's face it, it's more Lawful Evil, society then any other type. (At least the government and leaders of it, not the population.) I'd wager that the vast majority, if not nearly all of the Dashites were CG.

For Calamity, it was all about "We should be helping those ponies!" He knew there were ponies suffering, dying, ponies that the Enclave could help if they just got up off their asses, removed the rod from them, and freaking did what they kept saying they would do. He didn't give a crap about why, about 'tradition', rules, any of the excuses they gave. Ponies needed help, they had the ability to help but refused for no good reason beyond being assholes, so screw them! He cared more that they would rather do nothing, then help ponies in need.

Mach, seems like he's going the other way. it's not so much about "We should be helping those ponies" as "We should be doing SOMETHING! ANYTHING!" it's more the stagnation, the endless tedium of doing the same thing year after year. But, he still seems to have a good heart. Hardly think he'd be the type to ignore somepony that actively needed his help, that was in direct danger and he could do something about. But, also less likely to go out of his way to find ponies that needed help, just to help them. He'd rather just do his own thing. Which is something a regimented, structure heavy group like The Enclave simply cannot allow. They need to control everything. Make sure everypony hoofs the line, does as they are told, obeys. Also explains why he is so eager to try to join the Wonderbolts. it's not the fame, the prestige, the promotion, any of that (Though likely a nice bonus he wouldn't mind) it's that they get to DO STUFF. They get to go out and be on the front lines, get all the action. Don't just fly the same boring ass routine over and over. He doesn't so much care that The Enclave should be getting off their asses and helping the ground ponies. He just thinks they should get off their asses and do SOMETHING! Ideally something good but, something!

And the simple fact I am about a chapter and a half into the story and already both doing, and able to do, this much character assessment of Mach..... Sweet Celestia's blazing marehood I am loving this story... just based on the characters alone so far.

“Watch your mouth, Lieutenant,” Astral murmured, likewise leaning towards me. “What you say is dangerously close to treason.”

“What are you gonna do, rat on me?”

Aren't the 'eggheads' still in the room overhearing this too? Granted odds are given it's Mach, it wouldn't be nothing somepony else hasn't already reported him for at some point.

I began to scratch behind Astral’s right ear and speak as if I were talking to a pet. “Who’s a daddy’s girl? You are! You are! Oh, yes you are!”

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.........................

I saw that the eggheads had left,

Huh, okay. So they did leave.

Peering into the office now was a junior officer who noticed the two of us on the floor and quickly retreated, shutting the door behind her.

I wonder how often this happens, if the staff are just used to dealing with this and learned to ignore it.

“Hey, what are brothers for?”

Saw that coming. Do love that this was all staged, not an actual fight. Well maybe a real disagreement they do have, but mostly played up for the audience. And they are close enough to do this kind of thing, simply for fun.

My little sister. I had five years on her and still she was higher up the chain of command than I was.

Okay, sister I saw, younger? How old is Mach!? I mean I get why he's so low on the rank charts. But that his younger sister could rise THAT high? Older sister I could buy, but a younger sister doing THAT well, and not being some wunderkind that would be at a much better position then this? Then again, given she's his CO, and likely both fall under their Dad's jurisdiction given a few of the remarks, and nopony seems to have an issue with sibling wrestling matches between the two, in her office, while both are acting as officers. Doesn't seem the Enclave has the same issues with that kind of conflict of interest. Which kind of makes sense, but get more into that in a bit. Their dad is apparently a pretty high ranked general, they seem to be an entire family with a history of serving the Enclave, and I do not have any issues, in the slightest of fully buying the Enclave is filled with nepotism to the point, nopony even bothers to do more then make a token effort to hide it. So could see the kids of a high ranked and respected officer, with a long family history of service getting extra breaks and promoted faster. Mach simply couldn't not be Mach long enough to not screw up the chance.

