• Member Since 13th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 10th, 2020

ScousePone


You will always be a loser and that's okay.

Comments ( 19 )

Now I want to read about that treasome!:derpytongue2:

Very well done. too bad its complete, U could of had Big Mac find her for some fun!!!!

3836460 I am considering doing that. I have the story listed as complete because I don't want to make a promise and then end up breaking it like I did with An Apple Family Lesson. I enjoy writing one-shots more when it comes to clop, but I may add another chapter onto this one after I write some stories with new characters.

Very nice bondage form lol :pinkiehappy:

3836492
Cool. would be interesting to see his reaction if he found in and saw her like that. *WolfishLOL*

"Punishment? If this is a punishment, then I can't wait for the treat!" :rainbowwild:

This was nice and hot, and good for what it was. Could have gone a bit further with it, fleshed out the game a little. Even though the fic's marked as complete, it looks fairly open, and Dashie's still in a predicament...

Few mistakes here and there, bugged me a little but didn't distract from the story. Good job!

tasting her rainbow

Yeaaaah, didn't see that one coming

“Your pussy’s hungry for a cock, ain’t it?” Applejack asked teasingly while she hoofed her friend’s trickling marehood.

This seems out of place. It doesn't seem like something Applejack would say, as they obviously are together in what I assume is a monogamous relationship, a same-sex one at that.

In fact, maybe after this she’d let Big Mac have a turn with her. They’d all had a threesome together once before; maybe they’d have another one. Maybe.

nevermind

3963293 In my head, every pony is bi or they don't mind fooling around with the same sex.

3964526

Fair enough.

That was beautiful *sheds tear*

Mad

Awesome.

Add another chapter with Big Mac please

To tell you straight, this seemed rather bland to me. There wasn't anything wrong with it, exactly. It was just… not interesting. The bondage was so briefly described that I never got a clear picture of the position she was in; the sex, to me, was telling too much and showing too little. The wordplay fell flat, mostly because it was typical (“tasted her rainbow”, for instance, pulled me out of the flow for a second with its sheer unoriginality). When Applejack first walks in on Rainbow, it isn't explained that they're lovers until after a few lines of lustful talk, which really disoriented me.

Apart from what I assume were typos, this shows a good grasp of the rules of language. But storytelling is a bit more involved than putting sentences together. I won't be downthumbing this story, but I won't be upthumbing it, either.

5778758 But you're just a bad drawing of a turtle, what do you know? In all seriousness, I wrote this last year, so I'd recommend reading one of my more recent stories.

5778893
I'll think about it. I've put a few on my Read Later shelf, but that shelf is already a good-sized library, so I can't guarantee I'll get to them any time soon. :twilightsheepish:

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