Also makes sense they'd want ponies from families with a history of loyalty in the upper ranks. Since their entire control of the population is built on a lie, they need ponies they can trust in charge. Need to do their best to make sure those ponies that do need to know the truth, are the ones that will keep it secret, that will fall in line, obey orders, etc... And allowing family to be in the same chain of command like this, as direct superiors, also makes sense in that respect. Those ponies would be less likely to betray their family as well as the Enclave as a whole. It's just one more layer of security to keep those they can't keep in line through lies, in line.

Explaining our little wrestling match to her superiors would probably be mortifying for her.

Ah, so not THAT often a thing. Still, just blame it all on Mach. I'm betting by now, they have keyboard shortcuts set up to log all his disciplinary issues.

I test weapons for the eggheads, why the hell would that make me a target for reassignment?”

... you did NOT just exclaim how you are used to 'test weapons' and then call YOURSELF a 'target' in the exact same line, did you? Mach, you are just ASKING for trouble.

I think something bad is going to happen, and it’s going to happen soon.

Okay, so how close to Operation: Cauterize are we? Given the front synopsis, have to be within a few weeks, since we know Littlepip is active in the Wastes. So, is this just prepping for the Redeye confrontation they are planning to have anyway, or has she set off the SPP alarms and they are getting ready for the full invasion?

You’re to be placed under the command of Gust and Gale, and they’re to keep you under constant surveillance during your run tonight. You’ve been labeled a potential security risk,

Oooookay, well cant say I'm surprised they'd want to keep an eye on any potentially rebellious officers. But is this just general "He's a maverick, we can't trust him' type risk or a 'we know he's up to something' type risk?

Not only that, but why am I being considered as a possible security risk?

Mach, I could MAYBE see. But, better question, why Mach, AND his dad, but not her too? You'd think they'd go for the whole family at his point just to be safe.

Something big was about to go down, and whatever it was, odds were it wasn’t going to end very well for my family and I.

Given what we know is coming very soon. And just how much The Enclave will be losing, including a direct assault on this base by a freaking DRAGON... yeah that, is an understatement.

Okay, I wa liking the story before, Now I am SO damn into it. Just, damn does this story grab you hard and suck you in. Just the characters alone are so freaking engaging, add on the building tension, knowing what is coming, but wondering when, seeing the build up, not just from the Enclave side, but some low ranking grunt who has no idea about the bigger deal?

So, guessing he screws something up in the run tonight, question will be how, why, and, hell there are SO many questions. Damn this is getting good, and it's just starting.

So, this chapter...gotta admit, after the stuff I said in the prologue I'm miffed Air Raid seems to be going in the same direction as in the original version, unless his character arc takes a turn for the unexpected later on.

Overall not a bad chapter, particularly considering it's mostly foreshadowing and introducing Astral. That said, Mach and Astral staging what appears to be an out-and-out fight while in uniform just to clear out her office...kinda pushes up against my suspension of disbelief. If anyone watching thought it was real, physically assaulting someone else in uniform is usually the kinda thing that can get you in trouble in most militaries. Seeing it played off so casually just kinda undercuts taking the Enclave seriously, for me.

I'm confused... So its being modified I know but they're two versions then? Confusing

So lets see what's routine about this chapter beside the intro pic up front... Wait… routine is groping your littlesisters flank while rolling around in her office… I mean I have the line to back it up:

“Cutie horse!” I shouted with a wicked grin, thrusting a hoof into the swirling galaxy on Astral’s flank

Tofu... What kind of smut are you writing over here!

PS: It won't be chapter by chapter reviews, I am too old and grumpy for that by now, so you will have to make do with small comments like this on every chapter instead.

Nitpick:
"As pegasi—ponies of the sky—clouds were also our primary form of architecture," Who the fudge are he telling this factoid to that wouldn't know that already?

Damn, a lot of emotional tension throughout this chapter.

My first reaction to seeing Mach act so aggressive was to think "How did he manage to stay in the military for this long?" until I realized that he was speaking to his sister; of course he doesn't need to tone down himself, not in front of her at least.

I'm curious where this is going. Be sure to make another comment on the next chapter.